Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Guest KimberlyF

Smile/wave & tell someone.

Recommended Posts

Guest KimberlyF

Two posts on this topic.

First this was on my Facebook this week:

null_zps3f8d6f63.jpg

So here I am smiling and waving at everyone who reads this. And if it makes you smile just a little bit, you can think that I just had chia pudding and have a seed stuck in my tooth w/no floss. Trying to work it out currently w/my tongue. If anyone comes into the office I'm planning on avoiding direct eye contact till its out.

Second, I just heard of a 21 year old who killed himself. I did not even know this individual, and yet if there was a real way I could have helped him, I would have tried. It is such a sad event and it spreads to all those around.

This kid just had lunch w/his mother the day it happened. Everyone is unique and a gift. Everyone has value. I don't know his pain, but I *know* there are people out there that would have tried to help him if he asked. And those are just the people that don't know him. I'd have to believe some in his own family or friends would have gone further. All he had to do was ask. What had been overheard from the family inbetween the tears is they had no idea.

I have been there. I know many people who have been there. I am happy I didn't act on any of the feelings I've had in the past. Many people know where I've been and where I am. My support system did not exist until I stepped out of my comfort and built it. Nobody had any idea about me.

Do not keep these feelings to yourself. If you ARE trying to fight this alone, know that you are special and you have worth. All you need to do is ask for help and people will try their best to give it.

Share this post


Link to post
Carolyn Marie

This is a wonderful post, Kimberly, and contains some real truths. Thank you for sharing the story, and your words of wisdom. It is so true that you can never know how you impact someones life by a kind word, or just an acknowledgement that they exist. That is what we all try to do here. I know it has helped. It helped me.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Share this post


Link to post
MaryEllen

Thank you for sharing that with us Kim. We probably won't have any way of knowing but you just might have saved someones life today. Bless you, Kim.

MaryEllen

Share this post


Link to post
KathrynJulia

Let me chime in also Kim. That was a very thoughtful post you just made. It's a reminder to all of us to look out for each other and do the little things that show someone that they are noticed and not alone. Thank you, Kathryn

Share this post


Link to post
Guest sophia.gentry58

I agree with you Kimberly, many times we walk on this earth expecting every passer-by to know how much we are hurting and wanting them to just reach out and grab hold of us and tell us everything will be alright without realizing that while they may see the hurt expressed in our facial expressions, they will not know the extent of the pain we are going through without us first reaching out to them. Most of the time when we feel we are at the end of our rope and feel that we are all alone (one of the earmarks of suicidality-aloneness) there is almost no place that we cannot turn for outside help. However, the question begs asking, what happens when there truly is no one in whom we can turn; what then? I believe one of the greatest examples of what to do in a rare case such as that comes from Viktor Frankl, M.D., Ph.D who learned how to find meaning in life where the evidence all around him was to the contrary. I like to use this example because most of us will never experience having to find meaning in life while at the same time being challenged to maintain that mindset while death is all around you; your brethren being made out of lamp shades or put into ovens to be burned alive. This was Viktor Frankl's experience during the cup cake regime, yet he was able to maintain that positive mindset, and not only he, but many others whom he counseled while being held captive in the concentration camp.

There are many, me included, who would argue that albeit we may never (prayerfully) ever have to experience the ordeal he went through, my ordeal is every bit as significant to me as Dr. Frankl's was to him. Even if that is true for each of us, still, we must find a way to find meaning in life despite the ordeal if we are to survive those times we think there is no one there to help us. Failing to accomplish the aforementioned many times results in the thinking of some that the only answer to what ails us is to use a permanent solution to fix a temporary problem. This search for the meaning of life will come more from within than it ever will from without.

There is a resilience training that I have found useful in understanding the importance of this search for the meaning of life. This training is called Master Resilience Training and has six pivotal core competencies which goes a long way in helping one to ascertain their purpose, which really is about the meaning of life, your life on this planet. The six core competencies are Self-awareness, Self-regulation, Optimism, Mental Agility, Strength of Character, and connection. While time and space does not allow me to delineate each of these competencies, one thing is abundantly clear, albeit we all can agree on the paramount importance of others in whom we can go to for support, five of the six core competencies are related to mastering self and only one deals with mastering how to have a connection with others outside of self. One of the biggest reasons divorces are so prevalent in our society is because we tend to make connections and get into relationships with others before we have fully gained competence in understanding self; its also why many fall prey to suicide as well.

There will be times, for whatever reason, we may ultimately find ourselves alone (real or imagined) and without a support system. If or when that happens, if we have learned or are learning who we are in the grand scheme of this great universe we live in and our place in it then we stand a far greater chance of surviving the onslaught of the feelings of loneliness, hopelessness, and helplessness which ultimately can lead to fixing our temporary problem(s) permanently.

