Problem with my Church

[Guest Janice24]

I don't know where to post this story, but since it relates to my religious beliefs I suppose here is good, even if it doesn't get a lot of traffic. This is the "bad event" I referenced here: http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=59072&p=548522.

For a couple of years now I've been attending my church's College-age Bible Study as it's (mostly) sole member. The person who runs the class is my church's youth director, who's a little older than me (late 20's). Sometimes we are joined by his wife too. Nobody at my church knows that I am transgender.

The story begins this last Wednesday, where the three of us were joined at Subway with a forth person: the daughter of a friend of the family from church. She's younger, but still college-age. For the most part the day proceeded as normal; we talked about Jesus and how we saw him and stuff like that. As we were wrapping up the conversation turned more casual. We ended up talking about where we would like to live, since me and "the daughter" both wish to move out of California for different reasons. For me the reasons are mostly economical, for her they're mostly political.

This is where things went downhill.

When asked for an example of what she dislikes, her choice example was the recent law allowing transgender students to use the bathroom of their correct gender. That was a shock to me, but somewhat understandable. However it didn't stop there. She went on to talk about her experience dealing with transgender people at her old college (in San Francisco). Basically it boiled down to the girls either being "oversensitive" about pronouns, rude for shaming straight & cis girls for "being lucky", or trying too hard to be unique (how there's so many "genders" including trans, genderqueer, androgynous, etc). All this time my youth leader and his wife agreed and added to her rant.

All I could do was sit there stunned. I feel like I should have said something, but I couldn't. I mean I'm not defending the actions of some of these girls (especially the apparently unprovoked shaming) but they have nothing to do with them being trans; they were just rude people. The whole experience left me with a bitter taste in my mouth and a lot of pent-up anger.

Honestly if I wasn't out to my family I don't know what I would've done that afternoon after the class ended. Right now I have very little desire to return to my church; a church I've been attending for almost 20 years and love with all my heart. I could easily lie and say that I was offended merely as an ally of the LGBTQ community, but it feels like as time goes on and I gather more allies doing so would be a step backwards. I could also just change churches without an explanation, but not only would that be difficult emotionally but it would put undue pressure upon my mom who'd either stay behind or join me but have to make an excuse herself. Besides the closest Methodist church that openly advertises acceptance of LGBT members is in Hollywood. I could come out as transgender and force the issue as an advocate, but I don't feel strong enough to fight such a huge battle as I am. I don't know if I'm just a coward in that regard.

I don't know what to do. God give me strength...

[Guest Kalie Aowynn]

Janice,

Let me first say that I am not a christian but, was raised in a baptist and Methodist community. As i grew up I was taught to "Judge not lest ye be judged". Now I was made to understand that as good christians it was not our job to judge for that was for him alone. That we were tasked to live our lives as good christians be full of charity and grace. t is sad though that in a lot of places in the world they seem to fail to follow what they teach or in my moms words to practice what they preach.

Now I hate that you had that experience and I can only imagine you feeling something akin to being betrayed.It is my fervent hope that you can hold to your beliefs and stay strong in your heart . For when it comes right down to it you must be true to yourself. You must follow your heart and maybe a little advice from MOM on this topic.You might find your mom has some real strong feelings here. Now as far as leaving the church to go to another one well I say you just tell them you have felt a calling and you need to move on to the next stop in your spiritual life. As hopefully good christians they will bid you a fond fairwell and leave it at that. Not to mention you are talking about leaving California anyhow. It may be time.

Anyways good luck hun and may you find a happy home with your God!!!!

Kalie

[VickySGV]

This was the youth minister you were talking to, and he has a human boss, the head pastor there.

The Bible solution to this of course, is one on one with the YMin first, who is also subject to Clergy Confidentiality issues, so if you divulge your Trans*s status, he has to keep his trap shut even from the Mrs. At this point, I would simply hit him up and say how disappointed you were in his public actions and that it hurt you. That is all he needs to know for the two of you to reconcile, and if he takes it, move on and put it behind. It is none of missy's business, and at this point it would be senseless to try and change her mind. If your one on one does not work out, then go to the head pastor with the Ymin and again, the conversation hurt you and you want it to stop.

Since you say this is United Methodist, give this web site a look http://www.umaffirm.org/ and get information from it to help your pastors if needed. The last action would if needed be to walk away from that church, since you know of an affirming church you could go to. (I actually drove past that church an hour and a half ago.) Who knows though that maybe you can become a leader in making your congregation into an open and accepting one, all without coming out of the closet, so it is ready when you are.

[Guest Motormouth18]

This is exactly the kind of situation that has kept me from going to church for the past 6 months. If your pastor seems like an accepting person, I'd talk to him/her about it. If your church is anything like mine, then you'll have one or twi members who will turn their nose up at you, but just ignore them.