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Flint

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Guest matthew41
if things couldn't get any worse.........*sigh* i guess.......well........if things cant get worse. what have i got to lose by telling them at college? i dunno..........My mind is strange thing. I have no idea why i'm saying this. but yea......

Matthias,

Sisters can be annoying to say the least, I have two of them. They don't know more then we do, they just think they can boss us around and read our minds. I am sorry that she hurt you.

You have so much going on thats bothering you, try and tell them at college, your tutor and others may surprise you with understanding. Your stuck in the rut of the same concerns and worries, try and move forward and get this monkey off your back. Opening up to us with your feelings is always good, we are listening. The people you see every day may be aware that something is bothering you but until you tell them what is going on, they can't help you feel better. Just telling someone will help relieve some of the the stress you are under.

Matt

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princecharmless

quote: 'there is no reason me being here.'

There is no reason for you to leave, Matty. Whatever your sister said, they were just words, you don't have to let them hurt you.

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Guest Ryles_D
Whatever your sister said, they were just words, you don't have to let them hurt you.

Please don't take this too badly, I know it's trying to help, but I've hated when people said that.

A person isn't sitting there thinking "I think I'll take that seriously and cause myself emotional pain" like they're letting it hurt on purpose, it just hurts. like that whole "sticks and stones" thing. Words hurt more than broken bones, and you get sympathy for broken bones. If someone punches you, you don't get "It's just a fist- you don't have to let it hurt you" you get an ice pack. If someone insults you, you get "They're just words, you don't have to let them hurt" like it's as much you're fault as the jerk's.

I know that's not what you're trying to get across- but I just hate it when people say that.

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princecharmless

sorry. ok mod, delete that please.

yes ive been ridiculed all my life and beaten at times, and nobody ever tried to say a word to help me.

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MaryEllen

Words cannot hurt you physically but they can sure do a number on your mental state. People have different opinions of what they like to be said or what they don't like to be said. You don't have to be sorry for saying "words are just words" and can't hurt you. It's your opinion and we value and respect that. So PrinceCharmless, don't be afraid to say what you feel.

MaryEllen :)

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Flint

I've taken beatings. and all sorts. Words still hurt me the most. Cause they what stick.

I'm trying to turn my depression into deterination and al the things they say into determination aswell. but it's hard. eEspcaslly most of life is spent asleep trying to catch up with the world casue constantly feel ill. But i am trying. It's just it feels like everything closing in on me an i gots not way out. sorry for my spelling mistaiks here and bad typin

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Guest Ryles_D

I'd rather get beat up than deal with words any day. With physical pain you know when it's healed- with words they just sorta linger. It's also easier to show someone a black eye, point and say "they did this". It's harder to show someone an emotional wound and get the same result.

With spelling mistakes I set safari to do an automatic spell check... Not that that's important. Just if you ever go to the mac side...

sorry. ok mod, delete that please.

yes ive been ridiculed all my life and beaten at times, and nobody ever tried to say a word to help me.

I didn't mean it like that! I just see "words only hurt you if they let them" as if you're trying to make it less like the person who said them was wrong, more like the person who's hurt is wrong. Grates me the wrong way.

Yeah, just because there's crazies like me out there who won't like it doesn't mean you shouldn't say it. It might help somebody, but that someone won't be me. Partly because I'm a stubborn, overthinking little brat. :)

On the ridiculing beaten thing: that's not good. At all. Once a girl stood up for me, and the school yelled at her rather than the 3 who ganged up on me (I love that school system, really I do, makes me understand the kids who bring guns to school), but it's better than nobody trying to help. Sorry if y' already posted your story here somewhere, I'm new and lazy, but any reason? Just because you're FTM or are people just jerks? I mean, they are, but still, usually that level of jerkhood requires a (really lame) reason.

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Flint

Because i'm FTM. She thinks it sick. and says i'm being sefish. I'm beginning to belueve maybe i am bein selfish. I'm beginning to belive maybe it is my fault i' mthis way. Maybe i could have prevented this. Maybe i could have just never came out with this stuff and stayed silently suffering pretending to be female. "what about us?" she says. Well i've spent years thinking about mum dad siser and family and hwo me being the way i am will be awful for them. I got to the point where i could no longer deal with trying to hide. So i pushed my fears aside that it would hurt the rest of the family to come out. "Your ruining my life" she says. Well i'm sorry. i really am. i never meant to hurt anyone. I honestly never meant to bring so much pain upon these people i live with. "I'm a woman with massive boobs on the inside...." she laughs as she says this "See what i mean you say your male inside well your female live with it! Thats what you are and always will be" she says. i'm not sure what to say. she's right i guess...her sayin gshe is a woman with massive boobs is just as bad as me saying i'm male inside i guess...:( I guess i am being selfish. :( WHy do i feel so strongly about it though? about being male?

