The Marcie Chronicles

[tracy_j]

Good luck Marcie xxx

 

[Jani]

Take care Marcie!  The prep is the worse.  You'll be fine and before you know it you'll be recovering.

Jani

[MarcieMarie12]

Well to say something happened this month would be a bit of an understatement. I did have my bottom surgery and things are healing well. Still worried a cough or sneeze might make it pop out though. A bit irrational I suppose...anyway the surgery went well. 

July 30th we went to Philadelphia. Got stuck on 95 (the major north/south highway on the east coast--fun fact, the US highway system was built by Eisenhower to help move troops in case of WWIII). So our two hour trip turned into a 4 hour oddessey. Had my last good meal for a few days.

July 31st: Had pre-surgery prep, which mostly included the use of laxatives and not eating anything except jello. I have never pooped so much . I did not sleep much, I was bit excited.

August 1st: Surgery day, got up and went to the hospital. A bit nervous, but excited too. Pre-surgery I got asked 21 questions a half a dozen times. They then rolled me into the operation room. The anesthesiologist asked me to move onto the operating table and then said he was going to poke me an start. I don't remember much, a white light and then waking up in the recovery room. I think my initial reaction was, what just happened. Did they cancel the surgery. A quick checkand I noticed I had a catheter in me, and something was missing. I really felt I would be more excited, but I kind of felt let down, as in that's it? We are done? All this effort to have this surgery and I did not see the final act!! The outrage!! (Feelings are often a bit muddled I guess, but I am glad I was knocked out.   However, the morphine was very bad for me, gave me the dry heaves, and took me to some dark places. After figuring that it was the morphine and not the anesthesia I stopped using it (I took about 7 hits). Other than tylenol, I did not touch anymore pain meds. Slept ok, glad I did not sleep well the night before.

August 2nd: Had very little appetite, but did dring a lot of water. Got visited by nurses a lot. They were just checking up on me. They were a bit suprised I was done with the pain killers. Rested so,so. Jamie was there to keep me company most of the day (and the last three days and the days afterwards). I really did not like having a catheter. That thing hurt. The other pains I had were more like strange sensations, and over time these occur less and less ove the next few days. I put them as a 3 on a 10 point scale, 4 or 5 sometimes, but never anywhere near a 10. They thought it was odd I didn't feel that much pain. 

August 3rd: I had some of my appetite back and was slowly recovering and I was being moved to the hotel. That was painful,   especially when the catheter moved. There also must have been some mix up as we were told there would be transportation provide. That took about 20 minutes to arrive for a 3 block trip. He could have wheel chaired me there quicker.  Moving in and out of the Taxi was the most painful portion of the whole experience. Once into the hotel room, I collapsed on the bed, not to rise/get out of the bed until Friday. 

August 4th; spent the day being a princess and asking Jamie to get me this that or anything. Anyoone willing to empty your catheter bag and bed pan must really love you. She put up with it an my bossiness. Also, kept warning Jamie to watch the catheter tube and not tug on it. I did get a bit paranoid about that one. Tried to get up and feinted. Twice. Panicked call to Dr. and e-mail a few photos later and she tells me everything is ok. 

August 5th: Spent most of the day in bed. Watched TV, drank lots of water, and slept.Did finally stand up for a bit and walked around, very carefully. Tried to sit and it hurt too much. Finally washed my hair and went potty while I was at it (the bed pan got old).

August 6th and 7th: Did the samething I did on the 4th and 5th. Watched TV, ate slept and got up to go potty. 

August 8th: Got up and did a walk, also got up to potty and wash what I could (body wipes were wonderful). I also had an appointment with Dr. Rumer to remove everything. The ride over was very uncomfortable though and I swelled up a bit because of it. Again the catheter cause me the most issues. Once there it was over pretty quickly, though removing the plug felt weird. The drains were not that bad, the catheter once again was my bane. She had to drain my bladder then pull it out (mercifully quick thankfully). The drains, got removed  too. From here on out, I would get the occasional pain, but they last only a few seconds (felt like bee stings) and disappear. 

August 9th: Drove home. Was happy to be going home, but the 3 hour car trip was not pleasant and i was definitely swollen a bit more because of it. It would not be the end of the pains. but by the 21st, they are mostly gone except when  dialating or being up an about too long. Doing that  makes it feel sore--especially by the 4th time each day!!

