Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hello


Guest Zayden

Recommended Posts

Guest Zayden

Why I'm here. (sorry, this is going way into detail)

My chosen name is Matthew, but I prefer Matt. This is the name I have used since I was 14 or 15 among online friends and when I started coming out to people it is the name I have kept. I have not started requesting that people call me by that name and still go by "Kat" among friends and family.

I hear a lot of people say that from a child they felt that they were different. They didn't lie within the "normal" gender spectrum. There was definitely a few things I remember as a child that made me rethink my gender identity now. Sure, I played with dolls, and lego, and trucks, and just about anything. My parents did not force me to conform to either gender perfectly. I, in fact, am probably one of the luckiest people because of my parents being so open!

I was never a "girly" girl. Sure, I was in Girl Guides. I dressed up sometimes. But I almost always wore either gender neutral clothing or men's clothing. I wore men's deodorant because I liked the scent more than women's. I used men's body wash and shampoo. I had a hard time being friends with women (and to this day only have one close friend who is female). I also had very short hair for the majority of my adolescent years, favouring men's hair styles over women's. Society wise, I had more typical male characteristics than female ones.

When I was 13 or 14 I was first discovering sexuality and it was at that time that I came out as being bisexual. Probably not the smartest move in a school that was very anti-GLBTQ, but I think in a way it made me stronger. I wish I had stood my ground a bit more, but it was all new to me. When I was in Grade 11 I started the GSA at my high school. Thanks to a local pride group, we were able to also attend the provincial conference that year. Unfortunately, due to a heavy Christian influence in the school, once I had left the GSA was pretty much... crushed.

I remember distinctly somewhere during grades 9-11 meeting someone who was MtF and we shared a lot of the same experiences and something sort of clicked in me, suddenly things made sense. However, being trans in the community that I grew up in would have been... well, I couldn't be openly trans. I did do some cross-dressing at times for different pride events, though. I have a few corsets that I had made myself and I would bind my chest with those.

I do not like being biologically female, and it has nothing to do with my menstrual cycle which is what my grandmother would always say! I used to say I wished I was a man frequently, which I guess should have been a heads-up to me that I wasn't 100% fitting the female spectrum. I would prefer to have male genitalia and when I see men without shirts on... well, I'm a bit jealous that I don't have that flat chest. I have always tried to love my body and I think that has been a huge part of why I have never really looked at altering it or at transitioning. Recently, I came to accept my body and that is when I realized that my body isn't the one that I would ideally have. Initially, I identified as androgynous but after spending some time thinking about things I have realized that the term FtM fits me better.

I'm coming on being 20 years old in the next few weeks. Now would be the best time for me to start HRT but I have decided to opt out of that for the moment. I am considering top surgery at this point but it is too early for me to decide. I want to make sure that I am making the right decision for myself with everything. I have no menstrual cycle so that isn't an issue but I do intend on having surgery so that I permanently cannot have children.

I have been diagnosed as mentally ill (not sharing my diagnosis due to privacy) but I am hoping that transitioning will eventually help things get a bit better too. I have a therapy regime I have to follow, too. I just have to keep myself safe and keep moving forward so that hopefully in a few months with the changes things will get better!

I still have to come out to my parents, who will be totally cool with it, as well as my friends. So for now I am still, appearance wise, female. I do have a packer that is home made and I am trying to get a proper binder. Kind of nice side note, when I finished my packer and started wearing it... it was like my entire life finally clicked into place and that's when I really realized that was the right thing for me.

Cheers.

Matt

Link to comment
Guest Sarah Faith

Hi Matt, Welcome to Laura's Playground. :)

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you are more sure then you initially stated, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to be absolutely sure. It also sounds like you are in a good situation with your parents, though I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with school you're definitely not alone in that, school was awful for me for similar reasons. You've come to a good place to meet others who relate though, and there is a lot of good information to be found from our great members here. :)

We do ask that all new members check out the terms and conditions at least once and they can be found on the lower right hand corner of this page. Looking forward to hearing more from ya!

Hugs,

Sarah

Link to comment
Guest Zayden

Hi Matt, Welcome to Laura's Playground. :)

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds like you are more sure then you initially stated, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to be absolutely sure. It also sounds like you are in a good situation with your parents, though I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with school you're definitely not alone in that, school was awful for me for similar reasons. You've come to a good place to meet others who relate though, and there is a lot of good information to be found from our great members here. :)

We do ask that all new members check out the terms and conditions at least once and they can be found on the lower right hand corner of this page. Looking forward to hearing more from ya!

Hugs,

Sarah

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for the reminder about the T&C, I wasn't sure where to find them!

As I was writing I was kind of connecting the dots on how I felt too, in a way I realized exactly how much this does fit me. To be honest I have just started to come out to myself as FtM although the idea and possibility of it have been in my head for a while.

My partner is MtF so while she knows quite a bit about that side of things, her knowledge is a lot less about FtM, which is why I was hoping to find some support and knowledge here.

Thanks again!

Matt

Link to comment
Guest miss kindheart

Hi Matt,
<<< hug >>>
Welcome to Laura's Playground.
Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.
The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.
Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.
One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules. :)
We have FTM meetings -Mon & Fri 8pm est, and you are welcome to attend.
We all look forward to seeing you.
:wub: vanna

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 77 Guests (See full list)

    • April Marie
    • Petra Jane
    • Breanne_O
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
    • Heather Shay
      A U.S. dollar bill can be folded approximately 4,000 times in the same place before it will tear. -You cannot snore and dream at the same time. -The average person walks the equivalent of three times around the world in a lifetime. -A hippo’s wide open mouth is big enough to fit a 4-foot-tall child in. -Chewing gum while you cut an onion will help keep you from crying.
    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My family would have gobbled that jar up in a minute or two.  When we do have pickled herring, its usually for Christmas.  I didn't grow up with that particular dish, but I grew up in a Greek family so I like just about any kind of fish if I can get it.  However, ocean fish and freshwater fish taste so different.  We usually have more catfish and tilapia to eat than anything else.    What I can't quite get used to is the tons of cabbage my GF insists on eating.  When you live with a Russian, there is always cabbage soup.  Always.  When I first moved in with her, breakfast was "shchi" for soup and either bread or "kasha" which is a bowl of boiled buckwheat with butter and salt.  Those dishes can be made in any number of ways, some are better than others.  In the winter, it can even be salty and sour like kraut.  Not exactly sauerkraut, but packed in tubs with vinegar and salt so it keeps partially for the winter.  But I drew the line when the cabbage soup included pieces of fried snake one day.  😆
    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...