Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest Kallum


Recommended Posts

Guest Kallum

Looking into the abyss that once was my soul,

Drowning in the secrets that nobody knows.

I try to speak but they cannot hear,

For I am a person thats no longer there.

The fights in my mind can go on for hours,

I wish they would stop they're making me powerless.

I sit in the dark and stare at myself,

Trapped and alone there is no one else.

I scream and I scream to the endless abyss that I am still here,

Though I am not missed.

A solitary tear rolls down my face,

On the inside I'm burning my life's a disgrace.

It cannot go on, it can't stay like this,

But they do not listen to what they can't see.

The pride that was felt has all drained away,

Some days I just wish that they hadn't lain.

For I would not be here,

They wouldn't blame, themselves for what is not in their control.


Together, in love a baby became,

The joy that they felt the smiles that they had.

Are long gone and all that is left,

Is the doubt, the worry, the grief, the questions, the end of the world.

So if all is quiet it cannot hurt,

Right, but the agony inside is tourment itself.

I am afraid,

That I have made irreprible damage to the ones I love most.

I wish that we had the courage to talk,

The silence is deafening.

Yet I fear the tears and the anguish that shows in there face,

I wish that I never existed and came into their lives.

I know I don't tell them so they cannot see,

That I feel like a burden, for just being me.


Share this post

Link to post
Guest Tamar

Wow. Deep. Thanks for sharing Kal.

Share this post

Link to post
Guest Maria_B

Kal, I read a great deal of pain. I know it well.

Sincerest love from me to you.


Share this post

Link to post

Kal, I'm so sorry you feel that way as i know it too well. We all have times of hurt and pain as we feel we hurt others. While at the same time we have to be ourselves Things change dear person. Your tears will turn to smiles if you give them some time. In the meantime please keep us in the loop and know you are not alone.



Share this post

Link to post
Guest miss kindheart

Dear Kai,

<<< hug >>>

The courage you seek is right inside of you

But then It always has been

The ones you love the most surly love you unconditionally

Don't ever give up on that

Instead trust in it, with your whole heart

Your words have the power of poetry

Don't be afraid to share them with the ones dearest to you

:wub: vanna

Share this post

Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 109 Guests (See full list)

    • SaraAW
    • ToniTone
    • Carrie
    • KayC
    • Jamie_Rae
    • Petra Jane
    • Sophie Watson
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Newest Member
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Posts

    • Carrie
      Hi Sophie Know one thing you are very brave.  I guess we all are as we have little choice.  As time go's by it will get a little better and and little more better. Stay strong and remember we are here for you. Lots of love  Carrie
    • Carrie
      Hi Sophie To my family and a few friends I told before I came out.  At work they had noticed the changes before I came out so about 9 months after being on HRT I changed my name legally and into work on Friday as I was then Monday came in a dress.  As they already knew about me and I would look exactly the same I wanted something to make an impact. It is different for many of us and we come out differently. As for the big picture when you first post the link it will come up like it has for you before  you post it look at the bottom and you will find an option to post as a link only. Take care  Carrie
    • Sophie Watson
      So I made a video about my worries about socially transitioning on Youtube. About easing my way into being a woman out in public not just in the comfort of my own home.    The more I spoke about it the more clueless I felt I was as to what would be most comfortable for me and for other people.    Like, it will be super scary going out dressed as ME. Not because I'll be uncomfortable but worried about how people will look at me and treat me.    What are your experiences? Did you ease yourself into it? Or did you just turn up to work one day with full make up and dress.    My video is here where I speak more on the topic -      I wish I knew how to stop link's I post from making a huge deal of it. How do I make it stop showing a giant pic of my ugly face? 
    • Carrie
      Hi Tracy  I like all of those.  My favourite Song of all time is Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.  There have been others but none like this. Carrie
    • Carrie
      I went into the city today this picture is of my in front of the Queen Victoria Building which is in the centre of the city and is very old as you might guess from the picture.  This was just before I met with my image consultant which went terribly well. 🙂 The other picture is of my at my local chess club.  
    • tracy_j
      It's a difficult one has it has changed over the years. I probably could not pick a single one but The Rolling Stones, The Doors, Creedance Clearwater Revival, Deep Purple, Black Sabbath, Pink Floyd and The Ramones would have to be in the shortlist. Having said that lots more are coming to mind. Individuals like Carlos Santana and Chuck Berry. Such a variation!   Tracy
    • Carrie
      Hit Tori Glad you had a good day!   I know how hard it is to stop I have smoked since primary school.  You can smoke on the medication but it is not recommended though I always have.  My doctor told me at the beginning to had half an aspirin if I was going to smoke because it would help to stop the blood from thickening too much. I saw my psychiatrist for the first time to day and he told me I would not be seeing him again.  While that may sound bad it was wonderful.  He wrote me a letter of support form SRS surgery.  He said many of the doctors in Thailand know him so it is a great step.  LOL I just need to find a doctor now! 🙂 🙂 With lots of love Carrie
    • Carrie
      Hi Tori Sorry was talking to my dad to give him the news from today which was fantastic.  
    • Tori M
      I've had a good day, Carrie.  I just finished writing about it in my blog.  How about you?  It's after 11 here on the U.S. Pacific coast; almost time for bed.  Contemplating one more toke and a half a cigg before bed.  I'm trying to wean off the ciggs for good.  You would think if a person only smokes 5 a day, might as well quit, eh?  Not that easy; they're my friend when I need a break.  I'm pretty resolved on it now though.  Don't want to smoke and take E together.  I'm giving myself until my B-day.
    • Carrie
      Hi Kaltia I am so happy for you. We all are here to support each other that is why it is so wonderful here. Hugs 💖 Carrie
    • Kaltia_Atlas
      ❤️ I love all of you! Thank you so much for the support! @Shay so happy for you and proud of you! This was a very good day for both of us indeed!   Have a good night ladies!   Hugz ❤️ Kali
    • Carrie
      Thanks Dinaki Just got back home and made myself a coffee, it is 3:40 in the afternoon. How is everybody
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.jweekly.com/2020/07/01/becoming-a-rebbetzin-what-its-like-to-come-out-as-transgender-when-youre-married-to-the-rabbi/     Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.npr.org/sections/live-updates-protests-for-racial-justice/2020/07/02/886810648/what-happened-when-police-brutality-protests-and-pride-month-converged     Carolyn Marie
    • Susan R
      Congratulations @Shay & @Kaltia_Atlas . I know that you’re both very happy right about now. The thought of taking that very first dose is still as fresh in my mind as it was back then. I’m sure you‘ll both will have this memory for the rest of your life. Another huge milestone soon to be completed for the both of you ladies.   Best of luck on your next adventure! Susan R🌷
  • Upcoming Events

  • Create New...