When transition is complete is it liberating? What is it like?

[Guest shinyd9]

Hi, my names Taylor Marie. ive been here for a couple months. I haven't started transition yet. Im still pretty scared about it, but I I want to. I was wondering though what it's like when you finally are done with the surgeries. I know that transition is a life long process but there's got to be a point atleast that I feel where you feel complete and I imagine it's after you reach a point where you feel liberated whether you have the surgeries or not. I just know for me I want to have the surgeries. I guess im just wondering what it's like after having different or new I guess equipment? Is there sensation? What's it like when u orgasm? Does it hurt at all? What's it like and I guess how do u feel when your able to put on underwear and look in the mirror and be the person that aligns with there body? and I guess if you had breast augmentation what is it like going from a flat chest to having breasts and needing to wear a bra? Ive tried cross dressing and its really hard for me because my body still doesn't feel right. I guess I just really want to know what it's like when you finally reach that point after surgeries. Also this is kind of off topic, but do hormones change the way you look at the world? I know that there are physical changes but what do they do to you mentally?

[VickySGV]

Wow -- what a load of questions!!

First off, after surgeries, any and all, you are going to be feeling pain, and for a long time after the surgery has been done. Go back to posts that I originated beginning on Jan. 11, 2013 here in this forum, and then, http://forum.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=53791 Is a post I made in the Transsexuals Forum, that shares a bunch of stuff of the philosophical side of things. There are about 5 of us who have put this out here already, and while we can bump stuff up here for you, give a start back there. Megan Rose and I has our surgery about a month apart and both of us posted quite a bit back then.

Post Op is NOT a dream come true situation, some of it is hard painful work, and mine continues that way at 18 months. Do I regret any of it?? No I do not. Do I love every moment of the time now?? No I do not!! Would I do it again?? I thank my lucky stars I CANNOT do it again. It is not romantic, its just daily life for me, but it is the right life and I am the right person now.

Lets see what some of the others have to say for you, but I will keep an eye on this for you.

[Paula ult]

To start off, transition is only going to greatly reduce or eliminate your dysphoria, any other real world problems you may have will still be there after you transition, the biggest thing after i woke up is the noise in my head was gone.

As with any surgery there is pain, it deminishes over time, i am older and diabetic and it took me a bit longer to heal from GCS than some younger people i know, though 4 months after surgery i was riding my bicycle, and yes there is sensation and i do orgasm though it is a bit different and takes a bit longer than before surgery, i did not get BA so i can't comment on that.

Even after 3 years i am still working on socialization skills, i work with a bunch of other women and continue to learn new things from them, expect to lose your male privelage and being talked down to or having your ideas ignored by men.

In addition to the physical changes HRT produces, it does change change the way i see things, colors are more vivid and hearing and smell seem enhanced.

Paula

[Drea]

I think Paula has said it very succintly

[Guest PaulaP]

I am only going to comment on a small part of your post. I have to strongly disagree that transition is a lifelong process. It is a means of becoming who we are. When we get there, we are not trans anymore, we ARE our target sex.

I have two surgeries to go, but I'm done. The physical is just little tweaks. I am a woman. Legally, mentally, socially, and (almost) physically. I have finished with transition, and I can enjoy the rewards of hard work as my true identity. IMHO, those who take decades to transition have found their comfort zone within transition, and stay there cause it's familiar. Myself, I could not wait to get out of it, and move on.

There are a million right ways to transition, this was mine.

[KathrynJulia]

How do I feel about becoming complete? I like what I see now. But having GRS surgery hurts. Two weeks post op and I'm sore and swollen and I will be for some time to come. Eventually I will heal. Breast augmentation, I've had one and I love my breasts, They really make you feel really feminine in ways that nothing else can. But expect to pay a price in pain. From the first day of surgery and for several weeks afterward.

GRS, I had mine two week ago today. I love seeing a vagina instead of a penis in my panties and that is what belongs there. But how do I feel? Ask me when I'm not so swollen and sore. when the stitches are out and a few month's down the road to healing up. I expect to hurt for a while and then I expect to love my vagina as much as my breasts. These surgeries are hard and no cakewalk as any of my predecessors can attest to, They just complete us into the gender we know that completes us. I've wanted and desired to be the woman that resides inside me. I'm no longer hurting as a pretend man anymore. I now have the woman's body that I have dreamed and desired to have. It has been about 3 1/2 years since I started. 10 days ago I had another surgery to repair my damaged eye. Oh, I so do not want anymore surgery, groan. I so do hate pain. It's the price of happiness for transsexual bodies. Kathy looking for my Percocet bottle. I am so hurting right now.

