Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

5 questions about being transgender


Guest Faith gibson

Recommended Posts

Guest Faith gibson

http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/02/questions-trans-people-have/

I found this article very good at least from the point of view that it addressed so many things I have been feeling and more importantly, saying it was alright to have those feelings. I've always found it very stressful, firstly, being so ashamed of the way I felt about myself and how I must look to so many people in society. But also, I have had many doubts over the last year or two about how the rest of the trans* community was seeing me. I still struggle with it, this article hasn't eliminated my fears but it has helped me start to understand and question some things.

I was also reading a passage in a Kate Bornstein book last night 'Gender Outlaws' where someone talked about how some trans people validated their own being trans by putting others down. Those weren't the exact words but the meaning I took from it. I think that has happened to me in the past and it has been taking me a long time to recover from it.

Thankfully, there are many people here in this forum that offer nothing but support. When you have felt ashamed and have questioned your validity though, even with good support, it can take a long time to feel good about things again.

I am who I am and I am beginner no care less and less about how others view me. I can't change who I am at this point, I can only seek ways to make my life richer and fullfilling.

Love Faith.

Link to comment

Great Article,Faith...so true,so true.I'm sorry you were hurt by others with the same struggles....I can't imagine their own personal unhappiness,from day to day.I feel very much as you do...If I heard a slight breeze I'd panic!I admire your strength and commitment to your real self.I draw some of these strengths from sisters like you.I support you and 'am happy for this wonderful place you are in now!As the Article points out...these are all part and parcel,normal reactions for gals like us.Not caring what others think,say or do is harder than just words!Thankyou for this info...I made ..."available space" for these perceptions and emotions we have of ourselves.I don't know of anyone or anything that can give us the validation we seek....except ourselves!

Love jeannie

Link to comment
Guest Clair Dufour

Shame is a social thing and the only cure is to find people who accept you so you can discount the rest

as being unimportant in how you think about yourself. Self hate is another version of the same as if

its a failure on our part not to follow the social norms. This is all learned stuff. Look at the TG

kids who run around saying "I'm not a boy, I'm a girl" and care less what anyone else thinks. I think

getting back to that point is half the battle. In the community, with most with female brain parts and

hormones, your going to get drama! Even us crossdressers go from passive aggressive guys to snide

little prises or what think women are when we dress.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

i am glad you shared this Faith. Perhaps this should be required reading for all of us. I will read it several times as it speaks to my experience so well.

Hugs,

Charlize

Link to comment

I would have to say that for me at least getting over the shame part is what took me so long to come to terms with it.

Link to comment
Guest Alicia Rose

I've been struggling with this a lot for a long time. I've always told myself to trust myself and I understand that if I question myself, like we all have, that doesn't mean I am wrong or lying. The first question in that article "Am I really trans? What if I'm making this up?" is something I've been asking recently and have awhile ago. I understand that it's totally normal to ask that question but at times it makes me feel like I am wrong. What if I am wrong?

I'm having such a rough time accepting myself enough to actually come out and begin my transition, and I technically could live my life as my birth gender. I mean.. I am healthy and able to work, pay bills, etc. Just emotionally, I'm not there. Not one ounce of that life sounds worth it. I'm so ashamed that I feel this way. I am unhappy with myself. I'm disappointed with life and I'm jealous that others can enjoy things for what it is.

All of those questions resonate with my thoughts.

My brother had an unfair life. His life was out of his control and was knowingly only going to end up one way. Short. It is because of that, I find it hard to cut mine short. That would be unfair---but I'm unhappy in every way. Still, I push forward for him. My life, some how, some way, will become something.

"For me, it was trauma that delayed my realizations around my gender. For others, they didn’t know “transgender” was even a thing and never thought to question their assigned gender. And for some, their safety was at stake if they tried to explore their gender." (From Question #2)


In 2007 my brother passed away. Around that time I started not caring about anything and got heavy into online gaming, then in 2008 I discovered what Transgender meant through people I meant in those games. I started to question myself because nothing really felt right for me. Then in 2009 my mother passed away. Around that time my cat (of 6yrs) passed too, in my hands. So sometimes I ask myself.. what if I'm trying to cope with the loss? Trying to escape my entire life that feels empty and alone. Not being who I am, which makes me happy. Or maybe trying to transition sounds too scary and I fear further pain... being rejected.. not good enough.. embarrassed.. and more alone.

I have many reasons why I feel honest about myself with my gender identity, and it makes me feel hopeful and happy. Something is stopping me though and I've never really been able to accept whatever that is and try.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Yes I found it a good article as well!

I have asked those questions and still do but I have never felt shame.

I often wonder about how trans I am and to some extent whether I am as the dysporia has waned of late but I am presuming that has happened because I have progressed such that I have responded to it.

I do sometimes wonder here on Lauras as I know I am not at present transitioning as far as many so do feel a little false at times. I then see how I am living and get confused as I am regarded by many as MTF transexual rather than male. It's a complicated life but I am happier :)

Tracy

Link to comment
Guest Faith gibson

Hi Tracy,

I just have to say that you are not false at all and should never feel that way. As you probably know, and I'm finding out, everyone is different and their needs are different and because one person decides that a complete transition is right for them, it doesn't mean that you are not as valid as they are because you decide not to.

Faith

Link to comment

Hi Tracy,

I just have to say that you are not false at all and should never feel that way. As you probably know, and I'm finding out, everyone is different and their needs are different and because one person decides that a complete transition is right for them, it doesn't mean that you are not as valid as they are because you decide not to.

