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Guest shyChristine

How Do You Cope?

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Guest shyChristine

I have felt like a female in a male body since I was seven. I have been in denial my whole life. But now I have accepted it.

The problem is it overwelms me. I need to become the woman I should have been it is eating me up inside. I have been seeing a therapist who is great, she has helped me come out to my mother. My therapist said for me to become happy I should think about tranision. I agreed but my problem is this.....

First I cant transion at work, it would put me in a bad spot. Not friendly towards gays or transgender. So I would have to quit my job and the way the job market is there is nothing out there, I have been looking for some time now.

with that in mind I cannot agree with the standards of care. Having to live like a woman for a year and last I Feel I am too old to transion. I am 50 and by the time with hormones and trying to save money for SRS I would be in my mid to late 50's.

I know and have heard it before that you are never too old to transion, My therapist told me of some who do it in their 70's.

But I feel what would have been my best days are behind me and if I did it now I would regret not have done it sooner.

So my question is there are some out there who chose not to tranison, how do you cope? I cant be a part time woman. Even dressing as a woman I make myself sick knowing I still have a male body. I really dont need to hear that I am not too old because as far as I concerned I am so I am chosing not too but want to control my feelings so I can go on with my life.

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Sally

Dear shyChristine,

I try to help everyone that I can, but in your case I don't have any advice that works.

I fought the same battle that you have and finally at age 57 I am going to be starting on my hormone therapy.

I will always regret that I didn't do it sooner, but if I don't do it at all I carry that regret all the way to the grave without ever having resloved it.

I prefer to live the rest of my life as me because I could not control the emotions any longer.

If that is the path that you have chosen, good luck to you and I hope you can but in truth most who try usually end up transitioning that much later.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest shyChristine

Sally that is what my therapist said but I cant help but feel lik I am too old I will keep in mind what you said thank you for your reply.

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Guest Donna Jean
So my question is there are some out there who chose not to tranison, how do you cope? I cant be a part time woman. Even dressing as a woman I make myself sick knowing I still have a male body. I really dont need to hear that I am not too old because as far as I concerned I am so I am chosing not too but want to control my feelings so I can go on with my life.

Christine....my heart goes out to you, Sweetie....I'm 59...8 weeks on hormones....

I spent all of those years without resolving my gender problem...But now that I know the answer, I'll do anything in my power to make things better for me...

Because of your statement above, I won't give you the canned speech.......

I have absoutly no idea how one would control their feelings once diagnosed as trans. I think that is something that you must work out with your therapist, althgough they have told you that you should consider transitioning....

But, Honey....what if you go on for another 30 years with no resolution now that you know the answer? I realize that this is hard...............

I do wish you the very best, Christine....

HUGG

Donna Jean

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Guest Elizabeth K

Christine

I am 61 and starting month five on HRT. I wish I had transitioned much earlier, and at age 50 I would have.

Its your decision of course, but it seems we older transpeople have as much of a right to be ourselves as the younger. Actually, my therapist says I have paid my dues and now it's time for me to finally be happy.

Just some thoughts.

Lizzy

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Guest leo

your never to old, i no thats easy for me to say im 18 but its true

and lizzy your 61 :o no way you look well younger

if i was a bit older nudge nudge

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Paula ult

Christine, as you can see there are lots of older ones here, i just turned 57 last week and have been on hormones 11 months with really great results, so you are not too old.

My company's HR department knows at some point I'm going to transition and they are ok with it, even asked if there is anything they can help me with, but my work situation is probably much different, i telecommute and very rarely have to go to a customer site, so the interaction i have is over the phone. If you work for a large company look at their EO policy and see if it includes gender identity, mine didn't but they do have sexual orientation. If you decide to transition at work your HR department should be the first to know.

The SOC is there for a reason, and that is to make absolutely sure this is right for all of us, i am not going full time (ft) or if you will real life test (rlt) till early next year, and i have no trouble following the SOC because i know that's really the right way to do this, do i agree with it not completely.

Do i regret not doing this sooner, in a word yes, but I'm so much happier these days knowing however many years i have left will be happy ones. I don't dwell on the past, i can't change it but i can change my future for the better.

There are those that choose not to transition all for various reasons and there is a thread on this site about it. What ever you decide we will be here for you.

HUGS!

Paula.

