Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest Jennifer T

The Pill

Recommended Posts

Guest Jennifer T

"The Pill"

The magic pill

It sits there still

Gleaming on the windowsill

Its brassy case

I see my face

Through liquid scarlet - deadly grace

It doesn't know

The pang and throe

That plunges to the depths below

Only it stares

With stoic airs

Its silent intent unawares

I contemplate

"Is it too late?"

My chest begins to palpitate

My hearts desire

(A burning fire)

That leaves me hanging from this wire

Where freedom calls

Beyond the walls

Mortal strength and effort falls

To depths serene

With ghostly sheen

A visage; a lovely field of green

Beckons to me

Oh can it be?

That now my heart is truly free!

It's lodged there still;

The magic pill,

Splintered 'neath the windowsill.

- Jennifer T, December 27, 2013

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

I enjoyed the poem dear. Perhaps it left me with a bit of wondering about the nature of, and your relationship with the pill. I presume that is intended and if so it worked well.

Hugs,

Charlie

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Jennifer T

Thanks Charlie.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest LilyRose

I will be starting "The Magic Pill" myself sometime in January. It's quite an intimidating feeling. What will happen? What if it doesn't work? You wrote a lovely poem describing the delicate balance of anticipation and concern. Thank you for sharing! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Guest

Wonderful writing, as always, Jennifer. :friends:

:ThanxSmiley: for sharing with us.

Huggs, :wub:

Joann

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Jennifer T

I will be starting "The Magic Pill" myself sometime in January. It's quite an intimidating feeling. What will happen? What if it doesn't work? You wrote a lovely poem describing the delicate balance of anticipation and concern. Thank you for sharing! :)

Lily, I wrote a pretty in depth response to you dissecting the meaning/intent of my poem. However, I suppose something in it wasn't suitable in some way, so it didn't show up. But I do want to reiterate one thing I said in it - it was interesting reading what you gleaned from my words. Thanks for responding.

Joanne, as always, thank you.

Peace.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Brenda Hailey

Sounds to me like its a good thing that pill wasnt taken...

Share this post


Link to post
Guest April Kristie

I'll take the red one every time. Great Poem I enjoyed it thoroughly, even read it aloud to my SO, who pondered its meaning, being it was here at LP, was it E? To me it was!

Share this post


Link to post
Guest Jennifer T

I'll take the red one every time. Great Poem I enjoyed it thoroughly, even read it aloud to my SO, who pondered its meaning, being it was here at LP, was it E? To me it was!

I am honored! Thank you!

The pill is metaphor. While it was specific for me, it was intended to represent the choice that any of us makes that leads us to our individual places that are our "fields of green".

(Mods, this is the best I can of to sum it up)

Share this post


Link to post
Guest miss kindheart

I always love reading an uplifting poem Jennifer

:friends:

:ThanxSmiley:

:wub: vanna

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 110 Guests (See full list)

    • SaraAW
    • Willa
    • ShawnaLeigh
    • shelly_koleva83
    • Jamie231
    • MaryEllen
    • Jocelyn
    • Krisvm
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      69,273
    • Total Posts
      625,676
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      5,841
    • Most Online
      8,356

    emily the wolf
    Newest Member
    emily the wolf
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Posts

