A discussion that made me upset today.

[Guest NoxNocturnus]

I was talking on another forum (different website), when this woman sent me a message saying that treatment wasn't nessecary for me and I wasn't really transgendered because I waited till my 30's to come out about it and to seek medical assistance. She said if if was needed for me, then like her it would have been done a long time ago, it wouldn't be something that I am just now seeking treatment for and starting to transition. Never mind the mental anguish I dealt with, never mind the fact it wasn't safe for my physical health to be open about it. Nothing to do with the fact I just found out that there is free/low cost gender health specialists out there for people like me on public health only about a year ago. Forget the suicide attempts due to the issues I have with the body I was born with. No, by 30 if I haven't started transition or died, then obviously I'm not a 'true' transgendered individual. Right? Well, after some thought, for I'll admit it shook my self confidence about coming out, after all, this transgender 'ambassador' from another state says no I'm not, it must be all in my head and that's all there is to it; I decided they were wrong, they not know me, what I've had to go through, what I've dealt with or how I've had to live.

I'm just wondering if any other older transgendered folk out there have had to deal with similar attitudes from other transsexual who came out and got help at a younger age, or am I just the lucky draw for a encounter like this. Now I got to go cover a bruise from yesterday's talk with a now ex friend so I can be in public. And try to shelve what this woman made me feel in online discussion.

Thanks for listening, I just needed to get this off my chest *hugs*

~

[Guest Robin Winter]

That person was absolutely 100% wrong to say what they did. Lots of people don't really figure out that they're trans until later in love, sometimes much later than 30. Opinions like that are hurtful and damaging, and are NOT welcome here. It's close minded trash like that that prevents most of us from even exploring the possibility we might be trans until later in life.

Don't be afraid to learn who you are, and to accept it when you figure it out. You're beautiful no matter what.

[Guest Deanna]

They are wrong. I am transitioning in my 40s. There is no rule book and this person doesn't know you at all. I know many that don't transition till later for many different reasons. I haven't met up with this exact species of "know it all". But I have seen other kinds and these "know it all" people are not exclusive to our community.

Only you know who you are. Don't let a bully tell you. That is one of the things that I had to get over before I could move forward. Best of luck and be true to yourself.

[Guest miss kindheart]

Hi NN,

<<< hug >>>

No one can or i guess i should say no one should try to tell you what you are or what is right for you in this life.

You are the only one that has all the pieces to your puzzel

Well you and God if your a believer

Your life is an experiment of the grandest kind

It is conducted by you for you

be careful whom you let stur your beaker

vanna

[Guest]

I'm sorry she has her head in her purse! Many people want to think they have an exclusive to Trangender. Wrong! We transition as individuals and each journey's timing is different.

Your transition is your journey, so please don't let people sway you, exclude you, or debase you with bad advise. (Including me. Giggle.) Grrr... Jody

[Kyla666]

I did not start till i was 30... So !@#$% Her And if it was not for me finding my Awesome wife when i did it may have been even later in life if at all.

I was Depressed 24/7 living at home, Job less, And killing myself by not eating and sleeping 14-20 hours a day. No one could understand why i was depressed and i could not tell anyone as i just did not want to risk my Mom finding out, It was the only place i could live and the fear of her going crazy and kicking me out Stopped me MANY times from telling her.

But I found My now wife... And in just a short 2 weeks i told her.... THE ONLY person in the world about the true me. And well.... Things just got better from there on.

[Guest LizMarie]

Therapists say it's actually common for this to occur throughout life, not just early on, and especially with older folks because older generations grew up in a much more repressed era (in terms of understanding gender identity). So it sounds like this woman is "full of it" and definitely not a professional. Since she's not a professional, tell her to fly a kite, or just ignore her.

[Guest Melissa~]

Wow really?

I've heard about some like that but clearly they aren't in a professional position making statements like that. Transition at 16 was not possible for me, or 18 which is when I really started analyzing my problems, or 20 when my father died and I lost what family support I had and had determined I might really be TS, or 22 when I was getting my first property going by trucking a zillion miles, ditto for 24, at 26 I reinvented my career off the road, as a result I was broke. Married at 27. I have said in hind site it may have been a bad idea on my marriage. When I married I thought I could suppress my TS status.

[VickySGV]

That idea is as old as the hills and twice as dusty. The deal is that it is just a pile of dust that some people heap on others to make themselves feel superior. I am in my 60's and I am as real you can get. You did not wait until your thirties or 90's to make a frivilous choice to be this way. It was not until those ages that other factors in your life resolved themselves, that you could clearly see gender for what it was. Since you are another Californian, I can use the simile of the Valley Tule Fog* lifting so you can see the road ahead of you after having to carefully skirt around forty or fifty traffic collisions in as many miles without being part of them yourself. You were too blooming busy just going ahead to even know which exit you were coming up to!! I know I was that way, and while I was TS, I had no time to even realize what was making my life a long gray foggy highway. If the other person had time to enjoy their misery that young, they were probably not doing much else in life. I sometimes wonder what they have contributed to society since their "true" change in adult infancy.

