mom, unsure how to handle

[Guest G_Unit]

Hey ladies,

Well I need some advice. My mom is very accepting of me and wanting to be a woman, but I feel as though she's holding me back. She wants me to take it slow but honestly i feel like i'm going at a good pace for me. Like for instance I may have found someone to help me get started on Hormones as soon as possible. But i'm afraid she'll not welcome the step and say to me "you're pushing it again" or something like that. when some of my friends told me about local drs. that deal with hormone replacement i was excited.. still am. I'm afraid this may be another couple therapy sessions with mom to sort things out. Maybe that's what i should do. Cause it helped last time. Let me know what you ladies think. Really interested in seeing how others have handled it with their mom's

Stacy

[Charlize]

I'm glad to know your mother is accepting dear. That alone is a reason to rejoice. I have to join with her however in saying there is no rush. I am supprised that your gender therapist (you mentioned in a previous post) can not direct you to the specialist you are looking for. Madison should certainly have some good doctors. I agree with your final statement. Do a few more therapy sessions and include your mom if the therapist agrees. It is a good idea. I know the reason and have felt the urgency you feel but through all of this process movement can be slow. Try to find contentment at each step. You are relatively young and have many years to be yourself. Enjoying the journey can be as important as the destination.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest G_Unit]

charlie, she wants me to like get down how to walk, talk, and all that before i start anything else. It's not really a rush..it's more so me saying to myself "I can only move forward by moving to the next step." What ever that step may be.

[Charlize]

If it helps any, i had a long time of being myself before HRT including a long period of full time living en femme. I had to know if it was right for me. Not so long ago there were no hormones to take and folks still had gender issues that they solved by being who they were. Perhaps she just wants you to be very certain. The steps you outlined: " get down how to walk, talk, and all that" are actually good ones.

Things will work out i'm sure. You are not alone dear.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Carolyn Marie]

Stacy, perhaps you've done this already, but it seems like a nice sit down with your mom is in order. Find out for sure what she is thinking, and what she wants you to accomplish before the next step(s). Perhaps it will seem more reasonable to you after that. The joint therapy session also sounds like a good idea. It could be that she just wants to make sure you are ready in each aspect, and there is nothing wrong with that. Having voice and mannerisms and such down first is not a bad idea.

Ultimately, as you are well into adulthood, you are not bound by your mother's wishes, and will need to decide how important it is to have her completely on the same page with you. That isn't something anyone else can advise you on.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Jo-88]

I think the joint therapy sessions needs to be done asap. Your mom may be holding you back to protect you, but she could also be holding you back because of denial on her part. It may be that shes hoping if she puts up enough road blocks, you will change your mind. Although your mom is the final say on these things until you are 18, it really isn't her place to be dictating the path you should take through transition... she is just an observer, you are the one who has to live it. Therefore transition should be done at *your pace not hers. A joint therapy session may uncover her true motives, and if it is a case of denial or hoping "its just a phase" then she needs an awakening.

I am not saying you should go against your moms wishes, don't do anything without her permission (I am assuming you're under 18 by the nature of the topic). All I am saying is that you need to get to the bottom of her motives, and the joint therapy session will help tremendously.

I wish I could say that it is most likely that your mom is just trying to protect you... but considering how many horror stories I have heard of people being disowned or shunned by their families for coming out, I don't think it is wise to assume anything. Just because she's your flesh and blood doesn't mean she has your best interest in mind. Heck my uncle who was like a father to me growing up threatened to beat me to a pulp when I came out... I would have never expected that from him, but it happened. And on the flip side my friends who have no blood relation have been 100% supportive.

So right now as far as your mom is concerned, I would work towards uncovering her motives (in a respectful and productive way).

[Guest G_Unit]

Jodie.. Not to be rude.. I'm almost 28. I think the overprotective mom thing has to go.. I talked to her just a bit ago and she was like you need to be looking, talking, walking like a woman before you can start dressing like a woman. Does she realize there's a whole slew of changes that happen when someone starts HRT. So yeah. my psychiatrist said start dressing, acting and behaving like a woman before we talk about our next step. So who knows more here?

[Drea]

My opinion is that your therapist is probably your biggest asset.

I think your comment above "Does she realize there's a whole slew of changes that happen when someone starts HRT" makes me wonder just what "slew of changes" it is you are expecting? It certainly isn't going to have any significant change on looking, walking and talking.

[Guest G_Unit]

Drea,

I'm positive voice, breast formation, possible body figure changes, are the ones I'm aware will happen. I don't know what others may occur. i'd more than welcome someone enlightening me as to what others will happen. My moto "live to learn, love to learn" cause ya never stop learning. But yeah the ones i listed there are the ones i'm sure will happen when I start HRT. Which I may have found someone for. So that's a plus.

[Drea]

Voice won't be affected by hormones.

yes breast developing, that be the most obvious effect other than mental effects (lower libido, maybe better comfort, emotionality and other things). Major body figure change effects are more wishful thinking than reality with hormones. Body hair reduction is also a big effect that may occur.

