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Guest penumbra


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Guest penumbra

Of the white and blue

Some colours I never knew

But not like this red hue

Nor the colour that is not true

Other than the crimson I knew

Nor even see the unsightly through

By the darkest shade of rue

It is this, the night so black make dew

That these wicked and unpious veins grew

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Guest miss kindheart

I get it yes i do

you know i care

So must you

Be be what you see

Don't you know

Your heart is free

You'll decide what is right

But you know

About the light

Black light

it is alright

your poem is really

out of sight

:wub: vanna

PS pls dnt ///

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Guest angels wings

And with friends who care

We come and share

We learn to dance in the rain

And make our pain

Fly away :)

Penumbra I really enjoy reading your poems . Thank you for sharing :)

Angel :)

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    • ThatDarnDodo
      Welcome, JK. Wow, we have a lot in common. Both masculine afab into games and geeky stuff. Although, I'm into more jpop than kpop and trashy werewolf fiction as opposed to vampires. Although, there was than one story...    Anywho, I have no doubt you'll have a great time here. I'm also pretty new but everyone's been really welcoming so far.
    • ThatDarnDodo
      @MaryMary I think trans people are just magnets for insane psychologists. I briefly saw a woman who admitted to never having seen a trans person in our first session and in the second one told me she'd gone and googled trans folks and had somehow come to the conclusion that most trans people are trans because they were molested as children. I died a little inside that day.    @Jackie C.Oh my word, all of that sounds like a scene from a transgender sitcom.
    • JK
      Hello everyone! I have been looking for a good community where I could interact in a semi-anon way as I start the (rather terrifying) early steps in questioning my gender identity. I hope to benefit from the vast and varied experiences of other members as I navigate the waters of my own personal journey. A little about me~! I'm a 30+ masculine person who was AFAB. I love video games, kpop, and other fandomy/geek stuff. I build cool things in Minecraft, write trashy vampire fiction, and I love hearing about the creative projects and passions of my friends.  Excited to be here! If you want to be extra welcoming, tell me about something cool you're working on.
    •  Kylie
      Be patient and give it some time. There will be a day you aren’t reaching for the pronoun yet it will find you. It all seems stars only align once the time is right. ❤️   Just keep doing the work for yourself and that day will come.    Kylie 
    • Bri2020
      Oof, sorry to hear  Hang in there Abi.  
    • Abi
      I feel like my skull is locked in a vice and coronavirus hired Hercules to turn the crank. I would not wish this experience on anyone. I hope none of you go through this. I am managing but the sharp random pains are an eye watering event. I can breathe still so at least there is that. Coffee made it worse so I guess water is on for now. Have a cup for me. Stay safe. ~Abi~
    • Susan R
      Very nice! I think you’ll enjoy your progress talking to someone who specifically has a ‘gender issues’ expertise. Over the past few years, I’ve learned so much about myself with the help of my therapist who is very good at getting clients to look at things in a different way and help them sometimes discover them on their own. I seem to always leave therapy in a great mood. It makes it so worth my time. Good luck with your new therapist!   Susan R🌷
    • Jackie C.
      Once upon a time, when I was out, but still regulated to the men's room (my state has bathroom laws), I was changing in the locker room before my workout. I was dressing in a gender neutral/feminine manner and wearing a sports bra. Now, I had my gym clothes underneath. I'd shuck my shirt/pants and had my shorts/tank on. The guy changing next to me gave me the once-over and said, "You've got a lot of balls bringing those (my breasts) in here." What do you say to that? I wanted to say, "Well, I'd leave them at home but they cry." What I went with was, "Well, until I get bottom surgery I'm stuck in here with all of you. I apologize if it offends, but I'll be out of here in a minute." Nobody made a fuss afterwards and a couple of months later, my friend who runs the cleaning staff told me, "You know we have a gender-neutral bathroom, right?"   Hugs!
    • MaryMary
