Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest apostate79

5 lies I told myself before deciding to transition...

Recommended Posts

Guest apostate79

I came across this video a while ago and I found myself able to relate to a lot of what she says.

Share this post


Link to post
Carolyn Marie

This is a very good video, hon. Thank you for posting it. Those five questions come up again and again in the forums, and its nice to have them explored clearly by someone who has been there.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Share this post


Link to post
Guest SonadoraXVX

Best post ever, into the typical questions a transgender or transsexual person has. It certainly educated me some.

Kudos,

Lucia

Share this post


Link to post
Drea

Those five questions come up again and again in the forums, and its nice to have them explored clearly by someone who has been there.

It seems to me like typical self justification to explain away concerns. That it is far from being from someone who has been there but more from someone in the stage of searching and justifying.

A perfectly typical example of how trans folk covince themselves what they are doing using information from other folks who haven't really be there.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Melissa~

I would say that's a fantastic video, and I have to say I have muddled my way through every one of those questions over time. Some have taken me many years to answer.I only got real clarification on one through my therapist probably back in session two or three.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Jo-88

excellent video... in fact that list should be put in text and stickied. This is good stuff, those are definitely some questions I had... no doubt about it

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Jo-88

Those five questions come up again and again in the forums, and its nice to have them explored clearly by someone who has been there.

It seems to me like typical self justification to explain away concerns. That it is far from being from someone who has been there but more from someone in the stage of searching and justifying.

A perfectly typical example of how trans folk covince themselves what they are doing using information from other folks who haven't really be there.

I am sure these questions come up a lot in GT sessions as well (they did in mine, except for the sexual orientation thing was never an issue and I was still diagnosed with GID). Of course they are not true for everyone but obviously a lot of us have these fears in common.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Emma P

I am able to relate to a few of those thoughts myself, very nice video. Especially 2 of them.

I havent always felt like a transexual I started to feel that I maybe was around 25-26. And I like women, sure there are a few guys that feel sexually attracted to

but mostly I like women.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest KimberlyF

I agree with some of what she's said, but it is a very dangerous video.

Two of her thoughts when put together are a bad combo.

1) Of course only an individual can tell if they're Trans BUT in her opinion, if you are thinking about it, you are.

2) If you are, you owe it to yourself to try transitioning.

Therefore without actually saying it, she believes if you think you are, you prob should give transitioning a try. Why the heck not?

Am I the only one who could see things going the wrong way?

Share this post


Link to post
Carolyn Marie

Therefore without actually saying it, she believes if you think you are, you prob should give transitioning a try. Why the heck not?

Am I the only one who could see things going the wrong way?

Yes, it can be interpreted that way, but people will often interpret things in a way that validates their own beliefs. She could have been more clear about the appropriate path to take, and the inherent dangers of HRT, but given the nature of the video, I still think it serves a good purpose. There are plenty of other vids that mention therapy and the dangers of HRT. Her video wasn't meant to be all-inclusive.

Carolyn Marie

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Melissa~

Her video isn't medical or official advice. Nevertheless her musings cover some of thoughts I have dealt with from my former OTR experience( because of my limited official eduction at the time. OTR was the only way to make 45k a year at 21yo.) The career path from OTR to my current government/operations employment.

I had a difficult time wrapping my head around whether that was feminine. I am in the end the only woman in my department. My building has dual bathrooms, I set up my locker in the ladies room from day one, that was never a problem.

My therapist looked at me like I was daft for futzing over my past jobs.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest KimberlyF

It's not just what she doesn't say, but what she does.

She starts the video saying others will say "Only you can know. Nobody can tell you. And that's certainly true to a certain extent..." You'll know to a 'certain extent', but she'll give you life advice w/out knowing a single thing about your individual case. Her advice is universal.

And what a vague vid. If you just started having these feelings, it's ok! What feelings? Maybe the feelings of a CD who gets turned on wearing women's clothes, acts masculine most of the time and is attracted to women, but is just confused? They meet 1-4 of her questions and so what does 5 tell them? Transition!!! You owe it to yourself, CD! What if there isn't a Therapist in the area, but now they have this sense of fear and urgency? What kind of risky behavior do you think they might engage in? And not just from this vid but from a dozen like it and a 1000 posts.

