Intercourse - Does it work?

[Guest G-A-L-E]

Hello everyone, countdown is on, under 35 days until SRS. So my ex-wife and I were talking about why we don't hear much about how the neo-vagina ends up working out in the real life experience. One of the big benefits of SRS is experiencing ones full sexuality. In my case female. So how does penetrative sex by a man feel like?

Thank you.

[VickySGV]

As another postie who has a functional neo-vagina, but who in two years (effectively 1.5 for the possibility of PV intercourse) I have not had actual intercourse with a cis-male yet but I find I am not personally all that interested, or just have not met a man I would be interested in having as a sex partner. I am not unique. As far as the neo-Vagina itself though I do have touch sensation inside of my vagina, unlike most cis women. It took nearly 11.5 months post op for my clitoris and clitoral hood areas to become erotically sensitive since it took that long for swelling to go down. You will be doing dilation, at first 3-4 times a day where you will be inserting a dilator / dildo into the vagina. There will be some erotic sensation from that some times, but not often and you can play mind games about it that will be effective. Most of your feelings for PV insertive sex are not going to come from the Vulvar area, they are going to be in the setting up exercises in all their glory. Making out and touch on all your body come first and will involve more than the vagina, way more. Your experience will be unique to you and your partner, just as it was when you were the guy, only he will have the guy part. Congrats on the upcoming S date.

[Guest G-A-L-E]

Hopefully I will find a straight man to take this straight girl out for a test drive or two. Definitely a very *friendly* person in the making!

SGV is that close LHH?

[VickySGV]

LHH?? I can think of a couple of those in the state here. SGV = San Gabriel Valley, I am a Valley Girl from that valley!! LOL!! One more post needed for PM privileges. We could be neighbors.

[Guest LizMarie]

I have read numerous accounts from post-op transwomen elsewhere that confirm that penetrative sex with a man can be enjoyable, desirable, and liberating to those wanting it. A study in San Francisco in the 1990s examined three groups of women - natal females with normal vaginas, natal females who had undergone vaginoplasty to repair damage to their vagina (often associated with cancer treatments of chemotherapy or radiation therapy), and transgender women.

All three groups were placed individually in private rooms and encouraged to self gratification with a sex toy. Everyone involved was wired with sensors to detect neurological and muscular responses in the genital area and with sensors to get EEG readings of the brain.

What they found was that all three groups showed identical neurological and muscular responses in the genital region during orgasm.

Natal females, regardless of having a healthy normal vagina or a vagina reconstructed via vaginoplasty had brain patterns that were identical during orgasm and from the same region of the brain.

Trans females had the exact same brain patterns as natal females (which were very distinct and different from natal male orgasmic brain wave patterns), but they occurred in a slightly different region of the brain than natal females. The region that "lit up" was also not the same region that "lit up" for natal males during orgasm.

So the summary is that trans females do have female orgasms both in the genital areas and in the brain, with the exception that the brain patterns occur in a slightly different region than natal females. And when we think about the fact that being trans has its roots in hormonal based brain differences arising in utero during pregnancy, this shouldn't be totally surprising.

Thus, from my reading, both from personal anecdotes from post-op women here and elsewhere, and from what research I've read, trans females are capable of a female orgasmic experience. Later this year I, too, will cross that threshold and be in a position to find out. Perhaps I'll be lucky enough to experience that. We'll see.

Your mileage may vary, of course.

[Guest G-A-L-E]

Hello Neighbor! Who changed my post? I used a more definitive word to describe myself. But I guess 'friendly' is a decent substitute. So does this qualify as a fourth post?

LizMaire, thank you for posting the very helpful information.

I have been recording a series of video's that I plan to release on the day of my SRS in May. I am making one public now to share with folks. You can view it at: https://youtu.be/aTMvZjTnL6M

Make everyday totally tripendicular!

[MaryEllen]

I would hazard a guess that you got zapped by the naughty word filter. Thank you for sharing your video with us. Please do make sure that your videos adhere to our rules and regulations. Otherwise, we won't be able to approve them.

MaryEllen

[Guest DesiB]

I have been recording a series of video's that I plan to release on the day of my SRS in May. I am making one public now to share with folks. You can view it at: https://youtu.be/aTMvZjTnL6M

One benefit of sharing your video here is that you'll get some good peer review. So I'll start by pointing out that each state has different laws regulating change of name and gender (not to mention costs), so it would be important to name the state you're using as a reference point in your video. I also know that, at least in Ohio, a name and gender change--even when the box is marked that transition is complete--does not seal one's records.

