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A Brief Bio And Introduction


Guest Meredith_Baxter

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Guest Meredith_Baxter

Hello friends,

A little about me…I started crossdressing (M to F) when I was around 5 years old. Like most of us, I lived with tremendous guilt and shame. It was my secret for over 50 years. I came out to my wife in 2003. She told me she had no clue. I was in the ministry for over 20 years. My denomination was very conservative and judgmental…so was I…I didn’t see it that way at the time…I sincerely believed I was doing God’s work. Of course, my cding was diametrically opposed to my hardcore Biblical mindset. For 5 decades I dressed in secret, purged, confessed, repented, and this was the cycle I was locked into. I had a complete nervous breakdown in 2002 and nearly took my own life…that’s when I came out to my wife…amazingly, she accepted it. At this point in my life I feel very ambivalent toward my gender issues and I’m still “stuffing” it…ironically, it’s my wife who is trying to persuade me to embrace my transgenderism…there is a local support group and she is constantly urging me to get involved. Many cders would “kill” to have such a supportive wife. I’ve been in a very depressed state ever since my breakdown and the pdocs are still trying to find meds for me that are effective. During 2002 and 2003 I was involved with an online support group for transgendered folks. It very likely saved my life. I found there, and I’m certain I will find the same thing here, unbelieveable support and love.

I’m also on a “mainstream” forum/message board and I announced to them that I was a crossdresser. I was surprised by the level of support I’ve received there…no judgmentalism, just support and encouragement. One member of that group suggested I find a support group specifically for transgendered people…hence, here I am…I appreciated her making the suggestion…

I have made a complete 180 degree change in the way I think since I left the ministry and church…I’m not knocking organized religion or criticizing people of faith, it’s just that it’s not for me at this point in my life…for all practical purposes I have almost completely lost my faith in a God.

I am here to give and receive support…I judge no one…I embrace and love all people regardless of race, gender, transgenderism, sexuality, and religion.

I have much to learn, most importantly, and hopefully, to one day be comfortable in my own skin.

My occupation is Tool and Die Maker, Machinist, and Computer Aided Design.

Thank you all for the warm welcome, and I’m grateful to be part of this large and diverse community. Please feel free to ask me any questions about anything…PM me, email, or whatever you prefer. I do so badly want to help where and when I can. I can sense already that I’m going to forge many new friendships…

I look forward so much to getting to know everyone.

To the admins, I intend to obey all the rules and protocols…if I break a rule or offend someone I will apologize immediately and correct what needs to be corrected. I don’t see that happening, but if it does, please inform me. I wish to be a loyal and positive member of our community.

Oh…one more important item…I currently do NOT have internet access away from work...our work week has been reduced to 32 hours. I say this so you will know I cannot respond to any communication on Fridays, Saturdays, or Sundays…so if you don’t hear back from me it’s not because I’m being neglectful…I will catch up on Mondays depending on my workload…as long as I do my job, I’m pretty much free to use my spare time as I choose.

Love and Best Wishes to All,

Meredith

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Meredith,

Thanks for all of the information.

You have lead quite a life.

We will make note of the off line weekends and not be offended if you don't get back to us right away - you need to keep that job!

This economy does not make for good job hunting.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Meredith_Baxter
Meredith,

Thanks for all of the information.

You have lead quite a life.

We will make note of the off line weekends and not be offended if you don't get back to us right away - you need to keep that job!

This economy does not make for good job hunting.

Love ya,

Sally

Hi Sally,

Thanks so much for understanding. Indeed, I hope I will be able to hold on to my job...indeed, it's not the time to be looking...

Love ya too,

Meredith

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Guest Elizabeth K

I know I replied but I guess I failed to hit the send button... so

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

And Sally has been here, others will follow soon.

And I am one of those who DID get let go - because I was transitioning - and now I am looking for work. I am also CADD proficient - for all the good it seems to do me.

Oh well, we all have these tests!

Lizzy

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Lizzy, don't feel bad, I can't find any kind of work. I can't even get a job at Wendy's for Pete's sake! :(

But welcome Meredith! People here are pretty cool.

