Jump to content

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest poeticallyhuman

Everyday is a struggle

Recommended Posts

Guest poeticallyhuman

Hey, I'm new to Laura's and I figured I'd start here because I'm probably going to wind up here quite a bit. I was raised by drug addicts and as result, started doing drugs at a young age. My DOC is heroin, but I've done almost everything. Thankfully, I've been clean from heroin for two years, but still dabble in other things like MDMA, ketamine, hallucinogens, prescriptions. I find it impossible to be completely clean for any period of time. The longest I've gone without anything since I was 10 years old was a year. I'm 21. I drink quite a bit as well. I wish I could be clean. I have an older friend who's a recovering alcoholic who wants to take me too NA/AA, but it seems like a daunting step. I've been to a couple meetings to keep my friend company, but I really don't think its for me. I suffer from horrible anxiety which makes the meetings emotionally hard, as if they weren't hard enough already. But I'm tired of this being my life as it has been for years. I can do good for a while, then the cravings start and its like I'm not even in control anymore. I'm not sure where to go from here and any insights you have would be great.

Charles ******n

Share this post


Link to post
Michelle 2010

Hi Charles, welcome to Laura's...

Sounds like you have the classic problem: Although you don't say why you want to stop, I'm guessing that things happen when you're using that you'd rather not have happen... On the other hand, when you stop, things get worse on the inside instead of better...

For me, the pain of staying the same had to get worse than the pain of changing. The "craving" you refer to was kinda like having a coiled spring in my solar plexus that would wind tighter and tighter, and I knew all I had to do was get in the car and drive to the liquor store and, magically, the craving would go away... Life was perfect after 2 1/2 drinks... Of course, the problem was it never stopped at two or three...

The anxiety you describe is common for newcomers. People don't show up at an AA meeting because life is wonderful, lol!

Yet, those that are convinced they are true addicts or alcoholics can begin a new way of life they can't even concieve of. The problem for alcoholics and addicts is that the booze or dope isn't the real problem... If it was, you could put down the substance and the problem would disappear. For the true addict or alcoholic the opposite occurs; that is, the problem gets worse. You see, for a true alcoholic, booze was the answer long before it became the problem. When the "crutch" no longer works, we are faced with living life in all its glory and pathos, without chemical aids. That is were the 12 steps of recovery come in, learning to live Life on Life's Terms, aaaand, to do it with some joy and happiness....

Every Sunday night a few of us show up at 9pm EST in the substance abuse chat room and discuss living a quality life in Sobriety and also catch up on how our trans issues are interwoven into it. Your welcome to join us if you like. No anxiety needed. It is chatroom stuff, no video, no audio. You would probably want to stop in earlier and get registered. It is a safe place like here and all new members have a brief interview to insure they're intentions are honorable.

Best Wishes

Michelle

Share this post


Link to post
Guest rita63

Welcome Charles Hope you can make it to the meeting Sun. Michelle is our gentle mistress of ceremonies. We try to find ways to help each other to be sober but also come as our real selves with trans issues. I am still fairly new at it myself and its a frightening and fufiling process. My life is getting better, one day at a time.

hugs rita

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

Hi Charles,

Great name but i've been giving it up. i'm on an overnight trip from home and just went to the first of 3 AA meetings i'll go to in this strange town. Got phone #'s and welcomes as well as peace at the first. Looking forward to the others. 5 years ago i would be wasted by now! really wasted but working on enough to pass out. That used to be how i went to "sleep". It's now life beyond my wildest dreams. I'm having fun sober and clean..... Used to think i was having fun but i knew in my heart that it was because i couldn't quit. AA has worked for me and countless others and will work for you if you want it and work it. Hope to see you here on Sunday. Found this group a few months ago and love it.

Hugs and welcome, Charlie (once chuck or charles)

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 5 Guests (See full list)

    • Carolyn Marie
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Posts

    • Gwen
      This is one hefty vehicle! And in wonderful condition. I hope you drive with your arm out the window while wearing cool sunglasses   Gwen
    • Gwen
      Great news!! And what a wonderful birthday present. I hope the process is smooth for you, with nothing major to get in your way.   Gwen
    • Charlize
      I agree that we may well not be much better off here in the US.  There is definitely a backlash and in some areas or with certain demographics our safety doesn't exist.  Fortunately there are also many who are much more accepting than ever.  I have to look at that bright side. A bit of a Pollyanna ?   Hugs,   Charlize
    • VickySGV
      Sad to say, this is running about the same as it is here in the U.S. and may not be as bad in a couple of places, but still it is pretty bad overall.  Great Britain has about the same stats on H8ers, minus the KKK of course, but the Fundamentalist and Roman Catholic influences are used as the same excuses to just plain hate from what I have heard.
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.usnews.com/news/best-states/washington/articles/2018-01-19/senate-passes-conversion-ban-transgender-bullying-bills   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://inews.co.uk/news/uk/third-transgender-people-victim-hate-crime/   This is very troubling, but given the very negative press and public opinions, hardly surprising.  The question is, what, if anything, will be done about it?   Carolyn Marie
    • Charlize
      Seat belts are not required but highly advised.  Actually i took me time to feel much and even then changes were slow and subtle.  Enjoy your journey!   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Timber Wolf
      Oh my gosh, I love it! Like stepping into a bygone era!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf🐾
    • Charlize
      This is my other baby.  It's a "52 chevy 1 ton flatbed that we use mostly for farm markets.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Cbxshawn
      Congratulations, get ready for the ride and hold on. I started HRT about 14 months ago at 41. I have loved every minute of my journey thus far. I won't lie, it's a roller coaster. Good luck on your journey and do keep us posted.    Hugs    Shawnna 
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Upcoming Events

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      64,705
    • Total Posts
      585,805
  • TransPulse Partners

×