For example, when I went to the BMV to request a duplicate title for an old trailer that I wanted to sell, I was prepared to show my change of name form I had received from probate court. But the lady told me that when I showed her my driver's license and the expired plate to the trailer, she instantly saw that it was under my old name and said she did not to see my form to give me a new title under my current name.

Three states will not let you amend the sex on your birth certificate even after surgery. But it has become easier to change social security nationwide. And it is still possible to get a correctly identified passport, even though you may have to use an incorrect birth certificate to do so. It is a bit more complicated than a one-size-fits all video can explain, but you make a great effort. Thank you and I hope this will help give you some things to think about including in the future.

[VickySGV]

It is quite an adventure to get your name changed and the other paper work. (I still have some bills that come in my old name after nearly 3 years, but my new name pays them and all are happy.) In California, and most states, there is a criminal background check done, and if it is clean, no problem at all, and it is a sealed part of the name change court file. Nice video though.

[Guest G-A-L-E]

Hello Everyone, correction made to title of video. Thank you!

Back on topic. - No one in woodwork that can come out and comment on post-op intercourse with a straight man? Won't change anything in my mind other than provide motivation to stick with intense dilation schedule. Otherwise what's the point....right? More than a few men have wanted to have their way with me....looks like some 'men' might get to experience how 'friendly' I can be. That's if they don't find me too ugly.

[VickySGV]

If the video is a hint as far as how you look and present, you are as likely as any woman, Trans* or Cis to have positive male attention. I do not recommend the local TG clubs as a source for Post Op attention. I have had a couple of guys at those nearly freak out when they found: a) I was going to get surgery [4 years ago], and later when I was post op and even more interested in them. My interest in them was the OFF switch big time.

I was just reading a Face Book entry from one of my friends there, who at six months did put on the nooky with her male SO about a week ago. It was painful, actually for both of them since neither one really knew what to do. The cuddling and tenderness that went into the deal were the best part and they will go for it again in a month or two which is OK since they live several hundred miles apart. Like you have your Hunk Friend living in Seattle when your time comes. Several other of my friends do report that while it will be nearly a year, before they will get used to sex the "new way" it is again, the snuggle and touch element of the whole body that makes for good <whatever you call it.>,

[Guest G-A-L-E]

Hello Vicky, excellent response to my question. Grateful that you searched facebook to help with my request. Especially since I am not a facebook member.

Not into TG Clubs, (never visited) not my style. Also sounds like those places attract the wrong type of person for me. Don't want to be a used to satisfy some mans fetish. In fact don't really see the point in getting into a relationship with a man until after SRS. Sooner or later things will get intimate and what then? Need a vagina to make the accommodation. And no, the backdoor is not an option!

I will make very sure Dr. Sinclair knows I plan to use my neo-vagina. Pretty sure he will do an extra nice job!

EOM

[Drea]

Always a juicy topic. The "how is post-op sex" question. Specifically as it relates to with a man. Always gets lots of excitement in the group. Well at least among a group who haven't had SRS.

"why we don't hear much about how the neo-vagina ends up working out in the real life experience" a very good question. Maybe that the question exists is an answer in itself?

Could it be that those asking tend not to want to hear what the person who has had SRS is going to say? This tends to be true for lots of trans related things.

Could it be that from the perspective of someone who has had SRS so many seem to have fantasies about "post-op" sex or seem to be basing their decision on that factor so are reluctant to feed that fantasy?

Could it be that those who haven't had SRS are always quick to answer with all the information about how most trans women orgasm and how they will be exactly like other women when post op? And since this tends to feed the fantasy is often accepted as more valid than the experiences of those who have had SRS so those who have had SRS just don't bother?

Could it be that most who have had SRS aren't out there having sex or the experiences are less than spectacular?

Couple it be the question is often presumptuous? People who tend to ask the question seem to assume that the "post-op" is having sex and having sex with men. Sometimes the way the question is asked it can leave the "post-op" as if they are being objectified. It is somewhat insulting.

Or perhaps it is just a matter of modesty feeling that it is a private thing?

I know all of the above play a role with many individuals not sharing.

Having said all that...here is what I know.

Most report being able to orgasm post SRS. Greater than 80% would be a conservative number. It probably is closer to 90%. There are significant number who do have difficulty being able to orgasm (something like 10%) and more who can orgasm but find it difficult (perhaps another 10%). One of ten. Still good odds. I've seen claimed statics saying 99% can orgasm. I don't know where those numbers come from (often an assertion a surgeon makes) and usually quoted by someone who hasn't had SRS yet. I am just giving numbers based on people I know it seems unlikely that it could be a number like 99%.

