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angels wings

Everything may change but the HEART remains thesame

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I sit here a wonder ......... Wonder why my world has changed were did my dreams go that I so had engraved in my heart?????? Where did my hopes go that were so planted in my soul?????? Why all this pain and confusion????

Well deep in my soul I know the answers but my silly heart keeps fighting , fighting for what it new ,fighting because it is scared . I think most partners like myself see the battle our partners face we see their pain but in our hearts we hang on hoping things remain the same . But thy never will be the same . We have to face our pain and learn new ways. Ways we never thought were possible . Accepting things that we never new existed and trying to nurture our relationships . So much goes on in our heads and hearts that we sometimes don't make sense but we need to get it out in,order to keep moving forward . I hear of wives getting angry I myself did but why was the anger there ????? I was not angry at my partner but at the condition and how it changed Our dreams as we once knew them , our loved one as we once knew them ,everything is changing but one most important thing the most valuable of all our LOVE never changes . Thats what we have to embrace it as it will strengthen our wings to be able to take another little step. Don't loose site of why u fell in love with your partner . Everything else may change but the HEART remains the same .(((((((( hugs ))))))))

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Dear Wings, thank you for that post that works so well for all.

Hugs,

Charlie

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Thank you for sharing your heart. In many ways what those who love us feel and what we feel are so much the same. We feel guilty for putting those we love through this. And yet we are driven. Have done the best we could and no more had a choice than they do. If we truly had a choice we would chose to be what we tried so hard to be. We would go on with normal lives and the dreams we also cherished but could not realize.

This is a tragedy for all to some degree but we can and do come out the other side-different to be sure. But so often stronger and better as well.

What was before was based to some degree on an illusion - what will be is stronger and deeper because it is based on reality. But at the center is the same heart. So true.

The difference for me is that my heart no longer aches with despair and has learned to sing. A song I can now share as I never could before

Johnny

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Thank you so much for that post, Wings. It means a lot, not only to other S/O's, but to we who are transitioning.

I've seen the pain and confusion and doubt in my own spouse, and watched her struggle with this new and unexpected complication in our lives. But I've also watched as she has seen how the changes in me have made me happier, and so she has gotten happier too. She wasn't sure at first if her life would turn upside down, and if she could cope with that. But after three years, she's found that we can live the rest of our lives together much as we had planned, and her own life has not become the hell she feared at first.

Like you, my spouse has found that her heart and mine are still the same, still in synch, still one together. I thank her every day for seeing past the physical changes, and seeing me for the person I am and always was. Thank you for seeing that in your own spouse. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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So well said - so very very well said.

Lizzy

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Thank you Wings. It's so tough for partners who don't feel the necessity for the change but are forced to deal with it any way. What you have said is similar to what my Cariad tells me and it's something that many partners unfortunately can't see - that the heart that you always loved is still there the same even though the body changes to reflect what the heart has always been.

I'm grateful that there are partners like you and my Cariad. I wish more partners were like that.

Gabe

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It's very enlightening to read such great posts as this. A very good friend of mine just last night played a music video for me and we talked about it. I have been struggling with letting go of my past and former self through this. She told me the point of the video was despite what changes on the outside doesn't change the inside of the person and as she said you will always be the good person you are, no matter how your body changes. To some degree I do wish my former wife would have taken your stance with me but she didn't. You are truly a blessing to your SO. The heart does remain the same.

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Hi Angle, Being a SO, (rather soul mat) I can certainly identify with your feelings and wonderings. I have been married for 35 years to a truly wonderful man. Now I'm married to a truly wonderful woman. I feel the advise I can give you is to remember that even though your SO is in the process of transforming into the real person he was ment to be, that you are on your own road through transformation. The way you feel and the way you handle this most incrediable change is to work on your own transformation. I know that this is hard to imagine being possible while you are constantly being reminded of the changes your SOs' is going through.

I have always been incredibly in love with Kat and always will. I have great happiness for her. She has struggled for years finding herself. She unfortuately never shared her feeling of being incomplete and tried many paths,(ie. gay, cross dresser), before she finally found out who she was suppose to be. I am very happy for her. She is 63 yrs of age. Can you imagine going through your life not knowing who you are?

You are not alone. There are many of us who are here for you.

I told my husband 35 yrs ago that I was only going to marry once and that I will never divorce him. Well, I sure didn't expect this challenge. But I feel after many hours of self realization, I'm always going to be with and in love with Kat.

Angle, whatever you do, sweetie, don't forget yourself. Be vocal about your feelings and fears. Also, as your SO questions about their transformation. What does Transgender mean? What are the feelings she is going through. Let her know about your feelings. Take non-transgender days when neither of you talk about trangenderism and just have fun. Fill the day with laughter.

I would like to suggest that, if you are not already, you both attend a support group in your area. These groups are wonderful for giving you contacts that will give you help and loving support.

Thank you for sharing your heart and mind with us. You are not alone, ever.

Take care and I'll be thinking of you. xxxooo Rena

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Thank you everyone for your kind and encouraging words . :)

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( group HUGS )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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I would just like to say that as a completely new member to this community (as a SO) that I am glad this was one of the first posts I read.