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Guest Evan_J

I can't tell you what to do. Besides the fact that I'm FtM and you might discount the different position, when I turned 40 the dysphoria that I had dealt with (and not dealt with) hit at its worse. It was because I was aging (and it seemed fast) that I had to transition medically and transition fast. My other options were die as that other sex without EVER giving myself what I felt entitled to -the opportunity to live as my correct sex (cuz I'd lived as the gender, now we were talking about the sex), or see myself grow old -REALLY old- without what I felt was due recognition accorded to who I am. 50 becomes "not old" when you consider you might not die another 30 someodd years. Thats a long time to live as something you are not. -Constantly watching your body become more of what you are not.

(Sorry for getting a little "blunt" towards the end. It was the middle age man speaking)

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Guest Joe Joe

40 was the magic age for me too. The dysphoria hit me like a mack truck traveling with no brakes down a steep mountain. But I really do believe in that saying by that dude (cant recall his name)...but it goes something like...it's never too late to be who you might have been. At the end of the day we all deserve to be exactly who we feel we are...no matter our age. too many of us lead lives of quiet, painful desperation...i say enough! (ok...ummm...that was way too soap boxy even for me...forgive me its early...im not cool and suave until about noon)

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Guest Sarah TG
I have felt like a female in a male body since I was seven. I have been in denial my whole life. But now I have accepted it.

The problem is it overwelms me. I need to become the woman I should have been it is eating me up inside. I have been seeing a therapist who is great, she has helped me come out to my mother. My therapist said for me to become happy I should think about tranision. I agreed but my problem is this.....

First I cant transion at work, it would put me in a bad spot. Not friendly towards gays or transgender. So I would have to quit my job and the way the job market is there is nothing out there, I have been looking for some time now.

with that in mind I cannot agree with the standards of care. Having to live like a woman for a year and last I Feel I am too old to transion. I am 50 and by the time with hormones and trying to save money for SRS I would be in my mid to late 50's.

I know and have heard it before that you are never too old to transion, My therapist told me of some who do it in their 70's.

But I feel what would have been my best days are behind me and if I did it now I would regret not have done it sooner.

So my question is there are some out there who chose not to tranison, how do you cope? I cant be a part time woman. Even dressing as a woman I make myself sick knowing I still have a male body. I really dont need to hear that I am not too old because as far as I concerned I am so I am chosing not too but want to control my feelings so I can go on with my life.

Hi shyChristine,

I understand how you feel. I have been thinking the same thing lately. I want to transition but I think it's best to wait until my my son is grown. I am 35 and that means I will be at least 50 and I've been thinking that I would be too old. When I was younger I wanted to transition but I never thought I would live to see 30 so I didn't see the point. I want to thank you for posting this question. It was helpful to read the responses.

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Sally
Hi shyChristine,

I understand how you feel. I have been thinking the same thing lately. I want to transition but I think it's best to wait until my my son is grown. I am 35 and that means I will be at least 50 and I've been thinking that I would be too old. When I was younger I wanted to transition but I never thought I would live to see 30 so I didn't see the point. I want to thank you for posting this question. It was helpful to read the responses.

I don't think that 50 is too old, it seems to be one of the more common ages for transitioning.

You are never too old to be you.

Love ya,

Sally

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Carolyn Marie
I don't think that 50 is too old, it seems to be one of the more common ages for transitioning.

You are never too old to be you.

Love ya,

Sally

Amen to that, Sally my friend. Amen to that.

Carolyn Marie

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Guest darlene lynn

Hi Shichristine

Darlene here . Christine

Im in the same age group and I have the same problem. Im not transitioning because after 53yrs I am me..And I casually crossdress 24/7 now. I often refer to myself as a blended gender,and many friends and family members know thats just me.I get many odd looks from strangers occasionally, but Hey some of them dont look so hot either!!

But I tend to believe that if I were to transition would it change who I am? So I dont think transition is always the correct answer for everyone. Im a girl and I have known it since I was 4yrs old. Ive never fit in with the other guys cause Im not a guy and Ive never fit in with the girls cause Im not a girl. So that just makes me ME. But here at Laura's I have made great friends and I feel I finally fit..

Im still moving forward and who knows maybe transition will be my answer. But for now Im just me. And my advice is just be you..and here at Laura's you can be!! Till you decide other wise.

LOL

Darlene Lynnette

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Guest Isabella
I have felt like a female in a male body since I was seven. I have been in denial my whole life. But now I have accepted it.

The problem is it overwelms me. I need to become the woman I should have been it is eating me up inside. I have been seeing a therapist who is great, she has helped me come out to my mother. My therapist said for me to become happy I should think about tranision. I agreed but my problem is this.....