Regardless of the whole being able to orgasm debate, whatever the statistic, if one is concerned being able to orgasm during intercourse, specifically intercourse with a male, that is an entirely different matter.

Ignoring that many have no interest in sex with men to begin with, and focusing just those who do have that interest, what the actual percentage who are able to orgasm during intercourse is a good question. Some clearly are able and there been a few I have seen expressing how they enjoy sex post SRS and I can think of a few who spoke of their ability to orgasm during intercourse.

It is probably safe to say however that ability to orgasm during intercourse is harder than to orgasm stimulating oneself.

Okay...well all that orgasm stuff isn't really relevant to your question.

The question: Does it work?

If you mean being able to have intercourse with a man. Sure, as long as you got some depth, heal properly, ilate and use some lubricant during intercourse, almost certainly you can have intercourse with a man. Will one enjoy it? Will one orgasm? Again highly dependent and individual.

As I said you probably would need some sort of lubricant. Some surgeons claim to be able to provide some lubrication but other than those opting for a colon section procedure I really don't know any who have had much success not using lube. If you go to a surgeon who requires daily dilating forever, one will probably have enough residual lubricant at any time to have the potential not to need lube, but some lube makes things smother.

To me it is very rare, maybe after dilating or the next day that there is a chance I might not need to use lube. It has happened. But mostly lube is needed and that takes out some of the spontaneity.

Another annoyance besides lube is ones partner mistaking urethra for vagina and that can hurt. I've heard that mentioned by others too.

The other thing is that ones partner plays a big role. By that I don't mean how good of a love maker one's partner is. I mean what kind of connection does one have with one's partner. Overall intimacy. To me if that isn't there it is pretty empty regardless. Trust is a big factor too.

I guess there are some who can go out there and enjoy casual sex. That isn't me. I do know of some who fall into the trap of having sex in order to try have a relationship but just aren't respected because they gave it up too quickly.

With someone I care about, yes I do enjoy it.

Anyways I said more than I wanted so I will leave it there.

I can already see someone wanting to chime in saying but women don't always orgasm either, that some non-trans women need to use lube too, etc, etc, etc. In other words, none of this matters and that is exactly why I and I think many others don't bother answering and leave it to some newbie postie all excited about first encounters and related validation or the few who will just say it is "yummmmm" or some generally non-specific it is great sort of statement.

Ultimately what does it matter? You said you were having SRS anyway. It is going to be what it is. Wouldn't self discovery be more fun?

[Guest LizMarie]

While the topic is not discussed widely here among post-ops, there are plenty of places where it is discussed other than here. Searching the web may reveal some of those places.

[Guest G-A-L-E]

First thank you everyone for providing your insight to my question. It has been most useful and will provide me strength to pursue my teenage dream! Hard to believe I will soon have the correct body to go with my gender. And given additional time, experience my full sexuality as I am sure, G-d intended.

Of all the online resources available out there, none have helped me understand my 'intense transsexalism' more than the LynnConway.com site. Old school works best for me I guess.

Still working on passing but am realistic that might not be fully possible at my late age. I hope there are a few straight men that will find me interesting and or attractive enough to accept my previous defect and get to know me better.

Oh, post-op orgasm would be nice but its not my focus. Very happy just to be taken and provide the means for him to take his pleasure!

EOM

[~Nova~]

I'll tell you... Wonderful. Awesome. Great. Fantastic...

I can't tell you how long I've been post op, couple years I would guess and after the first 6 months, with Drs approval) I was having intercourse.

At first it was a bit awkward and things seemed a bit off, but once I found the right partner it was better than I ever expected.

PM and I can be a bit more specific.

Not having to use dilators was the second best part. Natural dilation is most certainly more fun. ?

[Guest G-A-L-E]

Hello Nova, nice to see a new post on the morning of my pre-op visit with urologist that will team up with Dr. Sinclair to preform SRS. My surgery date is around the corner and the excitement is really building. I will finally get to look right and honestly much more important, function as a real woman! Talked with a few post-op women and read many posts. I have learned a lot! On Saturday I let my hair down (huh? my hair is too short) and attended a Tgirl event in our area. It was fun and met a post-op woman who taught me how to 'preset' for a quickie. She also proved that transsexual women can get married and be happy in very long term relationships. Is having a vagina key to keeping a man?