I am lucky that my partner is and always will be my friend first and foremost but the relationship we have has not been taken on the easiest path.

We have been through so much to be together that I wouldn't let anything come between us, so, when he very sneakily got Cross Dressing then Transgendering into the conversation it seemed a very natural progression. I still say "he" as this is still very new to me but I love shopping for "her" and I love the closeness that the situation has brought us. Reading your post makes me feel less alone and less "freaky" for accepting my partner without any fuss at all, I don't think he truly believes me yet lol. I do have lots of questions and am glad that laura's is here for us all.

Didn't think how hard my first post would be lol

Celtic_Raven xx

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Welcome to the Playground Celtic_Raven. Thank you for sharing with us.

MaryEllen

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:thumbsup: Hi Raven, Welcome to Laura's Playground. I was really happy when I was introduced to this forum. The people here will always want to help. You are never on your own. I know from personal experience that the beginnings of the changes we go through can be hard to understand. Even more so understanding what is going on with our SO. I have been married to my Soul Mate for 35 yrs and was filled with so many questions and fears at first. Believe me when I say all you have to do is ask the questions. Even the hard ones. There are monerators that are wise and are more than willing to help you along your way.

I would also sugget, (if you haven't already), that you contact a support group in your area. These groups offer assistance with understanding the changes, and often break up into different groups after the initial meeting to discuss how you are doing and also other SO's that are more than willing to share their experiences and how doing certain things help create a smoother transition for both of you. Once again Laura's may be able to help locate a support group by you. I am very glad that my SO and I attend support meetings. These meetings also help answer questions and fears you my have.

Remember, you are never alone. You will find support and unconditional love here. Welcome! Rena

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Welcome Celtic_ Raven :)

I'm so glad ur here u will find alot of information support and understanding. U surely won't be alone here there is quite a few couples here were the SO and their partners are on. It's awsome we get to see how the others feel how thy coped their tears their triumphs . This all helps some one in some way. Even through someone's tears we learn alot and through their triumphs we are encouraged. It's a hard road but we can make it . U know the first post did I too did not know what to say now I can't stop :) u will get used to it as u feel the warmth and acceptance from the group as a whole. And with ???????? Oh yeah there are plenty of them ask away there will always be people willing to help the best way thy can . Alot of the times I have found the ????? In the differnt forums have a look around this playground is full of valuable information that may guide u strengthen u and inspire u

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Celtic Raven - it's nice to see a new SO here...

Angel... good post... this is a difficult road and we have to continue helping one another to reach the end...

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Angel, Celtic, Roxanna, etc. ......

I cannot speak for anyone but myself, of course, but I cannot fully

express just how much it means to me to have a wife who so

reluctantly came to accept the reality of me being not only

trtansgendered, but intersexed, and has stuck with me thru all the

agony and ecstacy of truly discovering myself. It hasn't meant a

lot. It has meant everything, so all I can do is thank each of you

for your patience and understanding and compassion. Whether

for good or ill (I think "good"), we have been placed together in a

situation inconceivable to others and so unique that we must all

pinch ourselves to see if we are not dreaming.

What has amazed me is just how much of myself I have discovered

since my wife came to accept me as Jan. I thought I knew myself

(Jan) when she came to that point of acceptance, but I was so wrong.

Like so many of us I was too focused on how I dressed or what I wore

or how I looked, but once we settled into a life of simply accepting

what is, I was able to turn loose all the censors and all the inhibitions

and simply be the person I always was but could never even admit

myself that I was.

*B----* wasn't a terrible person .... after all, she loved me unconditionally

for decades, even when my depression and anxiety was inexplicably

keeping us from enjoying life as we should. But once *B----* felt it

was safe to be Jan, I soon discovered myself to be someone who,

though still being *B----,* was someone not only deeper and more lovable

than I ever was before, but someone who she now describes as the

"better me."

I thought we had been walking thru life side by side, but this has caused

me to realize that wasn't the case. Now there are few things we do not

share equally. I have always enjoyed receiving affection and mere touching,

but never have I before enjoyed giving affection and touching as I do now.

I am more emotionally available now than I ever was before and I will never,

ever go back. I try so hard every day to let her know just how much I love

her and how much I think of her during the day. Jan is the better person

and I am so glad my wife made it possible for us both to discover the

better person she is.

Sure, the physical side of things has its place and we now have our clothes

divided into 3 sections ... hers, mine, and ours ... and I certainly take better

care of myself than I ever did before, but what has mattered most is that

we are now closer and more in touch with one another than ever before.

Yeah, it is certainly hard at times, but after all these years (40+), we feel like

we are .... depending on the day .... either enjoying a second honeymoon or

beautiful second marriage.

All of this is to say, hold on to your love and your hope. It can work.

Love you all,

Jan

It is highly unlikely that I will ever fully transition, but

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Thx for the encouragement Janice Lynn I'm so happy to read u and ur wife are doing well . Each travels at their own speed and if u and her are content that's all that matters . :) keep smiling

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