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MaryEllen

Hi Matthias,

You feel strongly about being a male because you ARE a male. As far as your sister saying "You're ruining my life", There is no way you are ruining her life. She is being totally selfish and trying to send you on a guilt trip. Her problem with you is just that. HER PROBLEM. Not yours. She'll have to deal with it, not you. She is the selfish one, not you.

MaryEllen :)

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princecharmless

Matty, you are not being selfish, you have done nothing wrong at all. It seems your sister hasn't got the slightest idea how you feel and she hasn't made much of an attempt to learn - I would call that selfish. One day I hope she realises that for you to deny yourself would be to ruin your own life. People not in this situation don't have a clue what we mean, it's not something they have ever had to consider. Keep explaining, educating, hope it sinks in. If it doesn't, it's her fault not yours.

Of course you feel strongly about your own identity, you KNOW who you are.

(oops I've just realised I've been saying practically the same as Mary Ellen, ditto what she said!)

RDeis, I am an over aged stubborn overthinking brat, pleased to meet you. Quote:' "words only hurt you if they let them" as if you're trying to make it less like the person who said them was wrong, more like the person who's hurt is wrong.' " That's not at all what I meant, I should have explained before, lazy of me. You can deflect words and you can try and detect where that little fireball of hatred is coming from.

Example: The other day, in a rage, my mother accused me yet again of having caused her mother's death (I didn't). Years ago I'd have been devastated, nowadays I know my mother is just flying off the handle and it's her nature to fling out the worst accusations and insults she can think of. I know more of my mother's early life and that she blamed herself (wrongly) for her father's death. Some people are just very fond of apportioning blame. As I understand more, I can stand outside the argument, keep calm and just watch. Although it's saddening to see it all erupt again, no, the words don't hurt now I can see what's behind them. It's like pulling back the curtain to reveal the real 'Wizard Of Oz'. Oh dear I've been talking about myself again.. but it was the most recent example I could think of.

My mother's 'fireball' comes from her imagined guilt, Matty's sister's is from ignorance. Pull back the curtain.

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Guest matthew41

Matthias,

MaryEllen is right, your sister is the one with the problem. No one chooses to be this way, we are born with it. Its not your fault. Your feelings, desires and beliefs are completely valid. Your sister is close minded and is judging your outward appearance. Attacking your beliefs and trying to make you doubt yourself is very selfish on her part. Unfortunate its a common theme when we first come out to family. I had it too and in part, it delayed my transition for nearly 20 years. Suffering in silence pretending to be female is not the answer. Be yourself, you know you better then your sister does. You sister is wrong.

Matt

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Guest Ryles_D
I'm beginning to belueve maybe i am bein selfish. I'm beginning to belive maybe it is my fault i' mthis way. Maybe i could have prevented this. Maybe i could have just never came out with this stuff and stayed silently suffering pretending to be female. "what about us?" she says. Well i've spent years thinking about mum dad siser and family and hwo me being the way i am will be awful for them. I got to the point where i could no longer deal with trying to hide. So i pushed my fears aside that it would hurt the rest of the family to come out. "Your ruining my life" she says. Well i'm sorry. i really am.

Suffering silently doesn't help anyone. Although, maybe sometimes, it's better not to tell you're parents- they're still you're parents. Would they be this torn up if you came out saying you're hair was really platinum blonde but had been dieing it all this time (sorry if you're hair is that color- couldn't tell ^^; )? Same thing with this- you aren't doing it to be hurtful, it's how you were born. You can try being something you're not- but that never ends well, just makes you hate yourself and everyone you feel forced you to live like that.

Unless who you are is someone who kicks puppies and tortures babies, being who you are isn't going to hurt anyone. And they shouldn't try and make you feel like it is.

i never meant to hurt anyone. I honestly never meant to bring so much pain upon these people i live with. "I'm a woman with massive boobs on the inside...." she laughs as she says this "See what i mean you say your male inside well your female live with it! Thats what you are and always will be" she says.

It seems like you're sister's bringing more pain than you are. And she's doing it on purpose- which is worse. If she's not even willing to pause and consider that maybe this is who you are, she needs to seriously rethink things. I'm not saying she needs to accept it- but at least try to consider it.

That's not at all what I meant, I should have explained before, lazy of me. You can deflect words and you can try and detect where that little fireball of hatred is coming from.

See, that's my point. Which scenario is more realistic?

Person A: You @%!%#@, this is all you're fault!

Person B: *unphased* She said this last year too, just wait it out...

