Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Small steps lead to big ones


SugarMagnolia

Recommended Posts

I started HRT yesterday and am thrilled, but what amazes me is how quickly (not TOO quickly) and smoothly this process has been. And yes, I have my seat belt buckled for the wild ride! :D

It was only in May and June that I accepted myself as transgender and came out to my wife. Then I started gender therapy with a wonderful therapist, going out dressed frequently, and processing all of this with my wife who's been wonderfully supportive. Now, just a few months later, I'm committed to fully transitioning and have started HRT. It seems quick, but once I accepted myself the path forward became very obvious after decades of trying to both dreaming about it and trying to deny it.

What's almost miraculous is that just the act of accepting myself and being open with others about it has made me so much happier and engaged. If HRT provides any additional sense of calm, that will be truly wonderful. 

I know there will be many obstacles and hard times ahead, too, but I feel so blessed right now to be in this position and wanted to share. Even though I've only been actively participating at Laura's for just a short time, the wonderful spirit and sense of community has been very helpful. Being able to read everyone's stories and get a better idea of what to expect has really empowered me to move forward. 

The simple steps of accepting who I am and sharing that with others has led to a much larger journey. I'm definitely ready for the long strange trip. :-)

~ Julie

 

Link to comment
  • Replies 128
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • SugarMagnolia

    51

  • Jani

    18

  • Kirsten

    12

  • Charlize

    8

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

That's funny, Marcie. It's the same with me. I've made more friends in the last few months than I had in years. I think it's a combination of being more myself and of doing new things which lead to meeting new people. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Thank you for sharing such a positive post. I have found that i'm more comfortable as the years pass.  The obstacles will pass and while new ones come at least you'll be able to confront them as yourself

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
Guest DianeATL

Congratulations!

This ride will have it's ups and downs but overall is a great one.  Like you, as I came to accept and love myself and be myself in public, I started making new friends left and right.  I had none in my former live and hundreds now.  I went from being a recluse to a social butterfly and it is very freeing.

The timing is up to you.  Don't set a goal and try to race down your path towards some finish line, there isn't one.  Enjoy the journey and move at your pace.  I too went pretty fast having my confirmation surgery just under 3 years from the first time I went out dressed.  But at each step it felt right and I was more comfortable than before so I was ready for the next step and the next.  I didn't push it but I let myself be open to what was needed.

I also found that HRT was somewhat like an anti anxiety medication for me.  It took an edge off and made me much calmer and less tense.

Good luck, it sounds like you are on the right track.

Diane

Link to comment
2 hours ago, DianeATL said:

...

I also found that HRT was somewhat like an anti anxiety medication for me.  It took an edge off and made me much calmer and less tense.

Diane

Thanks for your reply, Diane. Your point about not racing to a goal is exactly what I'm trying to do. I'm just trying to take each step as it comes in its own time. They've just happened to go fairly quickly so far! ?

With respect to anxiety, I can't tell if it's because I'm on vacation this week, if it's psychosomatic or if the hormones are having an effect but I already feel more grounded. Perhaps it's a little of all three.

So far so good!

-Julie

Link to comment

Hi jealousmoon,

Sounds like we're on the same ride together! Well have to make sure and stay in touch.?

And congratulations to you to!

-Julie

Link to comment

I hope things go well for you on your path forward! I'm very glad to hear how you've been able to move forward once you realized your true self. Keep us in the loop and have fun!

Link to comment

Thank you, Emily! I know that whatever happens it will be better as myself.

I will definitely post updates along the way. ?

Link to comment
On 09/16/2016 at 10:33 AM, DianeATL said:

Congratulations!

This ride will have it's ups and downs but overall is a great one.  Like you, as I came to accept and love myself and be myself in public, I started making new friends left and right.  I had none in my former live and hundreds now.  I went from being a recluse to a social butterfly and it is very freeing.

