Self medicating depression with drugs.

[Guest Serena23]

I have really bad depression and I take pain pills to cope with it. I feel like there's something so wrong with me. Like why can't I have the will to change my life? I know that it's something that will help cure my depression, but like I'm so afraid of what people will say or even that they may try and harm me. I get really upset a lot of the times and I cry nearly everyday just wishing I would die. When I'm feeling that way I cut myself. I've admitted myself to a psych center this year but signed myself out after a couple days. I just wanna have the strength to be myself and allow myself to be happy just sick of the way things are, something has to change. I can't keep taking the amount of pills I do it's just they numb me out and I don't feel as emotional as usual. I just wanna feel I have some control and feel like I'm not so alone in the world. And I do feel so messed up, like even on here I feel different because I'm not doing HRT I don't really know where to go to get it, I just dunno where to start and I wanna have my life on track soon as possible I just really need some help and I dunno where on Earth to turn so I'm just hoping ppl know how to steer me in the right direction to fix the many problems I have going on... Please help, I'm running out of options

[MaryEllen]

Are you getting any psychological counseling? If not, you might want to give it a try. Are there any GLBT or NA groups in your area. That could be an option for you. If you haven't yet joined the chat, I would urge you to do so. Talking one on one with one of the moderators there can be very beneficial. The bottom line is, reach out. You shouldn't have to go it alone. Help is available.

MaryEllen

[Charlize]

Please don't feel like you need to be 'doing" HRT to be here. Many of us are not ever going to go there. The pills you are taking can become a real problem. I am an addict in recovery. It was very hard to get out from under the weight of addiction. It kept me from finding myself for years. Please find help for your drug use either at a rehab or with help from NA or AA. We have a group here that meets 9 eastern on Sunday of other trans addicts with all types of gender issues. Please keep reaching out. You are not alone as many of us have been where you are now. It sounds like you have found that life has become unmanageable. That is a huge step! Now getting help is a must. We can't do it alone. The fear and embarrassment melted away for me as i confronted my addiction. I have seen that happen for many now after 6 years of being clean. It can for you as well. Pm me or others who post in the substance area. We all help each other as we can.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest]

I am in the same boat as Charlie and others here, so I can only speak from my recovery. Getting rehab, getting in a recovery program and getting your gender issues sorted out is a good thing. Two things I do know. Many medicines whether prescibed or not negatively impact the good effects of HRT, the more the pill use the less the hormones help. The second is female hormones will elevate mood swings, oh I can get very emotional! It's a good thing for me, lots of tears of joy. If excessive pill use is in play to suppress and fix the emotions. It becomes like a dog chasing it's tail. HRT, emotions, pills and acting out to repress the emotions, less HRT good effects, need more hormones, more emotions more bad behavior, until there is no joy left. Only pain and pills and an extreme loss of my health and sanity like a down hill spiral into the tubes. Well you get my drift here I think. These programs are not a magic wand, it's people helping people make the effort.

None of these things can we effectively do alone, fear and a feeling that we are alone and different conspire to keep us from the help we need. You are like us, we are like you. That is why we know the help is there and also why it seems so hard to get. I love being in recovery, I love the new me today, it sure beats the drugs and alcohol my old "He" did. Hug. JodyAnn

[Carolyn Marie]

And I do feel so messed up, like even on here I feel different because I'm not doing HRT I don't really know where to go to get it, I just dunno where to start and I wanna have my life on track soon as possible

Serena, as the others have said, you don't need to be on HRT, or even planning to be, in order to be an active member here. More importantly, you should understand that HRT is not going to solve all of your problems. It is a means to a goal, and shouldn't be the goal itself. You need to understand yourself better first, and as you've already said, you need to take charge of your life. Do that first, and then worry about transition, if that is still important to you.

The first step is to get professional help, either through a group such as NA or a therapy group, or by individual therapy. Find an LGBT center that either has counseling services or can refer you, or just see a general therapist, who can at least get you going in the right direction.

