Happy but a wreck

[Guest DianeATL]

I had my first therapist appointment today. I thought I was prepared, cool, calm and collected but I didn't get my first sentence out before my lip started quivering and the tears started welling up. We just jumped right to the heart of the matter and we covered so much ground. It was good but I could have stayed for 3 hours.

Prior to the visit I had outlined 2 major categories where I needed help; 1) am I really trans or just a phase or something else, 2) if I am help me figure out my path.

30 minutes in she gave me the answer to the first question. Without doubt from everything she was hearing and seeing, i am Trans.

Now we get to do the fun stuff and figure out where I go from here.

I am eating lunch out and trying not to be alone for a little while, otherwise I will be one big ball of tears. Validation means so much.

[Guest rexxmarksley]

That's great to hear you had validation, sometimes it's what we all need. Don't worry about getting tearful, I'm sure she's used to seeing people well up without uttering more than a few words

All the best!

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Diane,

I am very happy that you received the Validation that you needed.

Tears are Normal, but they are tears of Joy.

You are finally being True to Yourself as Diane.

You are finally confronting your issues.

"You stated that you could have stayed 3 hours"

That was one reason why I had to go to my Lesbian Support Groups for my Support.

I was seeing a Therapist one day a month, and the Trans Support Group also only met 1 day a month.

I needed to "Unload" because I had so many "Pent" up feelings and needed get them out to someone who cared about me.

My Lesbian Support Group met every week which was very beneficial to me and inaddittion, after the meeting we would go to a Diner where I was also able to avail myself of even more Support. They always Acceped me and Supported as a Female.

I Also shed Many, Many tears in the Group and they provided me Comfort and Support.

They were also tears of joy that I was finally Happy with Life being Me.

I was treated better by Support Groups than my own family.

I needed to feel that someone loved me even though my Family did not.and disowned me.

I am looking forward to hearing about future sessions with your Therapist.

Bring a large box of tissues because you wil need them.

I have never been Happier since Coming-Out and Transitioning in 2007.

I wish you all the Happiness that I have found since Coming-Out on your Wonderful Journey.

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest]

Congratulations on a successful first session, Diane.

I know the feeling all too well.

So, you are Trans*.Woooohooo

A big Hugg for you Girl and I wish you continued success on your journey.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest DianeATL]

Bad Carla- you got my eyes flooding again ;-)

Seriously thank you all for the support. I wouldn't have made this first step without the love of all of my cyber friends here at LP.

If we had let the moment be light, it almost was funny. She told in a way like, "this ain't a hard call honey, you don't need a lot of degrees to see that you are trans. :-)"

Next time she is going to use the questionnaire that she would use to refer someone for surgery as a framework for our discussions. Not that we are jumping to that step but she said the structure and thoroughness of the questions would be a good place to start.

I am so excited to be moving and not treading water. If it takes me 10 years to get there, at least I am now out of the parking lot and on the road.

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Diane,

I didn't mean to get your eyes flooding, only to share the the Joy that you finally deserve and will enjoy.

Don't be concerned about time, only your Happpiness day to day.

Take one day at a time, and enjoy them to the fullest.

"Gender is what is between your ears, not what is between your legs"

Even though I am still PreOp, I am very Comfortable with myself.

No one can see under my clothes and see If I had surgery.

I would like to share this link with you:

Reasons to enjoy being Transsexual.

http://www.transsexual.org/cherish.html

As I have said earlier, I wish you all the Happiness that I have found since Coming-Out and Transitioning.

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest DianeATL]

Thanks Carla - my tears are on a hair trigger today so you could have said hi and maybe started it.

Thanks for sharing the link and the support.

Hugs

[Ravin]

I just scheduled my first appointment. My questions are going to go a lot like yours going in. I'm glad you got the validation you needed.

[Guest DianeATL]

Ravin, congratulations on taking the first step and making the appointment. It is one of those pivotal days in my life and I am sure you will be happy that you did it.

I know I should have done it decades ago.

Diane

[Guest Amber Lynn]

Congrats on your appointment Diane, I'm glad it went so well and started to lay out a roadmap, so to speak. Just knowing where you stand is a big milestone to reach!

I think many of us can relate to that moment where the tears well up after the mental dam of pent-up feelings finally starts to crack... It was a few meetings through my own GT appointments that it happened to me: after having a very poignant discussion about all that had been racing through my head, on my drive home I listened to a song I had heard a thousand times before, and a lyric just hit that spot that brought everything to the surface. I cried the whole 45-minute drive home...

But Carla is right, they are good tears, and this is the first step of finding your way on a path that will ultimately lead you to a more fulfilling, happy, and real life. Even through these emotional moments, to me your posts sound like a woman who knows who she is, realizes that she has known for some time, and has found renewed optimism toward the future.

And as I can attest from getting to talk to you in past threads, you're a beautiful person that deserves that validation. I wish you the best of luck on the next step of your journey, and congratulations again on getting a GT. We're all here rooting for you!

Love,

Gina

[Guest dani83]

I had my first therapist appointment today. I thought I was prepared, cool, calm and collected but I didn't get my first sentence out before my lip started quivering and the tears started welling up. We just jumped right to the heart of the matter and we covered so much ground. It was good but I could have stayed for 3 hours.

Prior to the visit I had outlined 2 major categories where I needed help; 1) am I really trans or just a phase or something else, 2) if I am help me figure out my path.

30 minutes in she gave me the answer to the first question. Without doubt from everything she was hearing and seeing, i am Trans.

Now we get to do the fun stuff and figure out where I go from here.

I am eating lunch out and trying not to be alone for a little while, otherwise I will be one big ball of tears. Validation means so much.

Hi Diane!

Your history remembers me exactly how I felt on my first appointments with the endo and later the gender therapist. I think that nobody should have the responsibility to "decide" being trans or not, it's too much of a burden... and only after seeing a gender therapist I've finally understood their importance. It was only after I got the "official" diagnostic that I was finally free to pursue my dream to be myself.

It's like when you are trying to figure this out by yourself you will never be completely sure, because all our fears of being wrong get in the way, and everything that we've learnt from society about or birth roles get in the way as well.... but when a professional takes the stand and is able to tell you that you are really trans, that's a relief... At least that's what happened to me.

Now about what to do next, that depends on so many things, but the important is to take one step at a time. I've known for my entire life that I was different, but only at 23 years old or so I've started figuring out that I'm really trans. Then, it took 6 years to convince myself to seek professional help... and now, I'm one year on HRT, I'm almost clearing my beard and just did my first surgery (hair transplant). But still I can't go out as a woman since I'm not even close to passing... maybe in 4 to 6 months I'll be able to do that.

What I want to say here is that everybody have their timing, for some its quicker and others its slower, but just go one step at a time and you'll be fine. Of course I wanted to be a woman my entire life, but if I'm able to be at 31, better than never, right?

[gennee]

I remember when I was validated as a transgender woman, tears streamed down my cheeks.

My make up and mascara were running but I didn't care.

[Guest DianeATL]

Gennee - It surprised me - I had no idea that it was that meaningful then when she told me it just released something inside, I wanted to stand up and give a Marv Albert YESSSS!

Hugs

[VickySGV]

I missed darn near a whole night of sleep after my similar appointment (actually it came in a group therapy session). I was lucky to have made it home I was such a mess of EVERYTHING. In my case it lead to HRT, but the ride at that point was just as mindblowing and now I am tearing up!! (Four years later!!)