Was it worth it? Yes (I smile knowing that it is gone), but as if I was not so dysphoric about that part, I would not have done it. It is not a comfy situation nor worth the risk of complications otherwise. At least in my opinion. 

 

 

[Charlize]

Thanks for sharing your journey dear!  I remember helping you to change the topic of this thread.  This post is certainly a highlight of the journey that you have shared here.  I'm glad to have known you during this amazing journey.

 

Big Hugs,

 

Charlize

[tracy_j]

Thank you for the update Marcie.

The painful bit to forget much about in time. Take it steadily and recover well

Tracy x

 

[Jani]

Marcie I'm glad you're doing well.  I am 10 weeks post op and life is fairly normal now.  You will start to feel better rather quickly as your body adjusts.   The swelling was more than I expected and didn't seem to decrease at first but then it quickly receded.  The mons pubis was huge but now it looks normal.  I did some reading and "normal" sizes are all over the scale.   

I was at Lower Bucks Hospital and the intake there was a breeze with minimal questions and forms to sign (I guess they had everything) and before I knew it I was in the OR.  Like you I don't recall a thing except waking up in recovery feeling groggy.   I only used morphine a few times and no other pain meds except OTC acetaminophen.  It was a relief that the pain was pretty much non existent.  Unlike you, I didn't have much concern with the catheter but I was glad to have it removed.  I had spent 2 weeks with one back in 2006 so I knew what to expect and that I'd be fine.  That was nice that Jamie was there for you.  Good friends are critically important in life.  Cherish them.

It will all be a distant memory before you know it!   I look at it fondly as a wonderful time in my life when I did something with a lasting impact for solely for me.

Hugs, Jani 

[MarcieMarie12]

Jani, did you have a lot of dead skin come out of the vaginal opening at some point?  I've e-mailed my surgeon, but have not heard back yet. I noticed it this morning when I was about to dialate. Thinkink it was just some left over lube, I I ignored it. After dialating, douching, and taking a shower it was still there. A piece broke off, that is how I know it is dead skin. It is about 3 to 4 times as thick as the skin that peels off the skin of a sun burn. No blead, still can dialate to my depth (just a twinge of pain).   I think this is normal because well skin dies off on a regular basis and there is no massive amounts of bleeding.

[Jani]

I had a bit as things solidified.  I think I noted in my own post that I had a piece of tissue that did not survive and that it  eventually sloughed off.  Oddly it was rather thick and again the pain was minimal as it healed.   I think you may be seeing a combination of lube and skin.   There is an incision inside that is most likely the source.  

If you aren't experiencing pain I would take a wait and see approach to hear what your doctor says.  I believe your assessment that its normal is correct. 

Jani

[MarcieMarie12]

I spoke to a friend of mine who had the surgery a few years ago. She agreed it was normal. No pain, no massive bleeding or anything (even after it came out with a very very gentle tug. It does look disgustung though.....

 

Last Saturday, I went to the smallest wedding I have ever been to (18 guests). I would say that was one of the most touching and heartfelt ceremonies I have ever experienced.  One of the brides was also MTF, and the other bride is very well known in the DC area trans community, she offers make-up lessons, photo shoots and really helped me out in the beginning. Apparently they are also part of some documentary about their life as a couple. I will see if I can't get any more information on it later. 

[Jani]

I'm glad you've determined everything is OK.  

I'm heading to a wedding this weekend also not that small but not big at all.  I think the small ones tend to be much more personal and less, I guess, scripted.  It sounds like it was nice.

Jani

[JodyAnn]

Thanks for your stories. Wonderfully they take me down memory lane. I enjoyed the morphine, all that I could get. When I left the hospital that was that. Then I discovered what pain was all about!!! I had granulation really bad like white sand down there. I used estrogen cream for quite a while down there and it cleared up without problems.

In the hotel I discovered dead bugs on the floor after a few days. I kinda freaked. I picked one up and determined it was my suitures falling out. Giggle. I lost most of my little bugs in a few days.

For the most part it is just fading memories.

[MarcieMarie12]

Had a follow-up visit on the 13th, I got lucky and only had 2 spots of granulation. So far I am healing up well. The soreness is almost gone, though sitting in a chair for more than a few hours does get uncomfortable. The scars on the outside are still healing too. Glad to be down to three dialations a day.

[Charlize]

Glad to hear your healing well!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[tracy_j]

Slow but sure!

