Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Help on appearing gender neutral when out, wanted please!


Guest Refusing to choose

Recommended Posts

Guest Refusing to choose

Hey, I'm recently getting to grips with being genderqueered, and previously (as in the last 10 years) I've been wearing the same baggy hoodys and baggy combats - basically male clothes, in the hope that I will at least look like a tomboy,

I've now cut my hair into a mohawk with a slight quiff at the front, and taken to wearing black makeup so as to appear slightly more neutral, and I've just bought a 983--Tri-Top Chest Binder from underworks... but does anyone have any advice on how to appear more gender neutral?

Link to comment
Guest Jo-I-Dunno

I'm coming from the opposite direction, so my personal strategies don't apply. I can make suggestions, though! Other than what you're already doing, here are some ideas:

  • Build some muscles!
  • Play around with your voice. For a physical female trying to seem less so, try to stay relatively monotone.
  • Study how people stand/walk.

Link to comment
Guest Refusing to choose

Thanks for those. But I don't think I want to try the stubble look, I'm trying to get away from obviously masculine traits as I'm wearing the clothes. Unfortunately I'm not in a position where I can build muscle either - I have a chronic illness which disables me. But I'll try the voice thing, thanks :)

Link to comment

Little accessory details can help throw things off. When people don't see something that tells them gender in an obvious way, they look for subtler cues. For example, many butch women I've seen will dress hair-to-shoes masculine, sans makeup, but will wear earrings that pretty much scream "I'm female!" They also don't bind, though their clothes and individual build may leave that open to speculation.

One thing that can throw the subtle off is shaving your face. Because women usually don't shave, that babyfine peachfuzz is there and is a subtle signal that you're female. If you shave it, it can throw off the signal. Also, men grow sideburns, while women's hair tends to grow into a wispy point at the same place. Keeping your "sideburns" shaved so there's no telltale wispy points can help.

That complete absence of hair is true of body hair, such as on arms, as well. If you shave it all off, people can't judge by thickness whether to label you masculine or feminine, while on the legs, where women normally shave, if you leave it unshaved you could be butch and female or male and not very hairy by genetic tendency.

Link to comment
Guest Jo-I-Dunno

I've thought about the facial fuzz thing before. Like, a couple days after electrolysis when my face is healed but before real facial hair starts growing back, I touch my face and think, "Oh! Fuzz! I forgot how that feels." I never thought about it as a specific gender indicator, though. And lately, my electrolysis appointments have been reaching up into my sideburns which has thrown some people off.

I wish there was a way to do the same thing with my arms and legs. But alas, two years of estrogen and anti-androgens have had minimal on my male Colombian hairyness genes.

Link to comment

Can electrolysis be used to thin it out? I've got that Latino hairiness, too, though in my case it just means that being female-bodied I'm still hairier than a lot of guys, including a dark enough upper lip that it would make some people self-conscious. And if I went on T...hairy back and eyebrows bushy enough to need combing are in the set of possibilities, to judge by male relatives. (also male pattern baldness...) The idea of needing a nose hair trimmer is about as exciting as the idea of having to shave my legs was when I was twelve (I had to be coerced into starting shaving in the first place).

Link to comment
Guest Jo-I-Dunno

Yeah. The effects are gradual, not immediate. For example, I've had about 25 individual hour-long sessions yet no single part of my face is totally clear yet, though my neck is starting to look like it did when I first started shaving.

It's expensive, time-consuming, and painful, though. Once I finish my face, I don't think I'm willing to do it anywhere else on my body. But, then again, we're talking about one of the more sensitive parts of the human body with the thickest hairs; maybe arms/legs wouldn't hurt so bad.

And, yeesh, eyebrows. Every time I post a picture of myself on this website, people say "you really look like a girl, but maybe trim those eyebrows". But I take those pictures immediately after I pluck out my unibrow and hairs that line the sides of my eye sockets.

Sorry we're kinda off-topic RefusingToChoose. Or are we...

Link to comment
Guest Refusing to choose

So I went out today wearing baggy jeans, a knitted sleeved top and a leather coat... and the woman serving me in the shop called me Sir. I passed. But I kinda feel like I failed in a way, I wasn't aiming for masculine, I was aiming for just me.... *shrug*.

Link to comment
Guest Jo-I-Dunno

Well what did you want her to day, "Good afternoon... you"? Most people are ultimately going to assign you to one or the other. I think the success criteria, if you're trying to not look specifically male or female, lies in getting a variety of responses

Link to comment
Guest Refusing to choose

Yeah I suppose you have a good point there. The best response I ever got was 'thank you sir, madam, sir, erm?' which made me happy for days :-p

Link to comment
Guest Juniper Blue

Be yourself ... do what feels right and move in the ways that feel natural to you ... your androgyny will most likely shine right through on its own. Just be YOU! Amazing and one of a kind ... YOU.

