Nervous Nervous Nervous

[Guest Eve Caillard]

While I am not in the same boat as you, my wife teases me about clothes and make up. She never wants to see me dressed, but knows my wishes. But she does it in a nice way. She'll joke about lipstick, about skirts and dresses and I get the feeling that while she does not really approve, she can at least poke me and see my reactions, and know where I stand. I remain consistent and she seems to accept that. I think she does it to judge if I have "become normal" or am still a CD. But it is very amiable and friendly.

Maybe your wife is testing you, in which case perhaps (as my suggestion) stay strong and consistent.

Hope all goes well!

Hugs, Eve.

[Briana]

Hi Amber,

Hope you are doing ok and coping. It's hard when a couple faces this and there is little to no communication, or its all negative or sarcastic.

In the big picture of life, we shouldn't underestimate what a spouse goes through with this - when they find out we at CD/TG. We date...we profess our love...we marry...we start this wonderful life together; and then BAM! And I can't emphasize that "bam" enough. I believe it hits them as hard as finding out that you're having an affair. They begin to question everything about you, the relationship, the marriage, even themselves & their own judgement. They're hurt, confused, angry, embarrassed, worried and a thousand other similar emotions/feelings.

My guess is that right now she's confused, angry, and perhaps feeling a little betrayed. It's one thing if she was aware during your courtship and had the opportunity to either accept that part of you or not continue on with the relationship. We have to understand that it's extremely difficult for them to find out later, after they've committed in marriage and we've "taken away" their ability to decide. It's up to us to help them through it; to be understanding and supportive, to provide them with resources, and anything else they need that will help. We also have to realize and accept (...or at least know) that in the end, they may not understand or accept any part of us and leave us.

I think you can expect some anger and sarcasm from her at this point. Her mind is probably reeling and full of all kinds of thoughts. I'd say to keep talking to her, even if it's just one way. Offer up couples counseling and other resources that might help her. But be in control of that. With counselors you never know what you're gonna get. As much as they are supposed to be independent and unbiased, they may take one side or the other - esp. if they really don't have any understanding of crossdressing/transgender individuals.

You take care of yourself and know that there are lots of people out there that understand what you are going through and care about you.

Written with care, understanding and support;

Briana

[Guest AshleighP]

Funny you should mention the shopping experience. Whenever my wife and I are in a store and pass the ladies section, I catch her looking at me to see if I am looking at the clothes as we pass by. Since I know she does this, I try to avoid looking. When I am by myself, well that's a different story! I not only look, I stop and browse. I pick things up and examine them, imagining how they would fit or if they are my "style".

Be patient. Perhaps as time passes, she will begin to understand, or at last accept who you are. In the mean time, enjoy your times away.

[Guest]

Hello to everyone. Been really busy and haven't had the time to share. Thanks to all of you. I've said this so many times but I just don't know where I'd be without all the understanding and support. It hasnt been the smoothest of times but im making it. We did go out for my birthday and had a good time. We went shopping and again ended up in the lingerie section at Kohls. I believe this was planned on her part because she was watching me and was wanting to see my response. So I took the bull by the horns and tought ok two can play at this game. So I did check out some bras while she watched. Didn't buy anything but sure did some looking. Never heard anything about it so who's to say what she thought. A special thank you to all who has shown their support. I'll keep you all informed. Hugs to everyone. Amber L.

[tracy_j]

Interesting!

Just try to be confident is where I'd go as she knows so being open in such a situation seems the right thing to do. Keeping things low key is good though as she may well be on a short fuse so steady progress will likely be easier for her to cope with. I think Brianna put things very well in her earlier post (16 June).

Although slightly different it does remind me of earlier times with me. My partner and I had split to go around different shops and I was in Dorothy Perkins just lining up at the tills with a pair of skinny jeans to purchase. At that point my partner passed the shop and saw me when she glanced in. It was not intentional on her part (as far as I know) but I did feel a bit sheepish. In the long run it was a good occurrance as she did know I had female clothes and I could be somewhat more open about things. Maybe a small upset for her but better for both of us in the end.

Tracy

[Guest]

Hey everyone. Not much news on the home front. Seems peaceful for the time being. No arguments or anything. We are talking and moving along. Which I feel is a good thing. Left last night and traveled to Fort Wayne Indiana. Kissed me good bye told me to be careful and enjoy myself. Can't ask for more than that. Plan on an evening as Amber and I am going to enjoy myself. I feel so lucky to have Lauras to share my feminine side. I feel a shopping session coming on and am so excited I can hardly wait. Again to all the ladies here thank you for the kind ear and the wonderful input. Hugs to all Amber L.