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RoxannaBell

The Key To Making It?

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I don't know what other SOs have found to be the key to staying in a relationship with their trans spouse, but for me there seem to be 3 things that have gotten me 7 months into this without totally losing my mind:

1. Knowledge.

Knowledge is Power. Learn all you can about this.

2. Communication.

Honest communication between you and your spouse is vital.

3. Laughter.

Laughter really is the best medicine. Find the humor in your life. It's there, even in the darkest of moments.

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Good post, Roxanna. Thank you for sharing it.

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You are among a very, very special group of trans-spouses who is willing and able to do this. Kudos to you! God (Goddess or whatever) bless you! We all sincerely hope Svenna and you can go the distance. And, yes, we know how hard this is on spouses of transpeople. Don't think we don't.

Thankfully, you've studied the subject enough to KNOW that none of us chooses to be trans. The fortunate few keep their spouses. Unfortunately, this is NOT what the spouses signed up for. Hopefully, I'm not aggravating an already extremely sensitive issue by saying so, but, hey, we all know this is true. It takes an AMAZING person to stay with a transitioning significant other.

You're The Real Deal, Roxy. Honestly, we all want to see both of you happy. We really do.

Peace & Respect :thumbsup: Lacey Lynne

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Thank you very much Lacey - it helps to know there are people on our side who know what this is like and how hard it is.

I'm hoping some of the other SOs will reply to this post and tell us how they manage to stay in the relationship as well. Maybe we can all learn some things that will help us go the distance.

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Perfect Roxy!

I hope every spouse reads it

Johnny

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The three u have posted are very important in continuing a healthy relationship . I also think patience and understanding from both parties is essential . There is alot and each day brings new ones . Some days we feel we so strong that we begin to fly but we didn't see the branch sticking out of the tree so we fall again . It's the biggest journey I have ever been on . It's funny in a way there are some days I feel lost and my partner will respond its ok ur right here honey nothing has changed . :/ lol we surely travel this journey on differnt ends of the scale . But we need to compromise and meet in the middle and build each other up . The biggest one for me would be love unconditionally and respect each other . With this in place the choices we make will be healthier and more productive than destructive.on a daily basis stop and give each other a hug . A simple hug can bring so much ,warmth,love comfort,unity ,understanding , smiles , tears of releif, and like a million bricks have just fallen of your shoulders. Remember the love in ur heart and never give up . Give it all u have because you are both worth it :)

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True, Angel. And thanks for the input. We need more S/Os to give input as well. There is no manual for how to do this. I get that from my partner too, the "It's okay, I'm right here" - and I will look into those eyes and see the same person as always, and yet, at other times, it is like a stranger is living in my home. It's very up and down, back and forth. Just when I think I have it figured out, that tree branch you spoke of pokes me in the eye. Some days it's like I suddenly have a 12-year-old daughter. Those are the days I say Oh my goodness? I chose NOT to have kids!

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Oh those branches :/

We need to be prepared with big long garden scissors and chop every branch we see from the moment we wake up. And yeah I've been doing that but it is exhausting we just have to follow our hearts my friend and hope for the best .There is no manual but I'm so greatful we have Laura's and we have each other . Just sharing with each other helps so much were there for a shoulder to cry on we're there to strengthen each others wings were there to laugh with each other or at each other :P were just there for each other through the good and bad . I too wish more S/OS would join us we can make a differnce . . Lots of (((( hugs )))) for u lovey we will get through this the four of us :)

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I am not even a week into this journey and so far I think I have felt more emotions then I have in my entire life. I think communication, compassion, understanding, love, hope, and honesty are what has been the biggest things to get us through these last 4 days :)

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The emotions do go wild and it's very important for u to reach out talk with ur partner talk with friends here don't bottle it up . You have the important keys to make this work don't loose them . Also if ur partner joined she will see how others deal with things from her point and urs . Keep building little by little and always hang unto hope lovey

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I don't know what other SOs have found to be the key to staying in a relationship with their trans spouse, but for me there seem to be 3 things that have gotten me 7 months into this without totally losing my mind:

1. Knowledge.

Knowledge is Power. Learn all you can about this.

2. Communication.

Honest communication between you and your spouse is vital.

3. Laughter.

Laughter really is the best medicine. Find the humor in your life. It's there, even in the darkest of moments.

Very nice to read this morning Roxy.

Could not agree more with your 3 points. For my soul mate and I, I look to recapture some of the innocence of our relationship as much as possible, it's almost regressive (child like) for us, the cute little things that matter, that are part of the essence of our love. She knew about me before we were really serious and got married (as much as I knew at the time) 30 years ago, so much of this is really not new for us. Honesty with her and myself, really is the best policy as it is said.

Best wishes to you and your mate

Cindy -

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I know people say teens can't love like adults, but I am eighteen, have been with my seventeen year old mtf girlfriend for a year, and a few months in was when we both started discovering who we were- I discovered that I am bi, and she discovered that she is my girlfriend not my boyfriend.

And you know what? I couldn't have cared less.

Personally, what I have found to keeping going, is communication. I have to tell her sometimes to stop obsessing over her issues, and change the subject to something mutual. She also tells me when she has to talk. I tell her when I have to talk. Communication is the most important thing in our relationship.

Love is also really important. This sounds obvious, but I fell in love with a boy, and the fact that he's now a girl doesn't change the person I fell in love with- her gender is just different.

Also, taking time out is really helpful. Go out, watch a movie, play a video game, talk about the weather, discuss your favourite food, do something together that doesn't relate to gender issues or anything else. Just have fun every now and again.

Something really important for me, as an SO, is to talk to other people I trust. It's my dad for me. You need someone else to talk to about the issues, someone to vent to if you have to, someone to relax with. My dad is really supportive of her, lets her wear my clothes when Mum isn't at home (Mum knows about both of us, but she tries not to think about it, and needs time to wrap her head around it. We're giving her that time.)

I would just like to declare here, that I love my Jaymee.

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