Sophia

Share this post


Link to post
Guest ~Brenda~

Wow Kimberly,

That was a tremendously fantastic post!

Thank you

Love

Brenda

Share this post


Link to post
Guest angels wings

Powerful words Kimberly thank you for posting this thank you for giving hope to others .priceless lovey just priceless

Angel :)

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

Thank you Kimberly for you kind and thoughtful words. There is so much magic in the contact of another human be it physical touch, a kind word or a smile.

Hugs and a morning smile,

Charlie

Share this post


Link to post
Guest LizMarie

Thank you, Kimberly. This is a wonderful sentiment!

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Zayden

Thank you Kimberly, and to everyone else who has shared here.

It's actually helped me tremendously.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest ErinMc

Nice post Kimberly. Sometimes life has a way of bringing us down. But it is nice to see some positive energy in this crazy world of ours.

BTW... Smiling and waving right back

Erin

Share this post


Link to post
Guest meganstar

All weekend long I've ridden my emotional dive attempting to keep a good face on around my wife and daughter. Kimberly thank you for your mention of Dr Frankl. Sometimes its difficult to remember that it can always be worse. Far worse.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Razilee

I've had two good friends commit suicide. I have scars myself. I tried to befriend them, but who can understand the pain another is going through. One of them was engaged and the other turned down my proposal. I'd like to think that it was a momentary lapse of judgement that unfortunately had irreversible consequences. It's thinking on that sort of decision that cautions me against transitioning as well. Although not quite as drastic it's very difficult and expensive to reverse.

Live long and prosper,

Raz

Share this post


Link to post
VeronicaStone

Thanks for posting that, Kimberly. I'm going to meditate upon that and try to employ it. I'm not at all a smile-and-wave kind of person, but this is worth me trying to step beyond that.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 11 Guests (See full list)

    • jae bear
    • Katie_marie
    • Elyssia
  • Who Was Online

    93 Users were Online in the Last 48 Hours
    • jae bear
    • Katie_marie
    • Elyssia
    • Sandra6sandy9sand
    • Katelyn
    • AsTheCrow
    • JBfox
    • Rowan
    • Brenna
    • Frank
    • DenimAndLace
    • MaryEllen
    • ChickenLittle
    • SugarMagnolia
    • Julie J
    • stbSusan
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Jocelyn
    • Rachael
    • Jani
    • Becca1108
    • Kirsten
    • Dimitri K
    • Sharon Aml
    • mochi90
    • LittleRed
    • VickySGV
    • Michelle F
    • Cluck1992
    • Amy LeBlanc
    • Martyn
    • Annie
    • Danielle J
    • Lexi
    • Jennifer Anne
    • AB
    • Dakota16
    • Dev
    • ChasingSerenity
    • Amy joey
    • Anna75
    • Charlize
    • Petra Jane
    • Carly Hughes
    • Amory
    • JJ
    • Terry
    • Adaline
    • kamakshi
    • Isabelle
    • Kali-Ann Gills
    • Fernode
    • Erika_E
    • ryanedson
    • Marbabar
    • CyndiRae
    • Sally
    • MaryMary
    • Cthorne
    • MarcieMarie12
    • Josiep
    • Miss Linnea
    • Lizzie McTrucker
    • Jojo
    • jo jo
    • tracy_j
    • Geirmundi
    • Avra
    • Cheyenne skye
    • Nykoli55
    • nicoJumpCannon
    • KeiraC
    • Pretty Muse
    • Ronny Lekx
    • KoreyA
    • KiraWolf
    • Jamie james
    • Jlandry1970
    • Luna L
    • LesleyAnne
    • BrandiBri
    • Timber Wolf
    • Lady Ayu
    • Zavida
    • Bpdisturbed
    • lylesnake
    • Emily98
    • ChelseaAnn
    • Ash.Knight
    • Jennylynn
    • TiaMaria
    • Wendy Girl
    • Zedarius
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      65,990
    • Total Posts
      596,853
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      3,648
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Becca1108
    Newest Member
    Becca1108
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Posts

