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Reasons Why I'm Not A Girl.


Guest littlejohn

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Guest littlejohn

I've been getting told many reasons why I'm not transgendered. And I want to take them into heart. Cause i dont wanna make a mistake doing hormones.

1. I'm not devistated about being a male?

Don't get me wrong. If I had the choice to have been born a nuterual female, I'D DEFINATLY SAY YES. But unfortunatly there are the real life things to consider. How friends would react? If I could be with my true love? Would I be even able to pass??? Maybe being a male isn't the worse thing in the world. I could deal with it I guess. But at the same time, I'm 16.. and I hate it, every day It seems like I have more hair, or broader sholders... I just want it to stop while it can! I feel like its still to late to really pass. I wouldnt even mind settling to look like bill from tokyo hotel. But unfortunatly I don't have those femmi genes >.<

2. A Bra..

I love wear girl clothes. Skirts, tighter shirts, stockings, panties, I love it all... and I do like wearing a bra. But sometimes it feel unconfterable, and almost unatural.. unlike panties. Maybe its because I don't have boobs? Maybe I'm just not use to it? Maybe it's because I accidently got a preteen bra from wet seal? >.<

Also I don't view this as wrong anymore. But when I was in early middle school and first started to wear my sisters clothes. I felt like I was commiting a sin, that it was wrong, and my recently late grandmother was staring down from heaven in shame.

3. People say true transexuals known they were a girl since they were born?

To be truthfull I haven't seriously been thinking im a transexual to earlier this year. But ever since I've been passionite about it. Although there are hints to this happening ever since I was young.

early elementry school, my sister dressed up in my mothers clothes, as my brother dressed up in my farthers... I dressed up in my mothers clothes as well.. mainly high heals. me and my sister played in my mother high heals like every day. (although today I dont really like high heals, not my style, and also it makes me even taller!!)

Later elementary school and earlier middle school I was curious... no reason at all really... I went in the basement trying on my mothers dresses she used to wear in high school... later wore my sisters clothes from the laundry. toward 7th grade it because more of a sexual thing, then the whole "it just feels good" thing.

around late 8th grade, and most of 9th... I stopped. I don't think there was a reason. I just did. Then the begging of 10th I would say. I started again. For the sexual reasons.. and as time grew I started doing it less because it got me sexually arroused, and more because it just felt right. I started thinking in my head (OMG! i cant wait to go home and crossdress!!)

And around the begging of 2008... something clicked... and I was like... "Crap... I think I'm transexual."

And now I'm wear I am today. Thinking about it every day, doing every attempt to feminize myself. Wearing light makeup, panties, mosterizing my hands. It just feels good and right. I don't think I dest being a boy persay. But I REALLY REALLY REALLY like being girly. Do I actually want to be a girl though? It pisses me off my penis gets in the way of my underwear, and Im way to sexually arroused all the time. Help im right now wearing a oversized sweatshirt trying to hide the bra im wearing.

I could be a crossdresser. I don't know if I want be become a girl for sure. But I sure love wearing girl clothes, and looking like one. Although if I had an andronyous look like the guy from placebo... I might be able to live with that. BUT I DONT WANT HAIR AND MUSCLES!! I dont want to be masculent. I guess I dont desest being a boy persay, I just REALLY desest being masculent.

But the more I think about it... ever reason why I think about not changing is because of society and people. What will people think? Will i be able to get a girl i love? If I had what will smith had in "I am Legend" I would have raded the nearest drug store, taken hormones, and be happy! GOD! I'm so confused. I need to sleep. I think better then. <.>

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Guest Elizabeth K

littlejohn :)

No - there is no formula for knowing if you are a transsexual. You must have a gender-problem experienced therapist review your feelings and make suggestions.

Please dont worry about hormones, or surgery, of any of that stuff. Find out who you are in your heart. That other stuff may or may not come later. :D

And knowing since you were a child - maybe, that's a classic, but its not a rule.

So don't be in a hurry to self-diagnose - its really impossible to do.

And dressing as a girl - being feminine - thats a standard thing for a whole bunch of us, and there aren't just transsexual people at this site. There are cross dressers and intersex and androgyne - and more... look it up... Not a thing wrong about liking that feminine part of yourself - but there is a lot wrong with making uninformed choices and finding out later you were terribly mistaken. :unsure:

Loves ya

Great Aunt Lizzy :P

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It would be great if everyone just knew, but we don't and never discount the pressures of society as they factor into your feelings.