The timing is up to you.  Don't set a goal and try to race down your path towards some finish line, there isn't one.  Enjoy the journey and move at your pace.  I too went pretty fast having my confirmation surgery just under 3 years from the first time I went out dressed.  But at each step it felt right and I was more comfortable than before so I was ready for the next step and the next.  I didn't push it but I let myself be open to what was needed.

I also found that HRT was somewhat like an anti anxiety medication for me.  It took an edge off and made me much calmer and less tense.

Good luck, it sounds like you are on the right track.

Diane

I sing in your choir sista!  On all counts!

Let's see? About four years HRT,  I started out just fine.  I saw a surgery video and said "OH HELL NO!!!" Soon I could not look down without thinking Mister,  you got to go. The only delay was waiting for God to drop the money in my lap. Yeah right like that will ever happen.  God and Uncle Sam cometh with a miracle and a whopping four year tax refund.

I had no preparation as I  didn't know I was pregnant, (Giggle,  I  couldn't  resist my choice of words) from the mailbox to the operating room table in only two and a half months. Is that a world record sports fans? Talk about focus,  well OK,  obsession... Doctor's appointments, surgery letter,  psyc-eval, surgery date,  plane tickets, paper trail and funds conversation,  a dozen trips to the bank for new and old non sequential hundred dollar bills,  get my smuggler panties back for the seamstress,  weigh the luggage,  look nonchalant for the TSA people so I don't  have to explain the 9,000 USD stuffed in my crotch. Holy guacamole that was one heck of an instant  vacation.

And to think it all started with an injection of estrogen. LOL. Harmless as it may have seemed. That's the stuff that's not on the informed consent form.  From semi-sane man to complete crazy woman.  Welcome to my prom! I wouldn't change a thing or trade with anyone. Way hug! JodyAnn

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Julie, I like to read these kind of stories and everyone's responses.

The journey as we know it is as unique as the individual, yet we all have many common themes. I am glad to read your wife is on board. Transforming yourself physically and socially is very rewarding, especially to those that have dreamed this crazy dream for so long. Let me tell you dreams do come true.

Best wishes as things unfold, and do take time to smell the roses.

Hugs

Cyndi -

Link to comment

You crack me up, JodyAnn! I'm familiar with hiding something in a gaff, but I've never thought of that thing being cash.?

I am glad it's worked out so well for you and that you're happy (even if "completely crazy"). It sounds like some true blessings came your way!

Hugs,

Julie

Link to comment

Thanks, Cyndi!

I sometimes hesitate to post what's going on with me because it's the same process that so many others here have already lived and posted about. So, it's nice to know that they still hold some interest. 

I guess our transition stories are sort of like stories about love. We've all read many before, but each one is unique and important. I love reading about what everyone is going through, too, whether just beginning to transition or many years into it.

Hugs,

Julie

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Don't hesitate to share Julie.  If we none of us did it would be a very quiet place.  It's such fun to see the journeys of others.  In recovery for addiction one first finds a path where the thought of using passes and then one gets to see others travel similar paths.  Sharing our journeys makes them all richer.

I agree Joanne is a stitch.  Your response about the gaff made me laugh as well.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Well, one week has passed and a few noticeable changes have occurred, mostly good.

The only real problem I've had so far is feeling somewhat tired. I think that's the Spiro. Over been drinking lots of water to stay hydrated and haven't experienced dizziness or other similar issues.

On there plus side, I do feel more relaxed and even keeled. That's not too say I'm no longer irritated by things like bad drivers, but I'm finding my reactions to being irritated are dampened. 

I was surprised to have some tenderness behind one of my nipples and possibly some breast bud development. It seems a little early for that, but something was going on. The tenderness lessened after a couple of days, but my nipples are staying hard most of the time.

Finally, either my skin is softening or my sense of touch is becoming more sensitive as my face feels softer to me when I run my fingers across it.

It's entirely possible that some of these changes are just psychological, but regardless I'm happy with how it's going so far.

I feel like I'm being ratcheted up the first big hill on the roller coaster and am just waiting for the real ride to start.?