First I cant transion at work, it would put me in a bad spot. Not friendly towards gays or transgender. So I would have to quit my job and the way the job market is there is nothing out there, I have been looking for some time now.

with that in mind I cannot agree with the standards of care. Having to live like a woman for a year and last I Feel I am too old to transion. I am 50 and by the time with hormones and trying to save money for SRS I would be in my mid to late 50's.

I know and have heard it before that you are never too old to transion, My therapist told me of some who do it in their 70's.

But I feel what would have been my best days are behind me and if I did it now I would regret not have done it sooner.

So my question is there are some out there who chose not to tranison, how do you cope? I cant be a part time woman. Even dressing as a woman I make myself sick knowing I still have a male body. I really dont need to hear that I am not too old because as far as I concerned I am so I am chosing not too but want to control my feelings so I can go on with my life.

Dear sweet shyChristine, my name is Isabella I am a pre-op Mtf transexual. I grew up in Missoula Montana & I will be 40 in may, I grew up in a time & place where the very idea of being gay, let alone transgender, was unacceptable. I can rember close relatives' conversations, "could you imagine if you child turned out to be gay?" "i can't imagine, I don't know what I would do!" "I can only imagine what 2 guys do, but 2 girls what the heck would they do? Any time I though of how I felt inside I felt utter shame, guilt, & disgust. What must God think of me, let alone my recently departed father? At 32 I started HRT & finally at 36, after many failed attempts went full time. I lost the 2 best paying jobs I ever had during between 32 & 36. I wish I had more answers, but can only say that I can identify with both the practical & phycological/emotional issues you are facing. It's never be to late, yet will never be early enough. Warmest regards & best of wishes, Isabella

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Guest gentleman1

Hi.

I don't know if I can really help. All I can offer is a difference in perspective. Everyone here has said I transitioned/began HRT at ____ age, and I really wish I had done it sooner. AMEN! I began at 37 and wish I could have done it sooner too. However, I don't necessarily believe that at my age (40) my best years are behind me. Looking back, they were not so great. One thing I deplore of our culture in this country is this: We discount older people as "used up" and as having nothing left to offer themselves or society. I hate this!!! I hate it because I am going to get older and die one day like everyone else....and SO??? Any year that we are alive and still have at least reasonable health can be our "best years". No, we might not get to be "beauty queens or studly looking men", but dang nab it, we get to be PEOPLE........WE GET TO BE OURSELVES!!!! This is priceless at any age!!!! Besides, who says any of the things we might hope/yearn for such as love, peace or anything else belongs only to the realm of the young? I like to think we get better as individuals as we age because we are paying attention and learning the lessons life hands us? Just my two cents and hope it brings some comfort. THAT is why age does not matter when transitioning in my opinion. -Peace! - S.

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Guest Joanna Phipps
Sally that is what my therapist said but I cant help but feel lik I am too old I will keep in mind what you said thank you for your reply.

Im 51 and for most of my life I have known that there was something different about me. I never knew what but did know I would rather be home raisiing the kids than out doing what society expected of a male. I lived with the hate, fear, self loathing, depression and the lies for so long that I nearly came to believe them myself. Finally back in march of this year I told my partner about it, she did buy me some women's clothes but with the proviso that she not see me in them.

I think her feeling was that if she somewhat humored me then i might grow out of that phase; I did but not in the way she expected. Having the clothes and occasionally being able to wear them only opened the flood gate to the underlying issue. I talked to my therapist and shrink about it and we began the long road to transition. I dont have my heart set on GRS because right now I dont know if I will ever be able to afford it; i currently live and work as a woman and flat refuse to go back to guy mode.

I was put on to the Real Life Test (rlt) by my team (I think they wanted to be sure) and had to do that for 2 months before hormones. I now have my Estrogen and Spironolactone, which are helping with the physical and some of the mental changes. If i could have transitioned as a teen (had they have known about the condition and my parents allowed it) would I have, yer darned tooten I would but that is water under the bridge since there was no way I could.

For me Cross Dressing wasnt the answer, I had to transition or in all likelihood die

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Guest Anna_Banana

When I was younger, and up until my early teenage years, I used to think life was pretty hopeless. I identified as female at a fairly young age but figured that I would always be stuck as male. It's how I was born, how can I change that? Even if I could, who would accept me? This of course made me very miserable and really took the point out of living. It was like being a failed project. Half-born I guess. Everyone else gets to live the life they want (gifted from birth, so to speak), just not I. Feeling total hopelessness eventually erodes the will to live and I came pretty close at times to facing the "clearing at the end of the path." When I finally decided I wanted to live, and not just for the sake of breathing, I gave myself an ultimatum. If I was going to exist, I wanted to exist on my terms. Get this project out of beta and put it into production, see. So I decided I needed to be female. I needed to correct the bugs and design flaws of this living program. It's my right too, is it not? Everyone else has been entitled to do the same already.