    • SaraAW
      Thanks @VickySGV  this was a great read. I definitely agree with the professor, this usage is an exercise in power in an attempt to equalize the power dynamics. The term itself is very neutral, but putting a qualifying label on the “norm” does attempt to denormalize.   We and many more marginalized communities have had to be labeled and qualified forever, it’s good for the “normal” to feel a little discomfort as long as we are not using the label as hate speech.  Thanks for sharing.    *hugs*
    • shelly_koleva83
    • lauraincolumbia
      Its great that you and Julie are still friends, but sorry you had to go through that.
    • tracy_j
      The height thing is one thing I think about with people (amongst several other looks). For myself from mtf point of view I am five foot eleven so not too extreme but it is a negative marker. I wonder about both cis men and women who are outside the normal range. In a place where I used to work there was a beautiful girl in her early twenties. She was six foot six and built in proportion. She worried greatly about the way she looked as she would be very intimidating to most men although obviously a woman. I was only wondering a day or two back where she is now.   I think the point I am indicating is that there are cis men and women out there whose looks are contradictory. They are common but it is in their actions and mannerisms that they show who they are. As you get older the androgyne looks will fade somewhat and it will be less of a problem. I can understand though how you feel as I know it would have been a far bigger issue for me to not have been heavily attracted to girls in my teens, just guys.I have never seen myself as gay as I am generally only attracted to heterosexual men from a female viewpoint but most women (lesbian or otherwise) although physically male (it gets really confusing if I think about it but I generally don't).  I can only suggest moving forward and gaining experience. You will meet people who see you as you are, not appear. I don't think relationships are ever easy.   Tracy
    • Aidan5
      I struggle with the same thing. Wanting to be treated as a male in a relationship, I get perceived as a lesbian half the time and it's terrible in my opinion because I want to be a guy. I am bisexual but am usually only noticed by guys who see me as a girl, but for me it's half and half. Some guys see me as a dude and some see me as a girl. Honestly, height will be the death of most of us trans dudes, and there is really nothing we can do about it. 
    • OliverPerry
      Oh! I'm really short! I'm suddenly kinda embarrassed about it but here it is anyway: 5ft   I'm doomed, aren't I?
    • OliverPerry
      Hello, wise beings!   Usual intro: I'm a 24 year old pre-everything FTM in hiding.   To the issue! I like blokes. To this day,  I never felt any sort of romantic/sexual attraction towards a girl.  Looking female*  and living as one makes it easier for me to attract and have sex with guys (straight ones).  However, I have always felt uncomfortable when doing it. But, believe me, It's not that I don't want to do it, I simply freak out as soon as the guy touches me on any of my "female exclusive parts", a thing that makes me wish for it to be over as quickly as possible. It's frustrating, feeling desire and not being able to act upon it and enjoy yourself. I feel like the few sexual encounters I've had have traumatized me. In fact, it has been years since I even kissed a guy. Nowadays, whenever I have the opportunity to be with someone in a romantic way,  I just run away, avoiding it like the plague. I miss those times when kissing someone didn't mean "take your clothes off". Oh well, that's a whole other issue though. The thing is, I find straight guys to be easy. However, they treat me like a girl and want me because they are attracted to me as a girl. This makes me uneasy, I feel I'm lying to them and that this lie is a major part of the problem. I don't want to be perceived as a girl while having sex but I do realize that's impossible while being in the closet.   I'm going to London next month, alone, and I feel it's the perfect opportunity to try another way of presenting myself, the male way.  I've been looking at binders online and I have convinced myself to get one. Also, I've decided to cut my hair short again, like the one I have in my profile pic. I've been growing it out for months. I stupidly thought that, by having long hair and not looking at myself in the mirror with a slightly more boyish appearance, I would eventually discard the wish to be male. It didn't happen though. Yeah, well, I guess you can't just erase 12 years of dysphoria by ignoring it. Truth be told, I've never wanted long hair, I've always preferred short. The problem is, short hair reminds me of what I don't have, I love it so much that it makes it causes me pain. Still, I'm going short again! I suffer with both styles anyway, so why not?  Righty right. Binder and short hair. Rocking no boobs and my strangely female but boyish facial features. Actually, quick fact, I work as an actress (secretly dreaming to be an actor instead) and I've been offered roles in Theatre which were actually for young boys. They cut my hair and there ya go! I'm a boy! Well, a 12 to 15 year old boy but, still, it's bloody great.    Ok! Being FTM, going to a club and being perceive as lesbian. How do I avoid this? There was once a time when I attempted to come out (failed miserably) and everyone just thought I suddenly liked girls. It's a complicated story though, I'll tell it some other time.  But yes, I've come across pre-T trans men complaining about this issue online. It is a thing and a quite annoying one, specially if you want to not only pass as male but also attract one. I'm really not excited about the thought of having a girl in my face and wanting to snog me. However, I do realize it must be quite difficult to attract a guy who likes guys and that's going to treat you like one when you're not even on testosterone yet. But, bloody hell, I absolutely despise having to play the role of the "cute" 24 year old girl in order to please a straight guy. And I'm a bloody people pleaser, a dreadful thing to be.  