Help on appearing gender neutral when out, wanted please!
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By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
Years passed. The kids grew up and they were empty-nesters. Lois went full-time at her company. "We have a Halloween party every year." He had heard of that. "You've upheld your end of our bargain for so very long. How about - do you have something appropriate to wear in the female line?" Did he. She was dressed like a penguin, but he wore a women's skirted suit, dark hose, one-inch heels, gold jewelry, well-done makeup and a wig. "I would not recognize you. What's this?" "Padding." "If I didn't know better I would think you were just a rather tall businesswoman. No one at the party knows you, no one is expecting a man in drag. How about your voice and walk?" He had obviously been practicing them. The party was a blast. Odie was happier than she had ever seen him, freer somehow, reveling in being feminine. Lois liked "her" as a charming friend. "That was fun," he said, driving home. "It is hard now to think you are a man," she said, and looked at him. "To tell you the truth I had such a wonderful time I never want to wear men's clothing again. I will, because I must." "I mean, you are convincing as a woman. More than you are as a man." "I think we need to get some professional help." And they did. Lois was determined to walk through this, as was Odie, and when he learned she was not walking out but working through, he was overjoyed. -
By Ivy · Posted
I am aware of this. It seems a little unnecessary considering that most of us do this at home every day of our lives. But okay. It does seem a bit harsh to require the trans kids to go outside and find a bush to poop under. Stalls with a little more actual privacy might help. But the real problem is trans people's existence. Not to worry, the GOP is working o that one. I don't think this would be as much a problem if the transphobes didn't harp on it so much. There are already laws about stalking and assault. Perhaps, if as a society we were more open about our bodies we could get past this. Not that this is likely to happen tho. Yeah. That's the problem with these laws. Kids - especially teens, need some privacy of their own to grow up into who they are. I can see where a kid might experiment with pronouns for a couple of months, and then decide it's not for them. Pity for them to get beat up in the meantime. I (thankfully) didn't know everything my kids got into. And I know my parents didn't know everything about me. We can give our guidance, but ultimately they need to figure it out on their own. -
By VickySGV · Posted
Parenting and Parental Control play a significant role in my backstory including my addiction history both as child and parent of 3 children now in their 40's. Big take away that keeps proving true even with new friends and with one of my children as the parent of 3 teenage children is a statement made by one of my parenting counselors and confirmed in other places -- Parents, NEVER do the best they CAN or could do, they will however do the best they KNOW HOW to do. Getting hit with that statement and some other things did lead me to see that I needed to learn my job better as a parent, which I went ahead and did, and have since made major changes. It made me very aware that my parents had both had very strange and ineffective parenting skills taught to them which I mistakenly was carrying on with my three children. My children's other parent who removed themself due to other personal problems was no better due to their background of parenting either. I am happy to say that my grandchildren benefited from their parents making intentional efforts to be sure that bad family practices were changed and updated. Result is that one Gender Questioning and two decidedly Cis grandchildren have supportive parents where bathroom and sports discomfort is based on actual threats of real physical harm or on invasion of personal boundaries. Possession of a particular anatomy is a neutral subject there. -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
He pushed it out. Years passed. Graduation, engagement to Lois. He was 5'10", she was 5'3". People thought the height difference was amusing. At one point he thought to himself I will never fit in her clothes. Bewildered as to where the thought had come from, he suppressed it. Marriage. Wedding night: sitting, waiting in anticipation of what was to come. Lois had left her dress on the bed and was in the hotel bathroom. He drew in a breath and touched it. Lacy, exquisitely feminine. He stroked it. Incredible. A whole different world, a different gender, enticing. "Like it?" she said, as she came out. He nodded. But she was meaning her negligee. Later she noticed a small tear in her wedding dress and wondered where it came from. Over the years there were dresses that had not been hung up properly in her closet, as if they had been taken down and hung up incorrectly. It made no sense. Her underwear drawer had been gone through. She checked the locked windows. They had a landlord at that time. Pervert, coming into apartments and doing this. She felt violated. Then they bought a house. They had two kids. Her underwear drawer was being regularly gone through. Not Odie. It could not be Odie. Odie was as macho as they come, something she liked. It could not possibly be Odie. Finally there was a slip with a broken strap. "Odie, I found the strap on my black slip torn. How could that have happened?' He didn't know. He looked guilty, but he didn't know. The rifling stopped for a while, then started up again. She read up on cross-dressing. "Odie, I love you," she