My Story

[Guest Deeedoo]

I have a smaller version of htis in my blog, but I wanted to show the whole thing to you on here.

When I first moved to the Bible Belt, I was shocked and horrified at the culture. I made no friends in fifth grade, and, to make things worse, I started my stupid period. In sixth grade, people were mean to me because I didn't conceal my atheism or bisexuality. They were very annoying because it's fun to annoy autistic people. Every once in a while, however, a shred of kindness or compassion would slip through, and I grew to care about the sixth graders. I was both happy and devastated when it was decided that I would skip seventh grade. Over the summer, I thought about how much I would miss my peers, and I first considered suicide. I didn't attempt it only because of my trombone, Shiny. He saved my life.

At first, it seemed like eighth grade would be better, and I would have a chance at making friends. At lunch, I sat with a nice girl and her friends. Then, these very evil people (words cannot describe how terrible they are) decided to sit with us. I liked them because they seemed nice. Eventually, the nice girl disliked one of the evil people (to this day, she still likes the others), and the group split up. I went with the evil people. Soon, their true colors showed, and they became terrible to me. I had already been considering suicide. I won't go into details about what they did, but I became shaky and started to hallucinate a little bit. I couldn't eat, and my mental health began to deteriorate. My life became a nightmare. When the evil people drove me away from them, I went to a group of jerks. I only talked to them about my feelings because I needed someone to talk to and I couldn't tell an adult; I was terrified of being sent to an institution. They all laughed and made fun of me. I would get stupid questions like "how are you going to kill yourself?" and "why do you want to kill yourself?" and stuff. My self esteem was terrible. I felt like everyone hated me and that I deserved to die. I believed that my existence was actually hurting people.

My only comfort was in band. I spoke openly to the other trombone players about my suicidalness, and one day the second chair trombone (I was first) said that he would be upset if I killed myself. That was a revalation for me. Even so, I still continued with my suicidal behaviors.

Then, during summer, my mom gave birth to a sweet little boy. That helped me a lot, but I still felt bad. I did not get better until ninth grade when I met Skyy. Even though I thought I was better, she realized that there was something wrong with me and helped me. Now, I have not had a relapse for over a year. Having my pets, my trombone, and my brother helped, too. I have a bright future ahead of me and I will not kill myself. Things are better now.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

A tremendous amount of evil intent in the world. I don't know if the people are evil or just have it beaten into them. My father was a 'gentle' abuser of me (beat me with belt mostly). It turned out he was severely abused as a child. I stopped it with my children, and hopefully the legacy is broken. But it's prejudice that my father had that he wanted to pass on. I broke it with myself. We inherit the wind, but we also inherit the baggage that seems to follow.

Suicide? My abused father? His mother committed suicide - how ironic is that!

I hear you! I weep... and i see your inner strength.

Thank you for sharing - and please know we are here for you... I am as sincere as I can be on that... stay with us, help us educate and erase these terrible things.

Lizzy

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dear Deeedoo,

I am so sorry to hear you have had it rough. There is alot of evil in the world and it really is ashame. I am very glad to hear however that things are looking up for you and that you are much happier now than you were before. Dearest, things will continue to get better!! Trust me.

HUGS

bernie

[Guest mia 1]

Well deeedoo I've been following your posts for a few weeks and I know you and Skyy have been helping each other and that is very gratifing..I also know that Sally is a good friend of yours and Skyy's and what ever I can do to help with Asperger's Syndrome let me know just P.M. and we can talk.........Mia

[Sally]

Hi, Deeedoo,

A lot of people may not realize how an inanimate object like a trombone can save someone's life, I do!

I would have been lost without my trumpet - I was not autistic, but I was the smallest boy in my classes, add to that the fact that I didn't feel like a boy so I was always out of step with the other kids and the target of all of the bullies.

At the age of nine I started playing the trumpet, it got me through the nightmare that was junior high and high schol for me and got me into college and around the world on cruise ships - I still play.

When ever I feel really bad, I play a little blues on my trumpet or flugelhorn and I feel better right away.

I am so glad that you and Skyy have found each other, you seem to be good for each other.

You can come an talk to Momma Sally anytime that you need to, but right now I believe that Skyy is cleaning melted thin mints out of the microwave!

There are alot of good, kind people in the world but they never make as much noise as the evil ones.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Deeedoo]

You are all very nice and caring. Because of what happened, I have a hard time trusting people to be nice, but I feel like I can trust you to be nice. What most of you go through is way worse than what I went through.

People don't understand why I want to keep buy specifically Shiny instead of another instrument, but he saved my life. I can't really tell other people that, because they will either think it's a joke or think I'm crazy. The instrument has become a part of me, though.

Thanks for being nice.

[Guest MrAwesome]

A tremendous amount of evil intent in the world. I don't know if the people are evil or just have it beaten into them. My father was a 'gentle' abuser of me (beat me with belt mostly). It turned out he was severely abused as a child. I stopped it with my children, and hopefully the legacy is broken. But it's prejudice that my father had that he wanted to pass on. I broke it with myself. We inherit the wind, but we also inherit the baggage that seems to follow.

Suicide? My abused father? His mother committed suicide - how ironic is that!

I hear you! I weep... and i see your inner strength.

Thank you for sharing - and please know we are here for you... I am as sincere as I can be on that... stay with us, help us educate and erase these terrible things.

Lizzy

you say all that and your avi's smiling

[Guest angie]

I don't know if the people are evil or just have it beaten into them. My father was a 'gentle' abuser of me (beat me with belt mostly). It turned out he was severely abused as a child.

Lizzy

Both my older brother and I were terribly abused as children.Physically,verbally and emotionally. Until bro moved out as soon as he could,and I stood up to my father at sixteen,when I could not

take the abuse any longer.I got the lions share when we were little, because I had told my parents

at five,I Am A Girl.My daddy spent the next eleven years trying to beat the girl of of me,telling me

I was a loser,would never be anything in life,and I might as well get used to it.There were times my dad beat the tar out of me for my natural inclinations of being very girly.By sixteen,I learned to hide these inner feeling of being/knowing I was born in the wrong gender.And I was suicidal,twice

attempting as a silent scream for help.I lived a life as a (man),married,even fathered children.

At twenty one,I forgave my parents for a lifetime of abuse.Once I found out their upbringing.

Both dropped out of school early,both were abused as children.I broke the cycle of violence,when

at ten years old,I made the promise that I would not do that to my children when I grew up.I/we,

raised our lovely daughters with love,hugs,expressions of them being able to do anything in life.

My parents both passed away when I was twenty six.I am glad I forgave them,told them I loved them.For I never would have had that chance,and a clear concious,if I had held a long standing grudge about the abuse heeped upon us as children.

With much understanding and compassion,

Angie