I realised I was trans when...

[Guest Amber Lynn]

I’m actually still trying to figure out more precisely who I am, but the confusion I had since my early teenage years really clicked for me over a decade later, several months after breaking up with my first (and only) girlfriend, and remembering how intimacy with her was almost always a struggle for me, and that I had always wished I had could have the role of the “protected” rather than “protector” in the context of a relationship. Even when she would attempt to compliment me on any masculine trait, it would actually hurt my confidence instead of boost it. Suddenly, my lifetime of crossdressing, continual aversion to masculine stuff, and gravitation towards the feminine to even in my male persona all seemed to fit together.

Xeda, I love the thought of those 15 seconds of your face while everything pieces together, it reminds me of a movie right after the twist is revealed and the main character relives micro-flashbacks that hinted towards the answer the whole time.

Julie_Mason, your personal revelation was simply beautiful. You’re on the path towards your future, girl, and you have my admiration!

Alex_Di, you took the words right out of my, um, mind. I also didn’t have overwhelmingly feminine interests as a young child, it wasn’t until a bit later that I realized things weren’t right, crossdressing notwithstanding. Just about everything you said relating to your identity issues could be applied to me as well.

Tori, it’s amazing how such a simple moment can make things so clear for us, isn’t it? I love this story!

I know I'm late to reply, but I loved reading of everyone’s unique way of coming to terms with themselves, they’re truly inspiring!

Gina

[Guest sPAZAttack]

I didn't know what the term was at the time but I remember watching buffy the vampire slayer or something similar on tv- I must have been about 9. It was a body switching episode and it really threw me, this woman could cast a spell and swap bodies with anyone. It was this time that I considered that I could be a girl, I even remember I tried the spell on several girls- unfortunately it did not work! Thats probably my earliest trans memory, apart from some weird dreams.

[Guest Dezi]

I relate to so many of your posts in here, it's hard to highlight just one post.

For me, the ultimate eye opening part came 3 months into my personal self-discovery journey, after at least 10 years of cross-dressing in one form or another, and an entire lifetime of memories I had learned to suppress from myself. I had been exploring the possibility of being trans, but I had not made any decisions as to if I would be female occasionally, or if a full-time switch. In fact, I leaned more to the occasional side.

Then I decided for fun, I would dress on the least dangerous day to cross-dress in public and around family, Halloween. It was perfect! I could express myself more publicly, and few would question it very much!

What I didn't expect was how it would make me feel. All of a sudden people were telling me I was pretty, and treating me like a girl for the first time, and everyone saw me how I had been loving to look for years. I look back on that day as the best day of my life. Bar none. Nothing even comes close to that day. My first experience being out publicly, and it was incredible.

[Guest Oxygenic]

I had thoughts of being trapped in the wrong body when I was younger. My mom's told me that I used to tell her about how I wished I were a boy, when I was around 10 or 11 years old. I never wanted to wear feminine clothing, and all of my friends were boys up until the sixth grade. I never really acted on my transgender feelings until a few months ago, after some deep thinking.. so here I am now.

[Guest sPAZAttack]

What I didn't expect was how it would make me feel. All of a sudden people were telling me I was pretty, and treating me like a girl for the first time, and everyone saw me how I had been loving to look for years. I look back on that day as the best day of my life. Bar none. Nothing even comes close to that day. My first experience being out publicly, and it was incredible.

Damn! That sounds amazing! I should really do something like that, comming out in a context where people will be more accepting. Unfortunately Halloween is not really popular in Australia. Maybe I should have a rocky horror themed party haha

[Guest Zeda]

Reading through the stories mostly made me smile Also, yes, themed parties are definitely helpful XD

[Guest Wendy F]

My mom told me I should work out, because even if I was gay, "you want boys to like you," she said. That moment I realized I wasn't even male at all. I was already extremely uncomfortable with the masculine features I was getting, and the thought of actively making myself more masculine was really horrifying to me.

Also, occasionally when I was joking around, my sister would call me "strange man" and something about being called a "man" was very disturbing so I would ask her not to call me that.

[Guest Nicole9]

It was when google adds started making recommendations like breast forms, clothes and shoes and more shoes. Nah wish it was that, my eureka moment was when i stumbled across a trans documentary.

[Guest Christina xxx]

I first noticed when I was 6 and used to hang around with girls and I had to use a different changing room and toilet to them. It has become more apparent now because when I see a girl. I want be able to talk to her like a girl and to be classed by them as girl and to have the right body to fit my mind.

[Guest Sarah21]

As far back as I can remember, was around four when I tried on my sister's dress and couldn't unhook the zip,

Ran in crying to a room in front of my family and they all laughed.

I can remember asking one of my sisters a few years later when would I be going to the same school as her, she explained that she went to a girls school and that I was a boy.

I didn't understand but soon realised it wasn't the norm and learned to hide my true self.

[Guest XFaelanX]

I would say that I accepted that I was trans when I was 28. Before that I struggled with my desire to be a women for many years. I would denie it and then it would return stronger everytime.

Amanda <3

[Guest nomnomnom]

I was 3 when I felt 'right' dressed up as a girl and continued to know it throughout my life, but kept it to secret cross-dressing for a long time due to not wanting to disappoint my parents and then, my partner and daughter.

Soon after finishing university, At 23, I became depressed and admitted it to my partner and started on the long road to transition.

interestingly, I admitted to myself that I was bi at 16 while playing a computer game.