What I'm trying to say is don't let yourself live a sub-par existence because you didn't come out as a factory-equipped female. Make the changes now. It's only too late when you are dead. You could be happy tomorrow if only you'd see this as true. Forget tomorrow, you could be happy right now if you made this your drive.

.Anna

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Guest Robin Winter

I have nothing to add, other than I kinda get how you feel. I know it might seem silly coming from me, but I'm just pushing 30, and I kinda ran through the same conflict, it tore me apart that I waited and so much of my life is gone. Personally, I chose to finally go through with it, and it's entirely possible that I'll be 50 before I complete my transition. I sincerely hope not, but there it is. Money is an issue for me. In any case, I hope whatever decisions you make will be the ones that will make you most happy, or least unhappy, anyway.

What I can offer though, is hugs.

*Hugs*

and this...

Card.GIF

(Would have been nicer, but I just reinstalled my windows system and photoshop isn't installed yet :P)

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Guest Donna Jean
Card.GIF

(Would have been nicer, but I just reinstalled my windows system and photoshop isn't installed yet :P )

*Donna Jean takes card and runs off to start using it*

You know.....like the old TV show...there are a million reasons that all of us do things the way we do....

"One size does NOT fit all"

What feels right and maybe is right for one may be way off for the next....

We all do what we have to do.....

Good luck...LOVE & HUGGS!

Donna Jean

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Guest Joanna Phipps

Shi you have the time to wait for that length until you finish transition. I, like many of the women here, began much later in life by the time I wait 30 years Im likely to be boxed n planted.

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Guest nymphblossom

shyChristine wrote:

So my question is there are some out there who chose not to tranison, how do you cope? I cant be a part time woman. Even dressing as a woman I make myself sick knowing I still have a male body.

The current version of the Harry Benjamin Standards of Care covers a broader range of transgender related gender dysphoria so HRT may be an option for you even if you do not plan to transition. The primary reason for prescribing hormones is not for whatever soft tissue they may push around, but to help to fool the brain that it is in the right body to relieve GD. Generally post puberty, the effects are minimal, man boobs, some fat redistribution and a little body hair loss, all in all a very small price to pay to relieve GD.

Blossom

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Guest Joanna Phipps

Goes looking for some ducks to put in a row.. there are always reasons to not do something, sounds like its time to line up your ducks and begin the road.

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Guest Donna Jean

shyChristine.....

Honey, let me give you the secret word that people in our position use as a mantra.....

MUDDLE...

It means to "make do" somehow or to to plow ahead....

That is what we do...we move forward through all of the things in our path in search of our final outcome....

We'll make it, Sweetheart you, me, all of the others....we muddle through...

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

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Guest angie

I am Angelique,

And I transitioned at fifty one.

I am fifty three,going on fifty four.

My surgery is hopefully mid year next year.

It is Never too late to become your true self.

I know a woman who had her surgery at seventy,that is 70.

If this truly is the path you must travel, you will overcome many

and any obstacle that gets in your way,to get where it is you must be.

Please don't let fear stop you from becoming your true self.This path

may be rough,but it is so very rewarding living life honestly and for

once in your life,to know peace in your gender soul.

Warm Hugs of Understanding,

Angelique

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Guest viv
I have felt like a female in a male body since I was seven. I have been in denial my whole life. But now I have accepted it.

The problem is it overwelms me. I need to become the woman I should have been it is eating me up inside. I have been seeing a therapist who is great, she has helped me come out to my mother. My therapist said for me to become happy I should think about tranision. I agreed but my problem is this.....

First I cant transion at work, it would put me in a bad spot. Not friendly towards gays or transgender. So I would have to quit my job and the way the job market is there is nothing out there, I have been looking for some time now.

with that in mind I cannot agree with the standards of care. Having to live like a woman for a year and last I Feel I am too old to transion. I am 50 and by the time with hormones and trying to save money for SRS I would be in my mid to late 50's.

I know and have heard it before that you are never too old to transion, My therapist told me of some who do it in their 70's.

But I feel what would have been my best days are behind me and if I did it now I would regret not have done it sooner.