Speaking of relationships. This Sunday journalist Zoe Tur a transsexual woman will guest host her second show on powerhouse radio station KFI. She tweeted that the discussion would focus on dating, relationships and intimacy! I had a fun exchange with her regarding the subject on Twitter. The show could prove to be 'Sunday Afternoon Delight'.

Hopefully everyone is allowed to view the exchange, if not I tried. http://www.Twitter.com/AnneEdwardz

Nova I will PM you with my info.

Thank you for posting and putting a bigger smile on my face this early morning.

EOM

[Guest Mikkiapolis]

So how does penetrative sex by a man feel like?

Since your original post and question, it looks like you've had your GCS in mid-May 2015. Congratulations! At this point you're about one month post-op.

If your experience is like mine, you're past the bulk of the pain, dilating on your own several times a day, and likely still off work for another week or two. You're getting up and around, bleeding notably less, and looking down there occasionally and having some strong emotions. If so, that all sounds normal!

But your original question is a great one. One that I had hoped to be able to provide a definitive answer to by now. I'm 8 months post-op tomorrow. And I can't have penetrative sex yet. I'm still healing. So my first comment back to you is this: make NO assumptions about WHEN you will be able to have penetrative vaginal sex.

I'm sure that you heard the standard message from your surgeon: "You won't be fully healed until about 12 months". You might have also heard the optimistic suggestion that you might be able to be sexual as soon as 3 months. While that may be true for you (and I hope it is), I'd gently suggest that you see 3 months as the "very best case scenario", and that YMMV.

I wanted to start with the "when", since you can't get to the "how does it feel" part until then.

Personally, I've found there are four major components to my sexual response. Everyone is different, but here's how I work at this point for these 4:

1) My external physical sensations around my new parts are still wiring themselves back up. It can take 6-18 months for touching down there to not be uncomfortable or weird feeling. At 8 months, some of it is pleasant, and some of it is still strange for me. I'm taking time to practice connecting positive sexual thoughts and feelings with the physical sensations of the new parts.

2) I don't have much for internal physical sensations, e.g. when I'm dilating. That's excluding the pain I feel most times from the granulation tissue that is still healing. There's a "fullness" but not much for a sense of friction. On the other hand, vibrations are pretty interesting, and our recent investment in a PicoBong unit has been fun. I don't want to get dependent on vibrations for satisfaction, but it's a nice warm-up though.

3) Headspace. My mental state is huge when it comes to being sexual. For me, the situation of being in a position physically to have intercourse is intense and pleasurable on it's own. My body feels like it has craved the submission and receptive aspects of it (as opposed to being the one who would penetrate). My wife has encouraged me to explore videos and other imagery to restart my sense of being aroused and wanting to be sexual. We've been abstinent for about a year now, since things didn't work for some months prior to GCS also.

4) Other erogenous zones. You probably already know what those are for you. Mine are nipples, by which I've been able to climax without any other stimulation, even before surgery. There's a good thread elsewhere here about that, I think it was called "Girlgasms".

Personally, I feel certain that I'm not likely to be orgasmic EVERY time I have hetero- or hetero-like (think: harness) sex. And it's going to be some months yet before I am going to be physically able to do so without pain.

There is also the matter of girth. I use the Soul Source dilators, and after surgery the blue (middle-sized) one was comfortable. Around months 3-4 I was able to size-up to the green, and then to the orange (largest) size. That gave me confidence that I could accomodate a variety of male sizes (or substitute items). But due to my granulation and scar healing, I've lost girth, and am back to the blue size. I'm hoping to gradually increase again once my healing progresses a bit more.

I'll be happy to post back here how things go later in the year when I am finally able to "get there". Best wishes to you with your recovery!

[Guest G-A-L-E]

Hello Mikkiapolis, my SRS took place on May 22^nd. I officially returned back to work yesterday. I now will have to somehow power thru three live on location assignments next week. Very nervous since the pain and swelling is still with me but have a good support team.

I very much appreciate you reaching out and providing some much needed insight. My experience is pretty much as you described. I do not allow my head to go anywhere sexual. Just want to get better and keep my job!

My simple pleasure is to look down and see it gone. The freedom to wear anything is beyond anything I imagined.

But back on sexual intercourse, I hope someone finds me pretty enough to make love? with me, once healed. I have accepted the earliest ready date for me is 6-12 months out.

Healing is going well…I think. Very scary learning womanhood 2.0 overnight, not much can prepare you for the real deal. Bleeding, peeing, smells and pain are all much different in the post-op world. Very lucky having the two most significant women in my life teach me the ropes, it’s very comforting.

I do have much more to share and will at a later date. In closing, I’ll share that SRS was magical for me. Yes it hurts but feels so perfect to be free!