To paraphrase one of my favorite poems, "You are the master of your fate, you are the captain of your soul."

Take care of yourself, Serena. I am rooting for you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest April Kristie]

Serena, I was addicted to pain meds (for pain) for twelve years, I am six months free of the nasty stuff and feeling myself again for the first time in a long time. I am in the beginning throws of a late life transition, that feels so right. Do yourself a favor and rid your body of those negative items. Get the help you need as outlined in earlier posts. We do not live alone, and who we are is affected by how we relate to those around us. Think about it please.

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Serena,

First, let me start with this comment.

"I'm so afraid of what people will say or even that they may try and harm me. I get really upset a lot of the times and I cry nearly everyday just wishing I would die."

Why are you so afraid? You are assuming that people will treat you badly, which is probably not correct.

Seeing a Gender Therapist would help you deal with some of these issues.

Are your pills Anti-Psychotic medications? If so, discuss your side effects with the doctor prescribing them to you.

Your doctor can change prescriptions to other meds that do not make you so "Numb"

Also, some meds will "Numb" you until your body gets used to them.

Today, with new Anti-Depressant medications and Psychotherapy there is no reason anyone needs to suffer Depression.

I also agree with MaryEllen, locating an LGBT Center or Transgender Support Group would be helpful to you.

I suffered Suicidal Thoughts and Major Depression for over 40 years.

Today, with the correct meds that I am on and regular Mental Health visits I could not be Happier.

I know that I will have to take my Psych. meds for the rest of my life but it is in the best interest of my Mental Health.

I do not like having to take them, but I know it is a necessity.

When I first Came-Out and Transitioned Full-Time, I was also afraid everyone was watching me, and no one did.

The more I went out and was not harassed, the more comfortable I became.

I have NEVER been harassed or the victim of any violence in Public since I Came-Out and Transitioned Full-Time.

The Public actually treated me better than my own family.

People are not as cruel as you think they are, give them a chance and do not be so hard on yourself.

One place to look for Transgender Support Groups is here, they are sorted alphabetically by State.

Laura's Playground Transgender Support Groups http://www.lauras-playground.com/trans_support_groups.htm

Take small goals or steps that you can easily accomplish, instead of large goals that are difficulty to achieve and result in your getting Depressed.

All of us were afraid when first Coming-Out because it is normal to fear the unknown, but not normal when the fear becomes excessive.

I wish you much Happiness and Success on your Journey.

Please continue to post any questions that you may have.

There is lots of Support here for you.

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest Serena23]

It's really hard being in the middle of the bible belt where everyone looks at you like you're some problem that needs to be fixed. Aside from that, I can't find any place to go for help. Like I even checked myself into a psych center, but signed myself out after 2 days. I had cut myself one night when I was drinking. Well cut myself like 17 times. I knew I needed help, but being in that place made me feel even more crazier. When you live in this backwoods place like I do, you find absolutely no help. There's nothing that caters specifically towards the LGBTQ community. So that's why I have like no place to turn. I'd just like to have options. I'm like this ball of anger and sadness facing 4 walls. I was on Prozac at one time, helped a little. Then an FNP said they have been taking Zoloft for years and it helped them. Zoloft was a complete joke for me and yes I know antidepressants work different for every individual. The core of my depression is being TG. Without addressing that, no amount of drugs (prescribed or street) will do anything for me. I honestly just wanna know where to go, and who to contact in order to start the process. Like what do I do? Google 'suicidal, depressed, transgender addict help in KY'? As far as the fear that I have goes, I am kind of seeing it differently now. I want to be out and open so that other people can look at me and find their own stength to be true to themselves in such a hostile environment. But back to what I was saying, how do I find a therapist and who can start me on HRT? I'm guessing an Endroconologist, but I mean I really have no idea. I know that so many on here are doing HRT, I just want to know how to start it myself

[Michelle 2010]