That said, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your faith, but I certainly understand. Many Christians are Pharisees, and treat Paul and especially Jesus as super Pharisees who preach love and only offer the choice of subservience or eternal death. I believed them, and added their misanthropy to my own self hatred. Honey I swear to you, when you figure this all out, you will have a peace with God that will amaze. God loves you, and not in the traditional, he gives you breadcrumbs and wants to burn you if you hesitate. God's love is real and wonderful and I've felt it personally.

Now I must warn you I am by fundamentalist standards highly heretical (I am a staunch non-trinitarian for example), but if you want I can share some of my thoughts and experiences. Being a Christian, a true Christian is hard, but it's wonderful and fulfilling and there's no hate but what you bring into it and that can erode away like a cliff at the sea shore.

God loves you, and I truly feel he wants to embrace you, no matter what you have done.

Best wishes.

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Guest Meredith_Baxter
I know I replied but I guess I failed to hit the send button... so

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

And Sally has been here, others will follow soon.

And I am one of those who DID get let go - because I was transitioning - and now I am looking for work. I am also CADD proficient - for all the good it seems to do me.

Oh well, we all have these tests!

Lizzy

Lizzy,

Thanks so much for the warm welcome! I am SO sorry you lost your job because of your personal life...it's just so wrong...so wrong...I admire you for having the courage to transition regardless of the personal cost...it takes a lot of guts...

Which CADD product are you proficient in?

I hope you find something soon...

Take care Lizzy and thanks again...

Meredith

:D:D:D

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Hi Meredith and welcome to laura's, you have met some of the wonderful people and I'm sure more are on the way, sounds like you have a supportive wife that wants the best for you, I'm 57 and MtF and i knew around the age of 5 - 6 years old too that something was different about me, seems most of us share the same experiences.

HUGS!

Paula

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Guest ~Brenda~

Hey Meredith,

We do have a lot in common! I too, went through a very big change circa 2003 (crossdressing in ernest!!). I am glad to see that your wife supports you. I did not come out to my (now ex) until after we were divorced (maybe I should have while we were still married). Anyway, I greeted you on the introductions forum, and I am glad that you shared a little more of yourself here.

Take a look at my profile... you will see the similarities!!

Welcome again!!

bernii

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Guest Meredith_Baxter
Hi Meredith and welcome to laura's, you have met some of the wonderful people and I'm sure more are on the way, sounds like you have a supportive wife that wants the best for you, I'm 57 and MtF and i knew around the age of 5 - 6 years old too that something was different about me, seems most of us share the same experiences.

HUGS!

Paula

Hi Paula, so nice to meet you! I have met some wonderful people who have made me feel so welcome as you have! Yes, my wife is awesome and so supportive. She seems to intuitively know that I must come to terms with my transgenderism before I can get well, i.e. my depression. Indeed, I think we all have a commonality insofar as our life's experiences, when it all started, the fear, the anxiety, the lonliness, the isolation, all of it...this is where I need to be...with kindred souls and spirits...I look forward to getting to know you better.

Hugs back,

Meredith

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Guest Meredith_Baxter
Hey Meredith,

We do have a lot in common! I too, went through a very big change circa 2003 (crossdressing in ernest!!). I am glad to see that your wife supports you. I did not come out to my (now ex) until after we were divorced (maybe I should have while we were still married). Anyway, I greeted you on the introductions forum, and I am glad that you shared a little more of yourself here.

Take a look at my profile... you will see the similarities!!

Welcome again!!

bernii

Hello bernii, I do remember your greeting me on the introductions forum...thank you so much! I did look at your profile and we do have a lot in common! Are you ready for this? I lived in Connecticut for 8 years in Naugatuck! Worked all over including Middlebury, Milford, Torrington, Manchester, Danbury, and Stamford to name a few!

Bernii, I'm so sorry you went through a divorce that must have been very painful. I look forward to getting to know you better, and sharing more about my life. I'm very open to discussing anything you'd like. Take care my friend. I might re-iterate what I said in my 'bio', that I do not have internet access Fri, Sat., and Sun. If not again today, I'll tty next week! Have a great weekend.

Warm Regards,

Meredith

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Hey Meredith,

I am so glad your wife is so supportive and is doing her best to help you.

We all know that God makes no mistakes, so I would say that you really need to re-open your life to him. He will help you in the most dramtic ways if you just let him. God answers prayers in his own time and the fact that you can still maintain a job is proof he is still watching out for you. He accepts us for who we are because he made us, he knew who we would be even before he put us here on this earth to live the best way we know how. The most important thing now is survival and exceptance of yourself.

