Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Two Little Big Problems


Guest Kyu

Recommended Posts

Guest Kyu

A bit of a late night post, but this is eating away at me so here goes.

I have been open for quite some time now, but the amount of progress I can make is blocked by two things. My younger brother and sister. The problem isn't that I can't tell them, but I'm not allowed to. My parents (mum and step-dad) seem to think they are way too young to understand what I am going through and have stopped me doing anything trans related in the house. Even getting on the forum and chat-rooms is like a daily scenario from a fictional stealth operation. Obviously they can't say anything about what I do online and the siblings know very well; if they go on my laptop, i'll kill them! (metaphorically speaking of course.)

So this is the situation: little brother age 9 and little sister age 12, are pretty much unaware of what is going on. Although a few slip ups on my part have lead to some questions towards my mother, which she seems to avoid better than a professional dodge ball player. I get unlimited opportunities every day to sit them down and talk to them, but the folks just refuse. It's frustrating because not only am I unable to begin my full transition, but having to lie to the kids every day to keep an unwanted cover just seems unfair. What makes it worse is the fact of what my parents are saying.

"Don't forget it's not only you who has to go through this, it's all of us."

I realize this. I mean forgive me if i'm being selfish, but they weren't the ones who had to struggle keeping up this mask for so many years. It was me and I hated keeping it from them, and now i have plucked up the courage to actually do something about it, they seem to be delaying if further. I understand the fact that the whole family needs the time to adjust, but I just feel like they are hiding behind the kids.

I'm not entirely sure how to explain it to children of that age, but I know I could if I just sat down and spoke to them. Somthing else to think about that worries me is, what will happen when I finally get move to HRT? I can't imagine my reaction if they said no because the kids were to young to understand. (I have a feeling it would be somewhere along the lines of furious.)

The worst thing is, it is stressing me out big time. I am so close to full time, finding that light at the end of the tunnel and this is in my way. It's making me feel like I don't have freedom in my own house. I don't hate anyone for it, I love my folks and I know they love me. But UGH!!! This whole situation is just so frustrating!

Another thing to worry about is, once the kids know they will more than likely spill it to my genetic dad. (who doesn't know yet) And that is something i'm not ready for just yet.

I honestly don't know what to do, it seems like either way I am fighting a battle that will cause some heavy loss to both side Alexis and side Family. I mean, is it really OK to be selfish if I think SOME good will come out of it?

But anyway, i'm going to have to call it here. It's ridiculously late and I need to get some sleep. I'll check back on it tomorrow, who knows maybe i'll be able to think more clearly by then.

The question i leave you with is this:

Is waiting till my parents say when I am ready to tell the kids, the best thing to do?

Huggles,

-Kyu

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

Hi Kyu,

I am not sure how old you are but I bet that you are still a minor and still under the care and legal responsibility of your parents. Children are far more understanding and open minded than many people give them credit for. I know that your parents are concerned for your younger siblings and out of respect I would comply with their wishes. When I came out to my ex, one of the things she seemed adamant about was that I "do not tell the kids" (well the "kids" were in their teens and twenties then, they were not children). Initially, I complied with her wishes, but then I realized that it was not her decision. Since then, I have come out to my kids and we all are much happier for it. I have never been closer to my kids as I am now. Enough about me......

Eventually, everyone is going to have to know. You cannot hide forever and your parents can't deny who you are from yourself and others indefinitely. That mentality is very harmful in the long run. I would suggest that you and your parents consult a therapist regarding family dynamics and transgender child so that they get more of a perspective on what is the best course of action is for everyone involved. I know your parents mean well, and are trying to look out for everyone. It is important to respect and comply with your parents wishes regarding your siblings. Your parents must also know that you need and must be able to be yourself. Somewhere in family love will the right answer emerge for you and your family.