    • Katie_marie
      I'm having an anxiety attack. How am I supposed to go back to work knowing that they all know my wish to transition? Knowing they were eavesdropping on my conversations with my therapist? What if they try to oust me or worse? I would be lying if I said I wasn't frightened. I'm actually TERRIFIED!!!   Katie
    • Katie_marie
      My apologies Julie. Missed the name....
    • ChickenLittle
      Feel free to pm me any time if you want help with stuff! 
    • MaryEllen
      Hello Frank, Welcome to TransPulse.   I would have to say this. If you feel that you are a male, then that's what you are. A male. I'm aware that the economic situation in Venezuela is not good so it's understandable that you cannot afford a therapist. The next best thing is to talk with us here. We have many members here who can give you advice on how to handle unsupporting parents and how to appear more manly. Feel free to ask questions. I'm sure you'll get answers. If you haven't already, join the chat here. You'll be able to chat one on one with knowledgeable trans men who can give you good advice. Good luck.   MaryEllen
    • SugarMagnolia
      Wow. That's amazing! I would imagine that the general election in November will be even tougher for her, but winning the primary is in and of itself an incredible thing. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.cnn.com/politics/live-news/primary-elections-results-august-14/h_cc611965245ae81556a84c730c3516aa   This is wonderful and amazing.  Go Christine!   Carolyn Marie
    • Frank
      Hello, I am a 19 years old girl from Venezuela, since I was a little kid I've always liked to dress like a boy and play with boy's toys, I had a girlfriend during my early teenage phase, my parents (religious) got extremely mad with it but till today they haven't brought up the topic again so I assume they forgot about it. My parents tried to force me to be "girly and flirty" multiple times by buying me clothes I disliked until I turned 15 and stopped caring about that, I've always felt more comfortable dressing like a boy or "androgynous" because I dislike dresses, skirts, sandals, adjusted shirts (I don't like looking myself on the mirror and watching my boobies). Lately I have been fantasizing a lot (EVERYDAY) with being a man, even on my sexual fantasies I'm the guy, which made me wonder if I'm actually trans. I have done things like pretending I am a man online when I was younger, I have taken it too far at the point of editing my voice in calls to sound like a guy, at some times I thought I was actually a guy, It's hard to explain with words, I guess when you tell yourself a lie for too long you start believing it. I wish I could contact a gender therapist or something but:  I can't afford it, the economic situation in this country is horrible.  There are not gender therapists in Venezuela, the society is years behind, so even if I could afford it I can't get to one. I wish I could find out if I'm actually trans or I'm just confused (maybe because of my depression), this situation gets me terribly bad, everytime I look in the mirror I mess up with my hair to see how would I look with a short hair (my mom doesn't want me to get a haircut), I see myself as a man, I don't like looking at my sexual parts, I feel they don't belong to me and I would prefer to have a -censored- penis. I came out to my grandma and my best friend but that hasn't helped anything since I can't start doing anything to actually feel better, it's sad having to pour my sorrow on internet but I'm really desperate.
    • AsTheCrow
      My first shave with the safety razor went great, by the way! My face has never been smoother! There is still room for improvement, but because it was my first time, I just gave it two with-the-grain passes to get the knack of it. When I feel I've got a good handle on it I'll go cross-grain on the second pass for a closer shave.  
    • Jani
      Since I've retired I try to pick up the slack wherever I can!  Ha! 
    • SugarMagnolia
      And here I was thinking that the sleeping in was my task. I'm glad you covered for me, Jani!
    • SugarMagnolia
      I'm about as liberal as they come, but I have no problem with responsible gun ownership for personal protection for those who choose to do so. It's not something that I personally feel the need for, but I respect those who choose to exercise that right. 
        I do think this must seem a bit strange to our forum friends out side the USA, though. 🙂  
    • Katie_marie
      That’s perfect advice SugarMagnolia! Thanks!
    • SugarMagnolia
      That's so great, Katie!

      I agree with the search idea above.

      I'd also suggest taking it one step further and thinking about what parts of your body to play up, not just hide. That's different for all of us, but it can sometimes be helpful in putting together outfits. Ultimately, you can't hide your body but you can play to your strengths and that will make the process a little more enjoyable. 😀

      For example, I don't have much in the way of curves and would be classified as having a rectangular body shape, but I do have long trim legs and so showing those off appropriately (no short shorts or mini skirts!) is something that I can feel good about even as I work to minimize my shoulders, not draw attention to the size of my feet and provide the illusion of cleavage. 

      I'm not sure how helpful this info is for you, but I wish you luck and joy in finding your style. It can be a lot of fun!

      Julie
    • SugarMagnolia
      Posting this for other CA folks thinking about the same. It is quite detailed and includes examples in the appendix. I've attached the file and included the link below so people can get the latest copy in the future.
      https://transgenderlawcenter.org/resources/id/id-please ID_Please_FINAL_7.25.14.pdf
    • VickySGV
      I had the very real experience of a Trans friend telling me that some three of four days before they had been approached by a police officer asking if they knew a <Male Name> shortly after a person we both knew had been badly beaten up, but thankfully had lived without too many lingering problems.  I vaguely remembered a part of our victimized friend's long ago male name  but the person talking to me had never known them as anything other than Trans female.  My unhurt friend  did have information on suspects for the attack and went to the Police department who eventually did get the culprits but that was several months down the line.   SIGH.   
  • Upcoming Events

×