[Tejana]

Hi, my names Taylor Marie. ive been here for a couple months. I haven't started transition yet. Im still pretty scared about it, but I I want to. I was wondering though what it's like when you finally are done with the surgeries. I know that transition is a life long process but there's got to be a point atleast that I feel where you feel complete and I imagine it's after you reach a point where you feel liberated whether you have the surgeries or not. I just know for me I want to have the surgeries. I guess im just wondering what it's like after having different or new I guess equipment? Is there sensation? What's it like when u orgasm? Does it hurt at all? What's it like and I guess how do u feel when your able to put on underwear and look in the mirror and be the person that aligns with there body? and I guess if you had breast augmentation what is it like going from a flat chest to having breasts and needing to wear a bra? Ive tried cross dressing and its really hard for me because my body still doesn't feel right. I guess I just really want to know what it's like when you finally reach that point after surgeries. Also this is kind of off topic, but do hormones change the way you look at the world? I know that there are physical changes but what do they do to you mentally?

A great many questions. Other than reducing or eliminating the emotional pain/depression that was secondary to GID, I cannot think of too many differences.

A physician I know rather well told me, prior to surgery, that the only real post-op difference she could identify was the manner in which she urinated. Personally, I tend to agree.

Existentially though, I can honestly state that I can die more comfortably within my on skin than I could do so prior to transition. I think that alone made the journey and costs worthwhile.

[Guest G-A-L-E]

Hello everyone, here is my input on this excellent topic. When you are done with transition and feel liberated largely depends on whether you suffer gender dysphoria or transsexualism.

I was intensely transsexual, HRT, dressing, name change, makeup, and using the female bathroom all seemed phony and wrong. How could I consider myself female when clearly, I had the wrong parts! Expressing my sexuality was not possible; I lacked a vagina and thus the ability to please a male lover and one day perhaps a husband.

It’s difficult to describe not having the right body to those not suffering from transsexualism. I did not want to live a minute longer than absolutely necessary with the wrong body. I refused to let money, family, insurance companies, doctors, therapist or people get in the way of making myself right on a incredibly expedited (I am told) schedule.

My transition ended one beautiful cold and cloudy morning in May of 2015. I could now die in peace.

There was no real peace until the moment I awoke from SRS with the correct body. Yes, correct body. FFS, BA and HRT does not make a transsexual woman, SRS does!

SRS does hurt, complications should be expected but for some living true far outweighs any risk, even death.

Today I am a just a woman, a transsexual version of one but nonetheless a real woman.

Transsexualism does have a cure its called Sexual Reassignment Surgery. It does work I was cured.

Now I deal with the same problems that face many women. Looking pretty, fixing what needs attention and finding the perfect bra, etc. Oh I almost forgot, finding the perfect man who will take me as his wife.

Thank you,

Anne

[VickySGV]

I have given up on the "perfect" man idea Anne!!

[Guest G-A-L-E]

OK Vicky, we can edit out perfect.

[Guest DesiB]

I'm really surprised to see everyone answering this way. Before even beginning steps to transition, I was not focused on temporary pain of surgery. I never had any question about the fact that wearing a bra would be a normal part of my daily life. And I never had any reason to think an orgasm would be anything other than an orgasm! I certainly never talked about it to another person--privately or publicly. Then again, I went through all these internal thoughts alone before I knew about any online forums. Even with them, I'm sure I already knew my own internal thoughts and feelings. The only thing I would turn to online forums for was information and opinions about things outside of myself.

[Guest G-A-L-E]

TMI? I said nothing about orgasm. But now that I think about iit...feeling a mans orgasm might almost be worth the price of admission! But hey what do I know. I just got green lighted today.

Anne

[Guest KerryUK]

What an interesting topic.

I agree with bits and I disagree with other bits. I simply find it amazing how much difference there is in the perceptions of 'self'. No wonder it's such a minefield for those trying to psychologically assess us.

[Guest Claire-G]

I had mine 3 weeks ago so I'm still recovering from the operation.

It feels good it feels that this is what it should have been like all along.

SRS was never the most important thing for me that is and allways wil be is being Claire.myself

But it makes me more complete like a puzzle thats is near to completing.

oh yes there is pain but let that not stop you it is truly worth the pain

[Drea]

FFS, BA and HRT does not make a transsexual woman, SRS does!

You are certainly entitled to your opinion and you will probably find yourself in good company among folks who are intending to have surgery or have had surgery. I have encountered plenty such folks.

I do have a comment from this perspective. You have essentially said that someone who transitions male to female isn't a woman without SRS. Again, if that is your opinion, that's fine.

I do find that assertion problematical. What if someone doesn't feel the need for SRS? Are they not a woman? Are they less? Should they be obligated to spend money and, well since so many refer to it, go thru the pain and be obligated to do the routine post surgery maintenance just to have that final distinction?

I consider having SRS because one really isn't a woman among the stupidest reasons for having SRS. I lump that up there with "because it is part of the package", "to get birth certificate gender maker changed", and to pass better. All stupid reasons to have SRS in my opinion.