I just miss romantic/sexual interaction so much. Even just a bloody kiss would feel heavenly. But I really don't want to use my "female qualities" to attract someone.   Quick note: My inner being might not be female but it's also not all "manly". I'm shy and silly, which pretty much makes me a dork. If I had been born in a male body, I would have been the teenage boy with the awkward laugh that barely speaks but, when he does, talks really fast and then goes home kicking himself for acting weird around people again. This teenage boy would, of course, then lock himself in his room and spend hours playing the latest videogame in solitude. If you imagine him as a girl, you'd basically be imagining my teenage years (and my present life).  All this to share that I am not and doubt I'll ever be the stereotypical "dude".    *A shout of despair* I don't know what to do... Help! Someone! How can I have any sort of romantic interaction without being seen as a girl? Has anyone here been able to be perceived as a guy in the dating world before taking T?   I had many opportunities during this pitiful time of abstinence but I still couldn't go through with anything. I'm just really sick of lying and not being able to enjoy sexuality. My last kiss/sexual act was in march 2017. It's bad.  I want to enjoy my youth! It's slipping away!     *Don't let my profile pic fool you. I really bloody look like a girl in the real world.  If you saw me in person, or in another photo, you would never guess how uncomfortable I constantly feel. 
    • NB Adult
      You have us for now, and we are a motley tribe but we are here for you. Perhaps some day you might find the nerve to discuss just a tiny amount of personal things with one of those nice folks that you have come to trust, you may be surprised and get a very positive and uplifting response which might form the basis for trust and future conversations.
    • Jani
      That's so nice to hear!   Remember to pay it forward yourself. 
    • Jani
      A signature is just a representation of your name.  By "signing" you are attesting to that which came before (i.e. a letter, or a post on a forum).  Sometimes you must sign your full legal name (for a contract) but otherwise your signature is what it is.   If your name is Jane Doe and you sign J. Doe or JD that is OK.   I have blended my first initial and last name together for years and it became known as my signature.  I actually used a version to sign artwork when I painted years ago.  I think the goal is to be consistent and not flip flop around.  Practice until you arrive at something your like.     Jani
    • ShawnaLeigh
      That’s fantastic.  Must of made you feel so good.  ❤️
    • Lucca
      What are the legal and practical ramifications of changing your signature? Do I need to have a legal name change first? And can I sign with just my new first name? I don't like signing my last name with my current signature, it just takes too long. (I saw a video from Molly Burke a while ago, who is blind, and she signs her name with just her cursive initials since it's hard to write anything longer when you can't see. I thought that that would be super convenient for anyone, regardless of sightedness.)The guideline I've always read is that a signature can be literally any mark on a page as long as it's consistent, but that doesn't really tell me how to change my signature in a legally valid way. I mean, the first time I use my new signature, it's by definition not consistent with my old one.
    • Jackie C.
      Great news! Lesbians are awesome! Cake for everyone!   Hugs!
    • Lucca
      I think that there's a grain of rationality to the resistance to the term "cisgender", in the sense that it's a label that is being applied to a group that did not create it or approve its use. It's usually considered better form to refer to demographic groups and subcultures by terms they've created themselves, which is why the terminology surrounding transgender people has changed so much during the last couple decades when trans people took control or their own narrative.   I think the necessity for a neutral, maximally non-stigmatizing term to distinguish trans people from non-trans people outweighs the complaints from cis people about it, particularly considering that the term "cisgender" is just about as objective and value-nuetral as a word can possibly get; it's literally just the latin word that's the opposite of "trans" plus the word "gender". But I can at least kind of understand where the complaints are coming from.   I saw a TERF post once rejecting the term "cisgender woman" as offensive, and preferring the term "natal woman" instead. I mean, sure, I'd be fine with the terms "natal woman" and "natal man", that's pretty neutral, too, but in the end we just have to pick something and stick with it, and "cisgender" has become far more popular, and most people are ok with it. There just isn't any turning back the clock, and the objections to it are weak and arbitrary enough that I don't think we need to put any effort into changing it.
    • MaryMary
      yeah, I don't know. I do, maybe naively, think that cisgender exist just as a word to talk about a group of people who are not transgender. In a conversation always saying "those who are not transgender"  every phrase is not a very nice way to express oneself.   I do think, and maybe I'm somewhat cruel, think that those people who react negatively to the word cisgender are a little bit of spoiled child. I've been called a lot of thing in my life, lots and lots of them a lot worse then just "cis" who has very little negative connotation. Even in some ways positive connotation because if you say to a transgender woman she's indistinguishable from a cisgender woman it's seen as a positive thing to say...   anyway, just my 2 cents
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...