Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest Julie_Mason

"Ive lost the armor of mine heart..."

Recommended Posts

Guest Julie_Mason

I've lost the armor of mine heart,

Though in the past it did its part.

To wield that shield of manly guise,

And block the world's most judging eyes.

But now the tables they have turned,

And thus mine shield it has been burned.

In ashe it rests around mine feet,

This heart no more hath safe retreat.

No more may I wrest life defended,

From fears and woes my heart unmended.

Laid bare my soul for all to see,

What lay beneath, mine heart's true me.

Too long was I a person faux,

Beviewed through haze, a fogged window.

This brume obscured the light inside,

Now that it shines, it cannot hide.

It seems as though this should feel right,

To bask amongst mine heart's new light.

Alas howe'er it also seems,

Mine heart hath lost its armor's sheens.

I hath no guard, nor ward or mail,

Protecting me from judgement's hell.

Exposed I sit in life's cruel jest,

Without the aid of armored crest.

Through means abound, try as I may,

Once shield is cracked, its gone away.

So now I stand with no defense,

'Gainst future blitz that may commense.

Ive lived, Ive loved, Ive lost all while,

Myself I hid 'neath manly guile.

And now world's eyes I must beface,

With unsheathed heart to take its place.

These are my feelings about having dropped the "male-facade" that was my life, but in-turn loosing the protection it provided me. I assume I am not the only one in our position that feels this way, so I wanted to share what I felt, since my heart cannot hide any longer.

This was my first ever attempt at writing in iambic pentameter, and I spent the last hour writing it. Hopefully it does not disappoint any of you who read Shakespeare, as he has (since around the age of 12) been one of my literary idols.

Armorless,

-Julie M.<3

Share this post


Link to post
Guest angels wings

That was beautifully written . Thank you for sharing Julie :)

Angel. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Guest miss kindheart

:ThanxSmiley: Julie

:goodjob:

:friends:

:wub: vanna

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Julie_Mason

Thank you, all who read and/or responded :)

I have been trying too long to keep my emotions bottled up inside, and now that I have started expressing them through the literary wonder of poetry, I know that there will be much more writing from me in the very near future.

Take care all,

-Julie M.<3

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 91 Guests (See full list)

    • QuestioningAmber
    • Jackie C.
    • NB Adult
    • Petra Jane
    • MaryMary
    • JenJen
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      69,031
    • Total Posts
      623,418
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      5,723
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JenJen
    Newest Member
    JenJen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Brienne
      Brienne
      (47 years old)
    2. ShyAshley
      ShyAshley
      (33 years old)
  • Posts

    • MaryMary
      very beautifull song
    • NB Adult
      Wow, absolutely stunning and not at all surprising that boyfriend would be proud to have you by his side! I'm sure that happy look on your face and beautiful smile lit up the entire room.
    • Debra Michelle
      Part of our making money in our towing yard business,most of them were a huge pile of junk.Junkyards bought them.We get one junkyard that comes in buying 10 to 12 vehicles,good to us and says I am a great auctioneer
    • Jani
      That's the way it should be! 
    • NB Adult
      Heck of a business, but clearly it has it's bright upsides!
    • Debra Michelle
      Busy this morning,had an auction at our towing yard.Auctioned off 50 vehicles,5 court seizures and rest of them abandoned.One bidder threw me off a bit,one of the bidding assistants caught it at the right time.He was told to leave and told not to come back ever again.Did it to me twice and this was his third time doing it.One employee of mine was there,she bought her 16 year old son his first car which was a 2001 Chevy Cavalier 4 door.Runs good and her son is satisfied with it.Two bidders were in a bidding war on a 2016 Jeep Wrangler,a court seizure.Court is going to be happy,they are getting a good chunk of money.
    • Ashlee
      Thank you ladies! I am truly enjoying life now! 
    • NB Adult
      Michelle, being open and available to others is the key to being able to lose our own natural propensity for self consciousness that is sometimes all consuming and becomes the ruination of potentially good experiences out in public and even with friendships. It also serves to drive away the dark clouds of depression that we sometimes fall into when we become overly self absorbed with our own negative self image. Most people don't see us as we do and aren't nearly as critical as we tend to be of our own selves.
    • Jackie C.
      Well you might have. Women mechanics and women who ride are HAWT. So at least it would have been in a good way.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      Huzzah for helping people! I've had a couple of people stop me and tell me how brave I am, but I don't think I've ever inspired anyone to get help. Well done!   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      @Krisvm You look great! I'll bet you feel pretty good too. There's just something about being right... also I'm jealous as heck of your waistline. Work it girl!   Hugs!
    • JustineM
      Belated good morning everyone! Been on vacation this week and have the dreaded drive home tomorrow. Just relaxing today and a wedding to attend this evening. Hope everyone has a lovely day
    • Josie Beth
      I’ve known other transgender people throughout my life who only question why they have to go through the struggle of becoming someone that people see and respect as the gender they feel like. Many of us have come to the realization early on but some later. Whether it’s personal trauma that starts this introspection or just not feeling correct in the gender we are assigned, it’s a very personal thing. I’ve also encountered very few people who have said they detransitioned willingly but usually they were ftm. This idea that trans trenderism is the only reason people are transitioning is from people who oversimplify everything. But the truth is that since we live in a complex world that complicates things for us, there’s no easy answer for anything in life. Even though I knew from a fairly early age that something wasn’t right I didn’t know what to call it. But once I did it was this realization that “this is possible” and a sense of relief that there was a way. That was around 16, but it took another 14 years of personal struggle and ignoring certain cues because of social pressure until I finally found that HRT was the only thing that chemically made me feel normal. Then when I went through a bunch of craziness for another 16 years that prevented me from continuing my HRT I was devastated, tired, broken, struggling and unsatisfied with my life. I just didn’t realize it again until everything came crashing down on me and I grieved for what seems like weeks. So now after taking the long way around back to the same thing I so easily accepted about myself earlier in life I decided to stop running from it, procrastinating, or trying to fit this false image others have of me. While it’s never too late to begin, it’s also futile to try explaining it away because it’s something that won’t go away. It lingers. It’s constantly in the back of my mind. And it’s not necessarily the need to present feminine and that’s it. It’s so much more. When I looked at my personal thoughts, attitudes about certain issues, my opinions, how I view love and other people, relationships, it really sunk in that my mind is female already.  So now it’s just a matter of aligning the rest of me. Is it more difficult than if I had not been so dense about it at 18? Sure. But it’s something that I’m deeply compelled to pursue. It’s very much a spiritual journey with physical aspects. My life is an object lesson. Not about learning too late, but what happens when I let others question my deep seated sense of myself and stop listening to the inner voice that knows better than they ever will. It’s not really for me to find out why it seems so prevalent today. What is important is being who I really am. Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself because I don’t see what I want: dysphoria. But some days I see the girl that has always been there. It’s those days that I feel encouraged and renew my determination. To put it in perspective, I don’t have any real life transgender friends around me for support. It’s been difficult to fit the groups and other social activities in for the past year. So nobody can say that what I feel is a result of mimicking others. On the other hand I do find comfort and social interaction with other trans women here and in the discord chat. I come here for the more thoughtful outlet and go on discord for the fun, silly chat where I can laugh and be just one of the girls. They definitely fill a void. Anyway I can be very wordy so I’ll stop writing for now. Just know that what you feel inside is more important than the costumes others try to put you into. 
    • Robin
      Hi Alex,   I am glad that you have joined us.   Robin.
    • Robin
      Hi Nina,   I am glad that you have joined us.   Robin.
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...