Person C: *comforting* You don't have to let words hurt you.

Person A: You @%!%#@, this is all you're fault!

Person B: *freaked* But I- I tried, and then.... I'm pathetic.

Person C: *comforting* You don't have to let words hurt you.

You don't tell people that when they aren't already hurting. You tell them that when they're hurting. And then it doesn't help. It might help if the person's over it, realized the other person is the one with the problem and going "Ohmuhguh, I can't believe I let them set me off like that" or something.

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Flint

My sister is just ignorant. But she's a buly with it too. And she's to ignorent and small minded to even try...and learn about these things. You try sending her info she just deletes it from her e-mails. You try giving her leaflets. she just rips it up. I got the the point of trying to show her things because she wouldn't listen to me. she always has an argument i dunno how to come back to. like "Well i wanna be this and i wanna be that. but i live with what i've got" and i dunno how to reply to that....I mean......i dunno......How do you reply to that? When you know she is right?

How can i reply back when she says she is going to kill herself all because of me and make sure everyone knows why she killed herself? she is a positive person. But if i change name legally, go on hormones apparently she will kill herself. How can i reply to that when i know i've wanted to kill myself also on many occasions. i still often want to. i dunno how to fight back to her anymore. Cause i've got no leg to stand on. i'm just as bad as her in reality.

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MaryEllen

Hello Matthias,

Your sister appears to be a immature, self centered little twit and nothing you can do will change that.

The next time she threatens to kill herself because of you, tell her "Go ahead" "Go for it". Tell her, at least I won't have to look at you anymore if you do. Believe me she won't. Bullys are so inadequate in self esteem that they bully others to build themselves up. They have to tear someone else down in order to make themself feel good.

MaryEllen

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Guest Ryles_D
she always has an argument i dunno how to come back to. like "Well i wanna be this and i wanna be that. but i live with what i've got" and i dunno how to reply to that....I mean......i dunno......How do you reply to that? When you know she is right?

She isn't right. She's an idiot. A whiny, manipulative little idiot that isn't happy with herself and hates that you're willing to take the steps to make sure who you are inside reflects who you are outside.

Does she wear make-up? Was she born with that color eyelids? Was she born with that hairstyle? Unless she's a nudist I KNOW she wasn't born with those clothes on her back. Just because she can't take initiative to be happy with herself doesn't mean you can't.

Ask her what the world would be like if everyone just lived with what they got. We'd still be hunter/gatherers and probably living in caves. It's the people who try to change what they were born with that really help the world- not the ones who sit there and whine.

How can i reply back when she says she is going to kill herself all because of me and make sure everyone knows why she killed herself? she is a positive person. But if i change name legally, go on hormones apparently she will kill herself.

Call her on it. Sounds like she won't. Sounds like she's trying desperately to control you. Also sounds like you're letting her. If you think she really will, tell your parents. Get her into counseling (because if she's gonna off herself over her sibling's gender- she really needs it) or something.

Then go on hormones. Live your life. I doubt she'll do it, and you can't let people like that control your life. it's sad that she feels she has to do that- but it isn't your issue, it's hers.

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Flint

I dont think she will.....I just....Well i guiess i#m just scared that i do go ahead with things and then find one day she has actually killed herslef. Thabks for replyes.

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MaryEllen

Hi Matthias,

Believe me, she won't and even if she should, (very remote possibility) it won't be because of you.

MaryEllen :)

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Guest Matto270

I was reading every post in here on what your going through Matthias and I believe your sister says she will kill herself cause she is jealous that you know what you want in life and that you know that your male. Alot of people become jealous of those that are certain of what they are inside. I know cause I have been there. May I ask does she live with you? Man I wished I lived in Canada cause then I would come meet you. I feel what your saying cause I have been there with those feelings too. I live with my mom and she so doesn't understand even though when I first told her she said she did. But, actions speak louder then words do.

Matt

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Flint
I was reading every post in here on what your going through Matthias and I believe your sister says she will kill herself cause she is jealous that you know what you want in life and that you know that your male. Alot of people become jealous of those that are certain of what they are inside. I know cause I have been there. May I ask does she live with you? Man I wished I lived in Canada cause then I would come meet you. I feel what your saying cause I have been there with those feelings too. I live with my mom and she so doesn't understand even though when I first told her she said she did. But, actions speak louder then words do.

Matt

Hmmm.....she is home for christmas. But she live at uni at term time....

And teh chances of you meeting me in canada are pretty slim. ;) ...because last time i checked i think i lived in the UK...But i aint been outside in hmmm 3 months??? so erm maybe i do live in canada and not know................... :rolleyes::lol:

MB. B)

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