Self doubt is just a part of discovery, if you didn't have any doubt about your gender - then you wouldn't be transsexual.

The gender therapist is your best bet for helping you sort things out - they won't force you either way, just help you find your path!

Love ya,

Sally

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First, you are a lucky duck to have a Great Aunt like Lizzy.

Second what both she and Sally said are entirely true. See a gender therapist and DON'T WORRY ABOUT LABELING YOURSELF.

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When I tried to figure out whether or not I was a boy, I drove myself crazy with reasons like that. I'm glad I considered the issue from so many sides because it helps to quell the doubts I still occasionally have. Still, I only made progress when I reframed the question. Instead of asking myself if I actually was a boy, I asked what I needed my body to be like for me to be happier. Even then, I was nearly crippled with doubts. Finally I realized that it was better to be happier for the foreseeable future than to be unhappy until and unless my mind suddenly changed. I was also afraid of social reactions, but I was lucky and almost all of them turned out well. In fact, I relate to people much better now in my imperfectly male body than I did when I had to pretend to be a girl in a perfectly female body. Transitioning was right for me, and I've been much happier since doing it.

However, that doesn't mean it's right for you. It's something that needs careful consideration.

If I were you, I'd see a therapist as soon as possible and see if I could get on some puberty blockers. Their effects are completely reversible from what I've read, so if you decide to stay male, you'll be able to have all the effects of testosterone. However, they'll make it easier to blend for the rest of your life should you decide to transition since many of the effects of testosterone are irreversible. Of course, only you - together with a doctor - can decide if that's the right path for you.

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Guest CharlieRose
And knowing since you were a child - maybe, that's a classic, but its not a rule.

Definitely agree with that!!!

Transsexuals, at least at first, all need reassurance that they're right about being who they are. So I think a lot of stuff gets exaggerated and listed as "proof" that they're male or female. I'm quite guilty of it myself. Everything from the smallest childhood symptoms to physiological ones gets put on a pedastal and broadcast to the world. "Oh, when I was four I tore off the dress I was wearing, ripped it to shreds, stuffed some of it in my underwear and rolled around in the mud, screaming 'I AM MAN!!!' And I have chest hair! It's really thin and light, but CLEARLY that means I have higher testosterone levels, which is definitely because I'm a guy inside!" becomes the broadcast for the guys, and girls are pressured to say stuff like, "When I was six I was obsessed with vaginas and unicorns and rainbows like that little girl on the big gay sketch show. I've known how to apply mascara since I was five, etc." It just gets rediculous.

And I know that it's not all false, a lot of people do have childhood symptoms, and there very well might be a lot of undiagnosed intersex people, but we (and, for that matter, straight people, too. The [accepting] media is very interested in childhood symptoms, I've noticed. Like that Barbara Walters special) get a little caught up in it some times. Why shouldn't we? It's the only thing resembling justification we have.

However, it leaves some questioning people like me a year ago, and possibly, (but not definitely) you as well, out in the cold.

Good luck to you.

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Guest OneOutOfnOne

I understand Little John's position here. I've never been devastated by my male anatomy. Some people are just 'okay' with most things. John, you say 'If I had the choice to have been born a natural female, I'd definitely say yes.' I couldn't agree more. But from here, the sort of person who lives by 'let it be' can stop themselves, say it is not worth the bother to change. For it is a bother, to some extent, and that's unavoidable. But there's also nothing wrong with changing yourself, and if you believe that, and believe you have the choice available to you, from there the only variable is how much you want to change. It may seem obvious, but realizing that I had a choice about my gender changed many things.

'True transsexuals have known they were a girl since they were born?' I'll admit to having been a bit intimidated by stories of fully reassigned transsexuals of age fifteen or younger. Why did it take me until I was nineteen to even think of such a significant thing about myself, I have wondered. Now I think that's more foolishness on my part than anything - the signs were there all my life, and I never paid them any mind. John, if you say there were hints ever since you were young, I wouldn't worry yourself any over this point.

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Little John.: These aren't new thoughts most already stated in above posts. The difference is age and perspective.

My entire life(so far) I thought I was simply a cross dresser, sometimes happy, sometimes in denial.

Finally in my 61st year, I realized the clothes were an expression of my inner self. The feminine me that has/had been repressed for too long time. slowly at first and with gathering steam, my "woman" burst out of the masculine shell, BORN LIKE VENUS from the SEA.