Link to comment
Guest Micha

Yeah I suppose you have a good point there. The best response I ever got was 'thank you sir, madam, sir, erm?' which made me happy for days :-p

:lol:

Personally I like "erm?" the best. ^_^

Link to comment
Guest Refusing to choose

Ok so I had a (coming out) birthday party with just my closest friends this Saturday. It went really well and I got a llot of comments along the lines of 'yeah we guessed - you're just you to us anyway.' which was nice :D

Yesterday (my actual birthday) I wore womens jeans with a mans short sleeved button shirt and a new tie and I felt fantastic, like that was the style that felt most 'me'. All day I kept saying to my boyfriend 'I feel like myself!' and he just kept replying 'you look like yourself' lol. I think he understood though as he was crossdressing all day and it was just an amazing freedom day. I even got up the courage to go to the shop - where we were annouced as they know us quite well - which was scary but somehow cool.

Anyhow, the message I wanted to say was that yeah II think I've been focussing too much on trying to get the right mix between neither male or female which is impossible (for me) as I more often feel both. So I think I'm onto a look that makes me just feel really COMFORTABLE BEING MYSELF! Which is amazing. . .

Anyways, I'll stop rambling on now..

Link to comment
Guest Juniper Blue

I have given this more thought. I hope these suggestions help:

One practical thing that might help you to present more androgynously is learning more about barbering. There are some differences between classic men's hair cuts and short women's hair cuts. The most common difference is that men's hair cuts are often "edged up" or have very clean lines. Also, the sides ( at your side burns) are generally cut straight across as opposed to angled down.

It may take a while to rediscover your true preferences with your choice of clothing and manner ... but I imagine that you will descover that the things that seem "right" to you are also quite compatible with the androgynous look that you are seeking.

Link to comment
Guest Micha

Ok so I had a (coming out) birthday party with just my closest friends this Saturday. It went really well and I got a llot of comments along the lines of 'yeah we guessed - you're just you to us anyway.' which was nice :D

Yesterday (my actual birthday) I wore womens jeans with a mans short sleeved button shirt and a new tie and I felt fantastic, like that was the style that felt most 'me'. All day I kept saying to my boyfriend 'I feel like myself!' and he just kept replying 'you look like yourself' lol. I think he understood though as he was crossdressing all day and it was just an amazing freedom day. I even got up the courage to go to the shop - where we were annouced as they know us quite well - which was scary but somehow cool.

Anyhow, the message I wanted to say was that yeah II think I've been focussing too much on trying to get the right mix between neither male or female which is impossible (for me) as I more often feel both. So I think I'm onto a look that makes me just feel really COMFORTABLE BEING MYSELF! Which is amazing. . .

Anyways, I'll stop rambling on now..

Perfect! ^_^

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 132 Guests (See full list)

