I'm I an Androgyne?

[Guest Angelica Alice]

Umm... I'm not really sure of what I'm. I'm still young and I know its best to see a gender therapist. So, I'm pretty much ok being a male. But my heart says I'm better off as a girl. If I had welcoming parents I would totally come out to them and start dressing and living as a girl even if I didn't know if I was transsexual or not. I really don't fell 'trapped" and stuff. I'm ok if I die a male but I wish I die as a women as well. I really don't like guy stuff, I LOVE girl stuff. Cars and all those stuff don't fascinate me, but make up and arts and crafts do. I pause and dream to be a girl. I compare my life as a girl in school. 100% of my day dreams are about me being a girl. Don't think this is just your normal day dream, it does get serious. If I were a girl I would accomplished things that Im to scared to do. I have recently been dreaming about me being a girl, me in girl form, and trust me when I wake up its total nightmare. It seems everyday I'm becoming more transsexual and more discovering myself. Everyday I have new thoughts and goals, I feel i'm a new person. My soul feels that I have something missing in my life, and I also feel I have to be someone else and not me in life HELP!? I see androgune people with their hair cuts and stuff and I feel its not me, I'm a girly girl traped inside but I dont know it. Nor does it cause me pain to that level were I feel I'm trapped inside.

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

Savannah, I know how much you want someone to come along and solve all the fears and confusion for you but none of us can give you the answers you're looking for. Only you can answer what or who you are...and as you've said, doing that with a gender therapist would be best. Is there any way you can get a gender therapist?

All I can do is to comment on what I see you saying and you seem to be saying that you do feel like a girl and want to be one but you don't think that's enough to make you transsexual. Is that an accurate assessment of what you're saying? (I might be reading wrong coz I'm tired)

You say 'I see androgune people with their hair cuts and stuff and I feel its not me' Whatever and whoever you are you don't have to be like anyone else. When people transition it's to be who they truly feel them self to be not in order to be someone different or to fit into a different stereotype from one that they may currently fit into. No matter whether you decide you are male, female or andogynine you need to be yourself.

I want to be able to give you answers coz I feel your pain in what you've written but I can't tell you who you are.

Gabe

[Guest Angelica Alice]

Savannah, I know how much you want someone to come along and solve all the fears and confusion for you but none of us can give you the answers you're looking for. Only you can answer what or who you are...and as you've said, doing that with a gender therapist would be best. Is there any way you can get a gender therapist?

All I can do is to comment on what I see you saying and you seem to be saying that you do feel like a girl and want to be one but you don't think that's enough to make you transsexual. Is that an accurate assessment of what you're saying? (I might be reading wrong coz I'm tired)

You say 'I see androgune people with their hair cuts and stuff and I feel its not me' Whatever and whoever you are you don't have to be like anyone else. When people transition it's to be who they truly feel them self to be not in order to be someone different or to fit into a different stereotype from one that they may currently fit into. No matter whether you decide you are male, female or andogynine you need to be yourself.

I want to be able to give you answers coz I feel your pain in what you've written but I can't tell you who you are.

Gabe

Ya, you got that part right. I do feel that's not enough to make you transsexual. I like, seen other people here who like cry and want to commit suicide and stuff and that's not me. I just go with the flow, you know.

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

It's obviously causing you some level of distress though. Everyone experiences things differently and everyone has to come to their own conclusions about what they need to do or don't need to do. If you took away the labels and didn't think about 'transsexual' or 'androgynine' or anything else...just what you feel you need in order to be a happy and healthy person then what would your answer be..? I think that's more important than labels.

Gabe

[Guest Micha]

I have a bit to say to you, but no time at present as something really inconvenient (in-laws) just popped up. Get back to you next sunrise, and keep heart, you've taken a good step forward I think.

[Guest Micha]

As you said, a therapist would be best at helping you out.

You've described a lot of what I feel or have felt. I didn't know about anything outside the binary male/female system until recently, but I too always felt I would have been better off born a girl. Where I differ is that this feeling didn't come from a lack of interest in classic cars or a preference for creativity. I don't see those as boyish or girly things, just as personal preferences - for anyone and everyone. In example, my wife is a woman, mentally and physically, and she loves classic cars. Someone drives by in one and she's like "Ohhhhhhhh honey, did you see that?"

"Did I see what?"

*glares*

She can tell me the make, model and year, and I've barely learned the difference between a mustang and a charger.

Point here is that her love of cars and my lack of interest don't determine a thing about our gender, just what we're interested in. It's like how I love the band Leftover Crack, and she can't stand Stza's voice (says he sounds like Cartman from South Park. . . and I guess he kinda does). Tastes and preferences, not gender markers.

This feeling that I should have been born a girl is more like just something I feel, something I know deep in my soul. I can't really put it into words, but I know it's true.

So tha's my experience, and I think maybe you should try taking the things you love, and do them without thought of how they reflect gender. Just don't worry about anything and focus solely on how you feel, and enjoy it. Tha's all that's needed.

Good luck.

[Guest Robin Winter]

Good points Micha My wife is a big hockey fan, and I'm lucky if I can remember the names of the Canadian teams lol.

[Guest Micha]

Go Flyers!

*ahem*

Carry on. . .

[Guest Guest_SL]

I just took the test as I was interested in how I'd score and where that score would place me. 55 in cat 3 which is in the androgyne area. Barely. That just does not line up with the way I feel and the way I've felt (Off and on) since I was 11 years old. So I'm thinking, "Years of ingrained repression"?