Thank you,

Anne

P.S. Anyone want my August 2016 SRS date with Dr. Bowers?

[Guest G-A-L-E]

Hello Everyone, well it seems I get to answer my own question. ‘Does intercourse work’.

148 days after undergoing SRS in Los Angeles all the stars lined up and I experienced my first sexual encounter as a woman.

I can now report that intercourse does indeed work and felt fantastic!

Took a while to find the right person but its not because I was not trying. Signed up on Trans Date and OkCupid. It was a contact through Linken that resulted in a date and magical night! It ended too early but now I have confidence to go out and sample the world’s offerings. I learned about and preformed ‘The Walk of Shame’ down the elevator to hotel lobby and then over to valet. I am sure people were talking!

Thank you,

Anne

[Guest G-A-L-E]

Hello Everyone, I made it to 6 months post SRS! All is healing well and life is pretty.

Dr. Sinclair did nice work on me. Best part was good results with no waiting!

I recorded a video report on my post SRS progress. https://youtu.be/UeeQlld6DFo

Thank you,

Anne

[Carolyn Marie]

Great video, Anne. Thanks so much for sharing it with us. Clearly, you are still very emotional, and that's something I understand well. You look absolutely wonderful, hon. You're very pretty, and I love your hair. I wish you all the best of luck for the future.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest vtphoenix]

On ‎4‎/‎20‎/‎2015 at 1:55 PM, Drea said:

 

Hi, Drea. Your post was great. I think you lay out some pretty good reasons for the lack of sharing about post-op sexual functioning/satisfaction.

For myself, I have a female partner and although I'm curious what sex with a man would be like, I'm attracted to and love my partner and I am very loyal to her. As far as a trans vagina "working" though, I find that I reach orgasm 100% of the time and that it only takes a little longer (5-10 min maybe?) than it took to reach a male orgasm. It is somewhat more difficult to be sexually spontaneous (as a guy I could orgasm in the cramped bathroom of a moving bus if I had wanted to). Plus I find that I'm not in the mood as much (as a guy, I was always in the mood!) Anyway, I think trans women who are interested in men could probably enjoy sex with them with a neo-vagina. The man might have to be more careful/gentle because we might not have the depth, lubrication, etc. and that area can be tender for some time (I'm 4 years post-op and I still feel a soreness/tenderness in the mons area sometimes) but hopefully the partner will be understanding.

The healing body takes a lot of time to get used to. No joke, I'm still figuring out things that feel good and don't. I tried to orgasm about 3 weeks after GRS and was successful 2 weeks after that. It was quite a few months before my partner and I had sex but it's been good, although honestly sex as a male with my female partner was better than female/female sex, at least for me.

[Darlene]

Hi, I'm Darlene and I'm a pre-op transexual woman that plans on having surgery in about 12-13 months.  I'm doing some research and would like to know what intercourse with a man feels like after surgery.  I understand that there is quite a bit of healing that takes place before my vagina will have full sensation.  What will it feel like when a man penetrates me?  It might seem like a ridiculous question, but its one of many questions I have before going under the knife.  Thanks so much.

-Darlene

[VickySGV]

@Darlene This is a bit of an "Adult" question and we try to keep this entire set of forums down to the acceptable level for teenagers and their parents.  So some details must be a little toned down.  With that in mind, it will mostly depend on the actual male you have intercourse with, and the real experiences are all over the place.  You will have nearly 6 months of using a dilator before most of the surgeons will permit you to have intercourse YOU do not completely control over.  The dilators you use will often hurt a bit as they go in and stretch things a bit, and you can do something to relieve the hurt and finish your regimen.  You will learn how to bring yourself to an orgasm during that time as well.  You will do a perfect job by the time you are ready to have a sex partner, and unless the partner is an otherwise well loved friend, it will NOT go as you have practiced and you may not get an orgasm any time with a male partner.  If the partner is a gentle trusted and cooperative one, you have a better chance of both of you getting pleasure and satisfaction although the actual penetration may be the least of it as far as feelings go.  I cannot and will not provide exact details of my actual experience, it is mine alone and a reality I cannot make into your fantasy.  If sexual experiences are your only reason for having GCS, I would advise you to carefully go over this with your Therapist and find a better reason for the surgery.  I am happy with what I have been through and done, but four years later, I still dilate several times a week, have an occasional adventure with yeast and Urinary Tract Infections (UTI's), and have rewarding friendships with men and women, and find penetrative sex very low on my lists of things to do even with experience.