It's really hard being in the middle of the bible belt where everyone looks at you like you're some problem that needs to be fixed. Aside from that, I can't find any place to go for help. Like I even checked myself into a psych center, but signed myself out after 2 days. I had cut myself one night when I was drinking. Well cut myself like 17 times. I knew I needed help, but being in that place made me feel even more crazier. When you live in this backwoods place like I do, you find absolutely no help. There's nothing that caters specifically towards the LGBTQ community. So that's why I have like no place to turn. I'd just like to have options. I'm like this ball of anger and sadness facing 4 walls. I was on Prozac at one time, helped a little. Then an FNP said they have been taking Zoloft for years and it helped them. Zoloft was a complete joke for me and yes I know antidepressants work different for every individual. The core of my depression is being TG. Without addressing that, no amount of drugs (prescribed or street) will do anything for me. I honestly just wanna know where to go, and who to contact in order to start the process. Like what do I do? Google 'suicidal, depressed, transgender addict help in KY'? As far as the fear that I have goes, I am kind of seeing it differently now. I want to be out and open so that other people can look at me and find their own stength to be true to themselves in such a hostile environment. But back to what I was saying, how do I find a therapist and who can start me on HRT? I'm guessing an Endroconologist, but I mean I really have no idea. I know that so many on here are doing HRT, I just want to know how to start it myself

I'm sure there are transexuals in Louisville, Lexington, Cincinati, Nashville...Somewhere within 150 miles of you must be an urban area which provides the services you need, including lgbt support... A friend of mine drives three hours through the mountains out west to get what she needs. So perhaps you are right that you need to Google it...

I agree with Carla incidently, that you may be surprised when you start presenting as your true self in public. If you are away from where everyone knows the "old you" they will simply see the true you, the beauty and the flaws, but without a context of being your ex-neighbor or cousin or whatever...

So if you need to be mobile to achieve your dreams and destiny, be mobile and go where you need to go.

Hugs

Michelle

[Guest Serena23]

I agree with Carla incidently, that you may be surprised when you start presenting as your true self in public. If you are away from where everyone knows the "old you" they will simply see the true you, the beauty and the flaws, but without a context of being your ex-neighbor or cousin or whatever...

I agree with that, and I could almost see myself going out in public. Only thing is I'd prolly have to be super high to do it. Naturally my main issue is passing and I feel with HRT I'll have more confidence with it.

[Michelle 2010]

Does "super high" refer to HRT, positive mental attitude, or getting messed up on drugs? Cause if passing is your main issue, druggin' don't make you prettier, it just make you think you're prettier, lol!

I've been having alot of fun this summer being myself dining, shopping, catching AA meetings, going to museums etc. No one has disrespected me yet.... Do i "pass"? Dunno.... probably less than 50% among folks that check me out. Once you just start living your life and not walkin' down the street wondering if everyone is staring at you, you'll find that fewer people are staring at you... All those nonverbal cues like being stiff, uptight etc cause folks to instinctively pick up on it. Chill... be yourself... most people won't spend 30 seconds thinking about you whether they read you or not.... I wouldn't walk in front of an open air redneck bar at 11 o'clock at night but the places I go are cool. Stay away from dangerous places and just be yourself honey....

Hugs

Michelle

[Guest Serena23]

I mean high on street drugs yeah lol to ease the tension I guess.. I'm kinda going out tonight, but not going to be in public really. Mainly driving around by myself. I honestly believe the reason I never see anyone like me is because of how religious & intolerent the community here is. I mean you drive 2 hours in any direction and you're still in the heart of it. Like no one has ever began a transition here, and I can say that because of how small the area is. Anything happens, everyone knows. All I know is if I continue to live like this, I won't stop doing street drugs because without moving forward life is meaningless to me and I'd rather stay blowed out of my mind then crying 24/7. I reached out to a therapist last night, asking for help. We'll see how that goes....