Again, you could be CD and have some of the same questions, but this expert has stated that most likely if you wonder if you could be TS, you are TS. Get to transitioning! And if you get swept up in the moment like some who have regrets like the woman who posted on the post-op board, who's fault is it? It isn't the community's because they do not push transition!

A short vid she could have made...if you have questions, or are depressed, find a professional you can talk to.

Share this post


Link to post
Drea

A short vid she could have made...if you have questions, or are depressed, find a professional you can talk to.

I disagree. I am sure she believes this truely for herself and she is of course free to express her beliefs. This is no different than many other examples on a daily basis of self justification and rationalization. It means nothing other than how she has convinced herself.

I normally wouldn't bother commenting on such as it is so much the norm, but with some discussions in other topics about evolution in the community and the rather short memory, to me this provided a perfect example. Not just the video, but the way it automatically is accepted as valid justification.

Take someone who is CD that fantasizes about being woman full time. Such person finds a rationale to explain away all the things that would cause questions about them being transsexual, and then this person makes a blog, posts videos and such describing their experiences and talking about how great it has been since they decided to "transition". Other CD oriented folks see it and see it applies to them, hear how great "transition" is, starts to think about it for themselves and if they do, they start parroting the same justifications. It doesn't matter that the first person, hadn't actually finished transitioning or not, it is accepted. Next you know, the types of experiences CD have and feel become accepted basis for "transitioning". Now I don't know that there is anything necessarily bad about CD who "transition".

The vid is yet another example of how things have gotten into this "transition or not transition" contextual framework. But again that is so commonplace it is hardly worth noting. I do wonder where are all the people seeking treatment have gone? Is it now reduced to just some lifestyle decision?

I am sure these questions come up a lot in GT sessions as well (they did in mine, except for the sexual orientation thing was never an issue and I was still diagnosed with GID). Of course they are not true for everyone but obviously a lot of us have these fears in common.

I have no doubt at all such questions come up and again sure it doesn't prevent diagnosis. What is value is discussion about such in therapy and it is always best done when one can express what they feel abstractly rather than all this outside information.

At a meeting once I remember an instance where someone was asked a question and was struggling for an answer when someone else jumped in and said "maybe she just feels blah blah blah". The person immediatly grasped on that lifeline. The point is that the person didn't know and how they answered for themself would have provided some insight, but having been furnished an answer from a third person, her parroting the furnished answer it was impossible to find out what she was going to say for herself.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest

I can't get it to play correctly after trying to listen to it in bits until it finally came to the end. Pressed play again and it did the same thing. Anyone want to share what the five things were? Jody

Share this post


Link to post
Cyndee

Oh no I watched the video, and I drank the water......

I tried it and I liked it, and it seemed to feed on it's self....therefore It must be for me.

I owed it to myself to at least try, just like the video says, I ended my denial, oh no, now what, I'm a woman, and I really did need to change my sex after all (almost complete)

Seemed like a self fulfilling prophecy :)

Hindsight is so perfect now....

Share this post


Link to post
Guest

Cyndi you pulled this rabbit out of your hat on the day before I leave for surgery!

Amazing the clip Plays fine on my dumb blonde app smart phone, the last day I can ever question this and turn back? What a GodShot! Sound the alarm!!!

OK I'm cancelling the flight and taking the cash to by a manly truck or maybe an old Harley!...

... Oh HELL NO!!! LOL! I'm taking this ride to the end of my life however long or short. The one thing I will actually finish and never loose interest in. I have found a new freedom and a new happiness, I will sing it from the heavens, loud and strong! The prices I pay are far above rubies, yet more precious than gold! My joy will continue to flow if for nothing more than to whizz people off! Not really, I'm not vindictive like that. Giggle.

It's really not all that cut and dried. I am still on my journey, I will still, question, learn and grow. Some male in me will still filter back in my life, I can peacefully allow that to happen.

My summation is like my favorite line in the movie TransAmerica, " It's like someone put you in a blender, you're still the same, but you just got rid of all the boy pult!" EUREKA! That's me!!!

Thank you Cyndi I love you, your timing is fabulously perfect! Well I'm off to the airport to do my twenty four hour check-in. This will be a wild weekend on the vacation of my lifetime! Hug. JodyAnn

(Now about that Harley,,, make mine a Chrome, pink and grey Sportster! Giggle.)

