That moment when everything changed for you...

[Guest G_Unit]

Hey Ladies,

So I've been talking to several friends that I've made over the years and I can vividly remember the day and moment I knew I was different.

It was High School for me. Freshman to Sophmore year. First Home Football game seeing the cheerleading girls. I so wanted to be one. Out there cheering on the team and the crowd. Would have been so much fun. Often times I remember that memory and the thought of everything's going to be different from here on out. And things were different. Much different. Now I am working at making things seem normal for me. Which is so nice..

Stacy

[VickySGV]

I saw a tabloid newspaper when I was 12 about someone changing their sex. For them it was reportedly a disaster and ruined their life, but I knew I would do it some day, and it not be a disaster!! Took 52 years to get here though.

[Guest April63]

I don't remember a single moment, but I do remember that there were various feelings, thoughts, and desires during a specific time frame. I first remember wanting to be girl (and being jealous of other girls) when I was twelve. I don't think it bothered me too much, but I do remember being rather upset about it occasionally. It wasn't until I was sixteen or so that I really became familiar with the concept of transgender, and I said to myself, "Hey, that sounds like me". I guess that's really when I started to think I was different.

April

[Guest football75ty]

I knew it when I was like 5 maybe me and my one cuz that i recently told me and her played dress up and i would always wear the dress even thought there was a suit i could have picked.

[Guest Plaid Chameleon]

Well....I'm not a ladie but I can certainly remember the day I knew.

I'd always been...different. When I was a child from the age of three onward I always used to pretend to be disney characters and such,

a little embarrassing but it's funny because my mother used to tell me stories about how I never wanted the girl characters it was always the boys.

It used to frustrate her, but that was the start of it. Then there came the dress...for me I guess I would liken it to what a suit might feel like in the case of a woman who doesn't want to wear one. It was so horrible I would put up a raging fit every time...my mom ususal won. When I was around tweleve I joined an online community and I always registered my gender as Male, my mom realized this and scolded me but never really said anything..except I'd ususaly get girly clothing for my birthday. Until then I'd never really heard the term trans or any sort of gender identity issue. I knew I wasn't gay, but I didn't know what I was....then years, and years later I got to college and I took a course in Gender psychology...changed my life. I read the book, As Nature Made Him, cried my eyes out and knew I wasn't crazy. That was the first time I admitted it to myself. Six months ago, I admitted it to the world. My mother knows, but I've never admitted it, it's sort of a, don't ask don't tell... I don't think I'll ever tell...some people just don't need to know. But I know who I am so that's all that matters.

[Guest Jennifer T]

Yeah, the moment I was born. Up until that point everything had just been moving along nicely... ;-)

But I didn't realize I was different, I just remember being preschool age and watching my older sister prepare for some school beauty contest that she'd entered. I wanted to be her. I wanted to be as beautiful and wear the lovely dresses. I would practice the things I had seen her do; the posture, the walk, the curtsy. And i'd sit and watch my mom do her nightly beauty regimen and play with her makeup, eyelash former and curlers.

It wasn't a defining thing. I thought I could do all those things. It wasn't until I was in school that it started becoming evident to me that I was ''different'.

[Charlize]

I was about 6, on a trip with my parents going to see one of their friends. I met a girl my age and she taught me how to play jacks. She had two sisters and we all played. That evening we went to a basketball game when a women's semi pro team played the local high school team(all male of course) I cheered every time the girls made a point. One of the sisters turned and asked why are you cheering for the girls. I couldn't say it but i was felt right being one of them. 63 years later i am.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest April Kristie]

When I lived before the age of 5 I just knew I was me, my oldest sibling was eight years older and I was playing alone with her dolls. I had to hide behind a big chair as I was told that boys to not play with them. At bedtime, my sister had made a pillow and stuffed it with old nylon stockings. I found a seam and opened the corner, that stuffing just felt so right and every night it became my solice, and then after restuffing the pillow and folding the seam, I said my prayers and asked the maker to remake me female, of course it never happened and I never thought until recently I really could do this all by myself (with the help of all of you and many physicians) ! And finally had the intestinal fortitude to do so. Was that a defining moment? Perhaps but then something else happened. I started physically growing and growing and had to play that nasty card I was dealt. Now, I am doing the dealing and it feels great! This life is one long strange trip.

[Guest Jennifer T]

This life is one long strange trip.

Indeed it is!!

[Guest LizMarie]

Everything changed for me when I must have been about 4 or 5 years old. I was shopping with my maternal grandmother and my mother, tagging along, and my grandmother was always so proud of the fact that I went willingly with them shopping for women's clothes. And on one particular trip, I wanted a dress. I wanted it very badly. And I was told, "No, little boys don't wear those."

Everything moves forward from that day. Questioning everything about myself, horrified when puberty began, laying at night in bed with a cold steel hunting knife against my skin, a gift from my grandfather, laying against my genitals wanting to find the courage to take it off but being too afraid to do it. Sneaking into my mother's bedroom to wear her underclothing, her clothing and her wig from the time I was 9 or 10 to about 14 when things stopped fitting me easily. Trying out for the football team and becoming a starter, despite being called a sissy. Being harassed because I didn't have girlfriends til my junior year in high school. Knowingly exploiting my best friend's status as a "super jock", one of the most successful athletes in our high school's history, even to this day, as a tool to make people afraid that taunting me would result in him rejecting them. (Yes, it worked and they started leaving me alone once he did "blackball" someone else from his presence for harassing me.)

