Is it bad that I overlook Mtfs when I comes to dating

[Guest Dragonseeker]

Stress finds its way into every relationship whether it be a trans/trans, Cis/trans or Cis/Cis relationship. Relationships in general can be stressful.

You say that you wouldn't be able to deal with. MTF's gender dysphoria while you're having your own but what if you get in a relationship with a Cis girl and she tells you she can't handle your dysphoria? Cis people just don't understand what we go through and it can become hard for them to deal with.At least a trans woman could relate to you. Not saying this would happen for sure if you dated a Cis girl, but it could. You don't have to date a trans women, I'm not trying to make it sound like that. We're attracted to who we're attracted to.

Also, the "straight men" you've asked about dating transwomen, I'm gonna guess they're in high school? (Correct me if I'm wrong) and high schoolers are shallow and those boys probably have no idea what transgender is besides what they've seen on reality tv shows that tend to portrey trans people in a bad light. It's one thing to not want to date a transwomen cause you just aren't attracted to them, it's another to not date them because you think they are less of a woman.

-Jake

[Guest Jaques]

No that would be to stressful, I want what she has and she wants what I have, So why not be with a cisgender female, No offence

this is how i felt before i transitioned, both the women i dated several times had fully transitioned from M2F but i kept feeling they gave up what i wanted and though i do, esp. now, understand that could be seen as offensive, it was where i was at at that time - and they were both much taller than me - and had broader shoulders, but i did like them very much - however i could never let them near me sexually because...............well i dont need to elaborate on that one do I?

When i didnt understand so much how a transperson felt because i thought i was gay, i asked one of the M2F's i dated why she didnt join a group with other transpeople, as she hadnt many friends - she said "why would I want to do that" - then i started to get it..................

[Guest Jay Smooth]

I mean its kinda true, Im not trying to offend anyone who happens to be mtf, Its a heas ace on top of head ace, And even what you mentioned, A transwomam would trigger my dysphoria more, It wouldnt happen if I date cisgendered women

[Guest Maria_B]

Yeah, I couldn't date somone younger than me, I couldn't deal with the headache of ''this person doesn't like me'' turning into an end of the world everyone is against me thing, or the like, so I don't think you're wrong, really. Gender Incongruence, i don't know if its multiplicative or not, never dated another transperson, but we all have things that trigger our nerves.

Another's dysphoria might affect your own, and not wanting to be in a situation like that is okay, just like not wanting to be with an overly dramatic end-of-the-world person, not wanting to be with a sports fanatic never shuts up about hockey person, or not wanting to be with someone who can't stop talking about animals.

[Guest Bellexia]

Agreed Maria, see there is one problem I have dealt with when dating other tgirls. It's that sometimes some trans like to be all gung ho about being trans, like it's a badge of honor. For me that is like not even the case, so when I was with the few I was with, I was called a self hating trans because I wasn't wearing it on my sleeve and super proud of it. Then there is the dysphoria and jealousy. "You pass better than me, I will never look that good, I will never get my surgery, etc etc" it becomes and all encompassing part of their life and it is just overwhelming and depressing. I realize that not all trans out there are like this and the transactivist4lyfe thing is mostly around the older generation, however sometimes it just becomes too much for me.

[Cyndee]

The title of this post is kinda telling folks and seems a bit centered around the word "I", appears to be riddled with some kind of pre-judgement.

Don't read into labels what ever they may be, every human being is unique, this community is about diversity and support.

Date who ever you want, really.

C -

[Guest Jay Smooth]

I know everyone experiences stress in relationships, And to dragonseeker quit trying to make that oh well transwomen understand no they understand their part, It would be easier period for me to date a cisgendered female, And no that was a grown man who said he wouldnt date a transwoman why would I ask a kid, And again no I would not date a transwomen, Their are different things that I go through than a transwoman, Why are you getting offended,

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Like Bellexia said the oh you pass better than me dysphoria, Jealousy, I wouldnt be jealous of a cis woman, And I would even date a woman whos taller than me. Bottom line is a transwomans struggle is different from a transman, Again read through my other post the girl who Im starting to like understands me and shes a straight cisgendered female

[Guest Bellexia]

Not sure if serious...

