Oh My Gosh!!!! I love Mayberry! Although I gladly would have settled to live in Mount Pilot if it was too expensive to buy a house in Mayberry. We all know how expensive housing prices have gotten lately!
There once was a deputy named Fife.
He carried a gun and a knife.
The gun was all dusty.
And the knife was all rusty.
Cause he never caught a crook in his life
That's for you fans of Andy!
Lots of love,
In my opinion you have not really separated your finances at all. It's just bits and pieces that have been hived off. It sounds like it's time to take her decision to seperate finances and form a plan between yourselves to do it. I am not familiar with your type of lifestyle. My partner and I have always had seperate finances except for the mortgage account , which was used just for buying the house, which I always handled, so I am not in the ideal position to advise you how to do things. Perhaps pay off the credit card with a fresh one opened by yourself then close the original one, saying you got a good deal to work it out.
There again, it seems like symptoms of deeper issues. Your wife may well not see things the way you do. I can only say that the way I did things in the end was to move ahead and trust that things would workout. That is not to say I was inconsiderate, but being confident in myself, rather than uncertain, trying placate someone who was probably very unsure herself too, has seemed to make all the difference.
Hope it helps!
Background and context first.
My wife of 13 years has been working on becoming my best friend and roommate. (Hella long story there, let's just move on.) So after she found out that she was going to get some money from an insurance policy (something like $10k), she suddenly decided that she wanted to separate our finances. At first, this crushed me because it meant that she felt she couldn't trust me. It hurt me on another level because despite my making more money than her the entire time we've been together and the 2 years of her not working and me paying the bills, she didn't want to put any of it toward my surgery. Then, I saw the advantages because rather than constantly having to try and get her to agree to a budget that put money in the bank for my surgery, I would be free to save as much as I wanted!
But the separating of the finances isn't going so well. I pay off a credit card, tell her it's paid and that we shouldn't use it. Then discover two months later that she's used it and that no payments have been made. Late fees abound, joy. The Amazon account that we shared was in my name, so of course we just left it alone, she pays me for anything she orders. But every time she orders something, she uses the points on the card to reduce her bill. I finally said something about it and she acted like I was being a penny pinching jerk, when I'm the one building up the points. We'll be out doing something and she'll offer to pay for whatever (dinner, coffee, drinks, etc), but she puts it on the joint account and when it comes time to settle up she's suddenly "forgotten" she offered to pay! And to top it all off, because she works for the leasing company that runs our apartment complex, she gets a discount for the rent. SHE gets a discount on the rent... $268 a month for an approximate bill of $1400. Oh, and she makes as much as I do now....
I'll be honest, I don't think she's being malicious, but I'm kinda getting $(*%&. I'm thinking about removing myself from the joint credit card and the joint account. I already have my direct deposits going into a new bank with my new checking account. I don't know whats going on with her, but I feel like I need to protect myself, my credit. I had thought she didn't trust me and it hurt. But her actions seem to be telling me to stop trusting her.
There are many other factors here, many other emotions and things going on. I don't want to make a wrong step and ruin what we have left. But lately I'm wondering, what the hell DO we have left? It's been very important to me to keep her in my life in whatever way possible. Unfortunately I've learned she doesn't see things the same way that I do and that love isn't always enough in this world....
So I'm wondering, is it time to finally make a hard break? This halfway, quasi-break up is beginning to get under my skin. I'm finally starting to understand myself and how to navigate this world as me (STARTING!) And between her depression and this passive-aggressive behavior, I'm kinda done with it all. I'm beginning to pull myself out of a pit of depression that I've lived in for my entire life. And it seems to me that every time I've managed to pull myself out of that swirling maelstrom of black madness, I'm getting pulled back in. If it isn't one thing, it's another. Frankly, I'm sick of it. I can't get a man and I can't have my best friend. I'm feeling like it's time to go solo again.... But I hate that lonely road too.... Advice is REALLY welcome here, and thank you.
Hey Jae Bear,
Yeah, I can understand your poetry problems. I have the same issue a large majority of the time. I use both writing and drawing as an outlet, so a lot of my feeling goes into them. This can be both good and bad, but it can definitely help sometimes. As for my drawing, I do not plan on stopping anytime soon. I also doubt you're as bad as you're making yourself out to be. If you want to do a comic style, go for it!
Hi Bobbi Sue,
Yes it has been a long time, 27 years goes by so much quicker than you could imagine. And yet I find myself so impatient with my HRT? I’m sorry about the tissue supply but it’s nice to know I’m not just a sentimental fool and cry for any reason, all of these words are very personal parts of myself I am so glad I have someone to share them and people like you to read them.
I love to draw to relax, I honestly wish I was good enough to do a comic style antro set of characters, I would style it after my poems. Those poems are rough, I didn’t think that I’d cry the whole way through or every time I read them, they’re terrible and the form is awful but the content came from a place I keep locked up... I think I want to do a lot more writing, the poems seem to come easily to my head, almost like listening to music but sometimes I can’t shut it off. I hear it when I go to bed and I hear it when I wake up now and it’s really a bit tough as I nearly cry every time and it makes me late for work. But I know that it’s good for me and it opens parts of me that would never be heard if I didn’t allow myself to listen. so I encourage you to do the same, if you’re a writer you should write everything that you can imagine and let others see it so we can all benefit from your gift. If you love to draw you should draw as often as you can even if you’re terrible like me, the good artists are the ones that never quit.
big squishy hug,