Brenda

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Kyu,

Brenda is correct in saying to listen to your parents. Its hard to wait but maybe you could persuade your parents to consult a therapist to help work out the difficulties. It will work itself in time. You've moved so far already in being honest to them. The rest will follow in time.. Maybe being an old woman makes it easier.

Hugs Charlie

Link to comment
Guest rikkicd64

Hi Kyu,

I am not sure how old you are but I bet that you are still a minor and still under the care and legal responsibility of your parents. Children are far more understanding and open minded than many people give them credit for. I know that your parents are concerned for your younger siblings and out of respect I would comply with their wishes. When I came out to my ex, one of the things she seemed adamant about was that I "do not tell the kids" (well the "kids" were in their teens and twenties then, they were not children). Initially, I complied with her wishes, but then I realized that it was not her decision. Since then, I have come out to my kids and we all are much happier for it. I have never been closer to my kids as I am now. Enough about me......

Eventually, everyone is going to have to know. You cannot hide forever and your parents can't deny who you are from yourself and others indefinitely. That mentality is very harmful in the long run. I would suggest that you and your parents consult a therapist regarding family dynamics and transgender child so that they get more of a perspective on what is the best course of action is for everyone involved. I know your parents mean well, and are trying to look out for everyone. It is important to respect and comply with your parents wishes regarding your siblings. Your parents must also know that you need and must be able to be yourself. Somewhere in family love will the right answer emerge for you and your family.

Brenda

Very good advice to this young person Brenda,very positive and helpful.Thank you.

Rikki...

Link to comment
Guest Haileyruso

Kyu,

I wonder if it isn't your parents that don't understand what you are going through and are using the children as a scapegoat...just a thought.

Finding a therapist able to help all of you to deal with these issues in a healthy way would be my suggestion.

Best of luck, and don't give up on your dreams...the fact that you are dealing with this at a young age is commendable.

-Hailey

Link to comment
Guest Clair Dufour

At 20 you have to do it their way or find another place live. Sad to say this problem is common amonst LGBT people. If your still going to school you should try and work it out. Regarless, always know your options.

Link to comment
Guest Kyu

Thanks for all the feedback guys, i have given it some long and hard thought and i think i should give it some time.

I think i am just getting a bit to overly stressed about it and need to calm down. The kids don't really need to know until HRT comes through at least, for the mean time there is nothing stopping me transitioning outside of the house. To be honest i can't really do much more until the GT contacts me anyway, so letting the passage of time pass seems to be the best option. Not only in telling the children, but in proving to my parents that i am not just confused. I have come up with some sort of strategy, i think it would be bast for everyone to tell them when i tell my genetic dad. Which will be just before i start hormones. Reason i chose this time is it completely kills off the leaking it to dad problem, it also shows that i have put enough thought into it to show this is what i really want.

Thanks for the advise guys, it's good to know i have such wonderful people to talk to!

huggles,

-Kyu

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 133 Guests (See full list)

    • Stefi
    • Pip
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alscully
      Alscully
      (35 years old)
    2. floruisse
      floruisse
      (40 years old)
    3. Jasmine25
      Jasmine25
      (22 years old)
    4. Trev0rK
      Trev0rK
      (26 years old)
  • Posts

