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Guest Jennifer T

If Only

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Guest Jennifer T

She dances on the edge of consciousness;

A flame's last attempt at life.

An incoherent whisper that pulls at distant memory...

If only.

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Guest miss kindheart

Short but sweet :)

<<< hug >>>

It is never too late to be who you might have been.~George Eliot

:wub: vanna

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Guest

Thought provoking, Jennifer. :welldone:

Huggs, :wub:

Joann

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Charlize

If only is possible

if only we let it be

Hugs,

Charlie

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Guest Jennifer T

Thanks Joann and Miss K.

Charlie, "If Only" represents more than it appears.

Peace

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Guest Brenda Hailey

Depends on how big the flame is in its last attempt at life,it could very well flicker the whole time we are here regardless.

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    • KymmieL
      Holly, Welcome to Transpulse. We are all family here. a nonjudgmental place to express yourself, ask questions, find answers, and be who ou need to be.   Kymmie
    • Ryan
      Welcome, Holly. 👋
    • Holly92
      Hi everybody, nervous and excited to join the forum!   My name is Holly, I'm 27 AMAB and have just started seriously exploring my gender dysphoria. I think I have known for a long time that I am a bisexual woman, however I have only just come out to my girlfriend and nobody else yet. I am still exploring how I want to progress going forward, but I thought a simple introduction was a great place to start. I'll probably be posting a lot on the other forums, but if anybody that has had a similar experience to me, please feel free to contact me and have a chat :)   Much love, Holly
    • ElizabethStar
      I got clocked and openly misgendered today. I had to take my wife to the hospital, she has ongoing health issues that require occasional visits. This time it turned out to be an overnight-er. I went home to get a few things for her nights stay. When I returned I had to got through the, now typical, Covid questions and temp check. Before I ever open my mouth or changed my mask one of the two woman behind the desk started calling me sir. And did it repeatedly. I feel I should have said something but I also had to show my ID. My wife had literally just gotten to her room so I wasn't on the visitor list. But she called me sir, like 6 times. I would have thought that somewhere between the strappy sandals, mini back pack, boobs, and purse she would have possibly just seen another woman. It just burnt me straight to my core to have this happen. I really want to call and complain but I'm scared of any back-lash.   Sorry for the rant. I just had to get it out.   💖~Liz~    
    • A. Dillon
      This might just be a tad too late, but have you ever heard of compression shirts? There are men's compression shirts which are meant to give your body a more masculine shape, and while it doesn't completely flatten your chest, it does greatly reduce your hips and if you wear a dark shirt no one can tell.
    • KathyLauren
      I agree with Jackie and Susan that you are not in the best situation right now, being dependent on your parents.  You might want to wait until you are more self-sufficient.    When the time comes, remember that confidence comes from experience.  Waiting until you are more confident, when you have no experience, you might end up doing what I did, and not coming out until you are in your 60s.  I don't recommend that.  At some point, you will have to step a bit outside your comfort zone.  That's how we make progress.   But right now might not be the time to do that.
    • Carolyn Marie
      First of all, Nolan, welcome to Trans Pulse.  I certainly empathize with your situation there; Poland and too many other European countries are getting to be terrible places to be in as an LGBT person.  I hope you can survive and thrive there, even if you have to stay more in the closet than you would like.   I don't have any experience related to what you are feeling, and what you fear.  I can't be much help.  One suggestion is that anyone you meet or want to date, please do so in a public place, like a coffee shop, where there are others around, and never go with more than one male.  Make sure someone knows who you are with and where you are going, and arrange a time to call them to tell them you're safe.  That will offer some protection.   I don't know if there are still LGBT centers in Poland, but if you can find one then maybe they can help with advice or help you find a therapist or counselor.  I wish you all the best, Nolan.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • VickySGV
      Actual talk of sex and sex acts are beyond the things we can discuss here since we do have members under 18 years old here.  Relations to people in general are fair game to be talking about but not how you will have sex with them. None of us on staff or membership are licensed therapists, so my first thought for you is to find a therapist who is comfortable talking about both Gay Sex and Gender Dysphoria who can help work you through your anxieties, which are real. You are probably going to have to go our of Poland on the internet where you may be able to find counselors who can help you from Germany or Holland.  Short of leaving Poland I see no other avenues, so for now, let your LGBTQ issues take a back seat and work on finding a way to get into a surrounding culture where you can be accepted. Those are based on my best vibrations based on being a California USA person.
    • Dinaki
      I am glad you fancied watching Greyhound dear Susan.
    • Susan R