    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • MirandaB
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bowie Ellis
      Bowie Ellis
      (19 years old)
    2. Damien Mcknight
      Damien Mcknight
      (18 years old)
    3. JJ
      JJ
      (77 years old)
    4. KathyLauren
      KathyLauren
      (70 years old)
    5. memyselfandwe
      memyselfandwe
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • MaeBe
      So…I didn’t know your Facebook avatar was public. So, on my birthday, a couple people used a group avatar message to wish me a happy birthday…and now my Facebook friends can see a short video of my female avatar dancing with an old friend’s and another with my uncle’s avatars. So am I “Facebook out” now? 😬
    • Davie
      No, they are not. Truth wins in the end and this report is full of lies that poison the whole thing: see this: "Dr. Cass Backpedals From Review: HRT, Blockers Should Be Made Available it's said. Dr. Cass's latest statements are likely to cast more doubt on the validity of the study, which has come under fire for disregarding substantial evidence on trans care." https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dr-cass-backpedals-from-review-hrt?publication_id=994764&post_id=143743897&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true I hope Dr. Cass wins The Mengele Award for it.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I went to a support group for spouses dating or married to a transgender person on Tuesday night for the first time.It was amazing meeting other couples like us.One was a genetic woman whom has been dating a transgender male for the first time and she is supporting his transition.Us,they were amazed by us agreeing on something we said,love and acceptance have brought us together
    • Abigail Genevieve
      By which I mean there is a cultural stereotype of what a man is, and one of what a woman is.  Even worse, of what a transgender person is.   You be you.   I read of a boy who thought he was a girl because he did not adhere to some (rather toxic) conceptions of what it means to be a man, so he decided he was a girl.  He was told he didn't have to conform to stereotype and got happy. "You mean I don't have to transition?" He didn't want to, and was relieved.   Once upon a time if you were transgender they told you either you transition or die.   Incorporate the best of what it means to be a man and the best of what it means to be a woman as much as you possibly can, and let the rest go.  Be fully human. Be alive. Don't conform to some cultural crud.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • Davie
      Except for this thung thwister: Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Now if, Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb, how many thistles can'st thou thrust through the thick of thy thumb . . . in sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles? Success to the successful thistle sifter!
    • VickySGV
      You have given you and us a big clue right there.  I hope you have shared this observation with your Endocrinologist and are willing to take their advice about changing that behavior.    Non prescribed herbal or animal supplements can have a negative effect on your body's use of your available hormones.  Also, your genetics are going to be controlling what your body is going to do with your hormones, and again, that is for you to consult with your Endocrinologists.  On this site none of us are licensed medical personnel and we cannot give you advice on your health more than what your doctor can.  We have rules that we enforce against our members advising about "Folk Remedies" because we have had members who have gone that route and badly damaged their health and quality of life.  Only thing I can go anywhere on, is that maybe if you change your expectations of what should happen, you will at least not be in danger of harming yourself from anxiety.
    • Timi
      Hi @violet r!    Thank you so much for sharing. I'm so glad you found this place. I hope you find as much comfort and support here as I have.    -Timi    
    • marysssia
      Hi lovely people,   I'm a 25 yo MtF woman, and I've been suffering from low estrogen issues since October 2023. I completely lost my feminine libido, my breast completely stopped growing, my estrogen levels dropped by a lot (despite NOT decreasing my E dosage) and thus my dysphoria drastically increased. I think it is worth mentioning that, for my health issues, I had been taking ----- Lamotrigine for months & had been on ketogenic diet, and these things seem to be a culprit of my current issue. I weaned off Lamotrigine some time ago and gave up on keto diet, but it still doesn't seem to help. My estrogen is still low (44 ng/ml) and my libido hasn't come back yet. In general, I struggle with my dysphoria so much because of that and, to be honest, I don't know what to do. I've tried so many dietary supplements, yet I didn't get any effects from them. My endocrinologist didn't know how to help me. She only suggested to increase my daily estrogen dose (to 3x per day ------sublingual estrogen tablets and 3x per day ------ estrogen gel applied to armpits or thighs), which I did, without any effect.   Please, help me. Prior to keto diet & Lamotrigine treatment, I'd never had experience like that. I'm basically helpless and have no clue what to do. Having to deal with low estrogen is a horrible experience to me and it affects my life severely.   BTW, my T levels are always within female range.   Do you have any clue what exactly I should do?
    • April Marie
      I love wearing a jeans skirt!! That looks like airport carpet. Safe travels if you're flying!!
    • Maddee
      Flight faraway forthcoming Fabulous forum friends 😊😊🎸🦂
    • Maddee
    • KathyLauren
      One of our cats is polydactyl.  He has 7 toes on each front paw and 5 on each back paw, for 24 toes total.   Another one, an ex-feral who, at the time, was free to roam, climbed 50 feet up a tree without having any thought about how he was going to get down.  His pal climed down backwards, but he couldn't.  He ended up coming down by leaping from branch to branch.  Which nearly gave us heart attacks, because he only has one eye and therefore has no depth perception.   The other ex-feral (both are now indoor cats) obviously does not have those soft pads on his feet.  At night, when we are in bed, we can hear him stomping around the house.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The two o'clock Onshoring meeting was going well.  Taylor was leading, inviting other people up to speak on their specialties. Aerial photogrammetry and surveying, including the exact boundary, were out for contract signature  Gibson had handled that - Manufacturing was supposed to, but somehow hadn't happened.  Legal issues from Legal. Accounting reported on current costs, including all upkeep, guard salaries, etc.  Manufacturing was supposed to give those numbers, but they hadn't.   The downside was the VP of Manufacturing.  He had arrived at the meeting red-faced, his tie askew, clutching a bottle. It smelled strongly of vodka. He had never done anything in his twenty years of being VP of Manufacturing, and he did not like being asked now.   "Mr. ----, do you have the inventory we asked for?" Taylor asked politely.  VP Gibson had asked him to have his people go through the plant and not only inventory but assess the operational status of every piece of equipment.  They needed to know what they had. "I'm not going to take any f---- orders from a g-d- tra---," he snarled. "God knows what kind of perverts it has dragged into our fair city and bangs every night." "That is completely out of line." That was Gibson.  Taylor controlled herself.  That was a shot at Bob, not just at Taylor.  She was glad Bob was not there to do something stupid.  Had Mrs. McCarthy been talking? What had she said?  Was she given to embellishment?  Taylor took a deep breath. "I'm not sorry.  You f--- can take this stupid onshoring --- and shove it up your -" "That is quite enough."  This was the head of HR. "You can take your sissy ways and sashay -" "You are fired." "You can't fire me." "Oh, yes I can," said the office manager.  The VP took another swig from his bottle. "Try it."  He looked uncertain. "I will have you removed.  Are you going to leave on your own?  I am calling the police to help you leave." And he dialed the number. He stomped out cursing. They heard him noisily go down the hall.  This was the front conference room.  He actually went through security and out the door, throwing his badge on the ground on his way.  The guard picked it up. They could see this through the glass wall. "Can you fire a VP?" "The Board told me that if anyone gives me problems they should be shown the door. Even a VP.  I can fire everyone here. I won't, of course. Those were problems." "Are you alright, Taylor?" She nodded.  "I've heard worse.  Shall we continue?" And they did.   The last item was that certain business people in China had been arrested, and the corporation that had been supporting them all these years had been dissolved.  They were on their own, and the Board was dead serious on straightening things out.  After this meeting, Taylor believed it.  She did not attend the meeting to discuss how to distribute the few duties the VP of Manufacturing had done.  That was ultimately up to the Board.    
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...