Small steps lead to big ones

[SugarMagnolia]

I started HRT yesterday and am thrilled, but what amazes me is how quickly (not TOO quickly) and smoothly this process has been. And yes, I have my seat belt buckled for the wild ride! 

It was only in May and June that I accepted myself as transgender and came out to my wife. Then I started gender therapy with a wonderful therapist, going out dressed frequently, and processing all of this with my wife who's been wonderfully supportive. Now, just a few months later, I'm committed to fully transitioning and have started HRT. It seems quick, but once I accepted myself the path forward became very obvious after decades of trying to both dreaming about it and trying to deny it.

What's almost miraculous is that just the act of accepting myself and being open with others about it has made me so much happier and engaged. If HRT provides any additional sense of calm, that will be truly wonderful. 

I know there will be many obstacles and hard times ahead, too, but I feel so blessed right now to be in this position and wanted to share. Even though I've only been actively participating at Laura's for just a short time, the wonderful spirit and sense of community has been very helpful. Being able to read everyone's stories and get a better idea of what to expect has really empowered me to move forward. 

The simple steps of accepting who I am and sharing that with others has led to a much larger journey. I'm definitely ready for the long strange trip. :-)

~ Julie

 

[MarcieMarie12]

I will say it is a strange one!  I too found that once I realized what I was, what I needed to do.

[MarcieMarie12]

BTW- It has been strange as I've made more new friends in the past year than the past decade.

[SugarMagnolia]

That's funny, Marcie. It's the same with me. I've made more friends in the last few months than I had in years. I think it's a combination of being more myself and of doing new things which lead to meeting new people. 

[Charlize]

Thank you for sharing such a positive post. I have found that i'm more comfortable as the years pass.  The obstacles will pass and while new ones come at least you'll be able to confront them as yourself

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Guest DianeATL]

Congratulations!

This ride will have it's ups and downs but overall is a great one.  Like you, as I came to accept and love myself and be myself in public, I started making new friends left and right.  I had none in my former live and hundreds now.  I went from being a recluse to a social butterfly and it is very freeing.

The timing is up to you.  Don't set a goal and try to race down your path towards some finish line, there isn't one.  Enjoy the journey and move at your pace.  I too went pretty fast having my confirmation surgery just under 3 years from the first time I went out dressed.  But at each step it felt right and I was more comfortable than before so I was ready for the next step and the next.  I didn't push it but I let myself be open to what was needed.

I also found that HRT was somewhat like an anti anxiety medication for me.  It took an edge off and made me much calmer and less tense.

Good luck, it sounds like you are on the right track.

Diane

[Guest Alicia Rose]

I started HRT yesterday! We can ride together!

[Guest Alicia Rose]

And also, CONGRATS! 

[SugarMagnolia]

2 hours ago, DianeATL said:

...

I also found that HRT was somewhat like an anti anxiety medication for me.  It took an edge off and made me much calmer and less tense.

Diane

Thanks for your reply, Diane. Your point about not racing to a goal is exactly what I'm trying to do. I'm just trying to take each step as it comes in its own time. They've just happened to go fairly quickly so far! ?

With respect to anxiety, I can't tell if it's because I'm on vacation this week, if it's psychosomatic or if the hormones are having an effect but I already feel more grounded. Perhaps it's a little of all three.

So far so good!

-Julie

[SugarMagnolia]

Hi jealousmoon,

Sounds like we're on the same ride together! Well have to make sure and stay in touch.?

And congratulations to you to!

-Julie

[Guest Emily H]

I hope things go well for you on your path forward! I'm very glad to hear how you've been able to move forward once you realized your true self. Keep us in the loop and have fun!

[SugarMagnolia]

Thank you, Emily! I know that whatever happens it will be better as myself.

I will definitely post updates along the way. ?

[Guest]

On 09/16/2016 at 10:33 AM, DianeATL said:

Congratulations!

This ride will have it's ups and downs but overall is a great one.  Like you, as I came to accept and love myself and be myself in public, I started making new friends left and right.  I had none in my former live and hundreds now.  I went from being a recluse to a social butterfly and it is very freeing.

The timing is up to you.  Don't set a goal and try to race down your path towards some finish line, there isn't one.  Enjoy the journey and move at your pace.  I too went pretty fast having my confirmation surgery just under 3 years from the first time I went out dressed.  But at each step it felt right and I was more comfortable than before so I was ready for the next step and the next.  I didn't push it but I let myself be open to what was needed.

I also found that HRT was somewhat like an anti anxiety medication for me.  It took an edge off and made me much calmer and less tense.

Good luck, it sounds like you are on the right track.

Diane

I sing in your choir sista!  On all counts!

Let's see? About four years HRT,  I started out just fine.  I saw a surgery video and said "OH HELL NO!!!" Soon I could not look down without thinking Mister,  you got to go. The only delay was waiting for God to drop the money in my lap. Yeah right like that will ever happen.  God and Uncle Sam cometh with a miracle and a whopping four year tax refund.

I had no preparation as I  didn't know I was pregnant, (Giggle,  I  couldn't  resist my choice of words) from the mailbox to the operating room table in only two and a half months. Is that a world record sports fans? Talk about focus,  well OK,  obsession... Doctor's appointments, surgery letter,  psyc-eval, surgery date,  plane tickets, paper trail and funds conversation,  a dozen trips to the bank for new and old non sequential hundred dollar bills,  get my smuggler panties back for the seamstress,  weigh the luggage,  look nonchalant for the TSA people so I don't  have to explain the 9,000 USD stuffed in my crotch. Holy guacamole that was one heck of an instant  vacation.

