Advice And Input Please

[Jayne0238]

Hi everyone ,

When I was a young child I was small for my age and very shy .I felt that I didn't fit in with the boys or girls .When I got old enough to be left at home by myself , I would wear my mum's clothes ,I loved how they felt .

As time went by I got my own flat and started cross dressing .I then got a bit bolder and started going into different towns , but never close to where I lived for fear of seeing someone I new .I am a loner and have no friends , that doesn't bother me .In time I started to feel lonely , and decided to get a girlfriend .(I am not sexually attracted to men )

I met a wonderful woman , we have been together for 13 years , married for 6 years .I never told her about the cross dressing .I didn't dress for 7 years , as I never got the chance to .In 2002 we got married , my wife bought a shop , which meant she had to work on Saturday .So each Saturday I would dress ,my wife suspected nothing of this .

3 years ago we moved to Spain ,I thought a new start ,I got rid of all my female things .Last December my wife went back to the UK for 2 weeks ,a few days before this I had decided that I was going to buy a dress and shoes .As soon has I got home from work I would change into the dress ,I even spent the weekends in the dress .The second weekend I thought ,just 1 more week to dress , then thats it until next year .I broke down and spent the rest of the week crying .During this I started looking on Transgender sites , trying to get some answers I even looked at sex change sites .In my mind I had decided that I wanted to be a girl ,I am so confused .When my wife came home she know something was wrong , and kept asking me what was wrong .

The next day I devastated her world ,I broke down and blurted out that I wanted to be a girl ,I told her everything .She took this very badly .She has said that I can dress on Sunday , the last time she even came and sat with me .This week she bought me some tights , make up bag ,lacy knickers and a eye liner pencil .she feels that she has accepted this , but if I have a sex change that it .It has affected her health , she took a overdose and went into a coma , it was lucky that I went into the room where she was , when I did .The doctors said she was in a very bad way .She has been diagnosed with clinical depression and Dissoctive Identity Dissorder .

I really don't know what I want, I never thought about a sex change until that weekend .We have done a lot of talking over this , and some of the things my wife has said make sense , things I had not thought about .It is making me question what I want .I don't know why this happened ,I have a lovely wife who I love , we live in a lovely country ,I have a good job ,we don't have a mortgage or any debt , so why now I ask myself ?

I am going to see a Psychologist next month , all I want is a solution .

Has anybody else experienced anything like this .

Jayne

[Guest Donna Jean]

Jayne,

First, Let me welcome you to the Playground...Thanks for coming and being with us....

You'll find that this is a wonderful place to talk things through.....You'll get input here.

Sweetheart, your story is so sad....so many of us have a similar story in so many ways....

The hurting of others..the inner pain and confusion....we understand...so many of us have been there.

But, I'll tell you what!.. The very BEST part of your story is this....

I am going to see a Psychologist next month , all I want is a solution .

That is the way to get things sorted out.....we can give support and love but a therapist is the way to go to get on track with your feelings and what you really are inside ..They will help YOU sort it out....because it's already there...It just needs to be brought out!

Please stay around and talk to us because we do care.......

Thanks for coming, Hon.....

****HUGG****

Donna Jean

[Guest Ashlee]

Hello Jayne,

Welcome to the Playground! What you have found here is a place where no one will judge you, or harm you in any way. It is a place that you can feel safe.

Donna Jean said it all. It seems like all our stories are very similar, we just have them tweeked in our own special way.

You are on the right track, you know you need help and help is on the way! That first visit to the therapist may be one of the hardest things you do, but I know, because I went through it too, that you WILL feel better once its all out. You therapist will help you and guide you.

And, if your wife has questions, invite her to come here. There is a section for SO's that she may get some good info from.

{Hugs}

Ashlee

[gennee]

Welcome to Laura's, Jayne. I applaud you for seeking help to sort ot your confusion. We have been there before and we encourage you to seek out all the help you can get. We'll be here to support you in any way.

Gennee

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi everyone ,

When I was a young child I was small for my age and very shy .I felt that I didn't fit in with the boys or girls .When I got old enough to be left at home by myself , I would wear my mum's clothes ,I loved how they felt .

As time went by I got my own flat and started cross dressing .I then got a bit bolder and started going into different towns , but never close to where I lived for fear of seeing someone I new .I am a loner and have no friends , that doesn't bother me .In time I started to feel lonely , and decided to get a girlfriend .(I am not sexually attracted to men )

I met a wonderful woman , we have been together for 13 years , married for 6 years .I never told her about the cross dressing .I didn't dress for 7 years , as I never got the chance to .In 2002 we got married , my wife bought a shop , which meant she had to work on Saturday .So each Saturday I would dress ,my wife suspected nothing of this .

3 years ago we moved to Spain ,I thought a new start ,I got rid of all my female things .Last December my wife went back to the UK for 2 weeks ,a few days before this I had decided that I was going to buy a dress and shoes .As soon has I got home from work I would change into the dress ,I even spent the weekends in the dress .The second weekend I thought ,just 1 more week to dress , then thats it until next year .I broke down and spent the rest of the week crying .During this I started looking on Transgender sites , trying to get some answers I even looked at sex change sites .In my mind I had decided that I wanted to be a girl ,I am so confused .When my wife came home she know something was wrong , and kept asking me what was wrong .

The next day I devastated her world ,I broke down and blurted out that I wanted to be a girl ,I told her everything .She took this very badly .She has said that I can dress on Sunday , the last time she even came and sat with me .This week she bought me some tights , make up bag ,lacy knickers and a eye liner pencil .she feels that she has accepted this , but if I have a sex change that it .It has affected her health , she took a overdose and went into a coma , it was lucky that I went into the room where she was , when I did .The doctors said she was in a very bad way .She has been diagnosed with clinical depression and Dissoctive Identity Dissorder .

I really don't know what I want, I never thought about a sex change until that weekend .We have done a lot of talking over this , and some of the things my wife has said make sense , things I had not thought about .It is making me question what I want .I don't know why this happened ,I have a lovely wife who I love , we live in a lovely country ,I have a good job ,we don't have a mortgage or any debt , so why now I ask myself ?

I am going to see a Psychologist next month , all I want is a solution .

Has anybody else experienced anything like this .

Jayne

Dearest Jayne,

First of all, WELCOME! You are among friends who will provide support and an ear for you. My story is very similar to yours (the loneliness, confusion, isolation, etc.) We all have our own experiences and paths to enlightenment. Take heart, you (and your wife) can and will find peace. I have found my own peace. Seeing a psychologist with a desire for resolution is a very good place to start!

Hugs and kisses,

bernie