Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

today's struggles


Guest Faith gibson

Recommended Posts

Guest Faith gibson

I’m in such a dark place. I really need some support but there are so few places to turn to. I have no friends IRL and apparently not going to get any support from family.

One more conversation with family gone terribly wrong tonight and it’s not even really worth mentioning what it was about. I will say that apparently I will never be a woman and never know what a woman goes through. It really doesn’t matter what it was about. It’s the intent, or the need of my spouse to hurt me. I just cannot ever see her getting by this.

I’m so tired of living trying to meet others' unreasonable demands of me. I know that a person must attempt to accommodate others just like I hope others will try to understand and accommodate me but my life has been a constant struggle of trying to deny and pretend all for the benefit of others.

Even on line here, one must watch what one says. Try not to appear too negative or you might possibly turn others away. I don’t know how to endure the things I go through without appearing somewhat bitter and hopeless at times. When I posted here more often, a year or so ago, there were so many that passed on the advice that I just needed to see the bright side and look for the good things in life. You are happy when you accept being a happy person. Or accept the only known cure, which was to transition.

I need to go to the doctor again tomorrow and I have an appointment with a cosmetician later in the afternoon. Then I will stay overnight and go to the Pride parade the next day. My heart is just not into it though. It will be a struggle to just go. It will get me out of the house and around others so it’s something I know I must do. Plus, I need to get my prescriptions. I just can’t see the use in moving forward with these things.

Faith

Link to comment

Faith, please hang on as best you can. People here do care, and there certainly those days when it is a total struggle to keep going.

I have not been on Chat in some time, but others will see your post here over time.

Perhaps in the activities you have planned tomorrow, you will help someone else, and not even realize it.

Huggs,

Opal

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Faith i'm sorry you are feeling so down. Negativity from others especially our spouses is truly devastating. I have received my share over time but for the most part things are on a very level plane now and we both seem to have found some peace through acceptance of each other and our lives. Easy? Not at all. It has been a worth while journey for me however and i think we're closer because of it.

Please don't worry about expressing the negative side of this journey. Anyone who walks this path knows fear, tears and pain. All i ever wanted was some way of finding peace with myself and the world. I pretty happy most of the time now. I've discover ways in which what i've lived through can maybe help others and simply reaching out has helped me as well. It is so easy to get caught up in my difficulties that seeing those of others can't happen.

Thank you for sharing with us. I hope you have a great day and will share the ups as well as the downs. This is life and nobody promised me a full time rose garden, especially one with all beauty and no thorns.

Hugs,

Charlize

Link to comment

I can certainly identify and I have no pat answers. There are many more similarities of what we go through (and more) than there are differences to other women. We just keep on keeping on, but it can really hurt. I can offer you a loving cyber hug. I hope your excursion gets better. Hug. JodyAnn

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Faith I also am sorry you are struggling

As one one of the big proponents of positive attitude as much as possible I apologize if the message that came through was that all you had to do was be happy and everything would be fine. Not at all the message I intended to send. In fact it is twofold. One is that it will get better. Eventually. But it takes time. And there is hope in that . Not a day or a week at a few months. Though it can get better in increments but sometimes those changes are very slow. When dealing with those who love us we cannot know at the beginning how someone will eventually turn out to be. There is a process- a whole transition for them to and as I have said sometimes they actually get worse before they get better. Grasping at all those "It's mental" or delusional sites and people out there because they desperately want to deny it. Most of us have spent years and sometimes decades trying to deny it ourselves so it isn't surprising. And they are losing someone they ;ove -they have to grieve and go through the stages of grief. For many people anger and denial are the first stages -separately but also in combination. Your spouse has not known long enough to have worked through any of it.

And the second part of the message is to try and try and try again not to dwell on all the negative scenarios in your head - the "nevers" - because the future is not here and you don't know. All you have is today. Right now. Tomorrow will certainly be different from how you anticipate it and not paying for things that have not happened yet will give you greater strength and energy to face today and right now. Which is all you can deal with . Or need to.

Don't think of the fight ahead. Think of where you are today. What can you do today to make it better for yourself? No matter how small. What do you need to do to move forward just today?

If thinking happy thoughts cured this then we wouldn't need Laura's or transition even. No one would do this unless it was essential. But the degree to which that pain cripples your life can and will be affected by how you react to it. How much energy and strength you give to your fear.

Transition has taught me that you can do far more than you dream and almost nothing is impossible. I found even physical limitations can be overcome or adapted to live a good full life. But that is what you have to focus on-how you can make it a good full life and not how awful it is and how awful you feel.

I know it is hard. And that the fear and despair are very real and very hard. And it okay to come here to vent them. We all need to do that sometimes. The messages you get back are not meant to criticize you or condemn you in any way but to say this is what has worked for us. To try to offer something to make that path easier. Not to minimize that despair and pain to make it easier to bear. I almost didn't make it through till I learned these things. I don't want anyone else to do what I did before or suffer more than they have to .