      Hmmm ....    - the doctor who checked my vocal cords said to me that they looked fine and that if I waited a couple of months my voice would change by itself. ( I don't think that's how that work) - My last gender therapist said that although I would not have periods I would have the mood swings that goes with it and she explained in quite a lot of details. ( I don't think that's how that work) - My first therapist who "helped" trans people for 40 years took a good 1 hour to explain how trans people treatment looked like in the past. He said that trans patients were difficult. Then proceeded in describing electroshock treatment he did at the start of his career in far too much details. That was completely surreal. There's not many gender therapists in a smaller city so sometimes you have to go trough that kind of gender therapist to get all the help you can gather. - Both the gender therapist I saw tried to explain WHY I was trans. When a psychologist do that my experience tell me to expect a trainwreck of an explanation. Your father gave you too much pressure to be a boy... but he gave me none like... at all. And then you try to explain that it,s false and the therapist don't listen and the conclusion is there without any possible input. And each psychologist have a totally different explanation, each time that explanation is without appeal. Yet, all of those totally contradict each other... sometimes I think they do that by design and consult each other.... lol - In retrospect and after talking with intersex persons I understand that when I was young all the specialists I saw (including some gynecologists) tried to find if I was intersex !! without telling my parents !!. I get it now that I'm wiser. I went from doctors to doctors each spewing some theory or another on why my voice was not ok and trying to explain what they saw. But, I'm not intersex, 99% sure of that. - My family doctor think I have the keifner syndrome (the thing where you have 3 sexual chromosome)   When I compile all that I did related to being trans trough the years the final portrait in so very strange, so very confusing when you think about it.   The second thing is the relationship part of being trans. I'm not kidding before my coming out people often asked me if I'm gay... other girls were accusing me of being a lady's man (matcho), others where saying I was a totally normal hetero cis male, my parents suspected I was gay, some people accused me of being too brash, others of being too shy and closed off, others said I was too efiminate, others too masculine. Now as a openly trans woman I do too much and put makeup in times when other cis woman wouldn't put it. Some people also tell me I'm too masculine and that I have too many masculine activities. I'm bad for the feminist cause because I think I'm a girl and what I like and do is so stereotypically feminine, I'm a cliché and I'm fake. Yet, other people tell me I'm too masculine and not feminine enough. Sometime I go somewhere with some clothes on and people tell me they would have liked me to wear something more feminine and they wearing the same exact clothes (a t-shirt and pants) people say I should do too much to look like a woman.   All of this is so strange, being trans brings a lot of strange things...  
    • Jackie C.
      You could run him through a facetime app and do the gender switch. You should also talk about facial hair. I personally hate it with a fiery passion (I hated it when I could grow it too), BUT a lot of trans-men grow it out a bit to look more masculine.   Hugs!
    • Jani
      Looking good Bri!   
    • Jani
      Another great song!!  Yes quite relevant!
    • Bri2020
      I'm pretty excited about my day. I came out a little further and updated my LinkedIn account with my new name and a pic I took today that I only added a "light makeup" filter to.  I'm really feeling good about how much my weight loss shows in my face and once I learn how to apply makeup like this, and we aren't wearing masks,  I don't think I will be self conscious about "passing".  I also have my first real therapy appointment with a gender psychologist I found outside of my insurance (Kaiser) since the wait time was so long to see that person. I'm going to get at least two appointments with the new one before my first one with Kaiser.  I will use the Kaiser one for my medical transition needs but  I felt I needed one that was more available for my actual emotional/mental health.  I'm not struggling now but the goddess help me if I got into a situation where I needed to see one and had to waits 9-15 weeks.  It's worth the extra $200/month for now to have that security blanket I think.   @KymmieL I'm glad your trip went so well.
    • ThatDarnDodo
      What's the weirdest thing someone has said to you when they found out you were trans? Something that didn't necessarily offend you but that left you going "...what."   For me it was something that was actually said to my mom about me. She'd told a co-worker of hers, that I'd met a couple of times, that I was nonbinary. Her response was, "Then why does she wear nail polish?" Ignoring the misgendering, I'm just surprised that me not having a gender means I can't have blue nails. But that's the kind of things that happen when you're afab and nonbinary; people think that you not identifying either way means you must hate everything feminine and be as butch as possible. Yeah, I don't get it either. I know some folks are like that but that's just not me. You can take my nail polish from my cold, dead, amazingly well kept hands.    Anyone else got any stories? Hopefully more interesting than mine?      
    • Ka
      Thank you for responding, MaryMary, Astrid, KathyLauren and Jackie. It helps so much to hear from others about your experiences and perspectives.    Any thoughts on how to deal with the in between time of now and wondering what he will look/be like in a couple of years?  I’m feeling unstable with the unknown, whereas he’s excited about the unknown. 
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