I am no longer just a man in women' clothing. I am a spiritual, emotional and loving women, who wears men's clothes at certain times. I am closer to my wife than ever before and she can feel my love for her grow deeper.

I am still a man in physical appearance and if it were possible to not have the broad shoulders and deep chest of a once competitive swimmer I would be happy not to have that. But looking back on my long life, I have to admit there were many good timesand I am glad I had that male comaraderie during those years.

So don't worry about your ambivelence {You do go back and forth} enjoy the indecision, find councelling(already stated by G.A. Liz) and lstent o your thoughts and the advice from your friends at Laura's this issue which has been with every one in this community will become clearer and yor decisions will be made easier...We all love you young friend stay with us we will help.................................Hugs from US...........................Mia.

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Guest Elizabeth K

'True transsexuals have known they were a girl since they were born?'

:o This isn't necessarily true according to my therapist. I have a very good friend who is post-op MTF. She swears she didn't know she was transgender untill two years before her transition. But she did admit she was never quite happy with her life as a male, but didn't know exactly why.

She also claimed she never thought of herself as a girl in childhood or early adulthood. And she said she never cross dressed ever. Yet two thearist certified she is transexual and she underwent SRS.

Everyone is different. :rolleyes:

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  • 2 weeks later...

Elizabeth is right - there are plenty of transsexuals who don't identify as such until adulthood. For some people, it takes until their seventies. Their voices aren't heard as much because early researchers discounted them. There was (and so some degree, still is) one accepted story. For a long time, people didn't get hormones or surgery if they didn't conform to the "I always knew" story, so some people were forced to make up childhoods to match. Luckily, this usually isn't the case anymore.

Personally, my awareness of my transsexuality evolved throughout my life. When I was young, I was fairly masculine and mostly identified as a boy (as far as I had any awareness of my gender at all). However, I did like some dresses because they were pretty and I wished for a doll for my fourth birthday. Then again, I pretended that I was the daddy of that doll (even when I became "pregnant" with said doll). At some point early in my life I stopped being interested in dresses. I think this is because I realized only girls wore them, but to be honest I'm not sure why. I had a strong interest in fitting in with my brothers, but this might have been because they were the only siblings I had.

When I was in elementary, I started to identify more as a girl, but NEVER as a lady. I was a very feministic and thought girls could and should do everything that boys could do. Now I realize that there's more to feminism than that - that femininity is not a bad thing. I think I was so outspoken about certain women's rights because I was in denial about my own gender and that I wanted to live as masculinely as possible without having to actually accept my gender. I did want my breasts to be removed before I even hit first puberty and wanted a hysterectomy as soon as I had my first period, but I didn't associate this with being a guy. Instead, I identified with the Amazons and Artemis. I was jealous that I didn't have the affects of testosterone, but again didn't see any relation to my gender. I never wore a bra and make-up only on a dare (well, I wore black fingernail polish once or twice as well). I also played flute (which I still do), had long hair (like all my brothers), crocheted (which I no longer do), and loved cute animals (which I still do).

When I was sixteen, I learned about MTF transsexuals. At first I didn't identify as a transsexual. Shortly afterwards, I learned that I would have to wear a dress at concerts. I freaked out. I literally woke up shaking and hyperventilating from repeated nightmares involving this dress. Still, I didn't jump to the conclusion that I was transsexual. First I thought it was just because I was a feminist. When that failed the logic test, I thought I was a crossdresser (since masculine clothes were so important to me). Then I thought I might be genderqueer. Eventually I realized I was transsexual and that I needed hormones and top surgery to be happy. I couldn't make up my mind about bottom surgery and didn't actually realize I needed it until last August - four years after I started my real life experience. I'll be twenty-two before I actually have that operation.

So, did I always know? I don't know. I know I could write my life story in such a way in makes it obvious that I am transsexual and had signs of it my entire life. I could also write my life story in such a way that it becomes a shock that I chose to transition. Personally, I think my gender actually stayed pretty stable for my entire life. I've been masculine, about halfway between Macho Man and Androgynous. However, the terms I used to describe my gender have changed as has my expression of it. Does that make sense?

I think when transsexuals say they always knew, they often have a history like mine. However, there are some who really, truly did know from a very young age and never, ever wavered from it. And there are other who had absolutely no idea until later in life. Everyone is different.

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