Of course, now that I said that, folks are going to jump in and defend their choice for SRS insisting it isn't just for those reasons. I wasn't suggesting anyone here of just having SRS for those reasons alone. There are lots of good reasons too.

My point is that SRS only addresses certain issues related to physical dysphoria. Many, if not a majority, of transitioners experience little to no physical dysphoria related to their genitals. Their dysphoria is far more centered on the social. Thus they may feel no need for surgery and the cost/benefit trade just isn't there.

It is for this reason that I support procedures that allow folks to gender marker updated without surgery.

Once one goes putting a line in the sand and saying "you aren't a woman unless you have SRS" one is basically telling those folks who choose not that they are less, that they aren't really a woman.

In a perfect world where everyone has great self esteem that perhaps isn't a problem. Folks would shrug it off and think so what. The reality is that self esteem is a big issue with many in the community. So many need, thrive on validation they get in places like this. I have seen how peer pressure within the community motivates folks. The need to get that validation, to be one of the "in" kids. To chase status. It becomes a sort of conformity in the same way they may have felt obligated to conform to pre-transition gender role expectations. I've seen folks feel obligated to give lip service to wanting SRS when their actions and choices speak otherwise.

So when one creates this sort of hierarchy that says one is only true if one has SRS, in my opinion this establishes what can be an unhealthy motivator.

Certainly not all are susceptible to that and I would expect few would ever admit such as a motivation. Heck they might not even realize it themselves it is a motivation. Still I see enough folks proffer things like to get their gender marker changed or because it is part of the package.

If folks were getting to the point of SRS as well grounded had lots of therapy it would be one thing, but folks are regularly getting there still with significant esteem issues. So the long and short of it is that I find assertions that one has to have SRS to really be a woman does a disservice.

I may have chosen to have SRS, but I will stand up for anyone making a good informed choice based on their needs whatever that choice is. The key word based on their needs and hopefully the "need" is some artificial thing such as getting a gender marker changed or be able to call one true and look down upon those who don't have SRS.

I'm really surprised to see everyone answering this way. Before even beginning steps to transition, I was not focused on temporary pain of surgery.

I would concur on this. I don't know why the worry and focus on the pain. If such is affecting ones decision perhaps one's reasons for having surgery aren't that strong. Or is it because it is some right of passage? Like one is expected to talk about it after surgery? Or is it just a conversational device to be able to bring up one is about to have surgery or has just had surgery?

Personally, I didn't find the pain particularly significant. I would describe it more as discomfort than pain.

[Guest otter-girl]

Hi,

I'm not fully qualified to post on this topic but...

I think that a lot will have to do with the quality of life and support you have. Once it's all done you have to carve a life for yourself and deal with all the normal problems everyone has which is (getting quality out of life) v (the struggle to survive). I'm taking the approach of down regulating the self importance of the process of transition as much as possible and trying to have some quality life all the time rather than it being some distant goal I'll never reach.

Rachel

[Guest KerryUK]

Well, I think that the distant goal can be reached Rachel. It's just that the goal is different for each of us and if we aim for a realistic goal, we can each achieve it and find happiness.

Kerry x

[Charlize]

I'm glad i never thought that surgery was required to complete transition. As i started to deal with my gender issues it began to consume my life. All the past pent up needs flooded to the fore. I had to resolve them. The pressure i felt was positive. It helped me get through hard and awkward times. I came here and read about the possibilities. I posted and read about the experiences of others. Eventually i was on HRT and feel better than i have ever felt. I am and have been full time and can think of no other way to be. I was content but at the same time T blockers were hurting my system due to a severe hear condition and years of hurting my system with alcohol. I chose and then fought to have an orchiectomy. That being complete i consider my transition complete but by simply living as myself it was just as complete. The pressure is removed and while i can concentrate on what isn't female that would be true no matter how much surgery i went through. It is my acceptance of myself rather than the shape of my body that makes my transition complete.

As to being liberated, i certainly feel so much better simply accepting myself. I now concentrate on living life and those who i love and know in this world. My gender has become a secondary or completely background part of my existence and that brings some peace.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest vtphoenix]

A lot of thoughts came up while reading the posts here. You all have interesting perspectives. I guess I'll add mine to the mix.

SRS as the cure to Transsexualism - I never looked at SRS this way. The biggest reason I had SRS was to feel like a complete woman in society. I wanted to have things look right. I wanted to be able to have sex as a woman. I wanted to feel more like other women. I think there was some thinking I didn't even realize I had like that a woman doesn't have a penis, so I didn't want to have one either. But this last I think was wrong in that I shouldn't have let society's attitudes impact my acceptance of myself as a woman. I mean, we have to be pragmatic and how the rest of society views us is important, but there will always be some people who won't accept us (whether we're trans or not).

