Shanna's Story Up To Now

[Guest shanna_bana_1]

what helped me a lot before/during/after transitioning were other people's stories and experiences. it's great to know that some people have gone through the same things i have. oftentimes it's a very lonely experience and you need not just friends and family, but a community where you can belong. i guess that's why i joined laura's playground. because this is my community and we need to all help each other.

other people knew from birth that they were born in the wrong body. i guess i'm a late bloomer (6th grade) haha. i had a friend who was rather effeminate. i actually didn't like him, but he was basically my only friend. i would always make fun of him for being gay (mannerisms). but i suppose his existence planted the seed. i went through with your typical crossdressing phase. stealing my mom's clothes when she was away, practicing makeup. sometimes i even wore panties to school. this is embarrassing, but i even wore tampons sometimes. so anyways, i got good at it by the time i was 17 or so.

i don't know whether i was just gutsy, driven, stupid, or what, but i went out more frequently than one might want to at a young age. looking back it was probably the best thing i did. by this time i guess i knew what i was preparing for and had been growing my hair out. i believe it was up to my neck. it was long for a boy, but not too long. i played it safe; safe clothes, makeup, places. the freedom to drive was my freedom to be.

and of course all this found its way to my mother. i could tell she was trying and i knew she was trying to be nice, but i felt angry and embarrassed when she confronted me. sadly i gave it up until the end of highschool and i compensated. i tried being macho. i even tried weightlifting. luckily i was more lazy than macho.

then i left for college away from home and this is where it all changed. i still had a small clothes/makeup collection stored. i couldn't leave it at home, so i brought it to college. my roommate was as much a part of my transition as any. it took a while to become close, but eventually mid-quarter, with the help of some liquid courage, we had a great long talk about our lives. yada yada blah blah etc etc. haha.

we repeated this heart to heart later and to make a long story short, i told him about how i felt inside. living in a 12x12 room with another human, he saw my "supplies" and said he knew and that he supported me 100%. this is where that "gutsy, drive, or stupid" comes in again...or maybe i was a genius. i had done my research. i knew the earlier the better, but still scary as hell. it made it easier that i was in a building with people who didn't really know me. what i'm trying to say is that "shanna" came out slowly and people accepted that as the norm (because they didn't know me).

summer was horrible and wonderful. i went home to my parents, but with a new attitude. my hair was longer, my mannerisms more effeminate. i cried a lot when talking to my parents about the issue. i've never cried more in my life. however, my parents loved me and they said they would love me no matter and surprisingly they gave me their blessing. it wasn't right away, but i wouldn't have it any other way.

before i started college again i went to buy some bedding, cooking stuff, etc for my new place with my mother. what happened next was when i knew i would be ok. i learned early on that that good grades = money/presents and of course i got great grade my first year. again to make a long story short, my mother bought me my first pair of heels. she said she was proud to have such a smart daughter, but she wants a stylish daughter also.

my second year i moved in with girls i was good friends with. they were my sisterhood and i started to know what it was like actually being a woman. i lived with them for the rest of college. during this time i did a stupid thing: i took non-prescribed hormones. i'm doing it the right way currently, but back then i guess i just wanted it badly. luckily i had no blood issues or anything detrimental. the hormones gave me the confidence i needed. i've been shanna ever since.

so yeah. wow that's a lot to type/read. obviously this is the short version. there are a lot of mini stories and details, but i guess that's for another day. thanks for reading. i feel good. i just hope it's of some use to someone.

[Guest S. Chrissie]

Welcome,

and thanks for sharing your story. Good to know everyting turned out well for you.

Sherlyn

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hey Shanna,

Thanks for sharing your wonderful story!! I find it interesting, that you too went through a "macho" stage in highschool. I did the samething. When I was 18, I returned to my true roots (my true gender identity). Unlike you, I did not have the fortitude at that time of my life to continue on my path to transition. So, by 23, I went through that whole male schtick again (why, I don't really know). I think that it is wonderful that you kept going!! At 43, there was no denying it anymore for me. My female within just was not goiing to be held back anymore. I am 48 now and my progression has been accelerating!!!

Your stories are so wonderful!! Please continue to post them!!

LOL

bernie

[Guest nova]

Hey, a California girl!

I wish my parents could have been supportive of me, but I made it on my own anyway.

Welcome!