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Guest penumbra

Looking into the mirror

Trying to see myself

As if flesh could be the glass

And deny the glass

As a reflection of myself

Looking into my eyes

Trying to see my soul

As if my spirit hid behind the lens

And deny the eye

As a window into myself

No matter where I look

I am not me

I am not me

But this I do deny

To remain hidden

Hidden even to myself

No matter where you look

I am not me

I am not me

But this I do defy

To remain unseen

Unseen even to myself

Looking into the pool

Trying to see this vision

As if this vision was distorted me

And deny the ripples

As a distortion of myself

Looking into the picture

Trying to see this person

As if a camera can make flesh

And deny the woman

As the image of who I am

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    • Heathick
      OMG, your wife sounds like the sweetest, most wonderful woman in the world! That is so AMAZING for you! I want a wife like her!!!
    • Heathick
      I love that idea!!!
    • HollyNoel
      Yeah tomorrow September 28th 2020 will be my first full week on HRT. I'm excited for the first week to be over. I know that It's really not that big of a deal, many of us girls have done it, but it kinda is to me. For me HRT is a huge step, I see it as something I shouldn't take lightly, and I don't. So this first week is a huge deal for me. Soon I will be celebrating my second, third, fourth, and so on, and at each week that passes I will think the same thing, One small step for me, one giant leap for my Womanhood! Like I said, it may not be a big deal for everyone else, but this is one of the biggest life-changing things I've ever done for both my sanity and me physically.
    • Abi
      @ElizabethStar and @Sally Stone, that is exactly why I said I am on the fence with sharing the pictures I have made of myself. @Heathick please do not take this as any kind of an attack on you or anyone that wants to share these. Like I said, I love this app. I just see how this could not only make some of us feel off for the day when we can't get the desired pick we want but, it could even make other people that are seeing these feel down too. I really am not meaning to harm your thread. I'm very sorry. 
    • HollyNoel
      @ElizabethStarI don't think those guys will say anything out in the open to you, it sounds like both the owner and your boss would fire any of them for purposely hurting you by calling you anything but Elizabeth or she/her/Ms/Miss/or Ma'am. Or just basically disrespecting you. To be honest, I think I like your employer, very nice to our community by making sure you are taken care of by paying for anything you might need. I'm so jealous of you Love, I still have people in my house that is having a hard time just calling me Holly. lol
    • HollyNoel
      @MomTGDaughterThat's really beautiful that shes letting you name her being that shes the girl shes always meant to be. It's the reason why I wanted to go by Holly Noel, going to drop Noel for Elizabeth. Never really felt Noel was quite right. Elizabeth is a much prettier name. If only the damned doctor wasn't so set on me being a boy. All of this could have been avoided. MEN! LOL.   I found out that the fee to change your name here in Illinois is set way to high at $327, I just found out tonight you can petition the court for a fee waver if you are on state assistance or at what is considered "low income". I am on SSD because of medical issues, so I should be eligible for this fee waver. I'm going to contact the courthouse and see about applying, I may also be able to skip the newspaper part because of the cost. Hopefully real soon I will officially and legally be Holly Elizabeth instead of Michael Andrew (sorry Mom).
    • VickySGV
      Welcome to the Forums Kendra.  It is a relief when we can get ourselves out and going, and it gets better all the time.
    • ElizabethStar
      I have to agree, it can be really scary. Everyone at my job has known about me transitioning for the last few months, I've been pretty open about it. My fears had dissipated but have been reignited  since they changed my name for me on Thursday/Friday. When I get to work tomorrow I have to enter through the warehouse where all the techs gather in the mornings (the front entrance is closed for remodeling) I have to walk-through them and everyone else in the building to get to my desk. I'm a little scared of walking through a gauntlet of service guys. I will be really surprised if no-one says any thing besides good morning.
    • Astrid
      Hello, Vittoria!  You will find many others here with stories similar to your own, and support for your journey.  Are there programs or people at the University that can offer assistance, perhaps?   With best wishes,   Astrid
    • Jandi
    • Jandi
      Hello Vittoria, and welcome.
    • KendraML
      Hi,I am Kendra and been living and dressing as female fulltime for 4 years now.There were times in my past I did try on my mom's clothing,this was when I was 14 and 15 years old while she was gone at work.I grew up with her raising me on her own,dad died when I was a year old.Then I went back living and dressing as a guy for a long time dumping the feeling to wear women's clothes again.It was a regret and the feelings came back in 2011 trying on my wife's clothes when she was gone.We were still dating at the time.Was caught finally one day and thought she was mad at me.She loved it and said I looked good in the dress of hers I tried on.We talked about it and it was part time at first going out dressed as a woman with her.I loved it more and plans changed in 2015,I wanted to go fulltime dressed as female in 2016 and began the hair removal process which took a year.It was getting boring to wear the male wardrobe and liked the female wardrobe more.Told my wife this and she was for it,liked me dressed as a woman more.Finally on January 1st,2016,said goodbye to my male side and began a new life as Kendra.My wife is still in my life and has loved it since,brought us together more.My mom,it took time to adjust to the changes having a new daughter in her life.Does know I live a happy life dressing as female.Have not looked back and love being a woman enjoying wearing women's clothes
    • Heathick
      For what it's worth, either for you, or for anyone in a similar position, I also have a strong background in tech and also in computer programming and security, and in my professional opinion, what @Niamh said is definitely accurate.
    • MomTGDaughter
      This is on my agenda for 2021 for my daughter, I want to wait for COVID-19 to fade away, however regardless she will be attending high school in a coupe of year and want her to have a full female identity by then. She is let me choose her new name and perhaps that is load off for her, she goes by this name now and when I started calling her by this name, her old name went south. Right now it's just making it a formality. 
    • Mmindy
      @Sally Stone, get out of my head. I've felt this very same way. I literally said these same words to my wife when I came out to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🐛🌈🦋👩🏼
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