I am 4 years post-op and I still struggle sometimes with self-acceptance. I don't think SRS cures this part of things; it's something that takes a lot of work and a lot of patience. I don't think that I'm no longer trans but then it depends how one defines trans. There is trans as an identity, which a person can take or leave, and then their is trans in the sense of the physical reality of not being born with the right parts and not having lived one's entire life as their preferred gender. I think identifying as trans has its uses, like educating others about trans issues, but I also understand wanting to put trans issues in the rearview. But as for having gone to boy scouts instead of girl scouts or growing up with a completely different socialization, I think it's unhealthy if we don't accept that this is part of our history too. Surgery can't give one a female socialization. There is no cure for having missed out on such things. We just have to learn to accept ourselves as we are, understanding that we have lived somewhat different lives than most women and that that's okay.

SRS making one a woman - I disagree with this. I think "woman" is a socially constructed idea. What parts one has are not socially constructed of course but whether these parts constitute a woman or not is a social construction. Many people out there will say we are not "real women" even if we have SRS because of our DNA or because we can't have children or whatever. But it's really a meaningless statement as there has never been a "real woman" apart from some socially agreed upon definition. We can waste a lot of energy trying to be "real" or to live our lives according to what others consider "real." Let me give you some advice, everyone is real and there is a mental reality apart from physical reality. It's okay to try to get the two to match up; others treat us according to how we look (unfortunately) and the mismatch can make us uncomfortable (the dysphoria), but I think it's dangerous if we go too far down the road of changing ourselves in order to please other people (by trying to match their ideas of what a real woman is, for example).

Basically, I'm saying that it's okay to decide not to have SRS. Unfortunately, therapists do not stress this enough. I had SRS and I mostly feel better for having had it but it was not without its costs and I often find myself wondering different things. Like if society was less fixated on genitals, would I have still had surgery? I don't really know the answer, but I don't like the idea that I might have had surgery in part to fit some "real woman" criteria.

Ongoing Transition - It's my view that transition doesn't end but that also depends on what considers transition. The way I view it, everyone, trans or not, is transitioning in the sense that we're all trying to find ourselves and be the most authentic version of that. I think that's a lifelong process. However, the gender or transgender part of that may not be, at least for some people, so it's fine to say that transition ends at some cut-off. It's kind of arbitrary and personal though, like gender transition pretty much ends when you want it to end. Maybe that's after some surgery, maybe it's before that. It's different for everyone.

I consider my gender transition ongoing because I missed out on 20+ years of living as a woman so I have some catching up to do to really understand what it means to live as a woman. Surgery won't give you the really personal understanding of women's issues that time will give you. But then, a trans woman's issues are not exactly the same as a cis woman's issues in some ways. We experience some things as harder, for instance, like transgender discrimination, but some things might be easier too. Our male background might have advantaged us in some way or we may have missed out on some of the negative parts of female socialization. Who knows?

My point is just that I consider gender transition to be an ongoing learning process and in that way it doesn't really end even if you reach a certain physical outcome. I don't think people who look at transition in this way are "stuck," I just think they are looking beyond the physical changes to other aspects of identity that are important. Like granted I wanted to be a woman but now that I'm here, what kind of woman do I want to be? That takes a lot longer to figure out, I think (at least it has for me).

I have to go or I would write more about this stuff. I hope my thoughts make sense.

- Ashley

[VickySGV]

We are definitely on the same page there Ashley, I may have said it a bit differently, but you have nailed it.

[Guest KerryUK]

Very well written Ashley.

I wanted things to look right and to feel right (as much as they could) and so that's why I chose to have the surgery. Here in the UK, I was made very aware that I didn't HAVE to have the surgery - that I could transition without that. But, I needed to have no penis and as women have vaginas, that's what I needed. I wanted to be able to pull up my knickers without there being anything in the way, I wanted to have to sit down to urinate, I wanted the area to feel/look right when I wear a bikini/swimming costume etc - these are all things that required my having surgery. I am very pleased that I went ahead with it.

Kerry

[Guest]

I think we all just fight against and learn to live with dysphoria. We all can find our own way, with the help of a therapist maybe. I know that for me SRS was necessary and I have my very own good reasons, lol. But everything I did could be different for another person. I don't think there's a set receipe and there should not be. For me transition will never be totally over, but I did everything I could to eliminate it as much as possible.

Some persons will have a lot of dysphoria related to their faces, I don't, not that much anyway. (except the beard) I will never have face feminisation or tracheal shave. But, for some those will be very important. The element that may seem stupid but will always separate me from completing my transition are my hands. I don't know why but when I wear clothes with tight sleeves my hands appear to be very big and they trigger a lot of dysphoria. I just find ways to avoid it. But for me it will never be "complete" per say.

That being said, I'm comfortable with myself right now and on a psychological level it shows. I think that it's already a great gift ain't it? the gift of smiles