[Michelle 2010]

I mean high on street drugs yeah lol to ease the tension I guess.. I'm kinda going out tonight, but not going to be in public really. Mainly driving around by myself. I honestly believe the reason I never see anyone like me is because of how religious & intolerent the community here is. I mean you drive 2 hours in any direction and you're still in the heart of it. Like no one has ever began a transition here, and I can say that because of how small the area is. Anything happens, everyone knows. All I know is if I continue to live like this, I won't stop doing street drugs because without moving forward life is meaningless to me and I'd rather stay blowed out of my mind then crying 24/7. I reached out to a therapist last night, asking for help. We'll see how that goes....

The ultimate paradox in addiction or heavy using, my dear, is that we use because we think we can't move forward anyway, but the reality is that using prevents us from moving forward.... whereas there is a possibility that your efforts are futile without using drugs, the reality is that your efforts are guaranteed to be futile if you are using drugs regularly...

Much Love

Michelle

[Guest Serena23]

Is there no gray area at all in this? What I'm hearing is that the drug use needs to stop regardless if I'm not immediately starting HRT. It's hard to stop the only thing in my life that remotely makes me feel good. And I just don't feel everyone's path must be the same. I guess this is why I don't feel I belong here because I don't really feel stopping is best for me until I do HRT. It's really just ruining my confidence and making me feel like I'm always wrong. Even if I do stop, what am I suppose to do? Sit in my room all day crying and wanting to hurt myself? In my mind, starting HRT immediately is the best thing for me, am I wrong on this?

[Guest Sarah Faith]

Serena, no one here can make you do anything you don't want to, there are rules in the T&C that Illegal drugs and what not cannot be supported which is why we can't give you an answer aside from what you have been given. Drug use is undoubtedly bad, but there are grey areas everywhere in life and ultimately it is up for you to decide but It's important to know that hormones are hard on the liver and can lead to clots and other problems. The more you damage your body with drugs the harder time your body may have with HRT.

You have to do what you think is best for you, but if you are high on drugs 24/7 then you will be unable to have a clear enough mind to actually begin putting a plan together to actually move forward with your life. Being with out the drugs will be hard at first no doubt and it will make everything seem scarier but you really do need a clear mind to plan our the things you need to do to get to a place in life where you aren't crying 24/7.

We all have our addictions and distractions for me I binged on food, and I ate whenever I felt anything bad and it made me feel good for awhile.. I tried to get on hrt 4 years go but I weighed 350 pounds and my therapist wouldn't even write me a letter to start hrt. I had to change my lifestyle give up one of the few things that made me feel good and start working my butt off on the treadmill every single day. Changing ones life for the better is never easy but it's worth the effort you have to put in.

Get off the drugs, deal with withdraws, get your self together and direct your energy into researching the steps you need to take, ask questions, and start building a plan.

[Guest Raelene]

Serena, hun,your trials sound a bit familiar! I had a hard time over coming the alcohol and drugs, but it happened. I got clean from drugs in prison and I highly recommend that you do not try that! I have only lately beat the alcohol and that was by coming out to myself. I'm not on HRT yet, and I feel I have to get my body back in the best shape I can before do. I want this so much, that I will do anything in my power to achieve my goal. The alcohol had to go so my liver will be in its best condition to process the drugs need for my transition .

I know it's hard to give up your security blanket, but you have to if you want this,you will find your way through. This community is so supportive, you can count on someone having your back. BTW, you think where you live is bad, try rural Mississippi ! It's like living in the Dark Ages!

Just hang in there and cope. Take as much solace as you can from being able to admit to yourself who you are and wear that like armor.

Hugs

Rae

[Guest Serena23]

Serena, no one here can make you do anything you don't want to, there are rules in the T&C that Illegal drugs and what not cannot be supported which is why we can't give you an answer aside from what you have been given. Drug use is undoubtedly bad, but there are grey areas everywhere in life and ultimately it is up for you to decide but It's important to know that hormones are hard on the liver and can lead to clots and other problems. The more you damage your body with drugs the harder time your body may have with HRT.

