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Zoe of Tamriel

Confusion & Delusion

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Zoe of Tamriel
Runny nose and runny yolk
Even if you have a cold still
You can cough on me again
I still havent had my fulfill

In the someday what's that sound?

Broken heart and broken bones
Think of how a castrated horse feels
Think about some capsules of horse pills
One more quirky cliche'd phrase
You're the one I wanna refill

In the someday what's that sound?

Most people don't realize
That two large pieces of coral,
Painted brown, and attached to his skull
With common wood screws can make a child look like a deer
I feel as though this is up for debate as to it's meaning.
Figure it out. :^)

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    • Susan R
      Congratulations @Erikka. You’ve come a long way baby! ...and I’m not talking cigarettes. I’m glad your comfortable and accepting of yourself. Sounds like you have a wonderful therapist too.   Sorry about that old ad tag line but that immediately came to mind after reading your post....sadly, my humble attempt at humor.   My Best, Susan R🌷
    • Tessa
      My life isn’t fully Tessa yet and maybe never will be? What I’m looking for is a meaningful life that matters. I want to be able to love myself and others. Loving myself seems to be the hardest thing.    Some days I really feel the woman inside me and other days I feel un-capable of being her because she is not authentic enough. Then I go into questioning myself why I feel the way I do.    Today I felt like Tessa. I had on a mini skirt. Bra, panties...The whole works. I had to take it all off though when I saw my kids tonight. I love being their Dad but dressing up in front of them I’m not ready for.    Now. As I go to bed. I will put on a nightgown and sleep. Tomorrow I will dress up as Tessa again and be her over the phone. End of night when I don’t see my kids gets super lonely. I try to watch a movie but end up sleeping.    Trying to make peace with inner self.    Tess
    • JustineM
      You got this girl! Good luck to you.
    • Janae
      Hi Kay.  Absolutely-  I believe this to be the best approach as well.  It’s not a race, but rather a journey.   I think initially because of the huge emotional outpouring of ones feelings to their spouse there will be a willingness and offer of support and help.  However I  believe once she has had time to reflect on “what the new picture “ looks like, a lot of questions and uncertainty starts to emerge....   Thank you for the update. I truly wish all the best to you and your spouse.  You are so right about that elephant- it can get pretty big in the room. We have started talking more lately so I will try your approach and see how it goes.   Hugs ❤️   Janae
    • JustineM
      So in meeting with my therapist today I hadn’t realized I never told her my new name. 😳🤔 I just mentioned something kind of off hand about someone meeting Justine, “Oh, you never told me your new name.” Oops lol. 
    • Just Lee
      Our thoughts and good wishes go with you dear--- GOOD LUCK! 
    • Susan R
      Good Luck @ShawnaLeigh. I’ve heard the recovery is very fast which is not the case with many surgeries.   Best of Luck, Susan R🌷
    • Erikka
      Had a session with my therapist this morning. I brought up the subject of bottom surgery. She said “Stop right there”. She reminded me that three years ago I was adamantly against  wearing dresses, using makeup and bottom surgery. First makeup went out the window, then dresses became common place and today I brought up bottom surgery. She smiled and told me she was anticipating the day this topic came up. It has taken me a while to get to this point.  Now to figure out how to fund it.  
    • Susan R
      Hi Katie, Nice to meet you. I can’t offer much advice but want to add that don’t lose hope. I believe your wife is a good person and wants what’s best for you. They likely  don’t yet fully understand the importance of your need to be you or even what that might look like. There’s plenty of time for you two to communicate and grow together and perhaps come to some understanding one day in the future...it happens.  I’m glad you decided to reach out here. We can fill in some voids and give you some seasoned advice if you should ever want some. Many here have been through similar experiences and would like to help.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Emily michelle
      I’m sorry she did that. When I got married I was not dressing then I was very much in denial. It started slow with the dressing I kept telling her and myself I could stop at anytime, which I couldn’t have been more wrong. Then it moved to I was only happy when dressed. That led to my break down. Which for several days afterwards I was a crying emotional wreck. If I had kept it in much longer I don’t know if I would be here today. I know it’s extremely hard but if you’re not happy yourself you can never make anyone else happy. I would hope your wife would see your the same person that you were before your a woman and gender has nothing to do with your personality. I definitely recommend therapy. I couldn’t get my wife to go to therapy which is completely up to her. If you ever need some one to talk to I’m here.  Hugs Emily
    • A. Dillon
      Sure, binding isn't exactly good for you, but the damages aren't so drastic as they seem. Personally, I think it has done me a world of good, I doubt I would be alive now without it. Often, the horror stories you hear come from excessive and prolonged use, I have been binding regularly for 7 months and have suffered very few adverse effects. Sure, it can get hard sometimes, most of the times I have had real problems is when I was being a dumb@ss and exerting myself in it. As long as you don't do too much, you should be fine.   My second point would be to think about how you really see yourself. It is not really a question of whether you want a chest or not, it is if you feel like you should have had it in the first place. It is kind of complicated, but that is what it has always come down to me. Does it feel unnatural to have a chest? Do you have to remind yourself that people see you as a girl? Do you have a hard time imagining anyone wanting to be female? Recently I truly realized this, my sister tried on my binder just for the heck of it, and she was so uncomfortable she instantly wanted to take it off. Not because it was too tight, it was actually at least a size or two too big for her, but because it felt like she was missing something. Do you have memories of people telling you, "you are a girl, this is not how you should act," and feeling a bit crushed inside, like you lost some part of you? These are all very deep questions, you don't have to have answers in two seconds, just try to consider it. 
    • Mx.Drago
      Good luck, may all go well and have a fast speedy recovery.
    • A. Dillon
      I personally use a men's compression shirt when I am not binding, it flattens your chest enough to pass while wearing a hoodie and also smooths out your curves very well. You can wear it all day, it can get a little uncomfortable around your hips sometimes but not enough for it to be a problem. Another benefit is that it is machine washable, it stretches out a bit over time so washing it will constrict it again. I have yet to find any alternative better than it, especially if you have a smaller chest, not a con in sight. The purpose is to give men and more masculine shape, exactly what we are trying to do. 
    • VickySGV
      I had the full GCS vaginaplasty but what my friends who have done bi-lateral Orchi's say is that it is more soreness for a few days than serious pain.  I can completely understand your worry about the lump there, cancer can drive you out of your mind nearly.  I had a suspicious growth in my right breast three months after my bottom surgery.  I had to have a needle biopsy and the procedure was not much but the four days between the biopsy and results drove me up a wall and across the ceiling.   I am still on Spiro, but for its original purpose of reducing body water for blood pressure.  Good luck and hope for the best.
    • ShawnaLeigh
      So the long awaited surgery to remove a lump on my left testicle is tomorrow at 1015am est.   I am getting a bi-lateral orchidectomy at the same time.   I admit to being afraid of many thing concerning this. As of now we do not know what this lump is. I’m hoping not malignant obviously but very likely with how it has reacted snd grown in such a short time.  I’m looking forward to completing the Orchidectomy and getting off Spiro.   I’m not looking forward to the pain but in the end it will be worth it.  Please wish me lunch guys and girls!  
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