[Guest Jay Smooth]

And even though Im young what about sex it plays apart in the relationship, I have ways around that with a straight woman, Straight men dont have ways aound that a transwoman unless their post op,

[Guest Dragonseeker]

I wasn't getting offended, sorry if you thought I was. I stated my opinion, and you got defensive. Idk why you asked this question if you didn't want to hear what others had to say. I wasn't trying to force you to date a MTF I just stated why I thought it'd be easier than a cisgirl which you clearly don't agree with. I'll stop now before I say something mean.

-Jake

[Guest Bellexia]

Uh yeah we do. I won't go into it but yeah we do. This is just silly at this point. Heck even I have ways with other mtf's.

First. I woo them, probably by playing the song of my people, then the ancestral Erkel dance.

Then I sing to them, usually a ballad of how I slew 999 ninjas and 1 ghost.

Finally they fall in love with me. Because I am awesome.

[Guest Jay Smooth]

You guys got mad at my oppinion, And not to be rude to bellexia but I can cover my bilogical stuff, You cant, Know like I dont see how you could think dating a transwoman is easier, Its really not, I could ask my friend right know and she would say no, If I really explained it to her, But I accept transwoman and I do considerthem woman, But 2 people with gender dysphoria=hot mess, And in a relationship the both of you cant be depressed on has to be happy to bring the other one up, Cisgendered girls dont experienc dysphoria

[Guest Bellexia]

I wasn't getting offended, sorry if you thought I was. I stated my opinion, and you got defensive. Idk why you asked this question if you didn't want to hear what others had to say. I wasn't trying to force you to date a MTF I just stated why I thought it'd be easier than a cisgirl which you clearly don't agree with. I'll stop now before I say something mean.

-Jake

Yeah same, at this point it would be far too easy to be mean. I am gonna bow out and let this thread ride into oblivion as that seems to be the current path.

[Guest Jay Smooth]

I wasn't getting offended, sorry if you thought I was. I stated my opinion, and you got defensive. Idk why you asked this question if you didn't want to hear what others had to say. I wasn't trying to force you to date a MTF I just stated why I thought it'd be easier than a cisgirl which you clearly don't agree with. I'll stop now before I say something mean.

-Jake

If you have something to say then say it im not gonna get mad

[Guest leo]

Jay why do you have to argue with everyone? You either want people's opinions or not! We get it your trans and your family don't accept it! Many of us are in your boat! You wasn't born male but there is nothing we can do about that, just accept it and try as live as male as possible or forgot it and get on with our life! I don't think anyone here has the right answer for you

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Jay why do you have to argue with everyone? You either want people's opinions or not! We get it your trans and your family don't accept it! Many of us are in your boat! You wasn't born male but there is nothing we can do about that, just accept it and try as live as male as possible or forgot it and get on with our life! I don't think anyone here has the right answer for you

What are you talking about Im not arguing with anyone, And your really contradicting, You call me a male them say I wasnt born one make up your mnd I see why cisgenders dont wanna see us as who we say we are

[VickySGV]

This is more than a friendly warning that things are getting out of hand here, it is a serious warning that it is headed toward a lock down. Saying something obviously hurtful, mean or derogatory about another member, EVEN WITH THEIR ASSURANCE THEY WILL NOT GET MAD is against the most ridgid rules of this place. If a member refuses to post something because they know it is against the rules, it is NOT ok to tell them to post them anyway. I see this as a circular thing where ALL POSSIBLE differences and ideas will be met as we can see they have. In lieu of closing the topic it may be best to just let it die before real damage occurs.

That is my opinion as a member of the MODERATOR STAFF.

[Guest Ebany]

You guys got mad at my oppinion, And not to be rude to bellexia but I can cover my bilogical stuff, You cant, Know like I dont see how you could think dating a transwoman is easier, Its really not, I could ask my friend right know and she would say no, If I really explained it to her, But I accept transwoman and I do considerthem woman, But 2 people with gender dysphoria=hot mess, And in a relationship the both of you cant be depressed on has to be happy to bring the other one up, Cisgendered girls dont experienc dysphoria

"Cisgendered girls don't experience dysphoria" like hell they don't. Why do you think they're so many plastic surgeons and eating disorders? Almost every woman I've ever met has at least some body image issues, many of them falling into the dyshoria category.