Share this post


Link to post
VickySGV

My heavens, this was originally posted two weeks before I got the fateful phone call telling me that my surgery date had been advanced three months, and would be just 9 weeks in my future then. Some of us I guess can live on the edge, and even jump off it without being pushed as far as transition goes. I do not see where I took part in this conversation then, how did I miss it?

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Raya

I thought the video was great advice, and still relevant. Also timely, tomorrow I finally get my endo appt. Thanks Cyndi.

Jody, safe travels and a speedy recovery to ya.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest

I thought the video was great advice, and still relevant. Also timely, tomorrow I finally get my endo appt. Thanks Cyndi.

Jody, safe travels and a speedy recovery to ya.

Thanks Kiddo! Boarding passes in hand! When I'm done, I will do cartwheels and the splits! Well... After I heal up. Giggle. Hug. JodyAnn

I thought the video was great advice, and still relevant. Also timely, tomorrow I finally get my endo appt. Thanks Cyndi.

Jody, safe travels and a speedy recovery to ya.

Thanks Kiddo! Boarding passes in hand! When I'm done, I will do cartwheels and the splits! Well... After I heal up. Giggle. Hug. JodyAnn

Share this post


Link to post
Mia

Wow. Quite a bit of what she mentioned, I've thought about before. This video really helped me. Thank you~

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 136 Guests (See full list)

    • ToniTone
    • Krisvm
    • Lilbitconfused97
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      69,015
    • Total Posts
      623,260
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      5,711
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Linda Sometimes
    Newest Member
    Linda Sometimes
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Clara84
      Clara84
      (35 years old)
    2. Dana44
      Dana44
      (68 years old)
    3. DeeDee
      DeeDee
      (41 years old)
    4. Lastaugust
      Lastaugust
      (34 years old)
  • Posts

