Jump to content


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest poeticallyhuman

Everyday is a struggle

Recommended Posts

Guest poeticallyhuman

Hey, I'm new to Laura's and I figured I'd start here because I'm probably going to wind up here quite a bit. I was raised by drug addicts and as result, started doing drugs at a young age. My DOC is heroin, but I've done almost everything. Thankfully, I've been clean from heroin for two years, but still dabble in other things like MDMA, ketamine, hallucinogens, prescriptions. I find it impossible to be completely clean for any period of time. The longest I've gone without anything since I was 10 years old was a year. I'm 21. I drink quite a bit as well. I wish I could be clean. I have an older friend who's a recovering alcoholic who wants to take me too NA/AA, but it seems like a daunting step. I've been to a couple meetings to keep my friend company, but I really don't think its for me. I suffer from horrible anxiety which makes the meetings emotionally hard, as if they weren't hard enough already. But I'm tired of this being my life as it has been for years. I can do good for a while, then the cravings start and its like I'm not even in control anymore. I'm not sure where to go from here and any insights you have would be great.

Charles ******n

Share this post

Link to post
Michelle 2010

Hi Charles, welcome to Laura's...

Sounds like you have the classic problem: Although you don't say why you want to stop, I'm guessing that things happen when you're using that you'd rather not have happen... On the other hand, when you stop, things get worse on the inside instead of better...

For me, the pain of staying the same had to get worse than the pain of changing. The "craving" you refer to was kinda like having a coiled spring in my solar plexus that would wind tighter and tighter, and I knew all I had to do was get in the car and drive to the liquor store and, magically, the craving would go away... Life was perfect after 2 1/2 drinks... Of course, the problem was it never stopped at two or three...

The anxiety you describe is common for newcomers. People don't show up at an AA meeting because life is wonderful, lol!

Yet, those that are convinced they are true addicts or alcoholics can begin a new way of life they can't even concieve of. The problem for alcoholics and addicts is that the booze or dope isn't the real problem... If it was, you could put down the substance and the problem would disappear. For the true addict or alcoholic the opposite occurs; that is, the problem gets worse. You see, for a true alcoholic, booze was the answer long before it became the problem. When the "crutch" no longer works, we are faced with living life in all its glory and pathos, without chemical aids. That is were the 12 steps of recovery come in, learning to live Life on Life's Terms, aaaand, to do it with some joy and happiness....

Every Sunday night a few of us show up at 9pm EST in the substance abuse chat room and discuss living a quality life in Sobriety and also catch up on how our trans issues are interwoven into it. Your welcome to join us if you like. No anxiety needed. It is chatroom stuff, no video, no audio. You would probably want to stop in earlier and get registered. It is a safe place like here and all new members have a brief interview to insure they're intentions are honorable.

Best Wishes


Share this post

Link to post
Guest rita63

Welcome Charles Hope you can make it to the meeting Sun. Michelle is our gentle mistress of ceremonies. We try to find ways to help each other to be sober but also come as our real selves with trans issues. I am still fairly new at it myself and its a frightening and fufiling process. My life is getting better, one day at a time.

hugs rita

Share this post

Link to post

Hi Charles,

Great name but i've been giving it up. i'm on an overnight trip from home and just went to the first of 3 AA meetings i'll go to in this strange town. Got phone #'s and welcomes as well as peace at the first. Looking forward to the others. 5 years ago i would be wasted by now! really wasted but working on enough to pass out. That used to be how i went to "sleep". It's now life beyond my wildest dreams. I'm having fun sober and clean..... Used to think i was having fun but i knew in my heart that it was because i couldn't quit. AA has worked for me and countless others and will work for you if you want it and work it. Hope to see you here on Sunday. Found this group a few months ago and love it.

Hugs and welcome, Charlie (once chuck or charles)

Share this post

Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 6 Guests (See full list)

    • Timber Wolf
    • DenimAndLace
    • Xxirishbratxx
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Posts

    • Charlize
      Ms. Boylan has such an honest rational voice.  Manning's candidacy may or not be helpful for our community.  It may go nowhere but she does have every reason to be angry. In my opinion did little more than was done by reporters in the past who were actually able to report what they saw during Viet Nam rather than only reciting what they were told by the military.   Many may not agree with me about that and that is fine but allowing us to see some of the atrocities of the war was in some ways an heroic, if illegal, act.  That being said i'm certainly not sure that makes her any more qualified for office than being a slumlord in NY does.   Hugs,   Charlize  
    • Charlize
      One of the great advantages of going to a therapist was having an opportunity to remember and share a lifetime of experiences similar to those you describe.  Somehow being open and honest was a step i needed in finding the strength and confidence to follow my path.   Thank you for reminding me of my past as well as sharing your own.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • tracy_j
      It all gets a bit complicated at times   Here it it a standing joke about not having to see someone's medical records to know their issues, just sit in the reception at the doctors surgery and listen to the receptionist! Not really funny, but it happens a lot.   For me it is a daily thing as I am not planning a namechange etc in the near future, but only occasionally gets too much. Its always going to be easier wth one name and one gender.   Tracy
    • tracy_j
      Hi Tali Welcome   Tracy x  
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nytimes.com/2018/01/18/opinion/chelsea-manning-senate.html?mtrref=t.co&assetType=opinion&_r=0   Carolyn Marie
    • Rachel Gia
      Hi, Although the basis of my meditation come from a book on Buddism the spiritual aspect of my life is based around being thankful for what I have and for the people I know and to participate with that which is around me the basis of which is understanding and practicing love. i like Buddism a lot but prefer if people use their own words when conveying something.  If I had the determination and attention span to read the Quoran and find a Master I would say I would align myself with Sufism but that's not going to happen so I have to be content being an Abrahamist with Big Book leanings. This is not my own words but sort of in fact. Love God (your version) and treat others with kindness and love:) The rest is commentary. Reading this made things easy for me. In light of the simplicity I feel that spirituality should not possess an inaccessible quality to it.  Why I like Sufism is the belief that "love is the highest station of the soul."
    • ElissaMtF
    • ElissaMtF
      Hi ,  thanks for the warm welcome  
    • ElissaMtF
      Hi Gwen, thanks for the warm welcome. I do have a balanced life but it’s especially because it helps me to get through the dysphoric days. I try to work a lot and do relaxing things to be confronted less with the dysphoria.   I love Godiva chocolate. Lindt chocolate from Switzerland is not bad either but I prefer my Belgian chocolates. We have a Leonidas on every corner here. Do you have Leonidas chocolate in the USA?  
    • ElissaMtF
      Thanks so much. Your message feels very welcoming  I don’t have a lot of  supportive people so thanks for offering me a place to share my feelings. 
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. rorylm
      (68 years old)
  • Upcoming Events

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • TransPulse Partners