And to think it all started with an injection of estrogen. LOL. Harmless as it may have seemed. That's the stuff that's not on the informed consent form.  From semi-sane man to complete crazy woman.  Welcome to my prom! I wouldn't change a thing or trade with anyone. Way hug! JodyAnn

[Cyndee]

Hi Julie, I like to read these kind of stories and everyone's responses.

The journey as we know it is as unique as the individual, yet we all have many common themes. I am glad to read your wife is on board. Transforming yourself physically and socially is very rewarding, especially to those that have dreamed this crazy dream for so long. Let me tell you dreams do come true.

Best wishes as things unfold, and do take time to smell the roses.

Hugs

Cyndi -

[SugarMagnolia]

You crack me up, JodyAnn! I'm familiar with hiding something in a gaff, but I've never thought of that thing being cash.?

I am glad it's worked out so well for you and that you're happy (even if "completely crazy"). It sounds like some true blessings came your way!

Hugs,

Julie

[SugarMagnolia]

Thanks, Cyndi!

I sometimes hesitate to post what's going on with me because it's the same process that so many others here have already lived and posted about. So, it's nice to know that they still hold some interest. 

I guess our transition stories are sort of like stories about love. We've all read many before, but each one is unique and important. I love reading about what everyone is going through, too, whether just beginning to transition or many years into it.

Hugs,

Julie

 

[Charlize]

Don't hesitate to share Julie.  If we none of us did it would be a very quiet place.  It's such fun to see the journeys of others.  In recovery for addiction one first finds a path where the thought of using passes and then one gets to see others travel similar paths.  Sharing our journeys makes them all richer.

I agree Joanne is a stitch.  Your response about the gaff made me laugh as well.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[SugarMagnolia]

Well, one week has passed and a few noticeable changes have occurred, mostly good.

The only real problem I've had so far is feeling somewhat tired. I think that's the Spiro. Over been drinking lots of water to stay hydrated and haven't experienced dizziness or other similar issues.

On there plus side, I do feel more relaxed and even keeled. That's not too say I'm no longer irritated by things like bad drivers, but I'm finding my reactions to being irritated are dampened. 

I was surprised to have some tenderness behind one of my nipples and possibly some breast bud development. It seems a little early for that, but something was going on. The tenderness lessened after a couple of days, but my nipples are staying hard most of the time.

Finally, either my skin is softening or my sense of touch is becoming more sensitive as my face feels softer to me when I run my fingers across it.

It's entirely possible that some of these changes are just psychological, but regardless I'm happy with how it's going so far.

I feel like I'm being ratcheted up the first big hill on the roller coaster and am just waiting for the real ride to start.?

Julie

[Charlize]

Even if some of the changes are possibly psychological they are there to be enjoyed as a part of the path you are on. 

Relax and enjoy!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Bethany G]

I finally excepted myself back in may/jun also. Were you scared to come out to your spouse? I love my wife very much and I am so scared to come out to her, even though I need to very soon. I just don't know how to go about telling her and my little one   

[MarcieMarie12]

My therapist helped me with that. For me, that was one of the more agonizing parts of my transition.

 

[SugarMagnolia]

15 minutes ago, Bethany G said:

I finally excepted myself back in may/jun also. Were you scared to come out to your spouse? I love my wife very much and I am so scared to come out to her, even though I need to very soon. I just don't know how to go about telling her and my little one   

Hi Bethany,

Yes, I was very nervous to tell my wife. We've been together since 1989 and even though she is a very open minded person, I knew it would be hard to understand and process.

In my case, I waited until we were having a nice relaxing afternoon reading and then I told her I had something important to share. I told her that I'd had these feelings all my life and the anguish that it caused. I mentioned a few episodes of depression and drinking you much that I believe are related. Then i told her that I want sure where this would lead but I needed to explore it. I also mentioned the steps I was taking: therapy, a local trans group, research, etc.

She was very loving and supportive about it, and said that she didn't know how it would affect our relationship, but that I should do whatever I needed to do to be happy and that she would always be my friend no matter what.

We've had many frank discussions since then, and so far a really important topic has been to assure her that no matter what happens, will work together financially to make sure that were both ok. That sort of security has been very important to her since so much else has been up in the air.

Everyone is different and you know best what is important to communicate to your wife, if indeed you decide to say anything at all. What I will say, is that every since I opened up to her, it's felt as though a giant weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and i only wish I'd done this sooner.

Please let me know if I can help you in any way.

Hugs,

Julie

[Bethany G]

Thanks Julie , that helps out a lot. My wife is a very loving person and caring, I pray she will be loving and accepting when I do tell her. My goal is to come out between now and sometime in the first couple months of 2017 .i want to take things one step at a time , I've been fighting this pretty much my whole life, im ready to have the weight lifted off me . Im ready to be the beautiful woman I'm meant to be . i agree with you on the depression stuff, I think that's why I'm angry at the world all the time ,  because I haven't been living as the real me . I just want to be happy as me

[Bethany G]

I want to say thank you to everyone for all the great support  I don't feel alone anymore. And I can't wait to make awesome new friends

[SugarMagnolia]

1 hour ago, Bethany G said:

Thanks Julie , that helps out a lot. My wife is a very loving person and caring, I pray she will be loving and accepting when I do tell her. My goal is to come out between now and sometime in the first couple months of 2017 .i want to take things one step at a time , I've been fighting this pretty much my whole life, im ready to have the weight lifted off me . Im ready to be the beautiful woman I'm meant to be . i agree with you on the depression stuff, I think that's why I'm angry at the world all the time ,  because I haven't been living as the real me . I just want to be happy as me

That's great, Bethany!

Marcie's suggestion of looking for a gender therapist if you don't already have one could be really helpful for you. 

I wasn't seeing my therapist before coming out to my wife, but I'm getting a lot of good help from here with coming out to the rest of my family and friends.

Hugs,

Julie