Turned away by my own community

[Guest Plaid Chameleon]

While I haven't been on in a while because things have been hectic, I thought I might want to mention this.

So I was attending some stuff at the LGBT group on my college campus and they kept reffering me to this group for trans people that meets every week at the counsling center. There was a screening process to go through to determine if you can join. So I figured, why not, I'm comfortable enough with myself to be a part of this...well, aparently once again people have decided that I"m too messed up to be a part of a community.

The consolers were both involved in the Lesbian/gay community and they basically sat me down and told me (after asking a couple of questions that didn't really relate to trans issues) that I had too many things to deal with and they didn't think I'd be able to "fit in" which were their exact words. I understand their reasoning considering my issues but it doesn't make it feel any better. Sometimes I wonder if I"d be better off just doing my own thing. Friends for me are so hard to make and keep and people like this who stand in the way of branching out and making connections make it so difficult. Most of the trans community on my campus is very underground and it's like you need a special invitation to be a part of it...sometimes I wonder if I've got like a sign on my head that says freak show....while I"m not a depressed person it still rubs me the wrong way. The people in your own alleged community consider you bizare or not right....how in the world are you supposed to be a part of anything?

I don't know...it's been a very rough week.

[VickySGV]

You are NOT the messed up one THEY ARE!! I really think there was some false advertising going on there. On the other hand they could also have been admitting they were clueless as to GT issues, and maybe that was not as bad as it seems. In your part of the U.S. trans* people do tend to go for deep closet stealth and you will have to learn a secret hand shake to tell them more than your first initial or the last three letters of the day of the week you were born on. I do feel bad about this but all I can do at the minute for you is commiserate.

[Charlize]

I am sorry you are facing this resistance from people who should be supportive. I would talk to the medical part of the school. There is i know a huge difference between schools and their attitudes. Have you spoken to any other students who are trans? If you can it may open doors for you. We all need to have others to speak and hang out with. As Vicki said these "gate keepers" are wrong. Just keep knocking on the door until it opens. We are here as you need us and please also don't forget the chatrooms if you start to get depressed. Just moving forward as you have done is hard but if you simply move over you are hurting yourself more.

Hugs and as much support as i can send,

Charlie

[Guest Brenda Hailey]

I dont have alot of friends or fit in anywhere either but I know with whatever rejection comes some form of strength.

Its our hearts most intense desire to be liked and loved but you dont need a pretentious group for that.

I would be questioning those councilors credentials NOT your own.

Living as a confused gay man for nearly 10 years I know first hand what kind of discrimination can happen in that supposed "inclusive" community.

Not to say its all jaded that way but it does exist. You would think after fighting so hard against being cast out themselves they would have a little more compassion for people different than themselves. I guess its just the human condition to dislike "different", I dont know.

Dont ket it get you down to much they are the ones losing what could of been the best part of their supposed community. From their actions and standards it seems you would be better off without having those kind of people rubbing off on you anyway.

That sign you think is on your forehead is actually on theirs, the fear of accepting you for the sake of others makes them weak and they fear having to show that in front of others,thus the shunning,when in reality a little compassion could easily grow past the judgement of you.

I know how difficult it is to make friends, but you will, just keep trying, let your light shine so others in the underground can see it,and be attracted. The ones who are are the ones you keep.

I would take one good friend over 100 so called acquaintances any day.

I hope it gets better for you soon.

In the mean time you have the people here, and for as long as I have been here nobody has been turned away.

Brenda Hailey

[Guest KimberlyF]

What issues could you have that could exclude you from a group in a counseling center?

[Guest Mia J]

Just remember that you are part of the community here and very much wanted.

Many years ago I was a member of a trans support group who let anyone attend the general meetings which had the whole umbrella of TG folk. To get into the Transsexual group you had to have gone to the general meetings for several months and go through a screening process. I never made it to the screening process because most of the people at the general meetings were not transsexual and I had nothing I could relate to with them.

Sometimes I think we have groups that set themselves to be too exclusive.

Mia

[Guest lostflower]

As someone who does just do her own thing you should know it is extremely hard you won't always get it right and it can be very lonely it takes a special kind of bloody mindedness to manage on your own trying another outside group not affiliated with the college preferably would be my suggestion.

L and G in LGBT are still treating B and especially us in T like something unpleasant they stepped in, if I were you I would make an official complaint about transphobic behaviour and discrimination in the LGBT society to the College administration, and if that doesn't change things make it public and embarrass them into making changes not that you should join it even if they fix it though who wants to be in a group with people like them but in the future they might be able to help some people once you get the idiots kicked out anyway.

Hannah

[Guest Plaid Chameleon]

Thanks everyone for the support.

I'm not a depressed person but it is a little disconcerting. It's nice to know there is a community here. There's really no sense in reporting anything it would just cause unwanted issues, but whatever, I made it this far doing what I"m doing, I'll just keep doing it and maybe someday things will be different?

[gennee]

I understand how you feel, Chamelion. Sounds like this group has left the T out of LGBT. The transgender people being underground doesn't help matters either. What's with the screening process? I don't get that. Don't be discouraged; At least you have the people here who accept you.