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Guest degrave

Hello Seattle

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Hello, I'm a 22 year old art student who's just now getting involved in the community, and still figuring out what I want to do about my dysphoria. I realized I was bi when I was about 16, and trans almost a year later. I've been really afraid to get involved in the community anywhere because I never thought I'd fit in. I really like my personality right now, which is kind of split down the middle as far as masculine/feminine goes, and I always thought there would be pressures to squeeze myself into a more feminine personality, (not something I want as much as I need to be in a more feminine body, the personality changing qualities of hrt are one of my biggest qualms with it).

Currently I am in the closet to everyone except my best friend (supportive), my sister (supportive), my transmale dragfathers (waaay supportive), and my girlfriend (beginning to come around). At this point I don't know if I'll ever come out to my parents, my dad is accepting of LGBTQ people, but he's always been supportive and loving of his one and only son. I know if would be a big blow to him. My mom, who I'm the closest with, is a very extreme Catholic. Seriously, she's a nun in some Franciscan order that can be married, believes the world is 6,000 years old, and that LGBTQ people need prayers and therapy to save them from damnation. As much as she loves me, she would most likely kick me out, and pull the tuition from my dream college, (Because you know, I wouldn't feel this way if I hadn't moved to a wicked city like Seattle). So until I have my degree and my job, there's no way I'm coming out to my folks.

As far as feminine expressions go, I am savoring my ability as a male to be 'one of the guys,' talk, hang out, be included in the circle. I dress entirely masculine, and I

m still requesting that those in the know not spread it around, and address me with male pronouns. I know it's not the same way for girls, and certainly not for trans girls, and I know friends who won't except me aren't really my friends, but I am going to miss the feeling of unconditional acceptance I get now. That's going to change starting today, I'm going out right after this to get my first female clothes for a reference shoot for my art final. The project is to paint myself as a villain, and tomorrow I'm going to be a lady bank robber tomorrow. I'll post how that goes.

So, sorry if this was really long, hope to get to know all of you better sometime down the line, thanks for reading.

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Welcome Degrave and thanks for your intro, this is a site where you can be yourself.

Please take a moment to review the terms and conditions of this site AKA "the rules of the playground". This is a moderated site with the goal of making it safe and enjoyable for all.

I hope you enjoy your time here. Post away as the mood strikes. It's sunny outside here in the Pac NW today, I'm headed back outside now.

Hugs

Cindy -

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Hi Degrave

,

<<< hug >>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules. :)

We all look forward to seeing you.

:wub: vanna

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Hi Degrave,

Welcome to Laura's Playground! I do hope that you find this site to be enriching to you, and can join in too!

If you're in Seattle, you'll find that there's a very strong trans community here, and a supportive environment in general. You're very lucky to be here!

Take care, hope to see you around!

Love, Megan

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Hello Degrave,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. :)

MaryEllen

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Degrave,

You certainly seem to have a fine start with assembling a real life support system, you must be very compelling in person!

About your Mom, well, yikes....somebody is gonna get their mind blown sooner or later, it seems, but ya know what? She may surprise you. One of my brothers is in a very anti-trans denomination and he has been one of my biggest supporters, in words and deeds. You never know, she may be due for a git of mind expansion, you never know..

As for retaining your masculine aspects, well, only YOU can or will know exactly what is right concerning your identity, so follow your heart and that little voice in your head. It is ALL good, there isn't a one of us EXACTLY alike here, the closer you look, the more variations you see. But, oddly, almost all gender-variant folk share so many aspects of their life stories that it can seem spooky, ya know? Suddenly, when I arrived here, I was reading posts that were EXACTLY what I had felt myself, but I had NEVER before known of anybody else that felt that way, or was treated a certain way, or saw the world a certain way, you know, like that was an epiphany for me. I was like "You mean I am not the FIRST person to ever be like this???"

It is a great thing when you find an opportunity to commune with like-minded people. They can be few and far in between sometimes! lol..

Welcome again, and good luck as you move forward..

:) Svenna

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Yeah, my sis and buddies are a huge blessing, I'd probably still be deep in the bad stuff without them. I'm fortunate that my passion is for art, and not... I dunno, military life. The college I'm at has a significant trans populations, (to my knowledge I'm the only mtf), so you can get away with a lot of gender atypical behavior without people singling you out.

As neat as all that is, I'm glad to be here with people who are dealing with the same issues, I'm in need of a lot of tips and tricks.

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Degrave,

It takes a LOT of info and support to get the ball rolling, but you are surely on your way now..

Anything you wanna ask or need to know, we will do what we can...

Welcome again, you are in a good place!

Love, Svenna

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Degrave: Welcome to Laura's and congratulation's on the progress you have made on your own. Laura's is a safe and very supportive site, so that you can proceed as slow or as fast as you wish. There is no pressure here and we are a veritable spectrum of where people are at. You will find a caring and supportive group of people here who are very happy to answer whatever questions you may have. If they don't know the answer then they probably can point you in the right direction. So kick your shoes off, get comfortable, and lets get acquainted. Hi, my name is Kathryn and I'm glad you found your way here and were able to express your story so eloquently to us. Kathryn

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Thanks everyone for the support, as promised, an update on my reference shoot. I was kind of great, kind of disastrous. Used support hose as a gaff, and it was not neeeaarly enough. Tried duct tape. Will never ever, ever, ever, ever do that again. I'm sure you can all imagine exactly what I did. Ended up having to be posed, then tuck, clench and pray. My godfathers helped out as much as they could. Halfway through, one of the Asian exchange students opened the door gaped, spun on the spot, and bolted. That was hilarious.

Here's the best photo, hilarious as it is. My godfathers are the two henchman on either side of me. It was really fun, and a big wake up call to how much work I have to do.

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Hey, that's not as bad as you think!

Time and effort will work wonders, HRT can sweeten the deal, but you aren't as far off as you may imagine...

You'll be fine!

But, it DOES take work, and time, and...lol....

:) Svenna

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Hi Degrave,

I enjoyed your photo! Oh to look so young and svelte... But, yeah, duct tape and tender flesh, let alone hair? Not worth it in my mind!

Transition can be a lot of work, but it's not that difficult if just taken a step at a time. Don't think about all the work to be done so much as taking the next step. And you've a couple of enforcers to help you along - that's terrific!

See you on the hill someday!

Love, Megan

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Nice pix indeed !

Enjoy yourself, life is sweet.

Cindy -

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That really was a nice photo. Your going to do just fine. Just remember baby steps at first, then a little walking and when you reach running stage you'll come to the finish line exillerated and on top of the world. Kathryn

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An update on all the stuff that's happened and what's going on now. I was in the hospital for a bit after a suicide attempt, and when I came off all the drugs and sedatives they put me on, I decided it was time to live for me! Did some shopping with my girlfriend who's entirely come around and is fully supportive, and got some dice shoes and pants.

I'm not comfortable trying to pass yet, but I'm easing into an androgynous look. Thankfully my girlfriend works at Lush, so I've got access to some of the best bodycare products in the world, (I SMELL LIKE FREAKIN EARL GREY 24/7!). By the way, she will get super fired if I say anything specific about it on here, but they're about to come out with a whole new range of awesome stuff that will blow your minds. I'm way excited. Anyways, here's my update photo, what do you think?

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