Acceptance again

[Guest Faith gibson]

Hi,

I am finding myself thinking a lot about acceptance over the last couple of days. Among some of the stuff I have been reading I found this article. Though it doesn't really address what I am concerned with, it does mention some things this particular writer believes.

(Find article at HuffingtonPost.com under Nikki-Araguz)

I would love to learn more about acceptance because that is obviously where people find happiness. Every time I read something here, or elsewhere, and the person is sharing something wonderful, at the bottom of it, it appears they have been accepted by someone or by themselves. I hear so many people talk about their unhappiness, and again it usually is associated with their nonacceptance in some way.

That includes people that have transitioned. These people also seem to have up and down days, and it all seems to hinge on how they are accepting themselves, or how they have been treated by others,on any particular day.

Is acceptance only really happening when we feel we blend into a binary world? I am so upset with myself today because that is how I am seeing myself. I have only ever wanted to be female, yet at this stage of my life is it going to realistic for me to go out in public and be seen as such? Does it even matter? It apparently does to me. I had some eye surgery two days ago and was told not to use eye liner etc. for a week, so I used that as a further excuse not to go out to an event. I am so afraid of being seen as someone not really fitting into the binary role of a female. Does that make sense? I have been having a hard time with my confidence as it is, without the make-up on, I couldn't even consider trying. It makes me so angry that I am basically so ashamed of myself.

Like in the above article, I'm not saying that I totally believe 'anything goes', and a person should feel upset if they are not accepted when they are expressing how they identify, I think there has to be a little common sense, though I guess who are we to judge anyone?

If I am so unaccepting of 'me' without using all the make-up, clothes, etc. does that explain why I am not ready to transition? For I truly believe that I am the same as so many that have taken the step to transition, that has just been their way of dealing with the same struggles I am going through. I don't really believe in needs, other than basic needs, but I won't disbelieve anyone that says they 'need' to transition. That is probably another topic.

I would 'like' to be accepted. Especially by myself and to not be so concerned with how others view me. (Chasing the ultimate I guess). I think the last paragraph of this article is pretty good in that all people are seeking acceptance. Why aren't we accepting of everyone? As long as someone's intent is not to cause anyone else any harm.

Faith

Edited November 27, 2015 by Faith gibson
Link deleted and replaced. Article contained images in violation of Rule #3.

[JJ]

Faith I only have a few moments but wanted to say that it has finally dawned on me after a long and too often deeply unhappy life that self acceptance is the key to happiness-not just for us but for anyone. For many of us before transition that can be impossible. Our brains see us as wrong on a very deep level and until we match as closely as possible what we know we really are then there is no real peace.

Not saying transition stills that voice completely or all the time. Nor could all the acceptance in the world ever be enough until I accepted myself and who I am. That is the hardest thing I have ever done. Far harder than losing the 200 libs and getting physically fit from years being bedridden. It took a lot of time and work and introspection. Now the acceptance is real and for me and I can rejoice in it because on some level that goes all the way through me I can love and accept myself.

Is it an easy decision -no. I first chose to die instead. But by dieing I would have abandoned people who desperately needed me. But in the process I have learned that it was worth doing for me. That I can do so much more than I ever could envision. Have more strength. We all do.

And for me the indecision and despair and fear -the feeling that I was beaten and broken before transition-were far, far worse than anything I have felt since. You have to take your measure. You have to try before you really know how it will be. And before I made that choice I also read the success stories ad too often said "But not for me." I was wrong.

I don't cry anymore-a side effect of T for me-but I tear up when I say with truth at last I do love myself. And I want every one of us to be able to experience that. Because I believe it IS possible. We certainly cannot know unless we try. We do know how it feels as we are.

That said it is a commitment and choice only you can make for yourself. And either way I and many others care and support you

Hugs

Johnny