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Letting go of Father Brown


Charlize

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I finished watching a mystery on PBS from the BBC. It is called Father Brown and i’ve always liked this series.The one i saw contained a murder as usual. The victim it turned out was a trans* woman who had been forced away from her family for several years. She had been a decorated RAF pilot but even so when she returned home to keep her wife from marrying her wife(she wasn’t dead just trans*) she was killed. Her father said he would have shot her, her wife didn’t want her back,

and after the mystery was solved her wife married her brother in a happy ceremony. The only person to morn was a trans* friend who left flowers at the grave. And me.
I am amazed at how much this silly mystery effected me. Perhaps it was the father who would have rather seen a dead son than a trans* daughter. My father would have felt the same. Remembering that hurts. Perhaps it was the total cruelty that i felt was directed towards the victim.
We see that way too often.
I needed to share that. Now i need to forget it. I know my ability to think about something like this for days. It can hurt even more if i do that.
Instead i’ll do my best to focus on the positive things happening for me and those i know.
I picked blueberries today on a lovely day. I shopped for our groceries and managed to put some $ in the bank. I’ve still got some manure to shovel from the goat barn but that should be done tomorrow. life is good. It’s time for bed after a long day and i have a place where i can share with others who understand.
Hugs,
Charlize
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  • Forum Moderator

Even if it's fiction, the story could very well be rooted in a truth, a truly sad truth.

Times will and do change, and I do hold out hope for the future, especially as more positive stories keep emerging.

Let's hold on to those...

Hugs

Cyndi -

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Guest LesleyAnne

I so hope you are right CyndiRae, and Charlize I hear you!

Just when I think things are improving HB2 gets passed in N.C. and bills like it in other states, and Orlando happens, I'm afraid I'm too cynical, and I punish myself continuously for being that way.

Since I came out I started out having a better outlook on life, both for myself, and all those around me, but I constantly get knocked down by the lack of acceptance in the world; and my own family, and friends that I thought understand, only to find "Not Really". Plus it hurts to see that they are not willing to take the time to learn. I find the latter the most disconcerting! If you truly love someone wouldn't you want to learn more about what they are going thru....I have taken upon myself to learn about their lives, and their struggles, and their victories. Seems like a one way street to me.

My parents are long gone Charlize, and it's probably a good thing. This dysphoria of mine that they had ordered me to put away many decades ago did not go away, it just got stronger. I honestly don't know how they would react to it now. I don't know if they would turn their backs on me, or embrace me...it's a question that will never get answered.

Today I will go clean the shop, and try to further organize it so as to take my mind off my most recent experience with family. They would rather ignore me rather than see me. They prefer...no they demand to see only the man that I used to be, and not the person I'd like them to get to know. And even though I've agreed to present myself as they wish, I haven't heard a peep from my sons, and their families.

So best I keep myself busy today, especially since this is usually a holiday weekend that we all used to get together, and have hamburgers, hot dogs.

Funny, a young man that I used to work with at Exxon who used to call me his second Dad knows LesleyAnne since I came out to him about a year ago.

He texted me last night to wish me a happy 4th of July. He texted "Hi LA (my second Mom)" "I just wanted to wish you a Happy 4th of July, and let you know that I appreciate the sacrifice you made for this country that has allowed us all to be free. I hope you have a wonderful holiday, I love you."

I responded in kind, and I know that's what I should think about, instead of thinking about how my own children have ignored yet another holiday.

Sorry I vented girls.....just feeling sorry for myself.....totally unacceptable!

LA

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