said, "I've been reading up on cross-dressing." He had that deer-in-the headlights look. "I've read it is harmless, engaged in by heterosexual men, and is nothing to be ashamed of." He looked at her. No expression. "Look, I am even willing to buy you stuff in your size. A friend of mine saw you sneaking around the women's clothing department at Macy's, then you bought something and rushed out. No more of that, okay? The deal is that you don't do it in front of me or the kids. Do we have a deal?" They had a deal. Lois thought it was resolved, and her stuff was no longer touched. Every now and again a package arrived for "Odi", deliberately misspelling his name, and she never opened those. Sometimes they went and bought things, but he never tried them on in front of her. "The urge just builds until I have to, Lois. I am sorry. It's like I can't control it." "That's what I read. But your Dad would kill you." "There is that." Lois thought the deal would last. Things were under control. -
By Davie · Posted
Lama Rod describes himself as a Black Buddhist Southern Queen. He wants to free you from suffering. Lama Rod Owens is seen as an influential voice in a new generation of Buddhist teachers. He blends his training in the Kagyu School of Tibetan Buddhism with experiences from his life as a Black, queer man, raised as a Christian in the South. https://apnews.com/article/buddhist-lama-black-lgbtq-wellness-506b1e85687d956eff81f7f4261f5e98 -
By MaeBe · Posted
I would have balked years ago, echoing the parenting of generations before me, exclaiming "Parents know best!" at what I just wrote. It hasn't been that long, but I came to a realization that some of that need for control is unwarranted. Is my child really harming anything by identifying a certain way? Are they being harmed by having others in and around their lives that do? I have been more conversational with my kids when it comes to things and when we run into issues. Like when friends that were toxic, start coming back into the fold, I wanted to make sure that bad behaviors aren't (re)occurring. Or when we notice behaviors that concern us that we have a dialogue. Those chats aren't always nice, clean, or resolved perfectly, but we're communicating. We're learning from each other in those moments, which lead to things being shared that I am sure other parents aren't hearing from their kids and we grow as people because of it. I will say, it's been easier over the past few years (even before hormones) as this more feminine me finds its way out. I'm a lighter touch, I don't get as entrenched as I once did, and I feel connected a little more emotionally. But, of course, I still make mistakes. As long as we learn from them, right? -
By missyjo · Posted
1. attended Keystone conference a celebration of genders with 700 other lgbt friends. it was wonderful, other lgbt folks, hotel staff n town all welcoming n that felt great. 2. part time job in ladies clothing store, bring missy n helping women dress n relating to them as one 3. folks here 4. creepy guys trying to hit on me..laughs..wrong audience but something must be right your turn friends -
By missyjo · Posted
orange cotton top n sashed jeans..wedges off now..torrid undies in light blue bra n lace panties I'm trying minimum makeup..shrugs..well see hugs if you want them -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
It was hot that August day, even in Hall J. Hall J was a freshman dormitory, and Odie had just unpacked his stuff. He sat on the edge of his bed. He had made it. He was here, five hundred miles away from home. His two roommates had not arrived, and he knew no one. His whole life lay ahead of him, and he thought of the coming semester with excitement and dread. No one knew him. No one. Suddenly he was seized with a desire to live out the rest of his life as a woman. With that, he realized that he had felt that way for a long time. He had never laughed when guys made jokes about women, and often he felt shut out of certain conversations. He was neither effeminate nor athletic, and he had graduated just fine, neither too high in his class to be considered a nerd or low enough to not get into this college, which was more selective than many. He was a regular guy. He had dated some, he liked girls and they liked him. He had friends, neither fewer than most nor more than most. Drama club in high school: he had so wanted to try out for female parts but something held him back. He remembered things from earlier in his life: this had been there, although he had suppressed it. Mom had caught him carrying his sister's clothes to his room when he was eight, shortly before the divorce, and he got thoroughly scolded. They also made sure it never, ever happened again. He had always felt like that had contributed somehow to the divorce, but it was not discussed, either. He was a boy and that was the end of it. Dad was part of that. He got Odie every other weekend from the time of the divorce and they went hunting, fishing, boating, doing manly things because Dad thought he should be a man's man. The first thing that always happened was the buzz cut. Dad was always somewhat disappointed in Odie, it seemed, but never said why. He was a hard man and he had contempt for sissies, although that was never directed at Odie. Mom always said she loved him no matter what, but never explained what that meant. Odie looked through the Freshman Orientation Packed. Campus map. Letter from the Chancellor welcoming him. Same from the Dean. List of resources: health center, suicide prevention, and his heart skipped a beat: transgender support. There was something like that here? He tore off a small piece of paper. With sweating