For some of us transition is the only cure. The answer that saves our lives. But it is a drastic cure and it takes a long time to work through and get there. Others manage and don't feel the same despair and wrongness and depression. My Dr tells me that testosterone finally ended my chemically imbalanced depression because of the way my brain is configured. It didn't cure all my problems . Didn't do some magic transformation. It did mean that I had the ability to finally do that and learn the life lessons I needed. But the other thing that transition taught me was something I had never been able to learn before. Patience. For me transition was the cure -and I can only speak from that perspective. If you were happy or content before then there is no need to transition. If you could never really be then it may be.

Sometimes you keep moving forward even when it seems hopeless because that is the only way to go. Because that is where hope lies.

You have more friends than you know here. And when people reply - with a couple of exceptions now and then-it is to help. TO take the time to offer what they know and understand even if it may not resonate with you.

I hope once tomorrow comes you feel better and have a good visit You always feel better once you have gotten out and accomplished what needs to be done.

Hugs

Johnny

Link to comment
Guest LesleyAnne

Hi Faith,

I'm so sorry you are having a rough time right now. You know we do care here, you've shown the same compassion, and understanding for others as we should show you.

Ours is one "H" of a roller coaster ride with high highs, and low lows, and anywhere in-between.Once we tell others (and ourselves for that matter) of who we are we can never go back, and we are destined to ride out the roller coaster to wherever it takes us. You are certainly not unique in your struggles with family, and friends, and it sometimes stinks to be honest. For the most part we are left to lift up our own spirits, and desperately keep searching for the positive.

Im sorry for just reiterating what we all know, but my intent is just to let you know we are all( or at least most of us) in the same life raft.

So please don't feel you have to constantly try to show you are upbeat when you aren't feeling it!

Take our shoulder, and let the tears flow, because my dear we will need your shoulder to catch our tears too! :friends:

Link to comment
Guest Faith gibson

Thank you all for giving such good advice. I will try to heed it and work my way through some of this. It's just that I'm getting so tired of the lows. It feels like I just don't have the strength to fight through one more.

I did go to the doctor's, got my medication but because it was so hard to find a pharmacy that carried it, I missed my appointment with the MAC cosmetician. I stayed over night and attended the pride parade. The most enjoyable thing I did was splurge on some jewery. It wasn't just the getting of the material things, it was the communication with the sales woman. We spent a good hour trying things on and talking about 'just stuff you talk about while shopping for jewery'. I went to malls, I ate in restaurants, and I walked all over. No one paid me any attention at all. The only people that seemed to have difficulties with me were a couple of pharmacists.

I talked with my a member of my family and thought things were on the mend again but now it seems they are not. I admire all of you that somehow managed to ride out this nastiness but I don't seem to have that strength. I just don't feel I can deal with this. I don't have any more to offer.

Faith

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 80 Guests (See full list)

    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Betty K
    • Breanne_O
    • EasyE
    • Braxton9312
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,945
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Melissa_J
    Newest Member
    Melissa_J
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      I grew up with it, my mother's side were Germans.  I still like cabbage.  I make a sweet/sour dish with vinegar and brown sugar, add some bacon if you have it.  And in warmer weather, slaw.  I like that better if it's a few days old, and has worked off a little.
    • Ivy
      Pity that we can't just respect each other and get along.
    • Willow
      Good Friday Morning    I will be spending a good portion of my day at church today.  I don’t know how any of my family would have been with me.  They all passed before I figured myself out.  I often think my mother and sister may have figured it out before I did but maybe it was just my depression that they saw.  I don’t know and never will.  My grandfather Young unconditionally loved me but he passed when I was 9.   Same with my wife’s parents, both gone before.  We’ve never had the greatest relationship with my wife’s brother but we do see them occasionally.  They words and actions aren’t always in sink when it comes to me.   Sour kraut or boil cabbage were never big even with my parents so that was something we were never expected to eat.  Nor was anything with mustard.  My mother hated mustard and it turns my stomach. My wife tried to sneak it into things early in our marriage but I could always tell.  She stopped after a while.   well I wave to go get ready to go to church.  I have a committee meeting at 10 and then we have a Good Friday Service at noon.   Willow
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   @KymmieLI hope you're misreading your bosses communications. As you say keep plugging a long. Don't give them signs that you're slow quitting, just to collect unemployment.   I have a few things to do business wise, and will be driving to the St. Louis, MO area for two family gatherings.   Have a great day,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • KymmieL
      Good morning everyone, TGIFF   It seems like I am the one keeping or shop from being the best. According to the boss. I don't know if my days are numbered or not. But anymore I am waiting for the axe to fall. Time will tell.   I keep plugging a long.   Kymmie
    • KymmieL
      In the warmer weather, Mine is hitting the road on the bike. Just me, the bike, and the road. Other is it music or working on one of my many projects.   Kymmie
    • LC
      That is wonderful. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...