You have to do what you think is best for you, but if you are high on drugs 24/7 then you will be unable to have a clear enough mind to actually begin putting a plan together to actually move forward with your life. Being with out the drugs will be hard at first no doubt and it will make everything seem scarier but you really do need a clear mind to plan our the things you need to do to get to a place in life where you aren't crying 24/7.

We all have our addictions and distractions for me I binged on food, and I ate whenever I felt anything bad and it made me feel good for awhile.. I tried to get on hrt 4 years go but I weighed 350 pounds and my therapist wouldn't even write me a letter to start hrt. I had to change my lifestyle give up one of the few things that made me feel good and start working my butt off on the treadmill every single day. Changing ones life for the better is never easy but it's worth the effort you have to put in.

Get off the drugs, deal with withdraws, get your self together and direct your energy into researching the steps you need to take, ask questions, and start building a plan.

That is really amazing, Sarah, I honestly mean it. I can't even imagine what that must feel like, but it is quite inspiring. I am very happy for you. The patience you showed, as well as others, is admirable and clearly something I lack I'm very sensitive and emotional which is why that I cry as much as I do when I'm not high on street drugs.

Serena, hun,your trials sound a bit familiar! I had a hard time over coming the alcohol and drugs, but it happened. I got clean from drugs in prison and I highly recommend that you do not try that! I have only lately beat the alcohol and that was by coming out to myself. I'm not on HRT yet, and I feel I have to get my body back in the best shape I can before do. I want this so much, that I will do anything in my power to achieve my goal. The alcohol had to go so my liver will be in its best condition to process the drugs need for my transition .

I know it's hard to give up your security blanket, but you have to if you want this,you will find your way through. This community is so supportive, you can count on someone having your back. BTW, you think where you live is bad, try rural Mississippi ! It's like living in the Dark Ages!

Just hang in there and cope. Take as much solace as you can from being able to admit to yourself who you are and wear that like armor.

Hugs

Rae

Congrats on the sobriety, Rae! I can relate to the whole getting the body back in shape, I do understand how much pressure I'm putting on my body physically. I've tried many different coping techniques, but none of them really work for me. That's probably because I have too much time on my hands and just sit at home overthinking virtually everything. I do know that if I was transitioning I would be a good girl. Fear would be a good motivator for me, because I'd be afraid of doing even the slightest illegal thing. Going to jail while transitioning would be an absolute nightmare for a couple of reasons, but none more important than my safety. I do feel like I have a plan, just maybe not one that many can agree with. In using the street drugs I just feel they're helping me be as patient as I can be. As anyone can already see, I don't want to stop the drug usage at this time and I feel I have valid reasons. I should quit though, because I'm wrong like all the time, or at least that's how others make me feel. My self-esteem is really so far down because of it. I'm just really afraid of what might happen when I'm off drugs and super emotional as usual. I don't think it's fair for anyone to expect me to play russian roulette with my own life like this, but if my current decisions aren't going to be supported here I may just cave in. My intentions are in no way to be disrespectful and I would be very upset if I was doing that by typing this because so many ppl have took the time to reach out to me and I'm absolutely grateful for that. I just can't make any promises that stopping the drug use before starting the transition won't end badly for me.

[Guest]

Just a few tid bits if you please. The very first time I came out in public I was fully en fem with my ex, She did make me feel safe and supported. It was at night the first time, day the next. We didn't do the town, we just walked around the neighborhood, next day went to the thrift store. From there she went home to her life, I ran back into my shell only creeping back out in skinny jeans and a unisex top. It made me feel better inside, it felt right for me and slowly gave me confidence in me. Yet it didn't scream look at me, I'm a girl. As you transition you may find girls (not romance) that can help you feel safe in public whlle your girl legs are wobbly. They can help you see the monster of coming out is not as big as it appears.

