Really feel I am overweight

[Guest actuarylilium]

Eating disorder post

Hi everyone,

I need some help relating to my weight and diet.

For as long as I can remember, I have had (over) weight and diet difficulties. My mum says that I weighed 10 pounds at birth, and I was a heavy baby! I remember going to a dietitian when I was about 10. Can't remember if I started eating anything new after that, but the weight issues still remained. Confession: until the age of 15, my tea time meal consisted of eating home french fries. Every night...

My Mum then helped me started eating some new things, and I introduced (amongst other things) Pasta and Potato Wedges into my life. Two of my favourite meals In the final couple of years of my School Life (and first year of Uni), I seemed to have got my diet and weight good enough. I was attending the Gym twice a week, walking home from School, walking my Dogs every evening. Then, I weighed about 14 stone. I don't know if this is my "natural" weight, or even a healthy weight. But it looks good now... (I still consider those 3 years the best of my life, and wonder where it all went wrong.

Since I was diagnosed with depression around Christmas 2010, I have struggled with my eating. Liked many, I tried to find solace comfort food. For example, my afternoon snack would be a chocolate bar or similar. I switched my cereal to Corn Flakes, as I thought they tasted better (but didn't fill me up in the morning - I have since switched back to Cherios). I do vaguely remember around Summer 2012 being upset with my weight, and vowing to improve it. It has been on my mind ever since.

But trying to lose weight whilst full-time at Uni (particularly around exam time) was beyond me. For example, without fail I would have a coffee and cake (amongst others) at Lunch time. I felt that I had "deserved" a treat, since I was working hard at Uni (it was such a hard degree, but I didn't study anywhere near enough!).

Anyway, I now weigh 17 stone. And I despair at my stomach looking in the mirror I know there is an emphasis on body image, and it's more important to eat and live healthily. But I just look terrible, and it's a reminder to me of the struggles I've had. I long for days of the last, when I felt well and I was at a better weight. I want to lose weight. But have no idea how. I don't believe in any crazy diets or whatever, but I'm just at a loss.

It feels like everything used to be so easy

I still have problems with comfort eating when I'm feeling down. But it's getting to the point where I feel guilty about eating anything remotely "nice". For example, when I went to the cinema last week I felt guilty about having some Popcorn (only some, certainly not a large portion to myself! I feel like I can't give myself any treats or anything. If I go for a coffee, I sometimes like having a cake too. But I feel guilty about that.

My friends definitely helped me vary my diet over the course of Uni. Thanks to their help, I discovered the wonders of Bacon and chicken (I'm sure there's at least one other food, but I can't remember off of the top of my head). Whenever I go to their flats, I always have a great time. Though I do tend to eat a few "naughty" things, because my best friends likes his snacks!

Momentum on widening my diet has stalled a bit since leaving Uni. Now that I remember, my diet is the biggest reason why I'vr only been outside the UK once, and never went on School trips. What would I eat, would I be able to eat enough to not starve, would I look like a complete idiot in front of everyone else? I always asked these questions to myself. I can actually go out to some restuarants now and feel reasonably comfortable - there's always something I can eat (even if it's basic). Even still, I don't like going out to restaurants for the same reasons as above

I feel like I'm choking myself with my obsession about my weight. I've stopped eating alot of things since my depression, such as: chocolate bars, packets of chips (crisps over here), ice cream, popcorn (outside cinema), etc. Like alot of the time previously, I'm feeling like I'm trying really hard and getting nowhere. I know I'm having a rough few days because I'm full of the flu... But I've eat a few snqcky things the last few days, and feel guilty about it.

Thanks for reading this, any help would be really appreciated. I'm really worried about it

Lily xxx

[Guest Carla_Davis]

Hi Lily,

“Since I was diagnosed with depression around Christmas 2010, I have struggled with my eating”

Have you spoken to your Mental Health Professional about this , because depression may cause you to overeat.

You may need some medication and/or mental health counseling.

You may want to look into Eating Disorder Support Groups in theUK.

Support Groups are often very helpful.

BEAT-Beating Eating Disorders UK

http://www.b-eat.co.uk/

http://www.b-eat.co.uk/get-help/get-support/support-groups/

They also have a Helpline 08456341414

To find your nearest UK based Self Help and Support Group, you can use the Helpfinder Link.

HelpFinder http://helpfinder.b-eat.co.uk/

I hope this is of some help to you.

Hugs,

Carla

[Charlize]

I have not had trouble with an eating disorder. I have had an addiction to alcohol and it can be similar as i understand it. Often in both situations we cannot get our addiction under control without outside help. In the US we have OA or overeaters anonymous.

That may well be a help for you. I am a member of AA and it certainly has helped me.

Hugs,

Charlize