Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

mom, unsure how to handle


Guest G_Unit

Recommended Posts

Guest G_Unit

Hey ladies,

Well I need some advice. My mom is very accepting of me and wanting to be a woman, but I feel as though she's holding me back. She wants me to take it slow but honestly i feel like i'm going at a good pace for me. Like for instance I may have found someone to help me get started on Hormones as soon as possible. But i'm afraid she'll not welcome the step and say to me "you're pushing it again" or something like that. when some of my friends told me about local drs. that deal with hormone replacement i was excited.. still am. I'm afraid this may be another couple therapy sessions with mom to sort things out. Maybe that's what i should do. Cause it helped last time. Let me know what you ladies think. Really interested in seeing how others have handled it with their mom's

Stacy

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I'm glad to know your mother is accepting dear. That alone is a reason to rejoice. I have to join with her however in saying there is no rush. I am supprised that your gender therapist (you mentioned in a previous post) can not direct you to the specialist you are looking for. Madison should certainly have some good doctors. I agree with your final statement. Do a few more therapy sessions and include your mom if the therapist agrees. It is a good idea. I know the reason and have felt the urgency you feel but through all of this process movement can be slow. Try to find contentment at each step. You are relatively young and have many years to be yourself. Enjoying the journey can be as important as the destination.

Hugs,

Charlie

Link to comment
Guest G_Unit

charlie, she wants me to like get down how to walk, talk, and all that before i start anything else. It's not really a rush..it's more so me saying to myself "I can only move forward by moving to the next step." What ever that step may be.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

If it helps any, i had a long time of being myself before HRT including a long period of full time living en femme. I had to know if it was right for me. Not so long ago there were no hormones to take and folks still had gender issues that they solved by being who they were. Perhaps she just wants you to be very certain. The steps you outlined: " get down how to walk, talk, and all that" are actually good ones.

Things will work out i'm sure. You are not alone dear.

Hugs,

Charlie

Link to comment
  • Admin

Stacy, perhaps you've done this already, but it seems like a nice sit down with your mom is in order. Find out for sure what she is thinking, and what she wants you to accomplish before the next step(s). Perhaps it will seem more reasonable to you after that. The joint therapy session also sounds like a good idea. It could be that she just wants to make sure you are ready in each aspect, and there is nothing wrong with that. Having voice and mannerisms and such down first is not a bad idea.

Ultimately, as you are well into adulthood, you are not bound by your mother's wishes, and will need to decide how important it is to have her completely on the same page with you. That isn't something anyone else can advise you on.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

I think the joint therapy sessions needs to be done asap. Your mom may be holding you back to protect you, but she could also be holding you back because of denial on her part. It may be that shes hoping if she puts up enough road blocks, you will change your mind. Although your mom is the final say on these things until you are 18, it really isn't her place to be dictating the path you should take through transition... she is just an observer, you are the one who has to live it. Therefore transition should be done at *your pace not hers. A joint therapy session may uncover her true motives, and if it is a case of denial or hoping "its just a phase" then she needs an awakening.

I am not saying you should go against your moms wishes, don't do anything without her permission (I am assuming you're under 18 by the nature of the topic). All I am saying is that you need to get to the bottom of her motives, and the joint therapy session will help tremendously.

I wish I could say that it is most likely that your mom is just trying to protect you... but considering how many horror stories I have heard of people being disowned or shunned by their families for coming out, I don't think it is wise to assume anything. Just because she's your flesh and blood doesn't mean she has your best interest in mind. Heck my uncle who was like a father to me growing up threatened to beat me to a pulp when I came out... I would have never expected that from him, but it happened. And on the flip side my friends who have no blood relation have been 100% supportive.

So right now as far as your mom is concerned, I would work towards uncovering her motives (in a respectful and productive way).

Link to comment
Guest G_Unit

Jodie.. Not to be rude.. I'm almost 28. I think the overprotective mom thing has to go.. I talked to her just a bit ago and she was like you need to be looking, talking, walking like a woman before you can start dressing like a woman. Does she realize there's a whole slew of changes that happen when someone starts HRT. So yeah. my psychiatrist said start dressing, acting and behaving like a woman before we talk about our next step. So who knows more here?

Link to comment

My opinion is that your therapist is probably your biggest asset.

I think your comment above "Does she realize there's a whole slew of changes that happen when someone starts HRT" makes me wonder just what "slew of changes" it is you are expecting? It certainly isn't going to have any significant change on looking, walking and talking.

Link to comment
Guest G_Unit

Drea,

I'm positive voice, breast formation, possible body figure changes, are the ones I'm aware will happen. I don't know what others may occur. i'd more than welcome someone enlightening me as to what others will happen. My moto "live to learn, love to learn" cause ya never stop learning. But yeah the ones i listed there are the ones i'm sure will happen when I start HRT. Which I may have found someone for. So that's a plus.

Link to comment

Voice won't be affected by hormones.

yes breast developing, that be the most obvious effect other than mental effects (lower libido, maybe better comfort, emotionality and other things). Major body figure change effects are more wishful thinking than reality with hormones. Body hair reduction is also a big effect that may occur.

Link to comment
Guest G_Unit

Drea, thanks for the insight. Helps me gain some perspective on what to really expect. So thank you. The adam's apple goes away though right? I had a friend tell me it will show less than what it is now. She even mentioned it wasn't much there. so, do i expect it go finish going away or what?