    • EasyE
      Republicans have long committed grave errors by emphasizing their social agenda and moral issues instead of just focusing on the economy, lowering taxes, keeping the public safe, building a strong national defense, promoting business, touting reasonable immigration policies, etc.   The country would thrive economically under Trump's tax and business policies. That's a fact. Another four years of Biden will run this country into the ground financially (including all of our 401Ks and IRAs). But the GOP continues to play right into the Dems' hands by leading with their moral crusades instead of staying the course and trusting their fiscal policies to win the day... 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/hundreds-athletes-urge-ncaa-not-ban-trans-athletes-womens-sports-rcna149033     Carolyn Marie
    • KymmieL
      Well first day is over and now getting ready for bed soon. Work was OK.   Don't know why but I am feeling down. I am heading to bed. Good Night.   Kymmie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I our time at my place.Both admit our sex life is good,got intimate for the 2nd time and he is good at it
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  I will look those up in the document, hopefully tomorrow.   I always look at the source on stuff like this, not what someone, particularly those adversarial, have to say. 
    • MaeBe
      LGBTQ rights Project 2025 takes extreme positions against LGBTQ rights, seeking to eliminate federal protections for queer people and pursue research into conversion therapies in order to encourage gender and sexuality conformity. The policy book also lays out plans to criminalize being transgender and prohibit federal programs from supporting queer people through various policies. The project partnered with anti-LGBTQ groups the Family Policy Alliance, the Center for Family and Human Rights, and the Family Research Council. Project 2025 calls for the next secretary of Health and Human Services to “immediately put an end to the department’s foray into woke transgender activism,” which includes removing terms related to gender and sexual identity from “every federal rule, agency regulation, contract, grant, regulation, and piece of legislation that exists.” The Trump administration proposed a similar idea in 2018 that would have resulted in trans people losing protections under anti-discrimination laws. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; The New Republic, 2/8/24] Similarly, the policy book calls for HHS to stop all research related to gender identity unless the purpose is conformity to one's sex assigned at birth. The New Republic explains: “That is, research on gender-nonconforming children and teenagers should be funded by the government, but only for the purpose of studying what will make them conform, such as denying them gender-affirming care and instead trying to change their identities through ‘counseling,’ which is a form of conversion therapy.” [The New Republic, 2/8/24] The policy book’s foreword by Kevin Roberts describes “the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children” as “pornography” that “should be outlawed,” adding, “The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned.” Roberts also says that “educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Roberts’ foreword states that “allowing parents or physicians to ‘reassign’ the sex of a minor is child abuse and must end.” Echoing ongoing right-wing attacks on trans athletes, Roberts also claims, “Bureaucrats at the Department of Justice force school districts to undermine girls’ sports and parents’ rights to satisfy transgender extremists.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; TIME magazine, 5/16/22] Dame Magazine reports that Project 2025 plans to use the Department of Justice to crack down on states that “do not charge LGBTQ people and their allies with crimes under the pretense that they are breaking federal and state laws against exposing minors to pornography.” [Dame Magazine, 8/14/23] Project 2025 also calls for the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services to repeat “its 2016 decision that CMS could not issue a National Coverage Determination (NCD) regarding ‘gender reassignment surgery’ for Medicare beneficiaries.” The policy book’s HHS chapter continues: “In doing so, CMS should acknowledge the growing body of evidence that such interventions are dangerous and acknowledge that there is insufficient scientific evidence to support such coverage in state plans.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Going further, Project 2025 also demands that the next GOP administration “reverse policies that allow transgender individuals to serve in the military.” The policy book’s chapter on the Defense Department claims: “Gender dysphoria is incompatible with the demands of military service, and the use of public monies for transgender surgeries … for servicemembers should be ended.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023]   …summaries of what’s within the rest of the document re: LGBTQ+ concerns. A person can believe their gender is fixed but incongruent with their physiology, but the authors and Trump (by his own words) just see the incongruity of an “expressed gender” that conflicts with what was/is in a person’s pants.
    • Mmindy
      Good catch… I took care of it.
    • Sally Stone