    • ToniTone
      Thanks hun!    Yeah, it feels totally validating and flattering!    There's also the overly forward, unwanted attention from sleazier cishet men though. Still awkwardly validating, but obnoxious and gross. The things us women have to put up with, sigh...   ~Toni
    • KymmieL
      Shawn, welcome to our little corner of the web. I too am a USAF Vet. Security specialist.   Have you registered with the VA? They are a perfect place to see a therapist. Plus they serve ALL vets, LGBT as well. They will treat you with respect. Never judging. Check my pinned post in the Vet section.   Kymmie
    • Susan R
      You are starting to reap the benefits of the HRT.  Confidence and happiness built up quite a bit for me too during this point in my transition.  When cis guys start to notice, you know you're doing something right...I'm happy for you, Toni.  Enjoy it!   Susan R🌷
    • ToniTone
      6 1/2 months on hrt! There's a couple big developments to mention:   - Last night in the shower, I noticed my breasts are filling in quite well and recognizable as female breasts! They are solid A cups now. Round, perky and firm yet flubby. They are quite sore too. When I step oitside, the cold air makes them feel like they're burning. I can handle it though. I'm so giddy and excited!!    -I started using the women's restrooms in public regularly. This is big for me. I was so anxious about this going into and early in my transition. Worried there might be conflict, not feeling I look passing enough. But in need of having to go, and feeling invalidated using men's rooms, I went for it. It seems trivial, but it gives me confidence and validation being able to now.    -I (and my gf/transition sis) have been getting a lot of compliments, cat calls, flirting/hit on etc., notably from cishet men. And I've been get gendered properly. This makes up for the times I get misgendered. I'm finally getting cute enough to be noticed. I know this might be vain, but it makes me feel pretty...    -My gf/transition sis got her breast augmentation (enlargement) yesterday. They look nice! She's very happy about them, and I'm happy for her... We celebrated over sushi, num!    It's been a lovely day...  ~Toni 💕
    • Jani
      I hope this works out for you both.  I hope he hadn't spent the money or there will be a delay in returning it to you.  
    • Debra Michelle
      Husband and I were alerted today by our accountant,$20,000.00 missing in our bank account for our towing yard,semi and auto repair shop.Found out it was our guy that does the paychecks,embezzled the money.Did fire him and police were called with him arrested.Did admit taking the money and did take $10,000.00 more lately.It is a mess now which will be resolved by the prosecutor charging him with embezzlement.Meet up with the prosecutor on Friday,will get that $30,000.00 back which he will have to pay back if convicted with jail time.
    • MaryMary
      I was talking also on a philosophical sense, my basic argument being that if you are a metaphorical database we are a very unreliable one (most of us)
    • Tetris
      Nah I didn't take it the wrong way. I was just clarifying I meant what I said in a philosophical sense and not in a literal sense hehe
    • MaryMary
      to return to your original question : I work in computers, I'm a programmer. Each time I tell others what I'm doing they don't understand on a quite basic level. My estimation is that 20% of the people when I say : "I'm a programmer" will know what I do. The 80% don't really know what a database is really. So they won't know the link between identity and databases. You will just have a lot of explaining to do that's for sure. But hey, I have a lot to do just to explain my work so it's to be expected.   in my experience people who call you one pronouns for a long time will have a hard time changing. But if you say your prefered pronouns to a new person you meet they will probably use it whatever it is.   (My goal was to add arguments to my disagreement and not to say what you know and you don't know. As far as I know you maybe are the best programmer in the world. I'm sorry if you took it the wrong way.)
    • Tetris
      I'm well aware of how neural networks work lmao I know how to program NNs. I was more talking in a philosophical sense. 
    • MaryMary
      here's a VERY good vulgarization of the brain :    
    • MaryMary
      data in it's rawest form is O and 1       I'm sorry but no we are not. In fact our memory is very inreliable (for most of us anyway, some are different). The brain is basically a network of neuron that are connected to each other. Each time you access a part of is you reinforce this connection. But those connection are unstable so sometimes a link is "pruned" and a memory becomes "polluted" and maybe false links are created. Here's a video of what i'm talking about :   brains are more akin to neural networks : https://towardsdatascience.com/how-to-build-your-own-neural-network-from-scratch-in-python-68998a08e4f6   I'm linked something in case you want to learn. Each part of our brain do a very narrow job. All the speed of the brain is in how it's able to fetch a message from one network to another and analyse an image (for example) in a small number of steps. You can replicate that when you program an AI on a computer. I suggest you research "deep learning" and "neural networks" on the internet to learn about it. It's very interesting and it also show how much more a brain is then a simple database.
    • Nivegnal
      It is a great job. The best I’ve ever had but availability is the same as anyone.  Sadly I do not work on the campus or medical center there.  I am a BioMed and work in four hospitals In Vermont and New Hampshire.  Being the only BioMed in each so I’m busy.  Though I do have access to a ton of info.   it give me lots of commute time.  Time I hope to practice.    
    • Jani
      This is the one guaranteed item they don't talk about!    As to electrolysis, I am just over four years and 240 hours.  I told my electrologist (who's become a great friend) if I had known I would still be on the table four years later I would have cried.  Oh wait!  I did cry, but from the pain when she zapped hair on my lip.  But everything gets easier and I am almost finished.   With just a number of white hairs on the neck to go, I rarely wear makeup now unless I'm doing something special.  I've achieved my goal of blending in and being one of the girls when I am out.      TL:DR  There is no easy road to success (or happiness).  You gotta work for it! 
    • Tetris
      Well yeah, it's mostly out of familiarity. It's more the "database" I identify with as opposed to the CSV directly. I am yet to learn JSON or SQL but I intend to. But part of why I really like CSV is *because* it's so simple. It's data in its rawest form. Its most abstract, baseline form. It'd be difficult to express data any simpler than that. I could represent all this data graphically, couldn't I? And yes, while linear regression machine learning models *are* attractive in their own sense, they lack the poetry that a simple CSV holds. Through all that simplistic data being displayed comes a hidden pattern. The numbers hold the answers to questions we didn't even know we had. While JSON and SQL are objectively better data structures, there's simply something about how raw CSVs are that I love. All it is is just strings and numbers separated by commas. That's all it is on the surface... but the hidden, underlying structure behind those strings and numbers is what makes me swoon. So beautiful, and I feel it to my core. All databases really capture my attention, but it's the simplicity of CSV that really makes me love it.  It's hard to explain why I consider myself a database. On one hand, it's a kin thing. I'm very, very kin with numbers, data, and data structures in a way I'm really incapable of putting into words. On the other hand, we're all data structures, in a way. We're all a database of the sum total of things we've learned in life. In many ways, the way I organize my mental structures are closer to a tree rather than a CSV (as is with most people), but I find if I mentally store parameter-based data in a mental csv, I'm able to remember things FAR better. More accurately, in a mental struct.  
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...