 

It's good to hear your progress Marcie

 

Tracy x

 

[MarcieMarie12]

Things are progressing well still. I will be down to two 20 minutes sessions at the end of the month, which will be a godsend. The mid day one is a pain to fit in when I have things to do in the evening.  I've reached two years since I started my public transition (October 3rd 2015), I sort of feel like the roller coaster ride of transition in someways is ending and I am about to disembark back on to the rest of this amusement park called life. Even though my transition will never end in some respects, I feel that I am at my 90%+ of the way there. It is just the little things. I pass so well now I have no sense of dread going without make-up out--I mean getting all dolled up for a trip to the grocer store is a bit much. Also, having to do that every day I go to work gets a little tiring. It is one of those things where I get rushed in the morning. I'd prefer the hour for when I go out for that special event when I can do a little more than the 15 minute make-up routine. 

 

Socially though, I've made many friends in the trans community, I do think it limits me sometimes when trying to socialize with cis women. But that is something I want to work on, and balancing that while keeping my relationships and friends in the trans community is hard. Another part of asks if I should worry about it. Except in transfriendly spaces like Freddie's and with the 2 support groups I attend, me and my girlfiriends are just another group of ladies. So there is that, maybe I am just thinking about it too much.

[Jani]

2 hours ago, MarcieMarie12 said:

Socially though, I've made many friends in the trans community, I do think it limits me sometimes when trying to socialize with cis women. But that is something I want to work on...

I agree that we need to have a well rounded mix of social acquaintances and friends.  That was one of the side reasons for recently starting a yoga class, to meet others I would not have come across in the past.  I also have been looking into Meet-Up activities in my area.  Getting on with the rest of life can be a challenge, but I'm up for it as I know you are too.  

 

Jani 

[MarcieMarie12]

I went to a nearby fencing club to see if I would enjoy it. I am partially doing this to get away from being a transwoman and being just another woman. Is that bad? I don't think so--but certainly not for everyone. I did not know anyone there since it has been over 15 years since I donned my fencing mask. Had to get a new one though, as I had lost my old one one of my moves.

 

In any event made two new friends that treated me as another girl interested in getting back into fencing!!

[tracy_j]

I think it's good not bad. It will keep you fit as well!

 

Tracy

 

 

[Charlize]

Keep lunging and parrying girl!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[MarcieMarie12]

Well I guess I didn't lunge in the right direction, but I lost my job yesterday. It was due to budgetary reasons, not because I was transgender (basically 1/3 of the budget disappeared). I am sad to leave that organization after being there 9 years, and the wonderful people I worked with. Time to dust off the resume' and go look for another one. I will start that process next week--I just want some time to collect my thoughts.

 

Surprisingly I am not overly upset. I did have an idea that this might happen (next August at the earliest), because of some things that were going on. But this was after I accepted my new position (and my bosses weren't aware of it either). On the bright side, I will get to start at a place of work as just Marcie, just need to find that place.Transitioning was hard, so this should be a piece of cake!! 

[DenimAndLace]

Transgender people have amazing skill sets that smart employers want

 

We are resilient

We can take obscene amounts of criticism and rejection

We solve problems that others believe to be insurmountable

"The way we've always done it" is NOT in our vocabulary

We are determined and undeterred

We are acquainted with convention but not beholden to it

We are long game people

We are great at communication

Naysayers don't phase us

 

 

 

[Jani]

I'm sorry to hear this Marcie but as you say, you can start fresh as the true you!  I think it's a good choice to take a few days to collect your thoughts and refocus.   Best of luck with your search.  

 

Jani

[MarcieMarie12]

My job search continues, but the validation I get as being female has been a very big brightspot. Fortunately I worked at my previous employer for most of the last 10 years. Two of my colleagues I kept in touch with from my previous job both know I transitioned. I'm planning on meeting one of them in the next few weeks. I've never been happier, and my only concern is the finances which are still strong. In any case those that just met me don't know, and well I am fine with that. 

[Charlize]

Good luck in your job search Marcie.  I've been fortunate to be able to continue at the farm as before.  I was worried that we would loose business but that has simply not been the case.  Often if we are hard workers and are dealing with reasonable people our work is much more important than our gender.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[tracy_j]

Good luck Marcie. I know from past experience that it is never easy, but I found that if I had a goal it made things easier.

 

Tracy x