      I'm tired of the two-party system.  It has degraded to a system where there are only two diametrically opposed views, neither of which supports me.  I have conservative views regarding big government and government spending but I have very liberal views when it comes to protecting the rights of individuals.  And just elections of the past, I am stuck with two choices, neither of which I support. With only two parties, each with agendas that are off the left and right scales, I am not adequately represented.    Finally, I'm okay with party affiliated politicians running for office using their party views, but once elected to office, they are obligated to support the entire electorate not just the electorate members that voted for them.  Plain and simple, our government system is broken and dysfunctional.  I'll step down from my soapbox now.     
    • Sally Stone
      Thanks Mae.  She was an amazing friend and I grew to love her like a sister.
    • Sally Stone
      I did Ashley.  Non-rev travel was one of the major factors for taking the job.  At the time, US Airways had the best non-rev policy in the industry.  It cost $10 to fly coach and $25 to fly first class.  We flew first class whenever there were seats available.  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You should have a moderator fix what you meant to write as "birth certificate".  Ooops.   I've gone over that verse and am wholly and completely dissatisfied with the SBC exegesis of it, so much so that it was one of the things that helped me break out of a mindset of guit.  Sometime I may strut by stuff as a Hebraist and show what it really means.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I found this   — 450 — Mandate for Leadership: The Conservative Promise Goal #1: Protecting Life, Conscience, and Bodily Integrity. The Secretary should pursue a robust agenda to protect the fundamental right to life, protect con- science rights, and uphold bodily integrity rooted in biological realities, not ideology. From the moment of conception, every human being possesses inherent dignity and worth, and our humanity does not depend on our age, stage of development, race, or abilities. The Secretary must ensure that all HHS programs and activities are rooted in a deep respect for innocent human life from day one until natural death: Abortion and euthanasia are not health care. A robust respect for the sacred rights of conscience, both at HHS and among gov- ernments and institutions funded by it, increases choices for patients and program beneficiaries and furthers pluralism and tolerance. The Secretary must protect Americans’ civil rights by ensuring that HHS programs and activities follow the letter and spirit of religious freedom and conscience-protection laws. Radical actors inside and outside government are promoting harmful identity politics that replaces biological sex with subjective notions of “gender identity” and bases a person’s worth on his or her race, sex, or other identities. This destructive dogma, under the guise of “equity,” threatens American’s fundamental liberties as well as the health and well-being of children and adults alike. The next Secretary must ensure that HHS programs protect children’s minds and bodies and that HHS programs respect parents’ basic right to direct the upbringing, education, and care of their children.   https://static.project2025.org/2025_MandateForLeadership_CHAPTER-14.pdf   First, that is not much, if that is all that is of concern.  Secondly, I have seen all sorts of anti-Trump slander, including the Steele dossier and the lawfare he is now undergoing, to be cynical of any criticism against him, and indirectly this document.    He deserves some of what he is getting, but not all.  Thirdly, I bolded one statement of concern.   I don't think gender identity is subjective.  "Radical actors" is name calling, and there is a lot of that going around.  Maybe I am not seeing everything of concern or reading this right, but i would discuss with the author of this document concerning this.
    • Willow
      Good evening   well I finally finished reading my textbook.  Yeah.  But I still have a lot more to go for the class.     My endocrinologist always asks me about lactation.  And yes I have had some very small amounts of leakage but not on any regular basis.  I figure I blocked the discharge Duce when I pierced my nipples with scare tissue.  But who knows.  I also get asked about mammograms.  I e had my first or baseline and this fall I will need to schedule my second.   As someone in the midst of studying the Old Testament, I can say that I haven’t found any mention of pending damnation for being transgender or intersex.  The closest it comes is a verse that says men should not wear women’s clothing.  Now I don’t know each and everyone’s particulars, but I know I meet the medical definition of female gender, and even in Ohio, a State that until recently refused to allow birth certificates to be changed, I meet the criteria.  Therefore I can only conclude I am not a man wearing women’s clothing.  But there is a somewhat different scholarly explanation of that law that it should not be taken as literally as the haters want.  Mostly men should not pretend to be women to ex ape from their enemies. Or tried to hide from God.     willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Well, the left wing has been doing that.    I read a few things while trying to find out what the problem is and liked what I read.  But I am a conservative.    Is there something specific in there that is of concern?  Does it promise somewhere to erase trans folk? That would be problematic.
    • Ivy
      It's a plan to basically completely take over the government by the right wing.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...