People messed up, don't think other people notice, Honey they do! That is the tip off something is wrong, way more than what you are wearing, even if you don't quite blend in. When I was really buzzed I got a little paranoia going and even though I think I am so smooth (not really you know), it seems like all eyes are on me. Then I act in fear and I stand out even more. This gives other people an uncomfortable vibe and then they react. Vicious cycle. Ever notice too, that tomboys can wear boy clothes and they still very much look like girls? There is some presentation for you, that will let you feel like you and still blend in with your suroundings.

A twelve step recovery program is a great place to hang out and be yourself, the only requirements are a desire to stop using and don't show up at meetings buzzed. That's the safest place I came out at. Loose the dope, it works totally against transition, way reduces the effectiveness of HRT, traps you from finding the new you. That's not from T&C, that from me, based on my personal experiance. Oh, BTW you don't have to move to LGBT hot centers, unless you want to. Most cities may be better than the country side though. Phoenix is not a progressive mecca, but we are 15,000+ Trans people strong. That's a whole lot of us that fit into the community. Giggle. Hug. JodyAnn

[Guest April Kristie]

Do not give up hope, keep trying to get your head clear first. I as a 6'8" person do not pass. Have I been out en femme sure. When people see me as a genetic male I stop people in their tracks, as a woman I for sure get stares, giggles etc. Small people with small minds. Their problem not mine. Keep yourself under the radar as a more common female and you will fit in even in the bible thumping belt. Or move to an easier place where you will be accepted. I am dress as a woman but I can kick like a mule.There is tons of support in these posts, if you are hanging with other druggies they are dragging you down. Change your environment and friends.

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Serena,

I have not heard from you in a while or had anymore PM's from you.

You are obviously addicted and need some help.

You cannot be helped until you want to be helped.

Previously, I PM'ed you this information.

PLEASE, give it some serious thought.

Narcotics Anonymous is willing to help you.

Illegal drugs can be dangerous and often fatal.

"I don't want to stop the drug usage at this time and I feel I have valid reasons" There are NO valid reasons to use illegal drugs.( I cannot stress this enough)

Previously, I suffered Major Depression for over 40 years and was Very Unhappy but I never abused drugs or alcohol to find relief.

Narcotics Anonymous

http://www.na.org/

http://www.na.org/admin/include/spaw2/uploads/pdf/litfiles/us_english/IP/EN3107.pdf (Please Read)

http://www.na.org/?ID=IsNAForMe-content (Please Read)

http://www.na.org/?ID=phoneline (Search USA, State-Kentucky or your Area Code) (Helplines and Support Groups)

Formerly, I was a Police Officer, Fire Fighter and an Emergency Medical Technician.

I have often seen the bad side of illegal drugs.

I cannot stress enough that you need to get help.

In our PM's, you seemed like a wonderful young woman, please take care of yourself.

One Kentucky Transgender Support group you may be interested in is:

TransKentucky http://www.transkentucky.com/site/

TransKentucky is a support, social, and resource group serving Lexington and the state of Kentucky as a whole.

I feel that being around other Trans-Women will be helpful to you.

I hope that some of the information I have provided you with will be helpful to you.

I hope to read some happier news from you in future posts.

I know it is still early, but I wish you Success and Happiness in stopping using illegal drugs and also on your Journey.

Hugs,

Carla

PS: If you would still like to PM me again, feel free.

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Serena,

In addition to the dangers of using illegal drugs, from reading your Posts you do not appear to be working.

I can only assume that you pay for your drugs by being in the sex trade and/or selling drugs.

Both are very dangerous for you.

If you are in the sex trade, please get yourself checked out regularly by a doctor so that if you should contract an STD it can be treated early.

You are constantly talking about starting HRT.

NO Gender Therapist will refer you for HRT if you are using drugs, and/or unable to deal with everyday life.

NO Endocrinologist will start you on HRT if you are using illegal drugs.

They will do a base line blood test before prescribing HRT and will detect your drug use.