*For non-Californians-- Valley Tule Fog is a weather condition in California's Central Valley that leaves literally a hundred or more miles of our busiest intra state highway in visibility stretches of less than 200 feet, or, less than two good big trailer truck lengths. It can reduce speeds from 70 miles an hour to 7 miles an hour if people are lucky and can result in multiple accidents.

[Guest Melissa~]

Oops typing on iPhone. Didn't mean to submit that yet... Continuing.

I did disclose my TG/TS to my wife which devastated her. Eventually the marriage failed for numerous reasons, but at core the line in the sand was me pursuing treatment, much less actually starting.

So here I am at 35, sure it "could" have been addressed at 16, but as a drop out I didn't have access to even meager school resources. Or 20 sure... if I didn't have to worry about sleeping in a cardboard box. Or maybe 25 while I was looking at the future having established my middle class start.

It all tracks back to resources and education.

[Guest Madrone26]

I'm another person in their fourties starting my transition now. Like others I had various reasons why I didn't transition earlier, some financial, some emotional, and also because I thought it was "too late" for me. What I pile of manure. I'm just glad that I'm doing it now.

[Guest Bellexia]

Eh don't listen to those true transsexual types, not gonna get you anything but a bad mood and doubt hun. It's also very cruel of them as well because almost every transsexual will wish they did it earlier, so to rag on you or anyone else for that just pours salt in a open wound. *hugs* sorry you went through that :< some people should get smacked for saying crap like that :/ It's incredibly cruel.

[Guest]

NN.

Don't ever, ever, EVER listen to a person like that. These are so called selfproclaimed experts.

Your journey is YOUR journey. Nobody else can tell you that it is wrong.

Enjoy it and be PROUD of who you are.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest midnyteTX]

I agree with others, don't listen to any of them. I've had this side locked up in a closet for more years then I would care to count, and now at 43 I've opened that door and let it out full force almost, I haven't gone full time, but I do wonder if I am more then just transgender, or if I may be transexual. I don't know for sure, but I am making the most of it. I've come out to a few friends and to my family. Family accepted it, friends accepted for the most part. But I am going to live my life.

It is your life to live, don't let others try and tell you what you are, they don't know your life, or what you have gone through or going through now.

[Guest CassieX]

Hi NoxNocturnus.

I'm about to turn 42 and starting my transition. I put those feelings in a box for 20 years thanks to military service and was miserable most of the time but strangely now I do not regret doing it. I would just have a different set of anxieties and problems if I had tried to transition earlier and would not have had the financial stability I have now to support the process. I think its silly that a person would say something like that to you, it just shows them attempting to project their own insecurities and anxieties on you, I've come to realise, that the older I get, the less I worry about what other people think unless I am emotionally involved with them and even then I hold dear to the saying, 'you can't help others if you don't help yourself'.

And Kyla666, I can relate to your post. I was unemployed for exactly a year after i retired from the military and I really came apart at the seams when all the stress from military life suddenly disappeared. I no longer had a reason or excuse for postponing my transistion and I got very depressed too. Coming out to my family, telling my wife, getting a therapist, seeing a electrologist and starting laser all happened one after the other like dominoes falling. I can't wait to start HRT!

[Guest NoxNocturnus]

Thank you all for your words *hugs* they have been very helpful to me Between these posts and a great talk with some of the moderators in the chat, I am doing much better now. I guess I just needed a reminder that no matter the person, some people just have their heads up their azz's (should have realized it sooner considering some of the therapists I had as a minor lol).

Thank you again for replying everyone, and I hope things go well for you all *hugs*

@VickySVG Wasn't familiar with the term "Valley Tule Fog" but I know what you mean (transplant to CA, not a native but I have dealt with that many times since I have moved here)

[Guest Dorothy Lynne]

NoxNocturnusL The ignorance of some people is truely breath-taking. Being of an age also I have to remind people many of us were really forced to supress our inner feelings and emotions years ago. Conform or suffer the consequences.

[Guest otter-girl]

Hi there. Just wanted to add to the excellent comments already that this for me is my pet hate about human nature....the need to compartmentalise people out of fear. Even within a relatively small group such as transgender there are people who need to feel more special at the expense of others.

A great shame. Dont waste your energy on them. Focus on your own journey of discovery and enjoy like minded people when you come across them.

Hugs

Rachel

[Guest amanda_s]

Don't listen to that women she knows nothing i came out to my mom at 44. i started at 14 but was sent to a doctor who tried to cure me (1982-3) Talking with my therapist (Mary) she explained why it took so long to remember what happened to me. what was done was so painful that i forgot a big part of who i was. I'm better now added to that family responsibility and my parents having a business i worked in for years i took along time to find me again. this last year has had its ups and downs but i am at peace for the first time that i can remember. come here ask questions ,you are not alone

Amanda