Faith

:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

Link to comment

Excellent article we live with shame and fear but have done no wrong it is society that has done wrong yet we pay the price of being ourselfs

bobbisue :(

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Thank you Faith :)

I know what you say is true and I am usually confident so I just carry on but you can't stop feelings. I am prone to depression so such thoughts are not unusual

Tracy x

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   8 Members, 0 Anonymous, 103 Guests (See full list)

    • violet r
    • Avra
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Susie
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Shorelinesex
    • Jamey-Heather
    • Ashley0616
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,013
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. 777fleetleader777
      777fleetleader777
      (21 years old)
    2. ArinHallm3
      ArinHallm3
      (18 years old)
    3. ITakMyTime
      ITakMyTime
      (70 years old)
    4. Jess31
      Jess31
      (40 years old)
    5. Natalie71645
      Natalie71645
      (39 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Good listener, respect them, and show sympathy/empathy, even just being there
    • Ashley0616
      Getting dog today he's potty trained
    • Sally Stone
      Think positively, Ashley.  I have no doubt you'll find your king or queen at some point.   Hugs,   Sally
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob had the night off from teaching kara-tay and they planned to spend a lot of it at Cabaret.   Once in, Taylor waited for her man to park and looked around.  There was a sign "Mary, Paul and Peter LIVE tonight" and, sure enough, three microphones were standing in the open area.  A new hostess came up to her. "Are you alone?" "Oh, no.  He's coming." Taylor was led to a table. Bob was there in a minute and managed to get in there and seat her.  She smiled. "The act will be along in a few minutes. And Congratulations! I am SO EXCITED!!" Taylor responded to his look. "I got promoted." "To what?" "Head of Marketing." "You're kidding." "Nope.  It seems the Board finally woke up to the fact that the China cash cow may come to an end and they need to do something. Did you know that the VPs on up all get over a million dollars in compensation without really doing anything?" "No." "I am supposed to figure out how to re-energize over thirty acres of factory that have laid idle for forty years or more." "Why don't they do it?" She whispered,"the head of production is the son of the previous head of production. He has never produced anything."  She explained that everything was made in China and exported back to the US and sold under different brand names. "How am I going to find someone?" He smiled. "Congratulations. Sounds like a problem.  Hey, today we were talking about problems at our Philly plant.  One, it was built before World War 2. Second the city and state are tightening regulations and the tax structure is adverse.  Third, we get protestors every day, some of whom break into the factory.  People are talking about relocating." "We are forty miles from an interstate." "That is a plus.  Makes it harder for protestors to find us if we moved here." "You are really thinking that?" "I am, right now. I can't speak for the company.  I know there is a rail line." "Spur, actually, with several sidings.  The buildings are in good shape." "Do you have about five acres we could look at? How about if I take some pictures and send them off?" "Great.  And protestors would not be tolerated in Millville.  The factory area once upon a time was the main employer and people are very protective." Two weeks later she was in Philadelphia with Gibson and a few others.  The deal was signed and by end of summer ten acres, with an option on another ten, were being upgraded and equipment was coming in by rail. Not five, but ten.  She got a $20,000 bonus out of the blue.  The company was flush with Chinese cash that they didn't know what to do with. She was developing plans. But back to dinner.  "Did I tell you what they are paying me?" "No." She told him. "That is more than I am making." "You don't sound happy." "It takes some getting used to.  You are Management and Croesus combined." "Yeah. Is this a problem?" "No.  As I said, it takes some getting used to."  The musicians arrived and were introduced: three local teenagers in Peter Paul and Mary clothing and wigs like it was the 60s.  They began singing. "They are good," she said. "They are lip-synching." "They are good at lip-synching." They listened for a while. "Work is going to be intense for a while." "I'll bet." "I won't be able to talk to you about some of it." "I bet." They had a good evening.   The high point for Bob was that she let him put his hand on hers.  The high point for her was Bob did not seem threatened by her now being Management and making more than he did with a Masters. She didn't tell him she was likely to be in on the distribution of money the Chinese sent every year to keep them fat and happy.  But she had to finish up that report, so the evening ended early.  He drove her home, checked her apartment for people and again walked away hearing her lock the door three times.  She didn't say it, but he knew she was going to have a long talk with her therapist as well.   Her therapist was a night owl.  
    • Ashley0616
      envy: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage obsolete : MALICE : an object of envious notice or feeling
    • MaeBe
      I sit back and think, am I this person? I definitely argue, but with the willingness to alter my opinion if I find that my information is lacking. So, no? I also don't go pointing fingers in faces like a crazed person, usually I am the one to argue with that kind of person; typically because they can't see past emotion and have little concern for actual facts. Sometimes it's sport that I do this (ENTP, baby!), but usually it comes from a place of trying to inform and shift opinion--or at least get them to actually obtain facts or get their facts from objective sources.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • MaeBe
      How exciting! Have a glorious evening!
    • Adrianna Danielle
      I will be meeting her wife tonight
    • Betty K
      Thank you Vidanjali that is so great to hear. I'm glad the joy comes across even though the subjects are dark, and especially that my voice is pretty! This was really a breakthrough for me, and I revelled in the entire process. Never had creating music been so effortless from start to finish.
    • Charlize
      The thoughts and suggestions above are certainly excellent!  I might also suggest that you continue to reach out to the trans community where your feelings are understood through experience.  I have found that helpful.  The is especially true when i try to help another in distress, not to look for a fellow sufferer but to help another find a path to self acceptance and peace.  Funny how helping another can pull me out of my own funk. We are here to help as we can.  Remember you are not alone in your feelings.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Vidanjali
      This is great, Betty. Your voice is so pretty and soothing. I listened to both tracks on your channel. The messages are clear and there is a very effective tone for the content you are portraying as it neither sounds antagonistic nor overtly facetious, but rather empowered and joyful. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...