[Guest G_Unit]

Drea, thanks for the insight. Helps me gain some perspective on what to really expect. So thank you. The adam's apple goes away though right? I had a friend tell me it will show less than what it is now. She even mentioned it wasn't much there. so, do i expect it go finish going away or what?

[Guest G_Unit]

and on the therapy note with mom, she didn't really say she would. She did mention that things would be more accepttive once i started looking more like a woman.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

HRT does not influence adam's apple size

[Drea]

HRT does not influence adam's apple size

^^ what Brenda said.

[Guest G_Unit]

that's good to know.

[Guest G_Unit]

I love communities like this.. You gals have been very helpful. Thanks a lot.

[Guest Jo-88]

Jodie.. Not to be rude.. I'm almost 28. I think the overprotective mom thing has to go.. I talked to her just a bit ago and she was like you need to be looking, talking, walking like a woman before you can start dressing like a woman. Does she realize there's a whole slew of changes that happen when someone starts HRT. So yeah. my psychiatrist said start dressing, acting and behaving like a woman before we talk about our next step. So who knows more here?

You are not being rude, I wasn't sure how old you were... it sounded like for some reason you needed her permission which made me think you were underage (we have a lot of teenage members). As far as the walking, talking, dressing like a woman BEFORE HRT thing... WPATH changed its tune on that years ago. Most would consider it cruel and unusual punishment to make someone live in role prior to HRT. I suggest you possibly look into a new therapist who is up to date with their knowledge on the subject. Generally speaking people now-a-days are on HRT for months and even years prior to their real life experience.

And since there was some confusion on as to what HRT really does here is a quick list of yes, no and maybe outcomes (going by your age).

Yes

- Redistribution of fat to a more feminine pattern (this is a bit tricky though, technically you have to lose fat then put it back on).

- Reduction of body hair

- Texture of skin becomes smoother and softer

- Reduction in muscle mass (takes a long time but it does happen)

- Softening of facial features (due to the change in muscle, fat, and skin)

- Breast growth

- Reduction of erections (both in intensity and frequency)

- Sterility (eventually, but don't count on it for birth control)

- Reduction of testicular size

- Slow or stop male pattern baldness (due to the reduction in DHT)

Maybe

- Shoulder drop (with loss in muscle mass your shoulders may drop to a lower more feminine position)

- Change in body odor

- Change in sensory perception (how things smell and taste specifically)

- Change in pheromone production and detection (this one is a shock when you first realize it, for instance sweaty guys used to smell gross now they smell pretty good haha, sweaty women now smell kinda gross... evolution at work)

- Thinning of facial hair follicles (not a reduction in amount, but a reduction in the thickness and color of each hair is possible)

- Inability to ejaculate at all

- Inability to get or maintain an erection

No

- Reduction of adams apple

- Reduction of facial hair

- Change in voice (gotta practice)

- Change in bone structure (no big hips, sorry)

- Regrow hair lost to male pattern baldness

[Guest G_Unit]

Well it was my psychiatrist who said that.. I'll make sure they know when I see them next. It's rather difficult for me to find someone i fit well with when it comes to my mental health.

[Guest G_Unit]

There is one thing i'm wondering.. I've been going bald since I hit puberty. Will HRT effect that any? It's from the recessive gene women carry.

[Guest Jo-88]

HRT will affect your baldness in that it will eventually greatly slow it down or stop it entirely... this is due to the reduction of DHT. However it will not help you grow it back (look into other standard hair regrowth techniques for that). I added some stuff to my second post to help clear some specifics up for you

[Guest G_Unit]

Thank you Jodie.. Again.. I love communities like this one. you gals are AWESOME

[Guest Jo-88]

Yes we are awesome and so are you! *flips hair, smirks and saunters off*

[Guest G_Unit]

would electrosis be a smart thing to start as well?

[Drea]

would electrosis be a smart thing to start as well?

Hormones will have minimal effect on passing compared to eliminating facial hair so, absoultly good to work on facial hair

- Redistribution of fat to a more feminine pattern (this is a bit tricky though, technically you have to lose fat then put it back on).

This is perhaps the single most exaggerated hormone effect, even with weight loss and gain.... Frequenly you see it expressed by folks early into HRT when it is easy to believe a small (maybe even imagined change) is signs that it will be significant, but usually when those first sensed changes don't continue and folks who been on longer usually aren't adamant after a number of years in claiming such compared to the significant claims made early on.

One thing to keep in mind about hormones is that testosterone increases metabolism thus when your T level drops, if your diet doesn't reflect a lowering of calorie intake weight gain is a problem. Now because muscle mass is lost, initially it is easy to lose weight but losing that muscle mass also reduces calories the body burns. Thus MTF on hormones long term often have problems with weight...and guess what? Where does all that fat go? usually on their belly in a male pattern....not all on their butt, hips and breasts tho certainly there is some that ends up in those places.

[Guest Jo-88]

Drea is right on the fat redistribution... results vary wildly and it is dependent on a great many factors. I myself after 2 and a half years definitely still gain weight around my abdomen... you gotta watch your diet like a hawk once on HRT.