Reaching Out and

[Guest VioletDharma]

Hello everybody,

I guess I'm writing today because I'm feeling rather lonely and isolated. Aside from being transgender, I have a lot of challenges presently in my life and expressing myself and my gender identity has taken a back seat. But *she's* a persistent one for sure and has really had enough!

I started HRT in June so in a few weeks I'll hit my 9 month mark. I've come out to a few supportive friends and my brother, who I was always close with growing up. I don't have a huge family or vast social network, so really the most important people I need to come out to are my parents and my employer. There just never seems to be a good time.

In any event, I try to engage in self-care to keep my spirits up. But more and more these things seem like little tokens of time and joy that bring with them more and more frustration. I have a therapist that I see weekly, and while she is totally awesome and helpful and supportive of my transition, I've had to spend much of my time talking about my pending divorce and special needs child. I have so much on my plate right now that coming out, at least to my parents or at work or both, could be a major relief or it could be me shooting myself in the foot and sabotaging the last little bits of stability I have. At the same time, I don't know how much longer I can go, particularly at work, without being able to fully be myself. I have a week-long corporate trip in a few months and I dread rooming with at least a few of my co-workers.

I feel like I'm rambling now. I guess this is my introduction, and a hope to reach out.

Thanks for listening and any thoughts!

Violet

[Guest Tamar]

Hi Violet. Welcome to Laura's, and thank you for sharing a little about yourself. Don't worry about "rambling",there are plenty of friendly,sympathetic and supportive people here.

[Guest Edu]

Hi Violet and welcome to the Playground!

Please, take some time to read the forum's Terms and Conditions (you can find the link near the bottom right corner of any page) if you haven't already. These rules are in place to ensure this remains a safe and welcoming place for all of us.

And feel free to "ramble" as much as you want or need. We'll do our best to support you through your journey.

Hugs,

Edu

[Charlize]

Welcome to Laura's Violet. Rant , ramble, cry and laugh, That's why we are here. I know i've done all of those while here.

You are on your own journey but after a bit of time here you'll see many of us are looking at the same choices. Some of us have gone through transition with as many results as there are people.

Sharing my journey with others has helped me. Just knowing i wasn't alone was somehow very important.

Most important, perhaps, is the need to enjoy our journey as we can.

Hugs,

Charlize

[Cyndee]

Hi ya Violet, gosh I remember the corporate office trips myself and having to room with co-workers in that previous life. Hide the undies

The months leading up to my coming out at work, was very stressful, it just seemed every "sir" I heard, just got worse and worse, the intensity builds for sure, you have my sympathy.

Best wishes.

Cynthia -

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to the Playground, Violet. I can understand the stress you're under with everything you have going on right now. I have to ask, is coming out to the rest of your family and at work (i.e. full social transition) so urgent that you could not put it off some months? That might give you some breathing room to work on the other pressing problems. Also, there are strategies for dealing with workplace transition. If it is a large company or corporation, and you have an HR department, you could tell HR and let them help you devise a plan for coming out. That planning process could take some weeks or months, and again give you some breathing room. It is a tough thing to plan and execute on your own. Asking for assistance certainly worked for me, in a department with over 250 people.

I have seen so many instances of transfolk who are on the verge of social transition, think of nothing else, as if all the other issues in their lives had to take a back seat, and nothing else was as important. It isn't always so. When other important, sometimes vital issues, are pushed into the background in favor of transition issues, things can quickly get out of hand, and like a house of cards, come crashing down.

Please work with your therapist to prioritize things, and see whether delaying one thing or another is realistic and doable.

In the meantime, look around here, continue to ask questions, and participate to the extent that you're comfortable. We'll do everything we can to help and offer advice based on our own knowledge and experience. Many of us have indeed "been there and done that."

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Kayla Grace]

Welcome to the Playground, Violet. I'm glad you found us

Speaking from experience, I know what it's like to have a very persistant and relentless personality come out. Natalya has surfaced and has made it clear that she is going to stay, albeit she's nervous about how other people will take it.

I came out to my work well before my parents - one of which still doesn't know. I suppose the best advice I can give is just take a deep breath, and do it. See where it takes you. I will however make sure you have a backup plan, and research the laws in your state to make sure you're protected by discrimination laws before you come out at work. For parents, have a backup place to live just in case, and bring up some news that you heard, and make judgements based on their reactions.

I wish you luck, keep up posted on your progress

God Bless

Natalya <3

[Guest VioletDharma]

Thank you everybody for your support and comments!

In particular, to Carolyn, I totally agree and get what you are saying about focusing on transition to the exclusion or detriment of all other things in life. I did get some great advice from my therapist today which might help others. It isn't anything new but it is helpful to be reminded of it.

Basically, the idea is to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n!

If you rush into something, whether it is transition or something else, you may move t0o quickly and impulisvely without awareness, support or confidence. Then you will have a much harder time undoing things or withdrawing if you need to, for safety, for comfort, for any reason at all.

On the flip side, if you move slowly and start with small steps, it gives you the chance to move thoughtfully and with intention. It may well be that after those initial steps you find you can move faster. But at least you give yourself an oppotunity to really be comfortable with each step in the process, even if that means making a conscious decision to move things along at a faster pace. She also stressed the importance of building up a community of support that bridges all of the different areas of your life. Good stuff.

Certainly it's never good to make big decision in the middle of a breakdown! In a matter of a day or two, I got hit with a lot of stuff.

On a side note: after I posted, my 8 year old son woke up and came out of his room. He knows about me being transgender and has seen me dress before. But last night, he looked at me as told me that he likes it when I "dress up" because "it is my personality." Melted my heart! So simple for the little guy. :-)

Violet

[Guest Kayla Grace]

It looks like you've got this, Violet. I've often wondered if I'm going to quickly as well. I've come to terms with myself after some short few months, and I've presented female without HRT. Full time starts hopefully soon, both in terms of en femme, and my job.

But my point stands that as long as it's comfortable for you, does anything else really matter?

God Bless

Natalya <3