So my question is there are some out there who chose not to tranison, how do you cope? I cant be a part time woman. Even dressing as a woman I make myself sick knowing I still have a male body. I really dont need to hear that I am not too old because as far as I concerned I am so I am chosing not too but want to control my feelings so I can go on with my life.

Hi Christine,

I wont tell you to ""go for it , its never too late"" but you got to give yourself a chance to at least see and

read from other (mature ) contributors here at Laura"s , they may not change your mind/attitude , or opinion but

at least you get informed advice. I am 42, I started to look after my physical well being a while back , I dont need to

know how young (or other ) I look but you know what ????I feel great. And thats what counts hun, how we feel.

So , dont cement that decision in your mind, please , leave yourself open to change. Keep posting , luv, viv. Oh,

hun , sorry, A big welcome to you. xxxxx

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      Dysphoria can be hard to grasp if you've never had to deal with it yourself. Give her some time. It sounds like she loves you and in the end, that's enough.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      Hi, trans-lesbian here. I totally understand what you're going through. Let's see...   Until I got big enough to wear mom's things, I'd turn my underwear around and use my imagination. I have an excellent imagination. Tucking was easier then too.   The rush of hormones into the teen years (plus extra steroids because mother didn't want to deal with my OTHER health problems) kept the dysphoria down to a dull roar, so check. I'm still attracted to women so it wasn't all bad, but I still give off a certain something and cis-women pick up on it. I had a lot of female friends, but I couldn't buy a real, romantic date.   Then I spiraled into a self-destructive cyclone of depression so you don't have that working against you. Good news! Don't try that by the way. I do not recommend the spiral of depression. I was miserable and made everybody around me miserable. During the spiral there was very much a porn phase. I'd dream that I was like the trans women (I tend to prefer cartoons/artwork, anything can happen in a cartoon) or that I'd become a woman to achieve release. I'll be honest. Those were intense and got me through the day, but they didn't really make the dysphoria go away. The refrain for my life was, "Gosh, I'd have made an excellent woman." So yeah, depression, slow march towards death. I didn't pay any attention to my health (also a terrible idea, but I was committing suicide in slow motion) and didn't pay any attention to my appearance. I didn't follow any of my passions. I didn't follow up on any of my projects. Life for me was just waiting for it to be over. I was miserable. I made the people around me pretty miserable too. Don't do that part. That was a terrible, awful, no good part of my life and I'm glad to be past it.   So what did I do? The first thing was embrace who I am. I was pretty sure I knew what the problem was, so I waited until my wife was out of town for a while, got some prosthetic help and dressed (Badly. There are pictures.I attached one because life is a journey or something. ) the way that felt right. It was amazing. It's still amazing. I greet myself every morning with a smile. So yeah, that used to be me. About two years ago for reference.   Let's see, after that I got a therapist. I recommend this very strongly. You want someone to talk to when you're dealing with this. Then I got into shape. Well, I'm still getting into shape but I completely changed my diet, I watch my calories and I go to the gym five times a week for about two and a half hours per session. (I started with an hour a day, if I'd done my routine now when I started, my heart would have exploded. Consult a doctor if you're not sure.)   Then was coming out to people. My wife was first. I've told this story before, but it was important to me that she know. My wife is awesome. She accepted me as I am. I'm still the person she married and she still loves me. I rushed into this part because I was so happy and I wanted to share my happiness with her. My friends were next and they were easier than I would have thought. They basically said, "Well duh," and we moved past it. I did give them ample warning before I sprung anything new on them (For example: Hey, I'm dressing as Robyn this week. Let me know if that makes you uncomfortable.) Family was harder. Mom cut me out of her life. My appearance "is disturbing." Dad's fine with it, but he has to live with mom so there's that. Fortunately, my mother is an incredibly toxic individual so it's not much of a loss. Work is a non-issue for me. I work from home. Nobody cares. Your profile doesn't list a state, so I can't say if you have any trans protections where you're from. I talk to TLDEF (Trans Legal Defense) and the pro-bono lawyer they set me up with when I have questions along those lines. I completely get being nervous about coming out to people. You never know how they'll react. It was probably the most nerve-wracking thing I've ever done, but I needed to do it to get where I wanted to be. I got through it and I'm better for the experience.   So my advice would be to find a therapist and work out what makes you happy. If you want to transition, figure out what you need to pursue it. If you don't, that's fine too. I have a friend who is only "Jenny" on the weekends and for special events and she's perfectly happy that way. Find the balance that's right for you. Live your best life.   I hope some of that helped. I ramble. I blame the estrogen.   Hugs!  
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