Link to comment
Guest G_Unit

and on the therapy note with mom, she didn't really say she would. She did mention that things would be more accepttive once i started looking more like a woman.

Link to comment

Jodie.. Not to be rude.. I'm almost 28. I think the overprotective mom thing has to go.. I talked to her just a bit ago and she was like you need to be looking, talking, walking like a woman before you can start dressing like a woman. Does she realize there's a whole slew of changes that happen when someone starts HRT. So yeah. my psychiatrist said start dressing, acting and behaving like a woman before we talk about our next step. So who knows more here?

You are not being rude, I wasn't sure how old you were... it sounded like for some reason you needed her permission which made me think you were underage (we have a lot of teenage members). As far as the walking, talking, dressing like a woman BEFORE HRT thing... WPATH changed its tune on that years ago. Most would consider it cruel and unusual punishment to make someone live in role prior to HRT. I suggest you possibly look into a new therapist who is up to date with their knowledge on the subject. Generally speaking people now-a-days are on HRT for months and even years prior to their real life experience.

And since there was some confusion on as to what HRT really does here is a quick list of yes, no and maybe outcomes (going by your age).

Yes

- Redistribution of fat to a more feminine pattern (this is a bit tricky though, technically you have to lose fat then put it back on).

- Reduction of body hair

- Texture of skin becomes smoother and softer

- Reduction in muscle mass (takes a long time but it does happen)

- Softening of facial features (due to the change in muscle, fat, and skin)

- Breast growth

- Reduction of erections (both in intensity and frequency)

- Sterility (eventually, but don't count on it for birth control)

- Reduction of testicular size

- Slow or stop male pattern baldness (due to the reduction in DHT)

Maybe

- Shoulder drop (with loss in muscle mass your shoulders may drop to a lower more feminine position)

- Change in body odor

- Change in sensory perception (how things smell and taste specifically)

- Change in pheromone production and detection (this one is a shock when you first realize it, for instance sweaty guys used to smell gross now they smell pretty good haha, sweaty women now smell kinda gross... evolution at work)

- Thinning of facial hair follicles (not a reduction in amount, but a reduction in the thickness and color of each hair is possible)

- Inability to ejaculate at all

- Inability to get or maintain an erection

No

- Reduction of adams apple

- Reduction of facial hair

- Change in voice (gotta practice)

- Change in bone structure (no big hips, sorry)

- Regrow hair lost to male pattern baldness

Link to comment
Guest G_Unit

Well it was my psychiatrist who said that.. I'll make sure they know when I see them next. It's rather difficult for me to find someone i fit well with when it comes to my mental health.

Link to comment
Guest G_Unit

There is one thing i'm wondering.. I've been going bald since I hit puberty. Will HRT effect that any? It's from the recessive gene women carry.

Link to comment

HRT will affect your baldness in that it will eventually greatly slow it down or stop it entirely... this is due to the reduction of DHT. However it will not help you grow it back (look into other standard hair regrowth techniques for that). I added some stuff to my second post to help clear some specifics up for you :)

Link to comment

would electrosis be a smart thing to start as well?

Hormones will have minimal effect on passing compared to eliminating facial hair so, absoultly good to work on facial hair

- Redistribution of fat to a more feminine pattern (this is a bit tricky though, technically you have to lose fat then put it back on).

This is perhaps the single most exaggerated hormone effect, even with weight loss and gain.... Frequenly you see it expressed by folks early into HRT when it is easy to believe a small (maybe even imagined change) is signs that it will be significant, but usually when those first sensed changes don't continue and folks who been on longer usually aren't adamant after a number of years in claiming such compared to the significant claims made early on.

One thing to keep in mind about hormones is that testosterone increases metabolism thus when your T level drops, if your diet doesn't reflect a lowering of calorie intake weight gain is a problem. Now because muscle mass is lost, initially it is easy to lose weight but losing that muscle mass also reduces calories the body burns. Thus MTF on hormones long term often have problems with weight...and guess what? Where does all that fat go? usually on their belly in a male pattern....not all on their butt, hips and breasts tho certainly there is some that ends up in those places.

Link to comment

Drea is right on the fat redistribution... results vary wildly and it is dependent on a great many factors. I myself after 2 and a half years definitely still gain weight around my abdomen... you gotta watch your diet like a hawk once on HRT.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   0 Members, 0 Anonymous, 121 Guests (See full list)

    • There are no registered users currently online
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My family would have gobbled that jar up in a minute or two.  When we do have pickled herring, its usually for Christmas.  I didn't grow up with that particular dish, but I grew up in a Greek family so I like just about any kind of fish if I can get it.  However, ocean fish and freshwater fish taste so different.  We usually have more catfish and tilapia to eat than anything else.    What I can't quite get used to is the tons of cabbage my GF insists on eating.  When you live with a Russian, there is always cabbage soup.  Always.  When I first moved in with her, breakfast was "shchi" for soup and either bread or "kasha" which is a bowl of boiled buckwheat with butter and salt.  Those dishes can be made in any number of ways, some are better than others.  In the winter, it can even be salty and sour like kraut.  Not exactly sauerkraut, but packed in tubs with vinegar and salt so it keeps partially for the winter.  But I drew the line when the cabbage soup included pieces of fried snake one day.  😆
    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...