dysphoria?

[Guest Faith gibson]

I am getting so angry with the opinions of some of the people on this forum and their insentivity towards those of us struggling with our selves and not being able to transition. For God's sake, get over yourselves. You transitioned, you're happy, good for you. To make statements like, "if a person is truly suffering from dysphoria then you will discover you must transition," is so self-serving. Can you not be compassionate enough to realize that others may be suffering that maybe can't be like you in every way? Maybe, indeed, we are what we say we are. That maybe there are other obstacles in our lifes. You may not be nearly as worldly as you may believe. To me, you seem as inflexible in your views as many others in society that see us wrongly.

I am offended that any would even question my or someone else's dysphoria. Do you think maybe I am enjoying this pain? Do you think that maybe crying myself to sleep and wondering if I have any future at all is a game I'm playing? I cope, I will cope until I can not cope no more. If it doesn't meet your high expectations of a transperson then too bad.

If you are one of the many here that do have an open and generous heart, please ignore this post. I can not contain myself anymore.

[Drea]

No question the folks transitioning get more attention and many are focused on themselves. There is also a high degree of transition or not thinking which is very black and white while for many the issues aren't so clear. Benefits ideally should outweigh detriments and I know plenty of folks who find a way to balance.

I do tend to think it is unfair that the community tends to put pressure on conforming to certain views. I do not think this is any intentional or planned thing but mostly a function of how the dialog focuses on transition, those transitioning with many so focused on themselves and the tendency is so strong to see define being trans around one's own experience that many who experience their transness different than the majority feel left out.

So in essence I understand your feelings and how at times it can be frustrating.

[Guest Faith gibson]

Thanks Drea

[Guest Ky_Ki]

Faith, if this board used the tech of some other forums I'd "like" your post cause I don't have much to add, but I agree with you whole-heartedly and you have my sympathies.

[Charlize]

I'm sorry that you feel such frustration not only with your position but with some here. I think Drea is correct in saying we often get caught up in our own journeys and paths and feel that since they seem to work for us we should recommend them to others. We also may feel better if others are traveling the same road we are on. it somehow makes us feel more secure. Unfortunately that happens here as in the rest of life. I don't doubt that many of us have suffered and continue to do so. Finding acceptance of ourselves and our position in life is one of the most difficult of human endeavors. I know that for me it is a struggle i live with daily but being with others can help as well. I hope we can all find comfort within our situations.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Guest Faith gibson]

Thank you Charliize. And you too Kira. I am having some difficulties right now and am a bit sensitive and perhaps over-reacting. There are some lovely people on this site, please don't feel that I do not appreciate you all. I know that most here are suffering to some degree and the last thing I would want is to add to that.

I try to only post when I am feeling better about myself because I don't really want to make anyone else feel uncomfortable. I was just just a little overwhelmed by something I read tonight.

It's very embarrassing to lash out and when I do I often wish I could take it back.

Faith

[VickySGV]

I hope I can give a helpful parallel here that helps both side of this. I just came in from an AA meeting, and tonight we did not have new people "off the streets" or "fresh from the courtrooms." Only one person there tonight had less than a year, so we did not need to really do some things that can be done.

What we did have were two people celebrating sobriety anniversaries, one for 5 years and another for 6 years, In true form, each one shared for a moment or two in the traditional way of (1) the way it was, (2) what happened, and (3) how it is today. Many people who do not think of the three steps can be real pains in the butt by going to the super great "today" without letting us know the other stuff, especially with new people in the house. Success without the backstory sounds like Bull Poop in huge mountains.

This is how I see some posts here. We have taken a damn long time to come to where we are, and we have overcome some pretty nasty stuff, and while others can make it, they are not ready for where we are, but we have been where they are. We need to give them re-assurance it can be done but it may take time.

i hated and balked at the idea that I needed to CD, and was even more outraged when THAT was not enough. I was trying to kill myself over the fight against HRT and anything more. What I had to do was learn how to give in though, and as I accepted things, more solutions became available to reach the next level that was damn well going to happen to me. Yes, it did end up with GCS for me, but like hell am I going to recommend it to anyone today. If you decide it is your thing, I will give support to you and I will listen carefully to you as you and a therapist duke it out.

I do have a lot of experience, and I am happy with what I have experienced, no regrets, but definitely painful memories that I can sort of chuckle about. I will try my best to re-assure people that they are real, but remember I am lazy as hell and will not write the Encyclopedia Britannica of what I went through in every post I make. We can do it together. It is tough and like my Alcoholism will be with me the rest of my life. I was the one who had the sixth birthday.

[Carolyn Marie]

We all have those moments, Faith. Your feelings are just as valid as those of anyone else here, and you are entitled to speak your mind. People do tend to talk from their own experiences, and often don't or can't foresee what effect their words may have on others. I know you can understand that. So yes, it was almost certainly unintentional, and yes, we can and should always strive to do better.

Transition never will be for everyone, and transition means different things to different people. We all need to realize that every person deals with their own reality, and should try never to judge another, especially when we don't know more about anyone here besides what they choose to tell us, and can't even validate that much.

I hope that what you read doesn't dissuade you from actively participating here. We need all the voices, not just the ones who sing in the key that we prefer.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest]

HUGGS, Faith,

I have and hopefully always will stand on my soapbox not to advocate for HT or GCS. These are not cure alls.

I certainly recognize that some members of our Community may not be able to transition or may choose not to transition.

This does not make the member a "lesser" member of our Community.

For some of us who are transitioning or who do transition still face obstacles on our Journey.

We may not often voice such obstacles but rather concentrate on our successes.

I feel the Posts above have echoed some of my own feelings as well.

I sincerely and respectfully wish that you will come to terms with your own Journey.

Which ever direction it may take you.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest Mickey]

Faith you're never alone here, I will always have your back. I do know the pain you deal with. I also dealt with it for way too many years. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[Guest Faith gibson]

Thank you all for your deep level of support and understanding. Please be assured that I celebrate all of your successes. I won't elaborate on the comment that upset me. I am just having some difficulties over the last several weeks and maybe I am misinterpreting things. It certainly happens.

I'm thinking that coping the way I have been doing may not be an option for me anymore and that has me running a little towards the nearest exit.

Please forgive my rant.

Thank you again CarlaMichelle, you're so sweet.

[Guest Mickey]

Trying to deal with being trans and unable, for whatever reason, to transition is a living nightmare. It often seems as if attacks are coming from all directions. For way too many years I had to bite my tongue when I would be around a group of friends and the subject of trans folks came up. Some of the comments my friends would make really did hurt, very badly, but I could never let on that it hurt at all. I just grinned and acted like it was all fun. I only found this place after I had decided I could not live like that any more. I can't imagine the torture it would've been had I found Laura's before. Seeing all the people that were able to transition, living happy lives, as their true selves.

Again Faith, I am sorry that you have to deal with things as you do. I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

*reaches for tissues*