Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Free


Guest Jennifer T

Recommended Posts

Guest Jennifer T

One of my earliest poems from my childhood. "Freedom" was a deep heart cry. I also do artwork and there is an accompanying drawing to this one. Anyway:

I want to be free;

Free to know who I am and not feel shame

I want to fly;

Fly as valiant as an eagle, yet as listless as a butterfly

I want to sing;

Sing my hearts desire through the voice of many waters

Relentlessly challenging eternity

I want to be free.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

We all want that flight and freedom. Sometimes it seems to happen sometimes the chains won't let go. May we all shed those chains and fly.

Hugs,

Charlie

Link to comment
Guest miss kindheart

Free free

Just like me

you are you

And i am me

What we are

We might not see

But for sure

We all are free

So can't you see

That you can be

Anything you see

In thee

So be not sad

Instead be glad

For you can fly

into the sky

<<< hug >>>

:wub: vanna

Link to comment
Guest Jennifer T

Vanna,

Me”

I shall not now or ever be

that me I dreamed myself to be

for in that me I fear I see

someone who isn’t really me

in times of old when i was three

i could not comprehend or see

that someday I’d grow up to be

less than the one I’d hope for me

then one day at ten and three

I learned to dream; thereby to see

a hope of what may never be

but dream I did, a me as she

skip ahead to twenty-three

becoming what I thought I’d be

and finding more and more in me

the swelling lie I’d someday see

but time goes by at thirty-three

a dreamer dies; there is no me

in reflection now i only see

someone else staring at me

and now approaching forty-three

slowly accepting who i see

as no more or less the core of he

who was she when I was three

i look ahead to fifty-three

and wonder what it holds for me

will i dream another me

and wake one day only to see

that then I’m old at sixty-three

no longer dreaming dreams of me

my life has passed and then I’ll see

only in death will I be free

for life is like a web we weave

our dreams assuredly deceive

and teach us only to believe

a lie of things not as they be

and readily we seek to please

the self of life who dreams of ease

yet knowing only lies we tease

and truth before us surely flees

now i know my dream of me

isn’t who i thought i’d see

from depths of time peering at me

the corpse of me...

...who was only three.

- Jennifer T, September 15, 2004

Link to comment
Guest miss kindheart

Ten or three

or eighty three

It matters not

As we can see

That we are

Just like the star

Our life and warmth

It goes so far

Look inside at your heart

not the end but at the start

You flew above

Just like a dove

Your mother gave you

Such true love

No matter what

Your life is blessed

Now be that girl

And wear that dress

<<< hug >>>

:wub: vanna

Link to comment
Guest Jennifer T

You made me smile, Vanna. :-)

I wrote this for a friend of mine years ago. I share it here with you and all who know this path:

Amidst the voice of daily thrum,

A silent, steady, beating drum

Of heart and hope for you does beat

That on this day a calm may greet

To press the throe and pang of life

Relinquish fear and doubt and strife

And in the void a calm embrace

May swiftly move to take its place

And fill you with a tranquil peace

Turmoil and disarray to cease

My prayer for you this day is such

Because your friendship means so much

For one like you who knows the pain

Of earthly trials; of fear and strain

But seeks the beauty in the rose

And deep within he sees, he knows

That in the soul glory resides

Redeems the day and time abides

Patiently it tends the light

Seeking truth and all that’s right

My wish for you this day shall be

A day of love and harmony

But if the day retorts demands

Look to the folds within your hands

And know that there exists as these

Likewise hearts that beat for peace

And with such hands we work to grow

The love the heart would seek to know

I pray for you a day of grace

Radiant joy upon your face

Enjoy the timeless depths serene

Of love that by the heart is seen.

- Jennifer T, May 8, 2003

Link to comment
  • 1 year later...
Guest Brenda Hailey

I did not realize there was a treasure trove of poems hidden in here.

I like them ALL.

63 without dreams? then what is there to lose? (nothing)

Vanna I was all smiles after

"Now be the girl

And wear that dress. :)

Link to comment
Guest Brenda Hailey

63 without dreams? then what is there to lose? (nothing)

)

Everything.

Why then do we suffer this way, is it to teach the extent at which we can never be,or to show the direction of who we really are and can ?

Why are we endowed with such great yearning with no practical way of expressing?

Which one is to be greater denial or acceptance? and how are we to truly know which is the way unless we experience both?

How do we know which battle is the one to be fought for and won?

Is it destiny or just cruel twist of fate nature has placed in us to suffer in these ways to live impossible choices. Pride,strength, and courage though denial of a childs dreams or Pride strength and courage of denial of everything we know is in us and never goes away?