      I watched Greyhound too. Great flick but it seemed so much shorter than “Saving Private Ryan“. One thing I enjoyed was the sound effects/music used to create suspense. It was the same sound effect used in some of the Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns which I absolutely love.😘   I then watched the first two episodes of “Visible Out On Television“. It was done so well and brought back so many memories. I remember watching almost every referenced TV episode that featured a trans character growing up. I completely related to these characters although like the theme of these episodes paraphrased...these characters were good for exposure of the LGBT community in most ways but they always had to give up something in order to get on public broadcasting. Most of the time they were unrealistic or shallow as compared to the cis characters.   I recall watching Robert Reed (the Brady Bunch dad) play an MtF back in the 70’s. My family watched Medical Center regularly and remember I was riveted to the couch when this first episode came on. The very next week part two was going to air and I had something planned that evening with a friend. I remember telling myself there is NO WAY that I’m going to miss that episode. Back then you might have to wait a few years before seeing a missed episode again. I cancelled the outing with my friend and stayed home to watch it. I watched as my favorite TV dad at that time became a woman he so desired to become. I was so jealous of him/her although it had a very somber ending. Oh! the memories.😂   Susan R🌷
    • Dinaki
      I watched the film last night and it was very good. I had to buy the movie since it was available to rent, now Downton Abbey is in my library and I can watch it again later. When you buy a movie from iTunes, it comes with some extras as well.
    • Susan R
      Welcome @K-pop. I think your counselor is wise. Doing this while living in a restricted time under the roof and control to a limited extent of your parents would be pushing it. These are hard enough times and this may create a very difficult situation if things went sideways. At 26 y.o., you have a little time to get your house in order and do this on your own terms.   Glad to have you on board.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Jackie C.
      Well that's unfortunate. You had a good plan going on there. I would be careful until you're out of the house. Depending on how your parents react, you could suddenly find yourself homeless in the middle of a global pandemic. That's not an ideal situation.   You should definitely have the conversation as soon as you're ready. It just gets harder with time, but you also need to be in a situation where their rejection, if it comes to that, doesn't leave you vulnerable and scrambling for a place to stay. You need to get this off your chest, but at the same time you need to keep yourself safe.   Hugs!
    • K-pop
      Thank you everyone for the kind welcome and support!   To respond to Kathy and Jackie, I guess what I want, for the moment at least, is to become more comfortable expressing myself as female and exploring my femininity. I want to be able to be open with my family about all of this, but I have so little experience with actually seeing myself as a transwoman, let alone actually presenting myself as such, that I'm afraid I'll come across as disingenuous or that I won't be able to speak with confidence to them that this is what I really want.   Between my currently living with my parents and brother, all of whom I haven't told about this, and the covid situation, finding opportunities to explore this side of myself has been difficult to say the least. I just don't know if I would be better off waiting until after I have more confidence in myself or if I'm overcomplicating things and should just bite the bullet and have the conversation.   I had recently talked this over with my counselor, and she agreed that if I was uncomfortable with the idea, I'd be better off waiting until I felt more confident; but when had talked about it, I had plans to move out and rent a place with some friends (who I have told) at the end of the summer, so I'd have some space to myself and could, at the very least, live as a woman full time at home and maybe gain the confidence I needed to be able to tell my family. Unfortunately, my friend decided to bail a few days ago, so it looks like I won't be going anywhere for a while. So I guess right now I'm feeling both physically and metaphorically stuck and I'm not really sure what my best move is...  
    • Susan R
      Hello and welcome Billy. Coming out is a good step toward self acceptance. I’m glad it went ok for everyone.  It’s a difficult step. Your wife has a lot to take in and the detachment you are experiencing could may be a temporary thing but be cautious at this point. She is likely in a state of uncertainly with both your futures in several aspects of your lives and is processing what this all means. A good solution, imho, is love, compassion and communication.  Talking is very important in this early stage. Let her know you’re aware of all her concerns and want to work with her through this. She also needs reassurance that you are inside, the same person at your core you’ve always been. It’s does sound like there is real hope for your relationship. Give her time.   While this can be true, I have met several in this category that have developed an understanding through education, training, and experience over time helping the trans community. The also gain compassion through others means...a best friend, a neighbor and/or family member coming out to them. If you are looking for a therapist with a specialty in gender issues, don’t count on easily finding one that is trans although it is possible. Depending on your area, that may be limiting your choices and there are many good therapists with this specialization that aren’t trans.   @Billy I’m glad you joined us and hope to read more. Thanks for sharing today.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷  
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