Not a clue.

I can state this with 100% certainty, if I could today, this minute, ditch my gender and be all female, I would. If there was some way I could have made that choice at age 11, 16 and 23 when I felt I was in the wrong body but didn't know how to express my feelings, I would have chosen to be a female. When I see so many members here who are transitioning beautifully, I'm happy for them but a bit sad that my time is past. I'd be thrilled to look in a mirror and see a woman instead of who I do see. I'd die to go crazy in a woman's fashion store!

I have no idea how that test is scored but I seem to be way off what most members scored. So is my desire not real? Am I getting the wrong signals or the right signals and just calling them wrong?

I guess it's a moot point in one aspect. What remains to consider is do I belong at Laura's. Funny, you think you've gotten something wrong for many years, find out you may have it figured out and find out you've gotten it wrong again!

It would have been so much simpler if I had felt I was Napoleon all these years. Learn French, stick your hand in your coat and you're there. Maybe skip Belgium on a tour of Europe......

Sara Lee

[Guest Robin Winter]

Sara, if you're talking about the Cogiati, I wouldn't take that too seriously. Those tests are based on stereotypes, and little else. They're fun to do, but ultimately how you feel is the determining factor behind how you identify. It's something only you can answer.

[MaryEllen]

If this was a test something like the cogiati, I wouldn't read too much into it. These tests are more for entertainment than for actually diagnosing what gender you are.

MaryEllen

[Guest Guest_SL]

Thanks for the feedback. I've taken a lot of profile tests in my life and most are pretty accurate with one exception and now perhaps two. In the military there's something known as, "Stolen Glory" where service members and some people who have never served, claim service and awards they didn't earn. It's a very serious offense legally and morally and most often the guilty party has been after personal financial gain. However, there have been cases of people who never served but wanted to and they will present as former military so they feel they are a part of something they wanted so much in their past but were denied but fate or whatever.

Now that's apples to oranges in the case of someone who claims to be in the wrong gender but there are similarities. I could take a battery of extensive tests and be examined by a dozen doctors and be declared 100% all natural male. Who's right? As Shilo mentions, it's something only I can answer for sure.

I appreciate your replies. Being so far off other members scores was a bit troubling.

Sara Lee

[Guest Luna Selene]

This is what tests like those fail to capture; the beautiful multiplicity that makes us human.

(grr..was trying to post a picture here, but can't figure it out.)

If you haven't heard of Genderbread person, i'd recommend searching for it now. So much for simplicity...

[Guest Elizabeth K]

I read the post on androgynous discussions as I deeply believe everyone is important here. Usually I can't comment because I don't know enough to do so. But here goes?

We have many self-identifying androgynous people here at Laura's Playground and many at our local support groups (we are all inclusive - and have SOs and support people at our meetings). So I see the attitudes and the feeling of these androgynous people - and one thing I do SOMETIMES see (not always) is a questioning if they might also be transsexual - I mean in the sense that they long to be in a target gender outside their birth gender. It seems to come down to the idea of how you feel about your birth gender. It is a cliche' maybe - but androgyne is a true shifting of back an forth with a total 'contentment' of being what you are at that particular time. There is also a type of androgynous living where a person feels they are NEITHER gender and really prefer to be seen just as themselves.'

And like you said, and so do others, a gender dysphoria trained therapist has to help you sort yourself out.

BUT

I want to add an observation. Often people feel to be a 'true' transsexual - you have to meet certain criteria, such as hating your body. IT JUST ISN'T TRUE. Many of us are transsexual (me for example) and don't hate our bodies.

I don't particularly like the male body I am in - and yes - I am remodeling it with HRT and SRS and electrolysis and everything else I can - but I don't "despise and loathe" this body. It got me through 60 years and I am oit stupid - I USED it to get what I wanted out of life - I mean up to the point of as far as I could... to be as happy as possible. But it became obvious, I would be so much happier as my true self. THAT is why I am a transitioned transsexual - to be myself, my true self, at last.

So this body is not me, and never has been. I realized a long time ago I was actually a woman, and the body was wrong. Once I "wished" I had been a girl. After many years I realized, no 'wishing' is the wrong concept, "AM" a girl - but I just didn't look like one. Does that describe how you feel?

Best I can do for you, I guess.

Lizzy

[Guest Ebany]

What remains to consider is do I belong at Laura's.

Yes; you belong here. Regardless of where your gender falls on the gender spectrum; if you're questioning it, you belong here with us. And it's such a nice place to be.

If there was anyway for me to alter my body to that of a man's body, I would without hesitation. I know in my soul that I never should have been a woman. No questioning here.

I'm also NOT a macho man. I like some 'girly' things. I love to cook and bake. I enjoy crafts and reading. I also can't stand to get my hands greasy or bugs. That doesn't make me less of a man. I also don't hate my body. I'd change it if I had the chance, but it's something I can live with.

Finding someone that can help you answer your questions is the best thing you can do. Just make sure it's someone who understands gender identity or you could end up more confused than you started.

Danny

[Guest Juniper Blue]

Savannah,

I would encourage yu to be yourself. EXPLORE what that means to you. Try to not let society pressure you into choosing a catagory .. if you fit nicley into one ... great .. but if you don't ... if you are your own unique expression that is equally wonderful. You can enjoy an amazign adventure and very rich life as aman, woemn, androgyne or as a non-defined gender expression. Do what feels right and things will work themselves out. Keep reachign out ... there are so many people who share simalar experiences.

Hugs,

JB