hands he wrote on it "I need to be a girl." He looked at it, tore it up and put the different pieces in different trash cans, even one in a men's room toilet the men on this floor shared. He flushed it and made sure it went down. No one had seen him; he was about the first to arrive. He returned to his room. He looked in the mirror. He was five-ten, square jawed, crew cut. Dad had seen to it that he exercised and he had muscles. No, he said to himself, not possible. Not likely. He had to study and he had succeeded so far by pushing this sort of thing into the back of his mind or wherever it came from. A man was looking back at him, the hard, tough man Dad had formed him to be, and there was absolutely nothing feminine about any of it. With that, Odie rejected all this stuff about being trans. There had been a few of those in high school, and he had always steered clear of them. A few minutes later he met his roommates. -
By EasyE · Posted
yes, i agree with this ... i guess my biggest frustrations with all this are: 1) our country's insistence to legislate everything with regards to morals ... 2) the inability to have a good, thorough, honest conversation which wrestles with the nuances of these very complex issues without it denigrating to name-calling or identity politics. agreed again... i still have a lot to learn myself ... -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
It's been bugging me that the sneakers I have been wearing are 1) men's and 2) I need canvas, because summer is coming. WM has a blue tax on shoes, don't you know? My protocol is to go when there is no one in the ladies' area because I get looks that I don't like, and have been approached with a 'can I help you sir' in a tone than means I need to explain myself, at which point i become inarticulate. But I found these canvas shoes. Looking at them, to see if they would pass as male, I realized they might not, and furthermore, I don't really care. -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
My wife's nurse was just here. It is a whole lot easier to relate to her as another woman than to negotiate m/f dynamics and feel like I have to watch myself as a male around her. It dropped a lot of the tension off, tension that I thought entirely internal to myself, but it made interactions a whole lot better. I read your post, so I thought I would go look. In the mirror I did not see a woman; instead I saw all these male features. In the past that has been enough for me to flip and say 'this is all stupid ridiculous why do I do this I am never going to do this again I am going to the basement RIGHT NOW to get men's stuff and I feel like purging'. Instead I smiled, shrugged my shoulders and came back here. Panties fit, women's jeans fit. My T shirt says DAD on it, something I do not want to give up, but a woman might crazily steal hubby's t-shirt and wear it. I steal my own clothes all the time. But she is here, this woman I liked it when I saw her yesterday. and her day will come. I hope to see her again. -
By April Marie · Posted
So many things become easier when you finally turn that corner and see "you" in the mirror. Shedding the guilt, the fear, the questioning becomes possible - as does self-love - when that person looking back at you, irrespective of what you're wearing, is the real you. I am so happy for you!! Enjoy the journey and where it leads you. -
By MaeBe · Posted
I'm sure even the most transphobic parents would, too. What does it hurt if a child socializes outside of their family in a way that allows them to understand themselves better? I have encountered a handful of kids do the binary, non-binary, back to binary route and they got to learn about themselves. In the end, there may have been some social self-harm but kids are so darned accepting these days. And really, schools aren't policing pronouns, but the laws that are coming out are making them do so--and in turn requiring a report to a parent that may cause some form of harm to the child. If the kid wants to lie to, or keep secrets from, their parents about their gender expressions, what does it say about the parents? Perhaps a little socialization of their thoughts will give them the personal information to have those conversations with them? So when they do want to have that conversation they can do so with some self-awareness. This isn't a parent's rights issue, it's about forcing a "moral code" onto schools that they must now enforce--in a way that doesn't appreciably assist parents or provide benefit to children. So, a child that transitioned at 5 and now in middle/high school that is by all rights female must now go into a bathroom full of dudes? What about trans men, how will the be treated in the girl's restroom? I see a lot of fantasy predator fearmongering in this kind of comment. All a trans kid wants to do in a bathroom is to handle their bodily functions in peace. Ideally there would be no gendered restrooms or, at least, a valid option for people to choose a non-gendered restroom. However, where is the actual harm happening? A trans girl in a boy's room is going experience more harm than a girl being uncomfortable about a trans girl going into and out of a stall. How about we teach our children that trans people aren't predators who are trying to game the system to eek out some sexual deviancy via loophole? How about we treat gender in a way that doesn't enforce the idea that girls are prey and boys are predators? How about we teach them trans kids are just kids who want to get on with their day like everyone else? -
By Adrianna Danielle · Posted
I hope so and glad he loves and accepts me for who I am
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