Your friend Dan

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Guest Meredith_Baxter
Lizzy, don't feel bad, I can't find any kind of work. I can't even get a job at Wendy's for Pete's sake! :(

But welcome Meredith! People here are pretty cool.

That said, I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your faith, but I certainly understand. Many Christians are Pharisees, and treat Paul and especially Jesus as super Pharisees who preach love and only offer the choice of subservience or eternal death. I believed them, and added their misanthropy to my own self hatred. Honey I swear to you, when you figure this all out, you will have a peace with God that will amaze. God loves you, and not in the traditional, he gives you breadcrumbs and wants to burn you if you hesitate. God's love is real and wonderful and I've felt it personally.

Now I must warn you I am by fundamentalist standards highly heretical (I am a staunch non-trinitarian for example), but if you want I can share some of my thoughts and experiences. Being a Christian, a true Christian is hard, but it's wonderful and fulfilling and there's no hate but what you bring into it and that can erode away like a cliff at the sea shore.

God loves you, and I truly feel he wants to embrace you, no matter what you have done.

Best wishes.

Dear Charlotte,

Thank you for your heartfelt and honest thoughts. I'm not sure what a true Christian is, but I'm sure I wasn't one. I do know that I love and care about people and always have...without the rigid constraints of judgmentalism within my former belief structure, I am now free to love and embrace...perhaps sometime you could share more of your thoughts with me.

No need to warn me dear Charlotte, I am no longer a fundamentalist...

Take good care,

Meredith

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Meredith,

My own personal definition of a true Christian is someone who lives by the teachings of Jesus, to love your fellow man and to treat others as you want them to treat you.

That in itself, 'the golden rule' makes you a better person - you can't judge someone else without inviting the same judgments upon yourself and you certainly wouldn't want to hurt anyone else.

As Gandhi, not a Christian, but a very wise man, said, "An eye for an eye leads to a blind world."

I don't rely on memorized Bible passages to back up my bad behavior , I just try to be a better person and help others - that's how simple it is to me!

One rule - the golden rule - that's all you really need!

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Elizabeth K
Lizzy,

Thanks so much for the warm welcome! I am SO sorry you lost your job because of your personal life...it's just so wrong...so wrong...I admire you for having the courage to transition regardless of the personal cost...it takes a lot of guts...

Which CADD product are you proficient in?

I hope you find something soon...

Take care Lizzy and thanks again...

Meredith

:D:D:D

AutoCAD - I am a design professional - architecture - very fast - I also hand draft - do illustration work, and specifications. I am also good at simple surveying.

Lizzy

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Guest Meredith_Baxter
AutoCAD - I am a design professional - architecture - very fast - I also hand draft - do illustration work, and specifications. I am also good at simple surveying.

Lizzy

Lizzy,

AutoCAD is a great package...I had to learn on the board also...if I get the axe I may have to re-locate...my son just moved to San Antonio and said the economy is booming...trouble is, Texas is notoriously anti-gay,lesbian,bi, and in my opinon, very hostile to trans people...you heard about the 16 year old that was murdered by her 'boyfriend' because she was trans pre-op...don't know if it was Texas, but it's something to be wary of...

Love ya,

Meredith

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Lizzy,

AutoCAD is a great package...I had to learn on the board also...if I get the axe I may have to re-locate...my son just moved to San Antonio and said the economy is booming...trouble is, Texas is notoriously anti-gay,lesbian,bi, and in my opinon, very hostile to trans people...you heard about the 16 year old that was murdered by her 'boyfriend' because she was trans pre-op...don't know if it was Texas, but it's something to be wary of...

Love ya,

Meredith

Actually the murder case was in Colorado and the actual case that the "Texas Chainsaw Massacres" was based on was in Minnesota but it didn't have the right sound to it.

Texas is not the hot bed of liberalism and acceptance that I would like but Dallas and Houston have very large trans communities and San Antonio actually has an openly trans woman running for city council.

So it isn't really any worse than anywhere else.