On and on, driving me deep underground, trying be macho, joining the military, trying to qualify for special forces (damn my hearing loss!), and the entire time just lying to myself over and over, even as I cross dressed and then purged intermittently for years and years.

I've let "him" waste most of my life, out of fear and out of belief in lies. And finally, I am getting past these fears and not lying to myself anymore.

But in the end, it all comes back to "No, little boys don't wear those."

[Guest Jo-88]

It first hit me around 6-7ish... I remember the event like it was yesterday. I was in a doctors waiting room, my brother was sick so my mom took him to the doctor and of course I had to come along too. Anyway we were in the waiting room and I was looking through the magazines (I couldn't read yet but I liked looking at the pictures). I came across a sports magazine and on the cover was a young female gymnast, she was somewhat famous at the time, an Olympian. I remember pointing to the picture and looking at my mom and saying "Can I be like her one day?" (or something to that effect). My mom of course thinking I meant being an athlete said yes! Of course what I really meant is that I wanted to be pretty like her... I wanted to grow up to be a girl, I couldn't care less about being an athlete. That event always stuck with me... it is one of my earliest memories

[Guest Sarah Faith]

First day of school in Kindergarten, when the son of one of the teachers decided to point out to me that the way I held my hand or whatever else was girly. I had up to that point more or less thought I was a girl, or at least as much as a 5 year old would think. I know I was always kind of freaked out by the male genitalia between my legs even though my grandparents always reassured me that was normal. So if I had a moment, that would have been one of them, but ultimately this was a lifelong struggle for me.

[Guest Audra]

The moment I remember came when I was in the second grade.

My oldest sister Whitney had gone off to college so I got her room for my own.

She had left some of her clothes behind and I wore them every chance I could.

Before that time I knew that I was a girl, but that is when it became crystal clear to me.

[Guest Anomaly]

I feel like a late bloomer compared to all of you, or more like a clueless one lol I did/felt many things and it never really clued in for me that it was more than just wanting to be me. I guess it helped that my mom was a very positive influence in that respect.

So for the moment that started all this for me was actually something a complete stranger said to me. I read a lot, eventually I started reading fanfiction, which led to the discovery of gay fanfiction. What started out as curiosity turned into a passion. The stories about gay relationships were so much more captivating and realistic to me. That passion led to me writing my own stories, the vast majority featured gay relationships. Eventually, a frequent reader of mine told me that as a gay man he was impressed with the fact that me (a girl) wrote gay relationships so realistically. This led to a lot of back and forth discussion which was followed by me asking myself a ton of questions about myself. Followed by a lot of internet research and then voila, epiphany. Which led to more questions and here I am.

[Guest N. Jane]

There were two such moments for me.

The first was at age 8 when a playmate said "You should have been a girl." Since I always thought I was a girl, that statement really shook me up. I realized for the first time that I had a SERIOUS problem. That lead to questioning who/what I was and the questioning led to outright rebellion by puberty.

The second defining moment was when I woke up in hospital after SRS and knew the nightmare was over.

[Guest JayGray]

I'm a late bloomer as well. Looking back, there were signs; I was very emotional growing up, and I hated sports (I cried when I got a soccer ball for Christmas; twice). I used to always have to defend myself and reassure myself that boys could be emotional too. I often thought about what I would do if I was a girl.

Recently, after battling through a bad bout of depression, I found myself reading lesbian webcomics. That lead me to a story featuring a transgender girl going through her senior year presenting (largely in secret) female. It nagged at me for a few more days, and then I asked myself.

"Am I a woman?"

The moment I asked the question, it was like a veil was lifted. My depression broke, and was replaced with excitement. My wife has been super supportive, and my friends have been too. I went out and found a therapist quickly, and am seeing what I can do about getting medical treatment.

[Moira Arista]

I was about 4 or 5 when I learn the difference between male and Female.  I was born a wretched male. As soon as I knew what a P was and a V was, I was like why don't I have a V. The V just made more sense to me even at that young age. I remember being so disappointed when I looked down there. I still am very disappointed now. Then as I got older, I noticed that I was completely smooth. While boys grew hair, I did not. I did not even need to shave until I was 32, which was only 8 years ago. I was always supportive of my fellow Cis Gender girls, and now women as I'm older. I was always a feminist. Since I was very young, I was always under the mindset that we women could do anything a man could. All of my idols were of course Female both real and ficticious. My favorites were Punky Brewster, Anne Shirley from Green Gables, Annie. 

 

I remained closeted for the next 30 years. When I moved out of my parents house at the age of 32, I immediately started my transition. As soon as I felt comfortable enough with certain family members to tell them that I was a women, my whole life changed. I was not depressed anymore. for the first time in my life the sun shone down upon me. I never want to go back to being a male.