[Guest Sarah Faith]

Uh, for me probably somewhere around 3 or 4 when I was taking a bath and I really had no idea what that thing was between my legs and it just felt very wrong and I asked my family about it. Then probably when me dressing up as a girl was no longer cute and funny to my family but wrong and weird, and they started pushing the whole "your a boy" thing on me.

I didn't know what the word for it was though until I first got access to the internet at 10 or 12 and I looked up something like "Want to be a girl".

So really all my life, I cant really remember a time where I haven't felt that way.

Sarah

[Guest N. Jane]

Uh, for me probably somewhere around 3 or 4 when I was taking a bath and I really had no idea what that thing was between my legs and it just felt very wrong .........

I am told that I was like that from infancy, that I had this huge dislike for my genitals and wouldn't even let my mother bathe me - I'd cover up with a wash cloth.

I grew up thinking I WAS a girl and it wasn't until age 8 that I realized I had a problem when a cousin said "You should have been a girl" and I responded "I am!" and he said "No you're not, not really." I was devastated and confused! That's when I started thinking about self-mutilation.

I was 14 (1963) when I first heard the word transsexual and knew that's what I must be and 16 when I was diagnosed by Dr. Benjamin.

[Guest Kaylee234]

So really all my life, I cant really remember a time where I haven't felt that way.

Sarah

This. I remember telling my mom when I was 4 or 5 years old. And then again a few years later. And then again... And then I gave up.

I found ways to mitigate the feelings, but they never truly went away.

I didn't know there was a word for what I felt for a long long time. Even when I did know, I tried denying that it applied to me. It wasn't until around 2005-2006 that I truly accepted who I am.

~ Kay

[Guest Strong]

I've always felt different. I didn't know what it was. I remember being seven maybe eight and thinking, My parents wanted a girl so they had me have a sex change as a baby. I never liked wearing dresses or girls clothes. Growing up on a farm I ran around topless untill about fourteen before i had to wear a shirt. I hid my period for months. I hated it all. I remember wondering if i could get a sex change. I grew up in a very isolated and abusive home. So i did what was expected of me. I married had kids and wished the thoughts and feelings would go away. I buried myself in every job I had, trying to be the best so I wouldn't feel this way. I went throw my child hood being a tomboy, then teens and twenties and thirties. I think I thought I had beat it when I met struggling. We married and life seemed great. Soon the depression was there again. He always tried to be supportive. He Didn't mind that I was A 30 year old tomboy, who had held Jobs as a mechanic and construction. He didnt mind I worked on cars and things. I felt somewhat comfortable. In Feb My younger sister passed away. I delt with her death as a deal with everything I was that rock of the family. About a month later my spouse and I was talking late one night. He told me that I had to change, I couldnt Be a rock. If I didn't change he was leaving. ( Well I changed all right, Not what he was expecting I'm sure) All I could think of was he wanted me to be a weepy woman that hung on him. IT made me so uncomfortable just the thought, Everything seemed to explode over the next few weeks. I went throw a major manic period, I couldnt push it down any longer.. I realized I was attracted to women. And I fought with the thought. All my feelings and thoughts bombarded me to a near break down. It was time to find out what this was. I spent weeks everyday looking up transgender and everything I could find. I realized what I have is a real condition not just me losing my mind. I am a man trapped in a woman's body. All of a sudden everything in my life made since. I was a f2m transgender. I knew the only way to stop feeling like I'm going crazy was to accept it.

Thanks

Strong

[Guest pennycarrie]

That's an amazing story strong I am a daughter :-) and wow. I love learning more about you.

Love pennycarrie

[Guest nescria]

I guess i was in denial for most of my teen years, in big part because i knew very little about transgender. I at first assumed that anyone who was crossdressing was guy so when it started to cross my mind as far as wearing girls clothes i asked myself if i liked boys and i honestly tried hard to see if i feel anything even as far as kissing my gay friend in high school, but at the end of the day i felt that i only like girls and it would be odd for me to cross dress so every time i thought about how cute girls clothes are or what not i just pushed it to the back of my mind, though even playing mmos and video games especially Japanese anime style mmos i was always obsessed with playing female characters that i could dress up.

the first big sign was when i moved in with my current girl friend a month ago and i was helping her hang up her clothes on these new hanging racks i built for her. Looking at all her clothes i soon found my self intrigued by how clsoe we were in size shape (except im taller) that same night i had a dream about me and my gf having a little fun but the twist was our genders were reversed in my dream. O_O

after these similar thoughts and feelings started pouring over me every day one night i eventually confided all this to my girl friend and being the amazing supportive person she was she got excited and started helping me dress up and teaching me feminine aspects of life. i think the biggest moment about my realization was when i put on that first dress and looked at myself in the mirror and thought this is the real me.

[Guest MaybeLeslie]

About 2-2.5 years ago I was aimless search on the internet, out of boredom. Came upon either this site or one like it...the more I read the more things of my past made sence. Didn't believe or want to not sure. Having become aware, over the course of the last two years I would notice things said and done. Example: Friend would say "god your such a girl" cause I have to change my video game characters outfit ATLEAST 5 times a day. Finally I broke and mentally I had to know, even though i know. Awaiting a GT to pretty much tell me or confirm what I already know

Think i've known all along just never dealt with it though, I mean pretty much I been praying and dreaming I'd wake up every morning a girl since about the 6th or 8th grade.