The situation hopeless at best no matter which side of the mirror you choose to live for.

Maybe it is a blessing to no longer dream at 63,how many make it that far to see the merit in such an achievement?

For me at least I fortunately still question with a sense of the child that is still in me wanting to blossom at any cost, having lived a large portion of life already "without" any dreams,the beckoning of death my only reward,I find little solace in the now for a promise of a blissful existence after this one is gone. I wish I could just put it all away and wait for the day of reckoning if that were possible and the way then the suffering is for what end?

It can all be summed up in one word "WHY"

I dont expect you to answer these questions they are for myself as much for anyone else,,,just questioning out loud to hear myself think,because I dont know squat about this life.

Link to comment
Guest Jennifer T

Hi Brenda. Good questions. And I wrote out a lengthy reply. But came to the realization that I cannot answer those questions for you. (Yes, I know you weren't asking me to, but I also know I cause you a certain amount if anguish with this.) I can only answer them for me.

Remember the scene in "The LotR" where Galadriel is tempted to take the ring when Frodo offers it to her?

This is where I feel I am. And I hope to be able to say at the end:

"I have passed the test. I will diminish and go into the west, and remain Galadriel."

Because for me, my path asks this of me.

And at the end, the Iluvatar awaits, with harmony and restoration...

Link to comment
Guest Brenda Hailey

Hi Brenda. Good questions. And I wrote out a lengthy reply. But came to the realization that I cannot answer those questions for you. (Yes, I know you weren't asking me to, but I also know I cause you a certain amount if anguish with this.) I can only answer them for me.

Remember the scene in "The LotR" where Galadriel is tempted to take the ring when Frodo offers it to her?

This is where I feel I am. And I hope to be able to say at the end:

"I have passed the test. I will diminish and go into the west, and remain Galadriel."

Because for me, my path asks this of me.

And at the end, the Iluvatar awaits, with harmony and restoration...

Jennifer you do not cause me any anguish and if you did it certainly wouldnt be anymore that I already have for myself.

Your insight on these issues is very important to me,even though we seemingly happen to be on different paths I feel you and I share a thin but very sturdy common ground.

Not to say I understand all the reasons you do what you need to do in order to survive ,because I myself can barely come to conclusions why I do what I feel I need to do.

Even though there are many things about our journeys that are completely different I have grown very fond of the ability to talk to you and share things with you that I dont always understand,to me you hold a unique perspective on all of this that I admire even if I dont get it all now the experience I am sure is going to be helpful at some point in the future when I least expect it.

This may surprise you but using analogies from Lord of the Rings is useless on me at this point , I am quite possibly the only human left on Earth who has not read or watched the Lord of the rings.

I know what your thinking.......wow what a sheltered life I must have lived. Having seen endless previews and merchandise I think I most related to the ugly little creature,but never felt compelled enough to watch and find out what all the fuss is about.

If this is all a test how and when do we know we passed? Does the test only end at deaths door or can we pass the test before that and live in peace before death?

I cant believe I am now contemplating watching Lord of the rings after all this time.....Looking back I guess I took some form of pride in not watching it,,,,,I wonder what thats all about.

Have a good day Jennifer and just remember you are not causing me anguish quite the opposite is true.

Link to comment
Guest Jennifer T

Hi Brenda. If you like to read, read the novels before watching the movies. It's worth it. And if you want a real challenge, read the 'Silmarillion" by Tolkein first. You'll understand a more. But if not, the movies are well done and can stand on their own.

This "test" I refer to is mine alone. I could not and would not apply such things to others. We must all answer our own callings. And thank you for your kind words.

Peace.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 116 Guests (See full list)

    • Evelyn J
    • Miss Cormac
    • Susan R
    • VickySGV
    • MaybeRob
    • awkward-yet-sweet
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My family would have gobbled that jar up in a minute or two.  When we do have pickled herring, its usually for Christmas.  I didn't grow up with that particular dish, but I grew up in a Greek family so I like just about any kind of fish if I can get it.  However, ocean fish and freshwater fish taste so different.  We usually have more catfish and tilapia to eat than anything else.    What I can't quite get used to is the tons of cabbage my GF insists on eating.  When you live with a Russian, there is always cabbage soup.  Always.  When I first moved in with her, breakfast was "shchi" for soup and either bread or "kasha" which is a bowl of boiled buckwheat with butter and salt.  Those dishes can be made in any number of ways, some are better than others.  In the winter, it can even be salty and sour like kraut.  Not exactly sauerkraut, but packed in tubs with vinegar and salt so it keeps partially for the winter.  But I drew the line when the cabbage soup included pieces of fried snake one day.  😆
    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...