Just thought I'd do my bit for the Texas Tourist Bureau, just remember if you go to East Texas set your clocks back 150 years, for West Texas it's only 75. :lol:

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Meredith_Baxter
Actually the murder case was in Colorado and the actual case that the "Texas Chainsaw Massacres" was based on was in Minnesota but it didn't have the right sound to it.

Texas is not the hot bed of liberalism and acceptance that I would like but Dallas and Houston have very large trans communities and San Antonio actually has an openly trans woman running for city council.

So it isn't really any worse than anywhere else.

Just thought I'd do my bit for the Texas Tourist Bureau, just remember if you go to East Texas set your clocks back 150 years, for West Texas it's only 75. :lol:

Love ya,

Sally

Now this is very interesting indeed...the reason I mentioned Texas as being non-Trans friendly is because I had a short conversation with a good friend of mine at work who is a lesbian...I just happened to mention that if I lose my job, I might consider moving to San Antonio...reason being, my son just moved there and he said the economy is booming...my friend Sandi said Texas is very hostile to GBLT's...she's knowledgeable by necessity, but you apparently know what you're talking about...actually, you brought to mind the fact that (I could be wrong) Tri-Ess has a large chapter in Texas, or perhaps is based from there...am I right? So, you've corrected some information that may have influenced any decisions regarding my moving to Texas and I appreciate it...my dear friend, that's one reason I'm here! Like "H&R Block" advertises, "I have people!"...the best! Thanks again hon,

Love ya,

Meredith

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Glad to help and we actually have several members here from San Antonio.

The large chapter of Tri-Ess is in Dallas, I believe but it could be Houston.

Bronx is in San Antonio and I believe he had posted something about the lady running for city council.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest Meredith_Baxter
Glad to help and we actually have several members here from San Antonio.

The large chapter of Tri-Ess is in Dallas, I believe but it could be Houston.

Bronx is in San Antonio and I believe he had posted something about the lady running for city council.

Love ya,

Sally

Wow! How interesting about Tri-Ess and Bronx being in San Antonio...so, if I get axed and end up in San Antonio, that could be a very good thing...now...do you have any questions for me? Ask away... :)

Being here has already been such an encouraging, refreshing, enjoyable experience for me...

Hugs,

Meredith

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Guest Victoriaf
Now this is very interesting indeed...the reason I mentioned Texas as being non-Trans friendly is because I had a short conversation with a good friend of mine at work who is a lesbian...I just happened to mention that if I lose my job, I might consider moving to San Antonio...reason being, my son just moved there and he said the economy is booming...my friend Sandi said Texas is very hostile to GBLT's...she's knowledgeable by necessity, but you apparently know what you're talking about...actually, you brought to mind the fact that (I could be wrong) Tri-Ess has a large chapter in Texas, or perhaps is based from there...am I right? So, you've corrected some information that may have influenced any decisions regarding my moving to Texas and I appreciate it...my dear friend, that's one reason I'm here! Like "H&R Block" advertises, "I have people!"...the best! Thanks again hon,

Love ya,

Meredith

I can not speak for Dallas of San Antonio but houston is pretty tollerant of all types and has a very large GLBT community and is not hostile outside of the intolerant people who are everywhere. and yes Tri-Ess has a large chapter here in Houston. In many ways I am glad that i am here in Houston transitioning rather than other places i could have been. So go ahead the water is great :)

Victoria

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Guest Meredith_Baxter

I would like to share more about my life and open up to our group...I think the best venue for that might be an open blog...not sure which buttons to push yet, but I'll figure it out...I just don't want to post a lengthy travelogue on the forum...additonally, documenting my experiences will be cathartic for me... ttyl...

Meredith

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    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  What I do as a man is what a woman would do if she were a man.  There is just something feminine about the way I act as a man.  It's not that being a woman is actually better, or something to aspire to, but it is just that I am one, while not being one.   If beating my head bloody to get rid off this stupid dysphoria would fix it I would find the nearest wall, but I know that if I did that, when I woke up, it would still be there.   If I did not have this struggle I would be someone else and I would be less of a person than I am.  They say an oak tree growing in an open field is far stronger than one in a forest.  The storms come and go and I stand.   This forum is the first time I have interacted with other people struggling with the same struggle and parallel struggles. It helps.
    • Ashley0616
      I'm sorry! :( Hopefully something better will come up
    • Ashley0616
      Thank you! Did great with the kids
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