Julie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Even if some of the changes are possibly psychological they are there to be enjoyed as a part of the path you are on. 

Relax and enjoy!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

I finally excepted myself back in may/jun also. Were you scared to come out to your spouse? I love my wife very much and I am so scared to come out to her, even though I need to very soon. I just don't know how to go about telling her and my little one :(  

Link to comment
15 minutes ago, Bethany G said:

I finally excepted myself back in may/jun also. Were you scared to come out to your spouse? I love my wife very much and I am so scared to come out to her, even though I need to very soon. I just don't know how to go about telling her and my little one :(  

Hi Bethany,

Yes, I was very nervous to tell my wife. We've been together since 1989 and even though she is a very open minded person, I knew it would be hard to understand and process.

In my case, I waited until we were having a nice relaxing afternoon reading and then I told her I had something important to share. I told her that I'd had these feelings all my life and the anguish that it caused. I mentioned a few episodes of depression and drinking you much that I believe are related. Then i told her that I want sure where this would lead but I needed to explore it. I also mentioned the steps I was taking: therapy, a local trans group, research, etc.

She was very loving and supportive about it, and said that she didn't know how it would affect our relationship, but that I should do whatever I needed to do to be happy and that she would always be my friend no matter what.

We've had many frank discussions since then, and so far a really important topic has been to assure her that no matter what happens, will work together financially to make sure that were both ok. That sort of security has been very important to her since so much else has been up in the air.

Everyone is different and you know best what is important to communicate to your wife, if indeed you decide to say anything at all. What I will say, is that every since I opened up to her, it's felt as though a giant weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and i only wish I'd done this sooner.

Please let me know if I can help you in any way.

Hugs,

Julie

Link to comment

Thanks Julie , that helps out a lot. My wife is a very loving person and caring, I pray she will be loving and accepting when I do tell her. My goal is to come out between now and sometime in the first couple months of 2017 .i want to take things one step at a time , I've been fighting this pretty much my whole life, im ready to have the weight lifted off me . Im ready to be the beautiful woman I'm meant to be . i agree with you on the depression stuff, I think that's why I'm angry at the world all the time ,  because I haven't been living as the real me . I just want to be happy as me

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Bethany G said:

Thanks Julie , that helps out a lot. My wife is a very loving person and caring, I pray she will be loving and accepting when I do tell her. My goal is to come out between now and sometime in the first couple months of 2017 .i want to take things one step at a time , I've been fighting this pretty much my whole life, im ready to have the weight lifted off me . Im ready to be the beautiful woman I'm meant to be . i agree with you on the depression stuff, I think that's why I'm angry at the world all the time ,  because I haven't been living as the real me . I just want to be happy as me

That's great, Bethany!

Marcie's suggestion of looking for a gender therapist if you don't already have one could be really helpful for you. 

I wasn't seeing my therapist before coming out to my wife, but I'm getting a lot of good help from here with coming out to the rest of my family and friends.

Hugs,

Julie

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 128 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • VickySGV
    • Mmindy
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
    • Willow
      Both of my parents were from the “North Shore” of Boston.  My mother Lynn and my father Swampscot.  They had an early 1900s Scots-Irish New England diet.  My sister and I were born in the 40s in Ohio well away from New England seafood and in an area where food was more German and Polish.  My first experience with liver and onions was during basic training.  They ate salt cod but never forced us to eat it same with oysters.  My dad ate oysters but my mother wouldn’t.  Anyone who ever ate an oyster can figure that one out.  I grew up eating lamb.  My wife won’t touch it. I love brazed ox tail, again no way. And the list goes on.  
    • KathyLauren
      My mother was German, so yes, I think it was a cultural thing.  If I'd known you when we were cleaning out my mother's place, I could have sent you her "threat jar". 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been taking it real easy.Another good neighbor of mine and his 15 year old son came over and cut down a couple dead trees on my property.Knew not to do it taking it easy.I had them put the wood near my fire pit in the back yard.Did it and happy where they put it.They knew I had stents put in and needed to take it easy
    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...