Again, I care about you.

PLEASE, try and get help.

It may not be easy at first, but you WILL enjoy life better.

I know it is still early, but I wish you Success and Happiness in stopping using illegal drugs and also on your Journey.

Hugs,

Carla

[Guest saoirse]

In my personal experience when trying to blur out depression with street drugs it did not help me . The drug of choice would take me away from reality for a short while but afterwards I would come crashing back down even more depressed . The stronger the drug the harder the crash . Even lighter type drugs only served to confuse as I thought through my problems and it made me very non commital , as in I would not make a big decision if I was on drugs and this led to me rarely being sober . Drugs can be an emotional rollercoaster even if you have no problems .

[Guest LoveBeingMe]

Drugs lie, they make a person think they are helping. They are not!

When you go out as you, you won't need a drug induced high, as you'll be high on being you! And that's a much better high than any drug!

You'd be surprised at how many trans people may be in your area. You just are not aware of them. When I recently came out to family, I was very surprised to hear two family members who personally knew someone who had transitioned. They live in a very small, backwoods, midwest town.

You will have to have blood tests before starting HRT. You will have to be clean.

I took a similar path as you Serena, years ago. Tried my best to hide, or cover up who I was, or to die trying. I didn't really care either. How I survived is a wonder! Serena, it's a dead end road! It leads to nowhere. Things will not get better until you sober up. It won't be easy even then, but at least you can wake up in the morning without being sick from the day before.

I received a text from an old partying buddy about a week ago. His son's girlfriend had overdosed. Dead at 21 years old! It can happen to anyone, that next pill just might be it. Don't chance it. Seek help. AA, NA, EMT's, whatever you have locally. Please find help!

Hugs!

[Guest clearleeraines]

Serena, the fact is very clear addiction has two outcomes, recovery "AWSOME" or death not so good. I have contacts in recovery centers in the lgbt community , Betty ford center, Micheal's house, And others in the Coachella valley AKA palm spring's Huge LGBT community hear. The bay area, as well. Many many trans dr's there. Both areas are very trans friendly. There are scholarships & medicaid to pay for most if not all your treatment! If you should decide you are tired of paying a HIGH price for a low life! btw the price only go's up. My "username" not a pun. Is clear lee raines, cuz It clearly rained everyday of my life in addiction, I was never happy, the sun never shined, "we fall from grace" my avatar. We are Gods special people, two spirits, in ancient times we were shaman and leaders, healers & revered. we have great value YOU HAVE GREAT VALUE. addiction is robbing you of your wealth! and health is the first wealth "it say's so on my seattle birth certificate so its gotta be true! I really love ur profile pic you are blessed with beauty. A gift of grace. Give yourself to god, let go of the dope it's the rope that binds your soul.

Be free to be the person you were meant to be. You cannot have both, it's dope or hope, choose well, you already know the answer.

Please join us, we WILL help anyway we can to free you

YOU are on tonight's prayer list btw so look for your answer, The writing's on the wall as they say. Your happiness is waiting for you, so get out of the way! & ask for help theirs no shame. Addicts are selfish peeps, think of your loved ones and how much pain the dis-ease of addiction causes them, the worries. Would they not be happy that you got well and were happy??? YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE!!! from recovery, addiction . . well we covered that .

Let me know if you want to go into treatment! I know the peeps who open the doors.

I pray your soul finds happiness

Clear

[Guest]

Nicely put Clear! I answer now as it may be worth bumping it to the top again. For me, it's getting over the pain killers from surgery. I was given a generous bottle of one hundred. After I asked for the lower milligram, ate more then to tapered off. It is still a vicious cycle. In the end, using them seems to become an immunity and the pain hurts worse. I had three days of moderate withdrawal and now it's my history. GCS will make you very sore for a while, put it's the pills that hurt.

If the original person posting this thread never sees it, I hope I contribute help to someone in the future. Hug. JodyAnn