-Danny

[Guest Jay Smooth]

Gender dysphoria is different, Yaw keep trying to make excuses and you

You guys got mad at my oppinion, And not to be rude to bellexia but I can cover my bilogical stuff, You cant, Know like I dont see how you could think dating a transwoman is easier, Its really not, I could ask my friend right know and she would say no, If I really explained it to her, But I accept transwoman and I do considerthem woman, But 2 people with gender dysphoria=hot mess, And in a relationship the both of you cant be depressed on has to be happy to bring the other one up, Cisgendered girls dont experienc dysphoria

"Cisgendered girls don't experience dysphoria" like hell they don't. Why do you think they're so many plastic surgeons and eating disorders? Almost every woman I've ever met has at least some body image issues, many of them falling into the dyshoria category.

-Danny

Gender dysphoria, Yaw keep tryin to make excuses, And say irrelevant stuff not every cisgendered girl gets plastic surgery so you kinda make no since, Im talking about me pefering cis girls over tgirls

[Guest Kylie2112]

If you're attracted to women, and flat out say "I won't date trans women" then you're being a transmisogynist. If you're attracted to women, find somebody awesome who happens to be trans and consider that a "deal breaker" then you're being a transmisogynist.

Lets put in through a different lens. If you're white and say you flat out won't date somebody black then you're being a racist.

If the situation is that you just happen to not run into trans women, that's fine. If you realize that you're assuming everybody you've been attracted to was cis then you might be on the right road to thinking about ideas of gender.

Trans women have as wide of a spectrum of differences as cis women have. And you don't know if somebody is trans or cis until they tell you.

I can understand if there's the "I don't want a/someone else's penis" perspective. There is (in my opinion) a big difference between disrespecting a group and simply not wanting some of their characteristics. I don't want to be with a guy romantically, cis or trans, even though my best friends are guys and I love hanging out with them. I'd rather be with a girl (my girlfriend is also MTF) regardless of her innie/outie status.

Personally, I don't take offense to people who don't want to date a transperson if they want a girl-with-girl-parts or guy-with-guy-parts. There's a big difference between a lack of attraction and disrespect. I'm not attracted to black women. It doesn't mean anything against them.

/end rant

[Guest Jay Smooth]

You guys got mad at my oppinion, And not to be rude to bellexia but I can cover my bilogical stuff, You cant, Know like I dont see how you could think dating a transwoman is easier, Its really not, I could ask my friend right know and she would say no, If I really explained it to her, But I accept transwoman and I do considerthem woman, But 2 people with gender dysphoria=hot mess, And in a relationship the both of you cant be depressed on has to be happy to bring the other one up, Cisgendered girls dont experienc dysphoria

"Cisgendered girls don't experience dysphoria" like hell they don't. Why do you think they're so many plastic surgeons and eating disorders? Almost every woman I've ever met has at least some body image issues, many of them falling into the dyshoria category.

-Danny

Or eating dissorders, No offence, everything you said was irrelevant

[Guest Ebany]

body dysphoria is body dysphoria, Jay. Not all women get plastic surgry, that's very true. But for you to say that you will only date cis-women because they don't have dysphoria isn't being realistic. The reality is that even cis-women have body dysphoria, sometimes severe. I can understand not wanting a partner that also suffers severe body dysphoria...

I have to burst your stereotype bubble. Cis-women aren't immune to hating their body; in fact they seem to have most of a monopoly on it. I also understand being attracted to the parts as well as the package as a whole. But everyone is different and you can't judge an entire group based on steriotypes.

[Guest Jay Smooth]

I never said it was just because of gender dysphoria, I said it a 100 times that i npt trying to offend you guys mtf specifically

[Guest Ebany]

I just love statements qualified with a "no offence" because it is almost always followed/preceded by something highly offensive. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't date someone who is trans. I merely pointed out a flaw in your statement. Yes, trans people have body dysphoria; it's not unique to our community. Many, many genetic women experience body dysphoria. It's something you should keep in mind if you truly can't deal with someone else's body image issues when you're dealing with your own.

I will, however, most likely not reply anymore on your posts regardless of topic. I really hope you learn to accept yourself and those around you. And that you eventually stop seeing everyone as steriotypes and finally see them as unique individuals. Best of luck on your education and transition.

-Danny